Logan Minxes and Bill Jr. Hijinxes 5-21-09

Big sh*t is poppin in soap world today..but I will get to all that in a minute. I must discuss the new show that just started on CBS this week. The Don Diamont show. Oh. Nevermind, it's still B&B only I didn't have to look at Mega Slut, Bizarro Ken, or any part of the Rick train. Bill Jr. arrived at Eric and Skeletor's for dinner on yesterday's eppy. Skeletor was desperate to get out of the encounter, so she tried to ply Eric with sex instead. The old bastard surprised me by ignoring his withering penis and continued with dinner as planned. Eric asked Bill if he had met Skeletor yet, to which Bill slyly responded: "Yes, but I look forward to getting to know her a little better." Skeletor looked as appalled as we feel when she busts out her honey bottle and Bill proceeded to offer Eric $100 million for Forrester Creations. Eric was shitty and refused Bill's offer. Bill told Eric it must really be hard to get work done at Forrester with all the "Logan Minxes" running around. LMAO. Bridget was headed out for a date with Owen when the Saggy Sailor begged her for one more chance and pulled her into a kiss. Bridget tried to be strong. She failed. On today's eppy, Bridget was trying to have HOT sex with Owen, but she couldn't get the Saggy Sailor off of her mind. Owen continued to ask her "are you with me?" No Owen. She isn't. But I guarantee you I could be. Anyway, while all this talking was going on, the Saggy Sailor and his even saggier mother were driving over to Owen's to stop the naughtiness. Jackie confessed that Owen was a great lover on the way over and I thought the Saggy Sailor was going to puke in his own lap. Long story short, Nick and Bridget kissed and made up. Jackie and Owen kissed and made up in front of Bridget and Nick. Bridget and Nick both threw up. Lonely Katie was hanging out with about 20 martinis when Bill came upon her. He introduced himself, stating his friends call him "Dollar Bill". Katie introduced herself, stating her friends call her "homewrecker". Yada, Yada, Yada, they left the bar, went to Bill's suite and Katie promptly passed out. Bill took off her sandals, subjecting us to her hammer toes and then stared at her. WOW. I have to be honest. Don Diamont's ass looked so good in the jeans he was wearing today that I payed attention to nothing else.

On OLTL, Jess/Bess/Tess/Lochness remembered stealing the baby on yesterday's eppy and Brody was there to share the joy. Natalie and Jared finally told Viki, Charlie, and Clint about the baby swap. Clint stayed in denial land throughout the show. Tea and Blair were still tied up, sucking in toxic gas and still managing to argue. Tea's secret is losing it's allure. I just want to know what it is. My girl J said that Tea got out yesterday before the whole place blew up, however, when I turned it on today, she was buried beneath the rubble. McPain sucks. Blair acted as if she cared about someone other than herself when she heard that Marty and Todd were safe with the baby. Viki confirmed to Todd and Marty that Chloe is really Hope. Brody got Jessica to the hospital in time for her to be reunited with Chloe. She then told the doctor that she was "cured". Brody tried to convince the doctor that there was more to the story but Clint put the kabosh on all that, telling Brody to stay out of it. Brody's eyes were more blue than usual. Anyone else notice? Gigi acted like she had some sense today and yesterday. 2 days in a row? I am scared. I really liked Stacy at first, but now, she is just a dumb bitch.

The Michael is Awake storyline has taken over GH. This storyline sucks in itself, however, the sh*t stemming from it is sooooo goooooood. Johnny and Olivia had mad sex yesterday. Play, stop, rewind. Rewind, stop, play. Yes, it was that good. Sonny cried. Claudia sat around and looked desperate. Jax was being an ass. Jason told Sam that no matter what "he is not Michael's father." Right. You keep telling yourself that, Stone Cold. Someone wake me up when Michael stops whining or Jolivia hits the sheets again. Whichever comes first.

When I awoke this morning, I was blasted with the news that Chris Engan walked off the set of Y&R because he didn't want to engage in a little man on man action. Guess now he can go engage in a little standing in the unemployment line. He has already been replaced by one Michael Muhney from Veronica Mars. I have had the opportunity to watch him shirtless today. It will take some getting used to, but I think I will manage. There is a photo posted below for your viewing pleasure.



On today's eppy of Y&R, Chloe was bragging to Delia about the change in Billy when she noticed Mac's name on the caller ID. Jack stopped by to check on things and he and Chloe had a nice talk about Billy finally coming around. Billy was over at Jack's and came across Sharon having a boo hoo moment. After some pathetic small talk, Billy asked if there was a 3rd candidate for her baby's daddy. Jack came in on the ass end of the convo and looked as if Sharon and Billy were busted. They weren't of course. Chloe went over to Mac's in search of Billy and was surprised to find that he wasn't even there. Mac and Chloe bonded but not until after Mac revealed that she had never had sex with Billy. NO WONDER. I forgot that they have never done the deed. That explains why he wants her so bad. Mac told Chloe about her long relationship with Raul in Africa. This convo was overheard by Billy, who did show up at Mac's after all. When he heard Chloe's voice he ran so fast my head was spinning. Not really. Summer drew Nick a picture of family which prompted him to reminisce about Cassie. He then confessed to Phyllis that no matter what, he and Sharon needed each other. Sharon was busy having the same conversation with Jack. Later Phyllis and Summer were leaving and Summer gave Nick a kiss. Nick asked if he could have "one of those from mommy" to which Phyllis responded: "You can have whatever you want, as soon as you figure out what that is." I wasn't even in the room and I still yelled at the damn tv. Paul finally got Mary Jane to go out in public with him. Not really sure why, but Mary Jane donned a giant Paris sized pair of sunglasses in the middle of the GCAC during the daytime. This just proves how stupid she really is. Oh yeah. It also proves that she is Patty Williams. Right? Right.

That's all I got. I am really tired! More later....some bitch time....some bitch channel.....