Rehearsal Dinner or Meal of Insults? 4-2-09

I didn't get to discuss AMC yesterday but I did manage to catch some of the eppy. I am happy that Tad and Opal are on J.R.'s side. He's an alcoholic, that does not make him a bad father. And damn if he didn't look good in that country and western button up he had on! Erica and Zach were alone somewhere having another heart to heart about Kendall. My girl J came up with an excellent idea...the people that be at AMC need to pair these together. If Kendall and Zach were considered hot, then Erica and Zach would be sweating! and so would I...As much as I want Kendall and Ryan together, she is pushing him too hard and too fast. Yesterday she demanded that he put a name on their relationship. What are we 16 again? I know I am the only one that thinks this, but the Frankie and Randi story makes me want to stab myself in the eye with the sharpened tip of a #2 pencil. I am glad that Jesse and Angie have Little A (sshole) though, at least they are breaking the rules a little for J.R. I know I would.

GH has been so boring, I find myself dreaming about rearranging my underwear drawer when it is on. But I did manage to learn a couple of things: Robin is going to see Patrick and Elizabeth together and come to the wrong conclusions. Are they wrong though? Johnny and the original blonde bitch are going to break up. For real this time. Then Johnny is going to break him off a piece of the Maximista, causing friction between her and the Jackal. Claudia is going to get knocked up and we will be subject to a "who's the daddy?" storyline. I think we know how this is going to turn out. Sonny is going to find out about Claudia's shenanigans. Will a baby be her only saving grace? Carly has been through a lot and yesterday she saw Micheal's hand move. Rumor has it that she will be knocked up too. I smell a baby switch coming on. Jason and Robin will be getting closer. Let's hope they don't get too close!

I have very little on our Llanview peeps today as our wonderful new Pres pre-empted OLTL until the ass end. When I was able to catch it, all I saw was Gigi crying crocodile tears, or I mean, no tears at all. And the Emmy goes to Farah Fath for her portrayal of the whiniest bitch in town... I am saddened by the news that A. Martinez was canned. He was firing up my screen for me. That is a soap trend that has got to end! Hiring and firing vets in a hot second. Yet, there are wastes of breath and space like Langston and what's his name walking around? I hear that we will still get to see Ray hit the sheets with Dorian. I guess all is not lost after all....

Today was the day of the ever anticipated Chloe and Billy wedding rehearsal dinner. For starters, I didn't see one scrap of food on the table, in hands, or in mouths. The drinks were flowing though. Flowing right into Jill's mouth. The only thing served up at this dinner were insults. Chloe ripped on Jill. Colleen ripped on Chloe. Billy ripped on Sharon. Jill ripped on everyone and everything. After a particularly harsh insult from Chloe to Jill, Ashley said this: "I like this girl a lot!" So do I Ashley, So do I. Chloe's dress and necklace were so cute and thank you hair department for doing her right for a change! Just as Sharon tells Billy that she will not be at the wedding, Chloe comes over and begs her to be her maid of honor. Sharon, the weak one that she is, agrees while Billy shoots daggers at her from afar. Later, everyone is sitting down for the foodless dinner when Sharon begins to beg others to be the maid of honor including Ashley and Colleen. Colleen, speaking up for everyone says this: "No one wants to go to this wedding, especially the groom" I was hoping that Chloe would throw a sharp kitchen knife directly into Colleen's heart, killing her instantly. But alas, Chloe, simply said: You will regret that". Sharon finally had enough and decided to go check on Noah who said he was going to check on Delia. Little did she know that Eden was the babysitter and that she and Noah were trying to squeeze in a little teen lovin. Knock Knock. It's Sharon and she is pissed. Noah apologized for being mean to Sharon earlier, but when she interrupted his makeout session, the mom-bashing continued. Sharon decided to go to the bar and start slamming vodka tonics. Meanwhile, over at the Chancellor mansion, Billy is so uncomfortable, he wants to jump out the window spiderman style and web sling his way to the nearest bar. And of course, he does and ends up at the same bar as Sharon. Billy downed 3 shots of whiskey before he glanced over and saw a lit up Sharon, who smiled at him in an "i wanna sex you up" type fashion. Cut to Sharon's room at the GCAC, a drunken shirtless Billy flies into the room with his tie tied around his head like bandana laughing his ass off. Right behind him is a very scantily clad Sharon who is also laughing her ass off. I was laughing my ass off when Sharon started dancing and yelled out "WOO!" while she drunkenly twirled around in her underwear. Drunk, sober, or insane, that woman looks good! And so does Billy...but I think we all know that. Cane might as well change his name to "the bartender" since everyone is getting in the habit of calling him that. Adam received some kind of letter from Victor and had Rafe read it to him. Victor actually had some nice things to say in this letter and now Adam has a renewed hope of a father-son relationship. Aw, tear...Later, Adam attempts to make friends with Abby who coldly shoots him down. I wish Adam could see Abby's face which basically read like this: "I wish I could douse you with gasoline and set you on fire right now."

B&B was good for the second day in a row. No Rick. No Steffy. No change the channel. Owen started at Jackie M. today just as Stephanie was saying her final goodbyes to her people at Forrester. Of course, Nick wants all the goods on the runnings of Forrester and it's employees. Somehow, this leads to a big discussion about Stephanie and her worth as a business icon. I can see where this is going. Stephanie is going to partner up with Jackie M. and start a fat ass war with the Forresters. This sounds like a pre-view for some old school type B&B! It is about time. Stephanies departing words as she exited Forrester really made me want to cry. If I were her, I would go to the nearest gun shop and buy a grenade. Then, I would push my way into Forrester, pull the pin, and shove that bastard right down Donna's throat. Eric thinks with his penis and always has. As usual, Stephanie will get the last word. I haven't heard a good insult thrown around on B&B lately, so imagine my surprise when Thorne looked at Donna and called her "skinny little waif butt" Donna looked surprised, as if Thorne doesn't crack on her every chance he gets. Hell, that's the only lines he has anymore!

The last time I checked out ATWT, Luke and Noah were arguing over Damien. That was last week. Due to Obama's rude OLTL interruption, I was forced to tune in today and my favorite gay couple were still sitting at the same table having the same argument. In walks the new twins I have heard so much about Tweedle Zee and Tweedle Zum. ATWT always blows the summer teen scene out of proportion and I can see that this year will be no different. I did get a Holden sighting today as his hot ass wasted his breath arguing with hot ass Damien over the worthless bitch nu-Lily. Nu-Lily sucks and so soes her hair. Most of the screen time went to Allison the porn star and nu-Casey. Forgive me if I don't care. Nu-Casey doesn't even look good shirtless, so he could at least pretend to know how to act. Over at Java, Noah stumbles upon Damien who just happens to being laying on the floor with a critical stab wound. Sounds like a set up to me. Damien probobly stabbed himself on purpose to get Luke's attention. It worked. Noah calls Noah and he immediately heads to the hospital to be with Damien. Here is what I found to be curious: When Noah called Luke, Luke announced to the family what was going on. Lily was the first one out the door...suspicious? I concur!

Until next time, same bitch time...same bitch channel...