Sordid Secrets 5-7-09

I tried to stay awake last night for some late night soap viewing. Alas. I am getting to old for these all nighters! Never the less, I was able to catch my missed eppies from yesterday and here's what I got:

AMC: Amanda was all packed and ready to bolt out of Pine Valley when Opal caught her. They had a lovely conversation about love and Jake and the baby. I'm sorry. I don't understand how anyone can say their lines seriously while looking at Jill Larson's wardrobe. Gawd! Adam and Krystal were discussing the "sudden life long secret" and Krystal told Adam that he better keep his mouth shut about Marissa or she was going to kill him. That's twice that someone threatened to kill him this week. I smell a set up. Erica walked up at the ass end of the conversation Krystal stormed off and Erica wanted to know what was up. So, death threats be damned, Adam told her. Scott and J.R. were STILL arguing over the heart valve. David refuses to do the surgery on Ian because it is too risky; however, he had no problem whatsoever tooting his own horn. Kendall cried and whined all while managing to look like someone's grandma. J.R. and Marissa decided to start over and I can see that a new sordid love affair will soon begin. I am sure it will be filled with memories of Babe and alcohol. I'm just guessing. Scott ran up panicking about, you guessed it, the heart valve. If Scott loves the heart valve so much why doesnt he just have the damn thing surgically injected into himself and shut the hell about it! Zach and Kendall were at the hospital discussing Ian's condition when Zach turned it into a "feel sorry for me" party. Kendall did the honorable thing and walked away. Good girl. Scott ran into Zach and tried to talk to him. Zach responded by saying: "Run along now and leave us alone." Frankie's hands were crushed in Iraq and Randy decided to go to Germany to be with him. Angie was STILL flipping out. The best part of the show was when Amanda was somewhere listening to someone else watch telenovas on her cell phone. Over at Opal's, Jake was watching the same telenova and explaining to Opal what the hell was going on. Opal told Jake that him and Amanda love each other and that the rest is all "buzz buzz static".

Steve Burton is not only hot and sexy, but I can actually believe in his character most of the time. GH gave us access to Jason sitting in Michael's room reminiscing about Michael's original accident and he busted a tear. Still not as great as him catching free falling whores, but whatever. The whole surgery storyline has taken over Port Charles with Patrick and Dr. Wrong at odds over the best procedure times. Jason knows the truth, and he will convince Carly to do the right thing at the risk of pissing off Jax. Maxie needs help to uncover some mystery so she asked Spinelli for help. Spin flatly refused, calling Maxie the "Faithless One". Lulu showed up moments later and, fearing for her own job, also asked Spinelli for help. He agrees to help "Fair Lulu" and tells Maxie he's only helping because Lulu asked him too. I am quickly becoming a fan of Lulu despite my previous claims of hatred. I guess she grew on me when I wasn't paying attention. Spinelli's reference to Johnny as the "dark prince" never gets old. Claudia didn't lose her baby. Damn. Rebecca gave Nikolas a massage. Ethan and Luke got the DNA results. But of course, the results were not revealed. Lucky threw more tantrum over Ethan's paternity and Luke's loyalty to Laura. Then Lucky kindly tried to strangle Ethan.

Wouldn't it be great if Jason was actually Michael's dad after all these years? You know you want it to be true...

I have already been privy to most of today's eppy of Y&R so here's what I know:

Sharon and Billy were discussing her pregancy and how it basically sucks for everyone involved. Billy proved who he was truly concerned about by saying this: "I can't believe this is happening to me again." Billy is a Grade-A Asshole. However, I cannot fathom my favorite show without him. Nick went to the Newman ranch and told Victor that he would be happy to be COO of Newman. Adam was once again lurking at the top of the stairs eavesdropping. Why don't they just put a damn lazy boy up there for him? A clueless Nick proceeded to tell a clueless Victor not to trust Adam. Nick then took Summer to the same park that Sharon dreamt about yesterday and was pushing her on the same swing. Sharon tracked him down to tell him about the baby and Summer fell off of the swing. Sharon drove Nick and Summer to the E.R. While this was going on, Phyllis and Mary Jane were bonding over their hatred for all things Sharon. Phyllis got a call and ran off to be with Summer. When she arrived at the hospital, she questioned Sharon's presence. Sharon decided to leave them alone, however, she stayed lurking in the hospital corridors. Gloria's civil trial was well underway in today's eppy. Ashley testified and then Gloria took the stand. To Michael's chagrin, Gloria confessed all on the record. The Judge rewarded the Abbotts double the amount of the original lawsuit. After the trial was over, Gloria went the hell off on Ashley. Ashley went the hell off right back, calling Gloria a "gold digging narcissistic bitch". Glria went on a tirade the likes of which I have never seen and Ashley double over in pain. Then someone seethed at Gloria and said: "She's pregnant you idiot!" Michael stared at Ashley in horror as he quickly realized that his mother was always going to be the bain of his existence. Ashley was rushed to the hospital with the Abbott boys in tow. Victor showed up and promptly kicked them out of her room. Outside of Ashley's room, Jack ran into Sharon who accepted his offer to raise the baby after she decided not to tell Nick. Jack was happy as hell and pulled Sharon close for a hug. Psycho Mary Jane showed up just then and spied the embrace. Jack offered Billy a partnership and half of the CEO position at Jabot so he can help Sharon, but he did't inform his brother why.

OLTL SPOILER ALERT!:

Here's what I know is coming up in our immediate future- Langston and Dorian are going to get into some kind of altercation. Cole is going to see Matthew and feel an urge to take a pill. Jared is going to get wind that Hope's body is being exhumed. Nora will be suspicious of Clint's true intentions. Um. She should be. The prom is fast approaching and after Lola pulls her shenanigans, the Pussy Cat Dolls will perform. John wants to save Marty. No sh*t, right? Jessica is going to remember giving birth. It will be revealed that Kyle is related to someone in Llanview. No clue as to who yet! Hope's body will be exhumed, prompting Natalie and Jared to run off and elope before the sh*t hits the fan. Chloe is going to disappear. My guess? She will be one of the people kidnapped. I hear there will be two. Jared will have a bachelor party. Super Skank Stacy will jump out of his cake. I am not sure that Natalie is going to be down for all that. Here's hoping she scares someone when she pops out and they shoot her because they think their life is in danger. Marty will finally get her memory back. Is this going to make me hate her less? No. Natalie and Jared will confess the whole baby debacle to Viki and Charlie. And, last but not least: Bess is back! I hope that this personality hates Brody as much as I do. I mean Lt. Horndog....

EXTRAS:

1. Tom Pelphrey is returning to GL. I stopped watching when he left. I hope other soaps realize his potential and hire him!

2. Kristina has finally been aged and recast on GH.

3. Rick Hearst is leaving GH and reprising his role as one of Mega Slut Barbie's many husbands on B&B.

That's all I got peeps! More later....same bitch time...same bitch channel...