Billy's World and the Rick Train 4-24-09

O.K. It has been a hot second since I have blogged and therefore, I have much to say. On Y&R this week, Phyllis tried her damnedest to get Sharon tossed in jail. It didn't work. The only thing she accomplished was pushing Nick away. He cracked me up with his Restless Style related marriage metaphors, i.e. "Why hold on to something that isn't there?" Hmmm, I take that as a hint. Phyllis and Nick are already fighting over Restless Style so Nikki and Chloe were arguing over the next issue's topic. Weddings and babies? Um, how about they do an issue devoted to divorce? Seems logical to me. Billy went to Jimmy's to drown his sorrows in shots of tequila, and Cane came in. Billy told him to get out of "his world" and his bar. Little did he know that Cane actually bought the bar right then and there. I'm not sure how he avoided paperwork or other details pertinent to buying a bar, but hey, I shouldn't be picky. Later that day, Mac walked in and asked for a job. I see where this is going. Mac is not cute or sexy enough to be with Cane or Billy. End of story. Cane and Lily bought a puppy and they both rejoiced when he took a big one on the carpet sans newspaper. That is not what I consider to be soapworthy television. Lily wants to have a baby. Blah. Sharon knows that Jack is digging Psycho Mary-Jane.

On todays eppy, Lily tried to hook Colleen up with Rafe. He sat down and hopped right on out of the closet. Rafe then informed her that he was going to a friend's birthday party. This had me intrigued...Cut to the Newman Ranch and everyone is dressed up and my God, Adam smiled. More than once. I smiled too, when Heather showed up at the birthday bash (looking amazing!) and Victor asked her what the hell she was doing there. Ashley, ever the peace maker, talked Victor into letting Heather stay. Moments later, Rafe showed up and announced that he had brought a friend. This intrigued me as well...The friend? Colleen. O.K. When the party was over, Heather was about to leave when Victor stopped her long enough to tell her that no matter what, she was not welcome there. She said she would not give up on Adam and left. Victoria walked in on J.T. and Colleen in a hug and was obviously jealous. When she started bitching, J.T. told her he wished people "would just give Colleen a break." Please let this mean that J.T. and Colleen are re-uniting. Even better, tell me that old-Colleen is reprising her role and nu-Colleen is going to Nickelodeon where she belongs. The Chipmunk made an appearance today, causing Kevin to go nuts and become catatonic. Again.

Shout out to Tom who let me know that the Chipmunk voice is being done by a woman. It was driving me insane not knowing. And it's a short drive.

Mac and Amber are going to team up to make Katherines wedding awesome. Maybe Amber will breathe some life into Mac. Someone needs too. Something tells me she secretly likes chics. Billy is going to have trouble deciding if he should take Chloe to the wedding. I say yes, or he will pay, and pay dearly. Jill, Gloria, and Jeffrey are set to get slammin drunk together. I am already laughing on the abysmal inside. Nina and Brock are coming to the wedding. Cops are going to review the surveillance videos from the GCAC and utlimately arrest Phyllis for destroying Sharon's room. Noah is getting picked on at school. Phyllis is going to feel bad. Are the PTB trying to convince us that the red-headed she devil has a concious? I predict that Ashley will have yet another miscarriage that will cause her to revert to her other self. Kevin will defeat the evil Chipmunk in his subconcious and come out of his funk. Jack and Mary Jane have sex, even though Jack will start to suspect the crazy bitch. Hey, Jack needs some strange every now and again too! Finally, Adam will stab himself in the eye with a syringe full of Botox. Why? Who really gives a damn? It should be mad funny!

On B&B, Steffy finally hopped off the Rick train into the land of the sane. Brooke on the other hand, is still floating around in denial world. Such is the norm. As much as I love Heather Tom, why does Katie have to be so annoying? and, Why is Jackie (Lesley Anne Down, actually) so damn lucky? Brooke and Taylor waged war against one another today. Ridge is the ultimate prize, I assume. Woop Dee Doo. Rumor has it that Brooke is finally going to put the hammer down on Rick. All I can say is: Thanks for that in advance. Rick and Steffy are not totally over, which may prompt Marcus (who?) to go postal. Whatever works. Nick is having a problem getting over Bridget now that she has no interest in him, of course. Katie should lure him onto the Shady Marlin, take him sailing to abandoned waters, and give him a helpful shove over the edge. Just a thought. Finally, I hear Stephanie is planning a coo to take over Forrester. Again. How many times does this storyline have to appear, only to fail? Sigh. Oh! I almost forgot. Don Diamont is about to be on my screen front burner again. Can I get a hell yeah?

OLTL is so good these days thanks to Todd and Tea, whose scenes should have a mature rating. Wow. Who has hot rage sex in a courtroom? These two do! Enter R.J. Ugh. I thought we were rid of him. My girl J and I ponder if maybe he doesn't have a family of small fuzzy creatures living in those dreads. John was sexy when he snuck into Blair's room to let her know he was okay. Too bad he is going to screw it all up when he screws Marty the Maneater when they are the lam. Starr busted Cole today because he was high as a kite. He plays a stoner well, actually. I have a prediction based on some things I observed in today's eppy. I think Kyle may be the knife wielding serial killer. Maybe. Schyler stuck his hand in a biohazard container to get what he believes to be Stacy's blood bag. Um, gross. Today, he busted it out and displayed it to Stacy who tried to lie her way out of it, but to no avail. Rex bought the bitch some flowers from Shane, and Gigi had to act like a whinyass about it. Rex was mean to her of course. Roxy is hilarious as she tried to convince Rex that her and Kyle were sleeping together, and played it off like it was a big joke. Starr couldn't help but mention Schyler every time she opened her mouth, pissing Cole off to no end. Bo and Nora are going closer. I like them together, so this is okay with me. Still hate Rachel. Kyle is going to blackmail, well, everyone, including Natalie and Jared. Jessica and Brody are finally going to have sex. Will angels sing? I doubt it. Tea is going to go out on a date with R.J. I say swim at your own risk! Todd will be jealous. Roxy is going to pull the plug on Rex's dad and Kyle will confirm that he is dead. We all know he won't be. Ray is leaving, which makes me sad. However, I am elated that he is taking that skank whore Lola with him. Gigi is supposed to grow some balls soon. I have a feeling we'll be waiting for a long time. Cristian and Layla are finally going to get together. It has taken so long, I forgot about them already. The killer will be revealed....stay tuned.

AMC is still semi-good and semi-bad. Quite frankly, I am just too busy to be tuning in all the time. But, heres what I know: Adam is going to die. I predict that Stuart will really be the dead guy, and Adam will be alive and well when AMC can afford him again. We will be blessed with yet another killer story. Yawn. Amanda wants to keep the baby now. Nope. Didn't see that coming. David wants revenge. Yada, Yada, Yada.....The Chandler mansion is haunted, I predict Adam is trying to drive J.R. to drink. I hear that a nu-nu-Babe will be brought back from the dead. One word: Why? Krystal and Marissa are keeping a secret. I say they are mother and daughter...who's with me? Marissa is going to get involved with both Scott and J.R. Um, what is so hard about that decision? Frankie is going to get hurt in Iraq. Brot is going to get a new lady friend. Tad will look for Dixie's killer. Little late. It was the pancakes.

Watching Claudia squirm on GH is delightful. Watching Lulu go off on Maxie ALL the time. Priceless. Half of Port Charles is pregnant. The other half is someone pretending to be someone that they aren't. A new murder myster is on the horizon...What else happens on this show? Nickolas and nu-old-Emily will get closer, while he tongue tangoes with Liz on the side. WTF? The real Rebecca is going to call. J, you are officially correct. Ethan is going to take a DNA test. This is one of those times when I wish that a show would do something opposite of what we think they are going to do. Alas, that is most likely not the case. I think Jax is going to offer to buy Claudia's baby after he overhears Jason and Carly talking about her condition. Olivia is going to threaten Claudia. I like her. Maxie will try to have sex with Spinelli in an attempt to get back in his good graces. She will fail miserably. I have an earth shattering question that requires immediate attention! Do the PTB really expect me to believe that in the last two weeks Sam has developed a brain in that pretty little head of hers? Doesn't she have a burlesque show to go do?

Seriously, I am going to shut up now.

Until whenever..some bitch time...some bitch channel...