Blind Bracelet Slippage & Condom Poking 5-12-09

Y&R was mad with the creepy factor today as Jack decided to break things off with Mary Jane. She was obviously stunned, saying she couldn't believe Jack would re-wreck his reputation by taking back his "klepto wife". Mary Jane quickly recovered told Jack she would see him at work and promptly kicked his ass out of her room. She made a series of facial expressions after the door closed behind him that made me think that this may be the beginning of the end for my favorite misunderstood heroine, Sharon. Phyllis and Nicholas were having lunch at the club and Jack and Sharon arrived. Phyllis and Nicholas both registered shock and awe at the news that Sharon would be moving back in with Jack, for very different reasons of course. Later, Phyllis cornered Sharon and asked her what the hell was really going on. Sharon stayed mum of course. Phyllis and Mary Jane hooked up at the bar and discussed the possibilities....Amber and Daniel were still celebrating from the big art sale but all I noticed was that Amber was grunting a lot. Random and odd. Mr. FBI asked Daniel to speak in private and asked him to paint a forgery to trick some art theives. Then he told Daniel to keep it a secret from Amber. Amber, The Nosy One, asked him about the convo and Daniel sidetracked her with some PDA which she followed up by tickling him and grunting some more. Adam and Rafe had a nice discussion, or pity party, for Adam and the Rafe decided to go and confront Victor. Victor brushed him off with Mr. Mumbles style and promptly kicked him out. Ashley went to Adam and they made friends. Tsk, Tsk Ashley. Is it just me or does Ashley Abbott have a fetish for homicidal maniacs? Do the research, you shall see. Anyway, while Ashley was downstairs tooting Adam's horn to Victor, Adam was upstairs having a series of flashbacks that showcase the fact that he has been fasting for months. After the flashbacks, Adam slipped off his bracelet, crammed his shoes on his feet and promptly jumped out of the damn window. Adam went creeping into the garden, past the creepy Sabrina statue and then dug a voice recorder out of the ground. He pushed play and a baby started crying. So now we know for sure. We all knew it was Adam, we just weren't sure how. Paul proposed to Nikki, who got scared and ran away. After having a heart to heart with Katherine, Nikki found Paul and accepted his proposal with an ice cream cone. After this scene, I was sold. I am totally 100% invested in this relationship and I am not ashamed to admit it.

All 19 minutes of today's epidode was devoted to hotties Bill and Owen. Don Diamont made his first appearance as Bill Jr. and DAMN! I can tell he has been working out and the goatee thing might just work out for me after all. Bill Jr. worked with Stephanie to set up her podcast and she started it off with a bang calling it the start of her "life after Donna". Owen gave Bridget relationship advice. Bridget was wearing a very cute pink coat. Owen realized that he might actually have feelings Bridget and I think he went over to Jackie's to tell her so. Jackie was in the bathtub and she told him to get naked and get in there with her. Owen tried to resist, but Jackie was having none of it. I stopped paying attention after that because I found myself concentrating more on Jackie's hair, or whatever it is, more than anything else.

OLTL was full of good laughs today. Natalie and Jared were both having there bachelor parties today and right before Jared's, the stripper that Rex hired called and cancelled. Rex proved once again that he is the biggest idiot on daytime television when he looked at Stacy in a panick and said this: "Where the hell am I going to find a stripper in a half an hour?" Stacy, being the good little skank that she is, volunteered and put on her best clown face for the occasion. At the party, I was appalled not at Stacy jumping out of the cake, but at the fact that she did to my favorite Keri Hilson song. Stacy the Skank then, ignoring the groom, slithered over to Rex and shimmied all up on him for a hot minute or two. All the while, Rex did what he always does when Stacy is that close to him, looked like he wanted to wretch all over the damn place. It finally dawned on Stacy that it might be a good idea to pretend that she was there for Jared and she went on over there and kissed him on the forehead. Meanwhile, over at Natalie's party, the male stripper shows up to perform only to be lured away by Kyle with the promise of more money. The stripper music started and who should come out but Kyle his damn self, dressed in some chaps and a cowboy hat. Kyle, who shall now be called Lasso Boy for obvious reasons, proceed to shake his groove thing causing all the women in Llanview to fall to the floor after massive coronaries. Kyle then lassoed Natalie which was sexy in its in own right. Later Natalie cornered him and assured him he would get his damn money. Starr and Langston were having one of their sisterly convos when the topic turned to birth control. Starr became uncomfortable and offered to do Langston's hair. As they ran off to play beauty salon, Lola entered and stole the french jimmy case that Dorian gave Langston and before I could yell "not another teen pregnancy!", she was poking holes in the damn condoms while talking to herself on Myface. What an idiotic rip off of a social website name. Anyway, Langston looked really cute and I am actually excited to see how this is going to play out. Dorian called Marrko out on Operation Deflower and assured him that as long as he and Langston were safe, she was on board. Tomorrow is the big start of the prom. I won't be able to watch tomorrow's eppy at it's original time because my daughter is doing a Pussy Cat Dolls show herself, in the form of the Hoedown Throwdown.

Short blog today but it's all good. I'll bitch at you later...some bitch time...some bitch channel...