Baby Trumps First Love 5-6-09

I have previously blogged about today's Y&R eppy, however, I watched again and noticed that I missed some important deets. My girl J and I were enjoying some coffee this morning when the conversation quickly turned to Nikki on Y&R. The topic? Who the hell knows. What we did agree on is that Nikki, as she continues to age, looks more and more like Miss Piggy. Watching her tilt her head to kiss Paul really just confirmed for me that Nikki and Miss Piggy are long lost twins who were separated at birth. Paul was spending a few quite minutes alone with the GIANT rock he plans on proposing to Nikki with, when Nick walked in. After some wedding chit chat, Nick offered his full support to Nikki and Paul. I totally forgot about this classic line via Chloe to Delia: "We are going to have to put a no trespassing sign on your daddy. Maybe a hot pink one." Of course! Leave it to Chloe to think about keeping her man with style. I mentioned the convo between Mac and Billy in my last blog. However, I forgot to mention this little tidbit: Billy: "It's not fair. Our relationship was taken from us!" Mac: "Life isn't fair Billy! You want to see unfair? Go to Darfur, that's unfair!" No Mac. What's unfair is me being forced to look at your ugly bitch face everyday. Phyllis told Nick that she was feeling neglected and had been for a while now. That's usually what happens when your husband is banging his real wife. Nuff said! Victoria went over to the Newman ranch for whatever reason and even though she tried to be nice, Adam acted like an ass as usual. Victoria was quietly looking around the room while Adam was talking when he suddenly stopped and said "What exactly is it that you are looking for?" to which Victoria replied "I thought you couldn't see?" OK! This just affirms everything I have said so far...Adam is faking and has been this whole time. Mac must have dropped her "mother theresa" wardrobe off at the Goodwill and bought herself some new duds from Bar-Hoes-R-Us. Later, Esmerelda (hagatha as previously referred to) came back from visiting Rafe and Ashley made a damn fool out of herself tripping over her own psycho drool to accuse Esme of planting the Sabrina gear. Victor hushed her like a child and defendended that old bitch Esmerelda. Victor then filled Victoria in on his theory that Nikkis is planting the "haunted Sabrina" items. Victoria urged Victor to consider the possibility that Ashley was just going nuts, which is par for the course where Ashley is concerned. Victor then proceeded to tell Victoria that she was 'Disrespectful" and to "Grow up and deal with it!" The doorbell rang then and Victor opened the door to Nikki, who was gearing up to bitch at him about Nick and Restless style. Victor informed Nikki that he had nothing to say to her and then told Victoria, who was in the corner licking her wounds: "Deal with your mother."

Side Note: ATWT promos are starting to look good again. For those of you who still tune in, feel free to let me know what the hell is going on, and when it is safe to watch again. Thanks!

Today's B&B began with Owen and Bridget and HOTNESS. My god! Brandon Beemer has taken over that show and all I can say is THANK YOU! I haven't been this excited to watch B&B since the Deacon/Bridget/Mega Slut days. Bridget cut her date short with Owen to preserve her reputation and "make him want it more" and Owen was very supportive saying: "I'm in no hurry." I guess I wouldn't be either if I was getting attacked by a sex crazed cougar with a bad wig EVERY five minutes. This may sound like complaining, but it is not! On her way out the door, Bridget turned to say goodbye and Owen just had to get in one more kiss before she left. Literally two seconds after Bridget left, Jackie rolled up in her hover-round for a play by play of the night's events. After convincing herself that Bridget is idiot enough to choose her son over Owen, Jackie proceeded to attack Owen and then they did the shag nasty up against her geriatric walker. Brooke and Katie were discussing Nick and Bridget's past, present, and future and quite frankly, all I heard was "oink oink oink oink" followed by "snort oink snort". Katie did share this little ditty: "Bridget is more than an ex wife. She's an ex wife squared." Bridget met up with Nick later who confessed his true feelings for her, stating "You are the best thing that's ever happened to me." I've heard him say that to just about every Logan Whore there is. Bridget told him to cut the cord, he said he was truly sorry this time, and she proved that the Saggy Sailor is still the king of her heart and they fell into a lustful embrace. Jackie told Owen that he needs a lesson in how to seduce women and followed it up by saying that she was going to hire him a "seduction consultant".

OLTL was filled with classic idiocies that could only be provided by the actors and writers of this show. Brody and Jessica tried to have a secret meeting in a public place (idiocy #1) and this public place just happened to be the destination of Jared and Natalie's pre-wedding day dinner. As her family came in, Jessica said "let's give them something to talk about" and proceeded to slap the sh*t out of him. I came close to liking her again for a hot second....but the feeling quickly passed. Jessica came up with some flower wedding excuse and headed over to Brody's for some afternoon delight. Rex and Gigi were continuing their argument from yesterday. Actually, Rex yelled and Gigi cried. (idiocy #2) YAWN. Gigi ran off to cry somewhere else and Rex said "Have fun with Lt. Horndog." (idiocy #3) Over at Llanview High, (or as I like to refer to it as the Coolest F-Ing School EVER!)Langston and Markko were both on computers and instant messaging about the prom during class. WOW. (idiocy #4) Markko asked Langston if she was ready for "Operation De-Flower" (idiocy #5) and Langston acted as if she was appalled. Markko then said this: "Would you rather I call it "Operation Doing-the-Nasty"? (idiocy #6) Rex went over to Brody's to stop her from sleeping with Brody. Jessica was in the bathroom hiding. Rex started beating on the door and yelling. Brody and Rex got into a little fight and Brody said "You don't want to hit me." I laughed and got up to go do something. When I returned, Rex was gone and Brody was holding his nose. I guess that means Rex did want to hit him. Stacy was chillin at Rex's when there was a knock on the door. This is where the show suddenly tool a turn for the better. In walks Stacy's old pimp, who instantly snatched up Stacy and put her in a choke hold. He wanted his money. Stacy whined about not having it. The pimp demanded a lap dance. Thank the bad stripper gods that OLTL didn't air it if it happended. Later, the pimp threatened to hurt Shane if Super Skank didn't fork over the dough. Shane called Gigi out at her job and then ran off, leaving the dumb bitch screaming "Shane! Shane! Come back!" then dropping to her bruised up knees and crying. (idiocy#7) If that was me, I would have snatched that little prick up and shoved my fist down his throat for basically calling me a whore in front of my friends. But, hey, that's just me.

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More on GH and AMC later....some bitch time...some bitch channel....