Burning Cole 4-30-09

Genoa City was hopping with the "good feeling" as Lauren dropped the charges against Sharon and Sharon dropped the charges against Phyllis. Nick orchestrated this giant love fest by referring to everyone as "the family". I literally wanted to scream at the t.v. Where the hell does he get off? He should have thought about that a long time ago. Lauren showed she can still be bit by the bitch bug (thank god) when she told Sharon that if she did anything to piss her off, she would "file those charges as fast as your head can spin." Now, my mom used to say that to me, so I had a flashback and suddenly felt uncomfortable. I got over it. Neil went and groveled to Katherine who gave him a job. He was so excited he ran straight to Tyra. Tyra, by the way, had on one of the worst weaves I have ever seen. She should just keep it short and give it up. The annoying Newman housekeeper, or Hagatha as I like to call her, moved the coffee table and Adam walked right over there and tripped over it. He hit the floor. Hard. I laughed. Victor told Ashley to go get ready for dinner. She went upstairs and put on Sabrina's old dress and earrings and went back downstairs. Victor was so shocked he dropped the champagne glasses and told her to get the hell out of the dress. He then proceeded to question Hagatha, who sent him on a mission to blame Nikki. Nikki wasn't having any of that and she said some stuff I had to applaud. I like Nikki sans Victor. She has more balls now. Ashley questioned Hagatha and Adam about the situation and Adam was all too informed of the minute details. Ashley blamed it on Hagatha but later wondered if she was doing it to herself. This situation is pissing me off! I can't figure it out. Mary Jane makes me ill; however, I feel it may all be worth it when she goes psycho. She is scarier than the original Mari Jo, and I really didn't think that was possible. She said this: "The champagne tastes better in my room." To which Jack replied "Alrighty then". Jack: the 90's called. They want their tacky bad-movie punchline back. He followed her upstairs where she attacked him and they had sex. Afterward, she informed Jack that she wasn't married. I sense this is the beginning of some really good crazy.

On B&B, Bill Spencer Sr.'s will was read with Donna, Stephanie, and Clark in attendance. I have the feeling that Donna is his daughter or something. Anyway, he Spencer Sr. left Donna a box with a note that said the contents of the box remind him of what Donna brought to his life. The bitch opened the box, and inside was a beautiful jeweled egg. When she opened the egg, it was empty. Classic. Clark was next and when he opened his box, he pulled out a gold metal. Stephanie quickly snatched it from him, peeled off a layer of foil, and announced that the metal was chocolate. When Clark read his note it said, and I quote, "fake just like your designs." Priceless. Carolyn and old-brad-nu-Bill Jr. have to split everything else 50/50. I sense that the show is going to become excellent again. Here's hoping...

Llanview was experiencing technical difficulties on yesterday's eppy. Tea wouldn't answer her phone, prompting Dorian to rush over to her place. Unbeknownst to Dorian, Todd was finishing up with Tea when she arrived. She thought it was R.J. in there. Ew! Todd was feeling Tea up the whole time that Dorian was telling her to "grind him" through the doorway. The court battle was a bust and Todd won custody of the kids after Tea had a mini-meltdown during the hearing. Todd went to pick up the kids, Dorian threatened him and he told her he was shaking in his boots. I laughed when he looked down and asked lil Jack-the-Asshole if he was shaking as well. Starr came in right then on a whole other mission, and Todd told her to pack her stuff. What can she say? Um, I can't leave right now. You know that guy that had sex with me and knocked me up? Yeah, he's up in my room hiding from rehab and coming down off drugs. Can I take a rain check? Thank God for flashbacks and storytelling because I have become a true Cole fan after all this great drug story. I loved him punching him the door repeatedly; however, he could have let his fist slip a couple of inches to the left and "accidentally" punched Starr in the face. Then, he could have all the pills he wanted. I'm just saying.

GH is getting damn good and my girl J and I have a new theory. Maxie and Lulu are going to be the mod version of Otalia. Their super couple name will be Laxie. As in I would rather eat laxatives and sit on the toilet in pain than watch these two get along. I am loving Olivia. I can't really come up with a reason, but hey, whatever. Lulu looked cute for a change. Lucky needs a hair cut. Liz needs to NOT make out with Nikolas. Lucky DOES need to increase his make out sessions with old-nu-Emily. Claudia is real irritating. Someone needs to blow her ass up and get it over with. Don't care about mini-Luke. There is something ill-built about his facial structure or his hair do. Something.

I'm done. Until whenever...some bitch time...some bitch channel...