On today's episode of Y&R, we were treated to Katherine and Murphy's wedding which was full of amusing little surprises. First things first. The clothing was from another era. It was if Amber heard the praise I gave her, and decided to design the ugliest wedding party wardrobe I have ever had the displeasure of looking at. Chloe was trying to force everyone into believing that her marriage to Billy is a happy one. All the while, Billy and Mac were stealing very obvious clandestine looks at one another. They both looked like they lost their favorite wookie. Jack and Phyllis continue to bond over god knows what and who the hell cares. If they are talking, I am satisfied. I want them back together. Sharon and Noah (what the hell is up with that hair?!) had lunch at the club and Sharon suddenly became "light headed" and "nauseated". She went on up and peed on a stick and voila! instant baby-daddy storyline. Somebody call Maury. This ones a doozy. Jack brought Mary Jane/Mari Jo as his date to the wedding. She quickly became more interesting than the actual wedding, because people were actually taking numbers to talk to the bitch. Ashley was the most interested, even getting up the nerve to tell Mary Jane/Mari Jo to stear clear of Jackie Boy. Mary Jane/Mari Jo seemed annoyed and walked away, leaving Ashley to make this statement to Victor: "My brother is sleeping with our new P.R. Consultant." to which Victor replied: "Oh? Is he now?" Victor is the best liar on daytime t.v. Neil brought Tyra-the-bad-weave-queen as his date to the wedding, where his makeshift family was also in attendence. They posed as a family with Tyra in tow. My blood literally boiled so hot I had to take a cold shower. No mention of Karen? At all? Ugh. Everything Neil does lately makes me hate him more. Neil tried to tell Victor about his new career choice, but they were rudely interrupted. I can tell that Victor is going to see this as some type of betrayal or something. Oh well. Guess he should have thought about that. Michael had a conversation with Heather that went something like this: Michael said "Blah Blah Blah" and Heather replied "Bitch, Nag, Bitch". Suddenly, Kevin was arriving at the wedding dressed to the nines. Too bad hair and make up has enough time to put obnoxious FAKE hair on some actresses in an attempt to make them more likeable, but they can't give Kevin a damn hair cut. While the pre-wedding crap was going on, Jill was at the GCAC drowning her sorrows in what I assumed was Jack Daniels. The bartender brought her a drink and when she said that she didn't order it, he responded, of course, that it was from the "gentleman". Jill looked over to see Jeffrey standing there looking as idiotic as ever, and said this: "I can assure you that is no gentleman." Then, the pair turned into a trio when Gloria came bouncing up. They all got sloppy drunk while Jill ranted and raved and felt sorry for herself. As Katherine was walking down the aisle, Jill was drunkenly fumbling with the damn lock at the front door of the Chancellor mansion. Out of nowhere like a ghost or a bad nightmare, Nina came out from under her rock and started insulting her. Then it was all over. Today was Nick and Phyllis' wedding anniversary and in true Nick and Phyllis fashion, they had sex to solidify that their marriage really does suck.
Spoilers!: Sharon will tell Jack about the baby who will offer to raise it as his own even if it is Nick's. Billy is going to overhear the two of them talking about it and offer to step up in the event that the baby turns out to be his problem. Sharon will consider not keeping the baby. Phyllis and Nicholas are trying to work on their marriage so Sharon doesn't tell him. Paul will propose to Nikki. Victor will try to make peace with her, finally. Ashley and Gloria are going to get in a screaming match which will cause Ashley to be hospitalized. And this is the funniest thing of all: Daniel will become a confidential informant. Ode to Daniel: Snitches, are bitches, who end up in ditches. Jill will be tied up, gagged, and stuffed in the closet so she can't interrupt the wedding. Billy will kiss Mac, who will bitch slap him in return. Stalker Chloe will come out from behind the shadows...
On B&B, Stephanie told Pam to keep the whole "typo" thing under wraps. Pam agreed. Stepanie then went straight over to Brooke's to torture her for the remaining 16 minutes of the show. Thorne had more than one line today as he discussed typos with Pam. Now, Windsor Harmon might be able to afford to get his Benz back from the repo man. Ridge was on today, but for the life of me I can't remember if he said anything worth hearing.
Spoilers!:Jackie will promote Owen, surprising everyone. Owen will have a date with Jackie and after they get it on, Bridget will come over for dinner and think that he set it all up for her. Brooke and Nick will fight over Katie and Bridget as she tries to force him into making a choice. Nick and Bridget will kiss.
OLTL broke bad on some humor as the show opened with Nora and Bo on some kind of parental stakeout. Just as they were leaning in for some poli-grip pleasure, Marcy's stupid ass came out of nowhere and yelled at them, thinking that they were students making out in the parking lot. The nut house that houses Powell called Viki today to tell her about Kevin and Jessica visiting. Cole had a series of really freaky drug induced hallucinations. The freakiest happened at the end of the show when "Matthew" stood up out of his wheelchair and told Cole that he deserved to be in the chair his damn self. Starr was trying to talk Cole down on the phone. Todd, thinking it was Schyler on the other end, snatched the phone and told him that Starr didn't need no drug addicts in his life and that if he didn't leave Starr alone, Todd was going to hurt him worse than the last time. Tea convinced Todd to be a little more sensitive, which prompted Starr to tell him that Cole was going to die if she didn't help him. Brody and Jessica discussed their budding romance today and Brody, in true idiotic fashion, said that he loved making love with her. Again. Say it once and I listen, shame on you. Say it twice and I continue to listen, shame on me.
Spoilers!: Blair will be on a mission to whip Todd's ass over the custody issue, so she will be leaving the hospital. Hopefully she will go find Marty while she is in an ass whippin mood. Cole's condition is going to get worse. Damn! The guy who sponges Brandon Buddy's face to make it look like he is sweating is already working overtime! Starr and Cole are going to get dirt on what happened to their baby, and Jessica will start to sense that something is up as well. So will Kyle, apparently, because he is going to blackmail Natalie and Jared. Rex will reject Gigi's advances. Hmmm. I wonder why. Rex and Brody will fight. What is Brody going to say? "I want to make fists with you, Rex." Shane decides if his parents aren't going to be together then he wants to live with Rex. The Pussy Cat Dolls will perform at the prom. Oh joy. A pussy party. Rachel will get a love interest. Good. Maybe she'll stop bitching.
In Port Charles today, Maxie hired a guy to pretend to stalk her so she can get Spinelli's attention. Her plan backfired when she was actually kidnapped for real. She copped an attitude with the real kidnapper, which made me almost blow iced coffee out of my mouth and nose simultaneously. Much was said on today's eppy that flew right over my head because it required no actual thinking to process. However, I did catch some pretty classic lines:
1. Lucky and Rebecca walked into the bar at the end of yesterday's eppy and watched in horror as Liz and Nik made out. Today's eppy started with them still standing there in the dooryway of the bar still looking horrified. Lucky ran out and was quickly followed by nu-old Emily who proceeded to say this: "Did you see that?"
2. Nu-old Emily and Lucky are laying in the bed pre-sexin and she says this: "I'm and open book."
3. Jax goes over to Sonny's to convince Claudia to get Sonny to back off of Carly. Claudia sticks up for Sonny, who ignores her and says this: "Tell Sonny to worry about his own pregnant wife and stop worrying about mine."
Well said. The best flipping part of the show was when Jason was standing on the sidewalk for no apparent reason, when, from somewhere up above Sam yelled "Hey Jason! Catch!" and dropped from the sky in her skivvies. Jason caught her. Then she said "We gotta get out of here, fast!" I laughed my ass off when, instead of putting Sam down and letting her run on her own, Stone Cold just started running with the panty clad Sam in his arms. Hilarious.
Spoilers!: Nu-old Emily will confess something to Nikolas. Claudia thinks she will lose the baby. Ethan may be pulling a con on Luke. Nu-Emily gets stuck at Wyndemere and it will slime her way closer to Nikolas. Michael will have surgery and magically wake up. Patrick, Matt, and Liz will do the surgery. Martha Byrne is coming as the Mayor's wife. I will be calling her old-Lily for those of you haven't guessed. Claudia will redecorate Sonny's place finally. So, Sarah Brown, whatcha going to talk about now? Jason and Sam will get closer.
Wishful Coupling: MAXON- What you get when you mix Stone Cold with Maximista....Oh. I can soooo dig it.
Finally. I am done. More on AMC when I have more...until then...some bitch time....some bitch channel.....
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