Catastrophic Cliffhangers 5-30-09

Yesterday's eppy of Y&R was stressful. That is the only word I can use to describe it. Phyllis was stressed as she quickly realized that Nick was getting ready to bounce on her and Summer to be with Sharon and the maybe-baby. Nick spit out some bull about how he didn't want to hurt her and Phyllis responded by saying "That's sweet of you. You should have thought about that." I agree! Nick is driven by his next "sperm elimination", so everything Phyllis screeched at him flew right over his product contaminated head. Phyllis finally resorted to begging Nick. Nick's penis pointed to the West and he was off to locate her, leaving Phyllis to seek out Jack. Over at the Abbott mansion, Sharon and Jack were "mending" their shattered relationship. Tranlation: Sharon led Jack on while Jack talked about the future. As soon as she could, Sharon ran to Restless Style to hook up with Nick and hook up they did! Nick told Sharon that he was divorcing the Red Headed She-Devil Phyllis and that he wanted to be with her. The conversation that she had with The Vein only moments before flew out the window and Sharon and Nick proceeded to attack one another like 2 wilderbeasts in the plains during mating season. Ashley continues to actually lose it and The Moustache and Dr. Fix it All (Olivia) are becoming quite concerned. Ashley went off on Dr. Fix when she suggested that Ash see a psychiatrist. Victoria and J.T. were actually present during this episode; however, they were busy playing mystery busters and J.T. did NOT take off his shirt. But, they did go to Adam's room and after discovering that the door was locked, promptly broke on in. Adam was off reaping havoc upon Ashley's psyche but quickly covered when he returned with a bottle of vintage vino from the Moustache Manor basement. That same bottle of vino is going to get his ass busted. When The Moustache went to question The Blind One about his recent activities, he noticed the vino and mentioned that is was a classic wine. I saw the the light bulb go off in his head when he realized that Adam must have been able to read the label in order to select such a fine choice. Adam even asked The Moustache to join him for a drink of his own sh*t. I was a little surprised by that, but not so surprised when Victor declined his offer.

B&B upset me with its stupidity yesterday. Eric called an emergency meeting and asked everyone to come up with a plan to stop Bill from taking over Forrester Creations. Donna very dramatically busted out with "There's only one way to save this company!" which was followed by Eric saying "Well if you know of a way to save this company, it is your duty to tell us. Just tell us Skeletor." Ok. He didn't say Skeletor, but I sure wish he would. Anyway, what the hell is Skeletor going to do, tell everyone that she can save the company if she bangs the Ass God (Bill)? Gah! That doesn't even have a modicum of reality to it. The Saggy Sailor (Nick) and The Rug (Bridget) had sex throughout the show. I wish my DVR wasn't broken because I wanted to fast forward so bad the tips of my fingers were throbbing. Stephanie walked around L.A. talking smack to anyone who had the balls to talk to her. She is riding high on her new found freedom and I cannot say that I blame her. Bill thinks he's got something on her, but I fear that he is mistaken. The Ass God decided that he wants payback for all the shenanigans he has helped The Battle Ax (Stephanie) pull. I ponder if he'll ever get it.

OLTL was full of tear jerkers as Todd, Skankbrook, and Ms. Southern Belle Reject (Blair) dropped the baby bomb to Cole and Starr. Cole and Starr were ecstatic and showed their emotions by hugging on one another. Jbo and I were discussing this scene and we both decided that it would have been better if they would have had "our baby is alive" sex right there on the couch, regardless of which parental units were in the room. McPain dropped the bomb to Marcy and Michael. Then we had to listen to Marcy whine and scream about "her" baby. Just leave already! The Smarmy Pimp called Stacy the Skank that if she didn't give him his money her life was going to "go up in smoke". Rex walked in and the Skank whined about the money. Rex whipped out a duffle bag full of cash and offered to save the day. Stacy went on and on about how grateful she was and how she knows that their is a deeper meaning to Rex's assistance. Rex then got the idea in his head that he could trick the Smarmy Pimp somehow and headed off to the park to meet the pimp, sans cash. Stacy called the pimp and told him to hurry up and come over while Rex was gone. When he arrived, Stacy handed over the duffle bag and then asked the pimp to do her a favor. Meanwhile, Gigi and Schyler somehow got lab clearance and realized that the DNA tests showed that Stacy was a perfect match for Shane's. Schyler realized that it must be rigged somehow and he and Gigi pondered who could have been helping the Skank. Schyler put 1 and 1 together and realized that it was Hot Ass Kyle who was helping the Skank with her dirty deeds. Kyle then tricked some random guy into leaving the presence of the lab computer and Kyle did a little test tampering. Bess/Tess/Jess/Lochness spied on Nash's parents while they watched Viki's press conference on television. Nash's father wanted to call the police so J/B/T/L practically flew down the stairs and proceeded to weasle her way out of the po po call by making Nash's idiot parents feel sorry for her. Brody spent most of this episode questioning the car salesman and searching for J/B/T/L. At the end, Brody arrived at Nash's parents and.....Nothing. And that's why it's called Cliffhanger Friday folks!

Over in Port Charles, Carly's pregnancy libido was kickin into high gear, but Jax shot her down saying he didn't want to hurt her or the baby. But hurt her he did! Over at the hospital, Claudia and Jason were arguing and Sonny walked in and interrupted them telling them to save it for another day. As the three mobsters were visiting with Michael, Sonny stared on in a mix of shock and horror as Michael and Claudia the Clingy bonded big time. Ethan and Luke sat around chit chattin and taking shots. Robin, wearing a very cute little top, questioned Holly about her reasons for telling Ethan that Scorpio was his dad and therefore her brother. Maxie returned from her latest Crimson venture and made a bee line for Spinelli. He was not shy about his shock that she was faithful and behaved herself while she was gone. Then, they ran off to go extract data from Kate's stolen blackberry. This is all I've got because my son forced me to change the channel to Yo Gabba Gabba. Go figure figure.

Peace out my chicas. Spoiler blog will be posted later!