The Hypocrite's Oath 5-5-09

Y&R began with Nicholas and Victor discussing Neil working at Chancellor as CEO. Victor offered to replace Neil with Nick. Neither of them knew that Adam was lurking at the top of the stairs eavesdropping. Obviously if Victor knew, he wouldn't have said: "I want my children running my company. You and Victoria." Adam was obviously wounded and slinked back to his room. Later, Rafe came to visit Hagatha and Adam. Rafe told Adam that there was a good chance that he could get Adam's sentence reduced. Adam responded with sorrow, saying: "You may free me from this bracelet, but not from the darkness." I felt a hint of sympathy for Adam UNTIL Ashley was freaking out about Sabrina's pictures ending up in her closet. The camera suddenly cut to Adam up in his mini-dungeon laughing his ass off; which then prompted me to laugh my ass off. Nick, newly pumped about his new position, goes to Restless Style to talk to Phyllis about it. The red headed she-devil bumrushed Nick as he arrived with the new wedding issue and said this stupid sh*t: "Everything we touch turns to gold, baby." Joshua Morrow looked as uncomfortable as I suddenly felt. Regardless of her pathetically stupid lines, Phyllis whined and cried about Nick's priorities throughout the rest of the episode. Sharon, meanwhile, had a series of flashbacks in which she did the nasty with the brothers Abbott and Nick. Sharon then had lunch with Doris, who told her to find out who the baby daddy is ASAP! Sharon said she was hoping it would be Nick's. After lunch, Sharon ran into Billy who asked her what she was doing. She stuttered some idiocies and he stuttered some crap too. Words be damned! The look on Billy's face was priceless as if he couldn't understand the concept of Sharon walking out of the club without doing him. Sharon seemed to know that Billy was sniffing, because she rushed her little ass over to Restless Style to spill the beans to Nick. Phyllis cut her off by apologizing for trashing her room and snitching to the police. She happened to use the words "not very mature of me." You think? Sharon replied: "The more you apologize, the less it means." OOOOOH. Good one. Sharon made a series of faces that indicated she couldn't take one more second of Phyllis' b.s. and she ran out of there. Today's episode really focused on Billy and his inability to find a good job. He asked everyone in town, including Victor and Katherine, who both rejected his advances. Jack and Billy almost got into a bro fight when Jack called Billy a "kid" and said he was nothing like their father. Jack left and John's ghost appeared to lecture Billy. Billy responded "I get enough of this from Jack." The best Billy Miller moment came when Billy was talking to Jill at the club and Jill laughed in her old bitty way and Billy mocked her perfectly with this spaced out look on his face. Classic. Jill went to Crimson Lights for some coffee where she ran into Katherine. Jill gave Kay a sincere apology and then said "This is goodbye, Katherine." However, at the end of the eppy, Jill showed up at the Chancellor mansion and stated she was moving back in. Also going on at the coffee house is Kevin's mini-welcome-back party. Michael was giving Kevin a toast in which he called Kevin a "warrior" and the "slayer of demons". OK! Jeffery and Gloria showed up and Jeffery opened his smart ass mouth and caused Kevin to freak the hell out. Michael kicked Jeffrey out and Jana called him an "Idiot!" Honorable mention goes to Phyllis for being able to be a bitch when she didn't even mean to by showing Sharon the newest issue of RS and saying "Take a look at our new baby." Ouch.

I was busy during B&B laughing and screaming at my television set for the whole actual 19 minutes of airtime that the show actually gets. Owen was making out with Jackie as she was convincing him that going out with Bridget will prove that she and Nick belong together. Cut to the offices of Jackie M where Bridget was trying on sexy swimsuits for her date with Owen. Yeah. Because we all do that kind of stuff at work. The Saggy Sailor, Nick, came in and tried to convince her that Owen is a "surfer serpant". His words, not mine. Over at who the hell knows where, Katie and Donna were having a bitter-jealous-hag party over Saggy Sailor and Bridget. Heather Tom is a great actress. Katie Logan, however, is not likable. Mega Slut Barbie (Brooke) stopped by and after hearing the topic of discussion, decides it would be a good idea to give Saggy Sailor a piece of her mind. Since Mega Slut is only good for giving out pieces of ass, her advice flew right over Saggy Sailor's head. Stupid Unrealistic Line of the Day Award goes to Mega Slut for saying this: "What kind of mother would I be if I wasn't concerned for Bridget?" Um. The same mother that hopped into bed with Deacon only to bear his evil spawn. Or. The same mother that forced Bridget to divorce Nick so she could have him for herself. Bridget went over to Owen's for her date with him and they made out on the floor. The Saggy Sailor stood alone somewhere, penis in hand, having flashbacks of Bridget and himself in disgusting positions. Positions I was glad that I had forgotten about.

Attention!: Don Diamont finally makes his first appearance on Tuesday!

On today's eppy of OLTL, Christian walked around shirtless while Layla whined. Nothing new to see there. A couple of my twitter chicks want Christian gone and think that he should take Layla's bitch ass with him. I concur! Much of the show focused on the skank that is Stacy walking around in cheap leopard skin lingerie making meaningless comments to herself because no one else wants to listen to her lies. Stacy climbed into bed with Rex which prompted more yelling at the t.v. She somehow got Rex to snuggle with her. When he opened his eyes and saw Skanktrash Stacy, he looked like he wanted to puke. Priceless. Gigi called and Stacy answered the phone, pretending to be exhausted from a night of sexin with Rex. Rex took the phone and listened to Gigi whine about Shane and then ran off to save the day. While Rex was headed over to Gigi's, Shane was sneaking over to Rex's. He ran into Stacy and she informed him about what a slut his mom is. What I found most amusing is that Stacy's skank ass found it appropriate to remain clad in her lingerie during the entire conversation. Schyler spent today's eppy lugging around the sack of blood and hacking into hospital files. Cole, who miraculously has recovered since yesterday, passed his drug test and made Rachel proud. Later, he hooked up with Starr and they recommitted themselves to one another. The couple then went over to the hospital to get the baby's DNA results. Kyle told them that the baby wasn't theirs. Starr ran off to do who the hell knows and she ran into Schyler doing whatever it is that he was doing. They had a cute little talk and Starr confessed that she loved Cole and she was sorry for the trouble she had caused. He responded by saying: "Maybe when you get older we can be friends." No thanks blood bag boy! Roxy and Kyle were arguing back and forth and Kyle said he couldn't wait to get his medical license so he could stop doing odd jobs for freaks like Roxy. Roxy said something to the effect of "You will still be a dirtbag even after you give the hypocrite's oath." Thanks for that.

Note to the PTB: Please make better use of the characters of Natalie and Jared. You are wasting their talents. Thank you.

Port Charles was filled with boring scenes today. Lucky and Liz were chilling at home with the kids having family time. Sonny was over at Olivia's begging for Carly info while his pregnant bitch wife was doubled over in pain, forced to ask his a-hole brother for help. Ric said he should let Claudia suffer and concluded with this: "The only reason I'll help you is because I think that baby is mine." Luke caught Ethan stealing "nothing" from the petty cash box and revealed that it was a set up. They blah blah blahed for a few minutes about what an ass Luke is and Tracy came in and started bitching. Nothing was exciting about this scene until Tracy started to leave the room and Luke said "Isn't she beautiful when she's cranky?" as he looked dead at her ass in that pencil skirt. Tracy then offered Ethan some money to get the hell out of dodge. Nu-old Emily and Nikolas were getting it on in the living room of Wyndemere when Nu-old Emily opened her mouth and said: "If we do this, who will I be? Emily..or Rebecca?" Nikolas promptly rolled off. They argued for a few minutes and Nu-old Emily left only to return moments later feigning car trouble. Nikolas, with no other choice, told her she could stay. Nu-old Emily went upstairs to get "cleaned up". When she returned, she was wearing real-old-Emily's nightgown. Nikolas freaked out and asked her where it came from. Nu-old Emily replied: "The housekeeper laid it out for me." Um. Okay. Y&R called. They want the storyline that they just aired LAST WEEK back!

Stick a fork in me. I am done. Until the next entry...same bitch time...same bitch channel....