McPain Gets a Hug 5-23-09

OK. I am in pain so I am going to keep this short and sweet. On Y&R today, Cane and Lily were in bed eating fruit throughout the entire episode. Billy asked Chloe about her talk with Mac and was in denial when Chloe announced that Mac was in love with someone else. Chloe broke bad on Billy with this little ditty: "Wait for it...Wait for it....It isn't you!" At the Chancellor barbeque, Billy made a complete ass out himself by attempting to hit on Mac not once, not twice, but thrice! Chloe watched from afar and laughed at each dose of rejection that Mac dished out. Mac got pissed when Billy blatantly told her that he knew she couldn't possibly be with someone else because of her love for him. She responded by saying: "Get over yourself Billy" Later, Chloe, Amber and Nina discussed the Katherine/Jill baby switch debacle and whether or not it should be explored in the movie. Nina and Amber cannot agree. Why doesn't that surprise me? Raul showed up at the barbeque as if he belonged there and everyone greeted him with open arms, including Billy. Billy introduced Raul to everyone, including two random ants that were walking on the patio, before he mumbled: "This is my wife Chloe" Raul tried to cover the shock that he felt, but couldn't resist telling Chloe that she had done the "impossible". Mac walked up from wherever the hell she was, and proceeded to make out with Raul like she forgot where she was. Billy's face cracked into a million pieces and Chloe scrambled to pick them all up from the sidewalk and put them back together. Jack continued to urge Sharon to stay away from Nicholas because it would be too tempting to tell him about the baby. We were then forced to watch 30 minutes of Sharon tell Phyllis how she would stay away from Nick forever and how she would like to start over with Phyllis. Then, she went to Cassie's grave, ran into Nick, and spilled the baby beans. All while Phyllis hid behind a magical headstone that suddenly made that loud ass dress she was wearing invisible, listening to the confession. I'll be damned if Phyllis didn't turn into the Incredible Hulk and smash the magic head stone with her brute strength. OK. You know that sh*t didn't happen.

On B&B today, the Saggy Sailor and the Crypt Keeper both got what they wanted. Jackie took home her boy toy, and Nick got to take home his "true love", or as I like to call her, The Rug Bitch, Bridget. Nick was appalled by Jackie's relationship with Owen, prompting him to ask her this: "Why couln't you have taken up knitting or playing cards?" It wasn't until after this love fest went down that Nick read his Dear Saggy Sailor letter that Katie had written him. AFter reading it, he must have been happy to be off the hook because I'll be damned if he didn't take The Rug Bitch upstairs and make awkward, saggy love to her. Katie, meanwhile, was still over at Hot Ass's penthouse passed out. Bill was still looking at her for whatever reason when he pulled out her I.D. and discovered that she was, indeed, a Logan Minx. He then called Donna who was impressed with the way Bill was "helping" Katie. Eric and Stephanie argued about Bill today. Eric blamed all his problems on Bill and Stephanie quickly informed him: "It's not Bill. It's Karma." Ouch.

Over in Llanview, Jess/Bess/Tess/Lochness was still on the run with Chloe/Hope. Bess is pretty creepy, but I have to admit that I actually like her the best. Viki and Clint both tried to get through to Jess, but failed. Brody, who had more lines in this one episode than he has since he started, was able to talk to Jessica. Jess was curious about why Bess would go on the run with Chloe. Bess kicked Jess out of her own head and after Viki took the phone from Brody, promplty hung up. Kyle is Rebecca's brother and now that she is ASSUMED to be dead, he has been arrested for his role in her crimes. Kyle called Stacy the Skank to announce that she owed him and it was time to pay off. Meanwhile, Stacy was online looking for new apartments to move in to, so that Rex and Shane could have their "space". When the camera zoomed into her computer screen, the bitch was actually looking at generic cosmetics. Rex, the Giant Douche Nozzle, was manipulated again, and Stacy ended the eppy with a key to Rex's apartment in her hand and a retarded smile on her rat-like face. McPain broke the baby news to Blair who raced over to Todd's and bonded with Skankbrook. I was amazed at the balls on both of these bitches when they actually acted like they were mad that Jess/Bess/Tess/Lochness for taking the baby that they knew nothing about 2 minutes ago. The baby reveal should have happened today. It didn't. Even more annoying? The fact that no one seems to think that Brody deserves or can handle the truth about his girlfriends issues. I know one thing. If he says "integrated" one more f-ing time, I am going to jump through my t.v. Blues Clues Skidoo style and punch him in the teeth. Blair tried to discuss her marriage with McPain, with McPain, but he said he had too much going on. Later, McPain got a hug from Jack, who still called him McPain. It actually made me NOT want to hit that kid for a damn change.

That's all I got. Peace and love. til next time.....