Imagine my shock today when I turned on GH after a brief hiatus to see Jason all battered and bruised. My girl J informed me that Jason and Jerry Jacks were wounded from a bomb. I would have been more surprised if he had actually gotten beat up. Patrick is doing the single father thing while Robin goes thru the motions of post partum. Glad Matt is helping and all, but this has gone on long enough! My heart cracked into pieces when Spinelli told Maxie that she couldn't expect things to be the way they used to be. I almost busted a tear or two. Olivia is growing on me. Anyone or anything that hates Claudia can grow on me anyday. Nikolas and Liz cannot be a couple. Something is very wrong with that. Having said that I think that Lucky and nu-old-Emily are cute together. This Emily is much more tolerable than the first one, even if the same bitch is playing the part. Enter Patrick into the fray and what do you get? Idiot stew! Jason's facial expressions are so awesome, Steve Burton doesn't even need lines. Everytime Claudia speaks, walks, or breaths, Jason looks like he wants to puke or curl up in a fetal position... Carly told Jax the truth about her condition, which was refreshing. I get tired of predictable miscarriage storylines. Enter Sonny, who instantly made the whole debacle (yeah, I said it) the "Corinthos" hour. Robin's intervention went off with nothing but hitches. Poor Maxie took verbal bitch slaps from Robin repeatedly, who was like a cornered asp, striking out at anyone that came too close. Robin finally got so pissed she just told Maxie to get the hell out. Maxie, obviously wounded, went on the hunt for Spinelli. I noticed his eyes melting when she explained her woes...
I knew Y&R was going to be good today when within the first two minutes, Jeffrey made an O.J. reference. (if it don't fit, bitch, acquit!) Right after that Jill walked in and after some snappy commentary with Jeffrey, Gloria walked up and said this: "How does it feel to be living on welfare, Jill?" After this little exchange, the trio proceeded to get drunk together. Jeffrey eluded to Gloria that he wouldn't stay with her if she didn't beat the civil law suit from the face bream mess; then he proceeded to slip Jill his seven digits. Cut upstairs to Sharon's room and it's the same old scene. Someone's knocking. Sharon has cleavage. Opens door. AND. Nothing. It was Nick coming to tell her that he picked Phyllis over her. Again. Someone in her current state wouldn't be held responsible for a homicide, if one were to occur say, right then and there! Sharon did not kill Nick, though. However, she did throw his ass out of her room. He left to give Phyllis the good news. Phyllis was overjoyed and instantly starting doing Nick right there, until the po po's came in and arrested her. Victor put Victoria in charge of the Newman Board, which just pissed off about everyone there. Neil even quit over it. Colleen tried to make an impression at the meeting, only to come out defeated as usual. Afterwards, she approached Victoria and started going off. Victoria tried to be supportive, but Colleen was adamant. J.T., of course, was leaning up against the wall eavesdropping. Noah got picked on today. Normally, I love Kevin Schmidt. To be honest, if I would have seen him in person with the hair do he had today, I would have made fun of him too! Ashley is a bitch. Abby is a bitch. Greatest line said by Abby to date: "Is that Sabrina? Ew, that's creepy."
Today's eppy of B&B started off with a nice phone call between Stephanie and Taylor. Yes. The same phone call in which Stephanie basically told Taylor to have sex Ridge in order to steal him away from Brooke. Jackie was on for a hot second and she looked a hot mess. I believe I referred to her as a 'bizarro biker barbie'. Stephanie then picked up the phone and called Carolyn to talk about Bill Sr.'s demise. Here is my issue: We have always known about Bill Sr. but I don't want to spend 16 minutes of a 30 minute show listening to my faves talk about him. This wasted conversation is necessary, I realize, in order to bring in old-Brad/nu-Bill Jr. so I will tolerate it if I have too! Rick went over to beg Steffy some more where he ran into (who else?) Stephanie. She gave him the business, which is nothing new. This verbal ass whipping was followed by another verbal smackdown from Steffy. He ran to his mommy, Brooke, who was more than happy to hug her 40 yr. old loser son close to her sagging bosom. Bizarro Ken Doll, or Ridge as some may like to call him, called Brooke and told her he wasn't coming home until Rick moved out. He went on to inform her that he would be shackin it up with Taylor. Just end it please! Stephanie got a wild hair up her ass and decided to go to Eric and tell him that she doesn't love him anymore. His reaction: "You can't possible mean that!" Oh, and why not, asshole?
Llanview kicked up the spiciness on today's eppy of OLTL. Cole was coming down off his latest high and Starr was there to witness it first hand. This crap has been going on for a while now so why did Starr say these words: "Cole, you are a drug addict!" No shit Sherlock. Big props go out to Brandon Buddy and Kristen Alderson who brought it in their scenes today. Tea and Todd both had dates today. I found it amusing that they were getting ready in the same bathroom at the same time. Question: Why the hell was Todd applying make up like this is a normal occurrence? Todd and Tea both ditched their dates for one another. I'm down! Brody and Jessica finally did the nasty today. Sorry Mark fans but men in the real world just don't say this: "I want to make love with you" With me? No thanks. If I have to do any work, you can count me out. Gigi almost told Rex the truth today. She didn't of course and she and Rex commenced to telling Shane that they were over. Shane cried so hard his little bald cap was wrinkling up. Ray and Dorian also went on a date. While out, they ran into Viki and Charlie, who apparently has some serious issues with my Latino hero. Damn A. Martinez for getting fired! Markko and Langston almost had sex or did have sex today. They were making my eyes burn from the rediculousness of it all when Markko said this: "I love you Langston. You're my little freak." To which Langston responded "And you're mine." WTF?! This is not normal talk people. Stick a fork in my ass, I am so done.
Until I feel like signing back into this bitch....some bitch time...some bitch channel....
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