Oh Morris! 5-27-09

Y&R was business as usual today. If the business is SCANDAL! It is quickly dawning on Jill that she really is in financial trouble and she went to ask Jack for a "bail out". Jack, still reeling over the Sharon and Billy news, told Jill that she has had her chance to play nice and to go "Ask the Moustache for help!" Jill made a bee line for Billy Bad Ass and upon finding him, asked him to talk to Jack for her. Billy semi-confessed to Jill about the current goings on telling her that this time "it's bad." Bad? Um. Correction. SCANDALOUS! Cut to Gloria and Jeffrey, who also realize that they are in dire need of some financial assistance. Their debt ever increasing, Jeffrey and Gloria went to Phyllis and asked her if they could rent the penthouse. I had to give Gloria an A for effort. She tried to quickly glaze over the fact that she and her hubby Jeffrey would be lacking in the 1st and last months rent. Phyllis is no dummy as we all know, and she told the broke ass couple that she would be doing things by the book. Gloria quickly covered again, assuring Phyllis that they would be more than willing to do things right. Translation: Gloria thinks she can pull a fast one on Phyllis. I think NOT. Gloria thinks she's good at being bad. NEWS FLASH: The good ones don't get caught. Repeatedly. Back at Billy's, Jill discovered that Chloe and Delia had left and although she didn't know the deets, she instinctively knew it was Billy's fault. Billy was offended at this. At the Chancellor mansion, Raul was saying his goodbyes to Mac and Chloe was lurking around checking her phone for messages from Billy. Mac tried to force a repeat performance of the bonding session she had with Chloe the other day, but Chloe responded by saying "This is all your fault." No. I'm pretty sure it's all Chloe's fault, but hey, what the hell do I know? Billy did call Chloe, but her messages were not to her liking. Quite frankly, they were not to my liking either. Too bad it's real hard to stay mad at Billy. Jack had some more drinks and had another conversation with Ghost John. Then he went to Phyllis and told her that he wanted to talk about Sharon's baby. Olivia went to see Ashley. After having a conversation in which Olivia placated Ashley, Olivia went to Victor and basically stabbed her best friend in the back. Adam was, of course, lurking around ready to jam the proverbial knife into Ashley's back a little further. Adam then woke up to what was obviously a miscarriage scare. I don't even like Ashley and I am starting to feel bad for her.

B&B wasn't too exciting today. However, I must note that Mega Slut Barbie must have smelled the new meat in town, because she sure followed the Armani scent all the way to the Ass God's office. I was completely un-surprised when she flirted with Ass God and he flirted in return. I am starting to think that the Ass God would flirt with a rock if he thought he could get something out of it. The Ass God proceeded to let the Mega Slut think that she had the upper hand and allowed her to do her own podcast in which she slammed Stephanie and Taylor. Stephanie was enjoying a meal with Bizarro Ken and Numb Lips McGee (Taylor) and the two ladies were trying to convince Bizarro to "come over to the dark side" and help them take down the Logans. Stephanie seemed extra happy to be able to scheme freely and left the two stupids remaining at the table. Taylor then insulted Mega Slut and suprised me with this little gem: "You were so much happier when you were with me. Come back to me Ridge." I guess I shouldn't have been surprised; however, I must admit I am surprised every time Numb Lips acts assertive. Ridge got that look on his face that tells me that he already has "gone back to her", at least in his brainless head.

The citizens of Llanview never cease to amaze me. When we left off yesterday, Rex was confronting Stacy the Skank about the smarmy pimp and his $20k. I thought that maybe, just maybe, Rex was going to see the light, but by the end of today's eppy, the b*tch had convinced King Baby (Rex's new nickname) that Smarmy was picking on her. Schyler was still trying to convince Gigi that he was telling her the truth about the Skank's true role, or lack there of, in Shane's bone marrow transplant. Their conversation was rife with entertainment and after Gigi told Schyler that he was "insane" and that what he was saying was "impossible", he responded by saying one of my favorite phrases: "I know, right?!" Blair and Todd bonded some more. Blair wasn't the only one bondin'. Over at Skankbrooks, McPain and Skankbrook discussed "paper airplanes" because apparently they have some significance that I am supposed to know about. Um. I draw a blank. You are never going to hear me say this again but McPain and Skankbrook had a very HOT moment today. And that's all I am going to say about that. Todd went to visit Tea who woke up. Even with her bruised up condition, she managed to be a smart ass, telling Todd "it sounds like you're starting to care about me..." followed by "hee, hee, hee, hee". Upon learning that Tea was awake, Blair rushed to be by her new besty's side. This move, of course, was a ploy to get the rest of Tea's secrets out of her proverbial closet. I'm just guessing, but I think the "big secret" is that Tea has breast cancer. Can't think of anything else that is storyline worthy....

GH was so good today, I thought I was watching a different show. I literally checked my cable guide. Anyway, let us begin with Claudia the Clingy. The show began with her whining and crying and yelling at Johnny. Johnny yelled at her back, pointing out that she is a selfish creature who deserves little redemption. Then, we were privy to Claudia yelling at the Eel (Ric) and the Eel telling Claudia that they would be good together. Yes Eel. We know you are leaving...hows about you take that clingy b*tch with you! Jax visited Michael in the hospital and they traded smart ass insults for a while. Lulu, who was also sporting the Cleavage, also visited Michael and they bonded over hospital cheeseburgers. Sonny tried to talk Olivia and the Cleavage out of getting involved with Johnny. Olivia told him to mind his own business and that she would sleep with whoever she wanted too. Later, Sonny went to Johnny and they fought over Olivia and the Cleavage. After her confrontation with Sonny, Olivia decided to tell Jax about her relationship with Johnny before someone else did. Jax questioned Olivia and the Cleavage for a moment, followed by "hey, I'm not judging..." Cut to Ric and Claudia, who were STILL arguing and trading nasty insults when Sonny came in and said "Ric, what the hell are you doing in my house again?" Ric wormed his way out of the tense situation while Claudia looked on in pinched up face horror. Johnny and Olivia then met up, kissed, and the Olivia and the Cleavage promplty left, leaving Johnny and little Johnny hanging. No pun intended. Or was it? Anyway, Lucky and Nikolas argued over Nu-old Emily. Liz confronted Nu-old Emily and called her out on her Bizarro Emily ways, including the purple blouse she has been sporting for 3 days. Alexis tried to enlist the help of the Mayor to take down Nu-Old Emily and Helena and he tried to enlist Alexis into bed. She responded by saying this: "I think you need a lesson on how this works. I have a gift for attracting psychopaths." You think? Robin finally bonded with Emma today. I cried. She bonded with Patrick. I cried. Finally, Robin told Emma that Patrick was a good daddy while Patrick listened in the doorway. I cried some more. And when I say cry, I mean mascara down the face cry.

That's all I got. I can type no more....