Snappy One Liners and Crucial Comebacks 4-1-09

In Genoa City today, Billy was stressing out over his love-less soon to be marriage when suddenly he is dreaming of Mac. After talking for a bit, Mac goes into the bathroom. Suddenly, there is a knock on the door and the dream is over. It's Cane, and he is ready to bargain. Billy isn't having it and tells Cane to get the hell out of his house. Over at Crimson Lights, Chloe and Lily are trading barbs over Cane. Lily grew some today as she actually got in some good ones, but, alas! Chloe always gets the last word and I love it! Chloe hired Eden to be Delia's babysitter today. I don't care if she hired her to scrub the bottom of her feet with a pedegg, at least my little Eden is finally getting some screen time. The only requirement for the job: taste in alternative music. Wonder what Dr. Phil would say about that? Noah got some great ones in today as he cursed at his mother 3 times in the same conversation and Nick just stood back and let him do it. After Noah stomps out in grande teenage style, Nicholas rips into Sharon. Ok Nick, you are really workin my nerves. I feel sorry for Jack when it comes to Sharon, he is a sad sad man. Phyllis was writing a story about Katherine's life when it turned into a story about her own life and how much Sharon had ruined it for her. I found it especially amusing when she wrote BITCH in giant red letters on the paper. I dare you to publish that in Restless Style. In walks Nick who starts bragging about he gave Sharon the business. Of course, this pleased Phyllis to no end. After Nick storms out of the Abbott mansion, Jack walked Sharon to the door and convinced her to go to the rehearsal dinner. This wedding is going to be so sick and twisted. Murphy and Katherine were discussing going to Billy and Chloe's wedding when he sweetly asked her to teach him how to dance. I love these two, they make me smile. Elsewhere, Brock is nervous about seeing his maybe-mommy but as soon as he saw her, they had a wonderful reunion. Esther and Jill were arguing over wedding colors and taffeta when Jill said this "All because of your psycho spawn!" Ooooh, that stings. Back at Billy's, Cane left and Billy ran into the bathroom to see if Mac was still there. Wake up, idiot! No one here but the toilet! Just when I thought a day was going to go by without Amber and Kevin screaming at eachother from the interior of a car, there they were. Amber accidentally told Kevin that she saw Daniel and Micheal, which prompts him to tell her she has been a bad girl and to chug down a bottle of wild turkey. That's my kind of man. Really.

B&B was actually worth watching today because it lacked all Rick and Steffy sightings. Even greater still was Eric and Stephanie arguing over whether or not Rick and Steffy should be together in Eric's office when all of a sudden the door pops ajar slightly and a bottle of honey poked in. Of course, it was Donna-the-Slut, ever ready to please her ancient "honeybear". As usual, Donna didn't look in the office first, just started doing a strip tease right in the doorway. When she discovered that Stephanie was there, some words were exchanged and Eric asked Stephanie to leave so he could spend time with his slutty wife. This enraged Steph more, who put up one hell of a fight. In all the years I have been watching this show, I have never seen Eric grow a bigger pair of balls than he did today. He told Stephanie that he didn't want her or need her and then he fired her from Forrester! Always the smart ass, Steph busted out with this: "Don't come knocking on my door when all hell breaks loose." as she made her graceful exit. After she closed the door, you could see the pain and hurt her being fired had really caused. Oh, and Nick and Jackie argued over Madame X, or should we say Madame Ex Wife Bridget? Snore...

Llanview was hoppin with the goods today! Hank made his return debut today, cheesy music and all. Nora was happy as she had all her men under one roof. She has been one busy woman! Clint decided that bothering Nora about their relationship was a good idea. This is a total set up for a Nora and Hank affair which is okay with me. Someone should dust the cobwebs off of her anyway. Bo and Clint were enjoying a light lunch and talking about Matthew when Bo began to stutter. Chew and swallow, Bo. Chew and swallow! Talia actually earned her paycheck today as she called Layla out on what is obvious: She wants Christian. Later, her dumb ass locks herself in the suana with a towel-clad Christian and called him chicken legs. I wish they would come on with it already. Ray and Tea decided to go on a date for their own evil purposes. Ray asked Dorian 3 or 4 times if she was okay with him going on a date with Tea. She played it off as if she didn't care, but showed up at the club dressed to the nines. She then sat down at the table and made her presence known. Ray let her sweat a little and then Tea called him out. Ray called Tea out first, however when he noticed Todd lurking around the club. Todd was on a date with a hitman who he is trying to pay to kill John McPain. The hitman said this: "Why don't you do it yourself. I heard you were slicin and dicin all over town." Thanks for that. Todd was jealous of Tea, but I think we all know why. When Todd saw Ray and Tea together, he told Ray to "run". Todd got a phone call and it was little Jack. He just got done giving John the business and he still had some leftover for his dear old dad. He told Todd, and I quote: "You're full of crap!" That kid makes me an advocate for child abuse. Classic line today though was courtesy of that little bastard: "Promises suck!" he said to John. John looked at the ground and said: "Yeah, they do" Ouch! Blair, that one was for you! I got my first vision of the infamous Fisch today...Woop-D-Doo! I am not impressed although he seemed nice enough. Dorian and Ray are muchos caliente!

Stacy, I missed you today. Without a vision of your bitchy face, my OLTL experience is not the same...

When I was choosing which shows to watch this afternoon, it was a toss up between OLTL (which is hot and exciting) and ATWT (which is an old faithful). My decision was made for me when the first scene of ATWT came on and Liberty and Janet filled my screen. OKAY. I will read about ATWT later....

I am so done, stick a fork in me. Until next time...same bitch time...same bitch channel...