Although I had a chance to watch Y&R this afternoon, I thought about it later, and I couldn't remember anything. So, I watched again along with all of our other shows and here's what I've got for you:
Y&R: Cane and Lily had an engagement party, or as I like to call it, a foreshadowing fiesta. Lily spit out some crap about how she knows Cane would never lie to her like Daniel did. Cut to Cane looking guilty as sin. Cane then went to the church to pray that everything works out telling God: "You know where I come from." Well sh*t! I'm glad someone does. I will give you one guess what they gave out as parting gifts at the party....You guessed it! Hair extensions and weave. Lily suddenly had long, beautiful flowing locks. So did Olivia, and Tyra, and Colleen...After Cane was finished groveling to God, he went back to the party and had what I can only describe as an awkward intertwining arm wine glass wrestling session with Lily, which I can only assume was meant to be cute. I was pondering something as I watched today's eppy: Are Colleen and Lily having a secret contest to see who can wear the shortest skirt? I'm just asking. Cane sauntered over to Katherine and pulled her to the side for a private convo. He then asked her to take back the inheritance that they had given him. Katherine denied this request, telling Cane to go "brighten up your dingy little bar". Um. In order to do that, he would have to kill Mac and bury her somewhere far, far away so she can never return. Cane then decided to give all the money to charity. That's the only way. Neil cornered Cane and welcomed him to the fold. Cane was feeling overwhelmed and went outside for some Winters-free air when Lily came out wondering what he was doing. He then pulled her into a long, lingering, passionate kiss that made me remember why I find him so damn attractive in the first place. Cane went over to Billy's and asked him to come to the wedding and to bury the hatchet and start over. Billy made a face and left us hanging with no f-ing answer. Jill, Gloria, and Jeffery were still in the Caymans freaking out about their insufficient funds when Jill decided to call Jack for help. Smelling yet another chance to take down Mr. Mumbles, Jack agrees to help even after Jill tells him he has to help Glo and Jeff as well. Three key points about these three: 1. Jill looks great with bangs and a little blonde. 2. Jeffery looked shockingly sexy in that blue polo shirt he's been sporting. 3. Gloria and her shirt are much too loud to be on my screen.
Summary: Jill, gooooooood. Jeffery, goooooood. Gloria, baaaaaaaaaaad.
Jill made me laugh out loud when she told Jeffery and Gloria that she would "get the hell off this island even if I have to swim home!" Adam was lurking around the ranch talking to and playing with himself as usual when Nicholas showed up with package in hand declaring it was on the porch with Adam's name on it. After some snappy remarks about what was actually in the damn box, Adam fed Nick some bull about the contents of the box being braille crap for his braille computer. He used a guilt trip on Nick and told him to get the hell out. Nick threw the box on the counter and left. Adam opened the box and inside was what I assumed to be either spy gear or surround sound. Whatever the hell it is, I'm sure its sole purpose is to scare the sh*t out of Ashley. I saw a preview in which the baby recorder was playing and Victor was looking at his blackberry in horror. Billy spent today's eppy doing the same thing he did on yesterday's eppy: Got drunk at Jimmy's while staring lustfully at Monotone Mac's flat white girl ass. Jack was off somewhere with Sharon when Chloe called him in a panic, requesting that he drag Billy's drunk horny ass home to her and Delia. Jack did go to the bar and try to talk to Billy about committment and love, yada yada yada. Jack eluded to the fact that Sharon is with child and that he was happy to have a second chance and Billy responded by saying this: "You're just a strange man, Jack." Jack got frustrated and left and Monotone Mac asked him if he "had enough?" to which Billy responded "Nope. Not yet." Sharon had a series of flashbacks of her and Billy getting drunk and talking about relationships. Mary Jane has gone loco! It is official. She tricked Phyllis away from Nick today and then tricked both Sharon and Nick into accidentally on purpose running into eachother. I guess that bitch can do magic too, because Sharon just happened to get a giant case of morning sickness in Nick's presence. Looks like Phyllis is starting to suspect Mary Jane's sanity. Here's hoping that she uses some of that crazy to her advantage while she has the chance. The Winters clan were all gathered at the engagement party having a splendid time when TKO Karen showed up, divorce papers in hand. At the same time, Ana somehow got lost in Olivia's giant "poof" of weave and panic rang out throughout the club...OK. That last part didn't happen. Anyway. Karen came strolling in at the same time that Tyra, America's Next Top Homewrecker, and Neil started dancing. Neil scrambled to spit some b.s. at Karen who told him to "just sign the damn papers". Before I could yell "punch that bastard again!" at the television, she was gone.
SPOILERS: Cane is a fraud. Tyra is a fraud and has been hiding it from Devon, Neil and Ana. Paul's suspicions of Mary Jane will become stronger so he will start to investigate her. Sharon and Billy's affair will finally be exposed. Jack will still want to raise the baby. I see an Abbott v. Abbott bro-war over the "baby mama" comin our way. Victor will hire a shrink for Ashley, proving he has no faith in her at all. Phyllis will tell Nick that she wants Sharon out of there lives for good. Nick will then make a bee line for Sharon, pull her into a passionate kiss and tell her he is divorcing Phyllis for real this time. The Chancellors and Abbotts and will cohost a BBQ and Raul will crash it and surprise everyone, especially Billy, by kissing Monotone Mac. It will come out that Raul and Mac were engaged post-Billy. Billy, of course, will be pissed. Chloe will see this and move back in with Esther, taking Delia with her.
AMC: David, reeling over the news about Marissa and Ian's surgery, went to Adam's to confront him. Adam told David he owed for everything he had done for David. David attempted to connect with little Adam who rejected his love. J.R. told David to leave and just leave the boy alone. Marissa forgave Krystal but stated that she was still pissed. Ryan and Fabio argued. Kendall cried. Stuart was on today and he had a nice father-son convo with Scott. I predict that someone will mistake Stuart for Adam and shoot him instead. J.R. later pulled out a gun and showed Scott, telling him that he would take care of Adam himself. Ian flatlined and David said he most likely wouldn't make it through the night. Kendall cried.
SPOILERS: Kendall will be a suspect in the Adam/Stuart shooting. Ryan will take her out of town and Fabio will cover their asses. Kendall will question Erica's role in the shooting, if any, and her guilt, if any. Liza has a secret and Fabio knows what it is. She will confide in Jake. Kendall will turn to Fabio for comfort. Translation: Hot Kendall and Fabio sex coming our way! Fabio will then run into Annie as she tries to get to Emma.
OLTL: Hope's body was exhumed today as Cole and Starr were at the prom reminiscing about the good 'ol times. Marcy, the desperate needy tart that she is, showed up at the grave site as if her presence was going to change anything or be of any forensic value to the Medical Examiner. I just want to say that I am sh*tty that Kristen Alderson and Brandon Buddy were RUDELY overlooked for the Daytime Emmys. Langston and Marrko were both feeling the nerves of virginity breaking, but they quickly became sidetracked when it became painfully obvious that a loud and boisterous Lola was high on drugs. The couple offered to drop Lola off at home before going off to the dirty debut. Lola declined the offer telling them to go have a good time on their special night, followed by "Don't get knocked up, okay?" Marrko and Langston went off to do it, said some cheesy crap, looked at eachother longingly and then that was it. Guess we have to wait til tomorrow to see the rest. Lola somehow managed to make it back to Dorians and after flying into Dorian's bedroom finding Ray and Dorian doing the hispanic horizontal their damn selves. Lola yelled out: "Are you two having sex? What's up with all the sex? Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex!" Um. Need something, Lola? John made a long awaited appearance today in a straight jacket. Even without arm capabilities, the man was able to head butt two cronies. But afterward, he seemed to realize that he still has no access to his arms. Over at the frat house, Todd was tied to the bed posts spread eagle while the ladies remained tied to chairs and gagged. Todd, even facing death, could not shut his pie hole and continued to enrage Powell more.
SPOILERS: Marty will get her complete memory back and finally reunite with Cole the way should have in the damn first place. Chloe will come up missing. I assume Lasso Boy (Kyle) will kidnap her. Jessica will become suspicious of Natalie and Jared. Kyle will turn the tables and get the upper hand over Stacy. Viki will realize something is going on with Jess/Bess.
I have not been able to watch GH but I do have some spoilers for you:
As we all know, Michael will wake up on tomorrow's eppy. Jason will pressure everyone to keep the deets of his shooting from Michael. Michael will be pissed at Carly and move in with Sonny prompting Carly to move in with Sonny as well. As Michael remains bitter towards Carly, Carly will become bitter towards Jax. Johnny and Olivia will start their torrid affair. OK. I'm willing to watch that. Claudia will find out and confront Olivia. Jason will get closer to Sam. Tracy makes a confession to Lulu and then learns Holly's true motives.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Blind Bracelet Slippage & Condom Poking 5-12-09
Y&R was mad with the creepy factor today as Jack decided to break things off with Mary Jane. She was obviously stunned, saying she couldn't believe Jack would re-wreck his reputation by taking back his "klepto wife". Mary Jane quickly recovered told Jack she would see him at work and promptly kicked his ass out of her room. She made a series of facial expressions after the door closed behind him that made me think that this may be the beginning of the end for my favorite misunderstood heroine, Sharon. Phyllis and Nicholas were having lunch at the club and Jack and Sharon arrived. Phyllis and Nicholas both registered shock and awe at the news that Sharon would be moving back in with Jack, for very different reasons of course. Later, Phyllis cornered Sharon and asked her what the hell was really going on. Sharon stayed mum of course. Phyllis and Mary Jane hooked up at the bar and discussed the possibilities....Amber and Daniel were still celebrating from the big art sale but all I noticed was that Amber was grunting a lot. Random and odd. Mr. FBI asked Daniel to speak in private and asked him to paint a forgery to trick some art theives. Then he told Daniel to keep it a secret from Amber. Amber, The Nosy One, asked him about the convo and Daniel sidetracked her with some PDA which she followed up by tickling him and grunting some more. Adam and Rafe had a nice discussion, or pity party, for Adam and the Rafe decided to go and confront Victor. Victor brushed him off with Mr. Mumbles style and promptly kicked him out. Ashley went to Adam and they made friends. Tsk, Tsk Ashley. Is it just me or does Ashley Abbott have a fetish for homicidal maniacs? Do the research, you shall see. Anyway, while Ashley was downstairs tooting Adam's horn to Victor, Adam was upstairs having a series of flashbacks that showcase the fact that he has been fasting for months. After the flashbacks, Adam slipped off his bracelet, crammed his shoes on his feet and promptly jumped out of the damn window. Adam went creeping into the garden, past the creepy Sabrina statue and then dug a voice recorder out of the ground. He pushed play and a baby started crying. So now we know for sure. We all knew it was Adam, we just weren't sure how. Paul proposed to Nikki, who got scared and ran away. After having a heart to heart with Katherine, Nikki found Paul and accepted his proposal with an ice cream cone. After this scene, I was sold. I am totally 100% invested in this relationship and I am not ashamed to admit it.
All 19 minutes of today's epidode was devoted to hotties Bill and Owen. Don Diamont made his first appearance as Bill Jr. and DAMN! I can tell he has been working out and the goatee thing might just work out for me after all. Bill Jr. worked with Stephanie to set up her podcast and she started it off with a bang calling it the start of her "life after Donna". Owen gave Bridget relationship advice. Bridget was wearing a very cute pink coat. Owen realized that he might actually have feelings Bridget and I think he went over to Jackie's to tell her so. Jackie was in the bathtub and she told him to get naked and get in there with her. Owen tried to resist, but Jackie was having none of it. I stopped paying attention after that because I found myself concentrating more on Jackie's hair, or whatever it is, more than anything else.
OLTL was full of good laughs today. Natalie and Jared were both having there bachelor parties today and right before Jared's, the stripper that Rex hired called and cancelled. Rex proved once again that he is the biggest idiot on daytime television when he looked at Stacy in a panick and said this: "Where the hell am I going to find a stripper in a half an hour?" Stacy, being the good little skank that she is, volunteered and put on her best clown face for the occasion. At the party, I was appalled not at Stacy jumping out of the cake, but at the fact that she did to my favorite Keri Hilson song. Stacy the Skank then, ignoring the groom, slithered over to Rex and shimmied all up on him for a hot minute or two. All the while, Rex did what he always does when Stacy is that close to him, looked like he wanted to wretch all over the damn place. It finally dawned on Stacy that it might be a good idea to pretend that she was there for Jared and she went on over there and kissed him on the forehead. Meanwhile, over at Natalie's party, the male stripper shows up to perform only to be lured away by Kyle with the promise of more money. The stripper music started and who should come out but Kyle his damn self, dressed in some chaps and a cowboy hat. Kyle, who shall now be called Lasso Boy for obvious reasons, proceed to shake his groove thing causing all the women in Llanview to fall to the floor after massive coronaries. Kyle then lassoed Natalie which was sexy in its in own right. Later Natalie cornered him and assured him he would get his damn money. Starr and Langston were having one of their sisterly convos when the topic turned to birth control. Starr became uncomfortable and offered to do Langston's hair. As they ran off to play beauty salon, Lola entered and stole the french jimmy case that Dorian gave Langston and before I could yell "not another teen pregnancy!", she was poking holes in the damn condoms while talking to herself on Myface. What an idiotic rip off of a social website name. Anyway, Langston looked really cute and I am actually excited to see how this is going to play out. Dorian called Marrko out on Operation Deflower and assured him that as long as he and Langston were safe, she was on board. Tomorrow is the big start of the prom. I won't be able to watch tomorrow's eppy at it's original time because my daughter is doing a Pussy Cat Dolls show herself, in the form of the Hoedown Throwdown.
Short blog today but it's all good. I'll bitch at you later...some bitch time...some bitch channel...
All 19 minutes of today's epidode was devoted to hotties Bill and Owen. Don Diamont made his first appearance as Bill Jr. and DAMN! I can tell he has been working out and the goatee thing might just work out for me after all. Bill Jr. worked with Stephanie to set up her podcast and she started it off with a bang calling it the start of her "life after Donna". Owen gave Bridget relationship advice. Bridget was wearing a very cute pink coat. Owen realized that he might actually have feelings Bridget and I think he went over to Jackie's to tell her so. Jackie was in the bathtub and she told him to get naked and get in there with her. Owen tried to resist, but Jackie was having none of it. I stopped paying attention after that because I found myself concentrating more on Jackie's hair, or whatever it is, more than anything else.
OLTL was full of good laughs today. Natalie and Jared were both having there bachelor parties today and right before Jared's, the stripper that Rex hired called and cancelled. Rex proved once again that he is the biggest idiot on daytime television when he looked at Stacy in a panick and said this: "Where the hell am I going to find a stripper in a half an hour?" Stacy, being the good little skank that she is, volunteered and put on her best clown face for the occasion. At the party, I was appalled not at Stacy jumping out of the cake, but at the fact that she did to my favorite Keri Hilson song. Stacy the Skank then, ignoring the groom, slithered over to Rex and shimmied all up on him for a hot minute or two. All the while, Rex did what he always does when Stacy is that close to him, looked like he wanted to wretch all over the damn place. It finally dawned on Stacy that it might be a good idea to pretend that she was there for Jared and she went on over there and kissed him on the forehead. Meanwhile, over at Natalie's party, the male stripper shows up to perform only to be lured away by Kyle with the promise of more money. The stripper music started and who should come out but Kyle his damn self, dressed in some chaps and a cowboy hat. Kyle, who shall now be called Lasso Boy for obvious reasons, proceed to shake his groove thing causing all the women in Llanview to fall to the floor after massive coronaries. Kyle then lassoed Natalie which was sexy in its in own right. Later Natalie cornered him and assured him he would get his damn money. Starr and Langston were having one of their sisterly convos when the topic turned to birth control. Starr became uncomfortable and offered to do Langston's hair. As they ran off to play beauty salon, Lola entered and stole the french jimmy case that Dorian gave Langston and before I could yell "not another teen pregnancy!", she was poking holes in the damn condoms while talking to herself on Myface. What an idiotic rip off of a social website name. Anyway, Langston looked really cute and I am actually excited to see how this is going to play out. Dorian called Marrko out on Operation Deflower and assured him that as long as he and Langston were safe, she was on board. Tomorrow is the big start of the prom. I won't be able to watch tomorrow's eppy at it's original time because my daughter is doing a Pussy Cat Dolls show herself, in the form of the Hoedown Throwdown.
Short blog today but it's all good. I'll bitch at you later...some bitch time...some bitch channel...
One Hell of an Acid Trip and French Condoms 5-12-09
Y&R started yesterday with Adam stabbing himself in the eye with the hypo full of botox. The doctor proceeded to begin his examination, and Adam told him that the Doctor would know all his secrets once he shined the light in his eyes. However, the clueless doctor informed Victor that Adam's condition was worsening. Later, Rafe came by and Adam was frantically looking for the box containing the botox hypo. Downstairs, Hagatha the Housekeeper was telling Ashley that getting rid of her wouldn't stop what ever crazy sh*t was going on in Ashley's head. I wonder who stole the hypo from the botox box? Ashley, Victor, or someone else? Chloe and Lily continued their verbal catfight with Lily pointing out that Chloe is the only one that is in a "soulless marriage". Cane slammed Chloe later, pointing out that marriage is her choice weapon of destruction. Wonder Dad Billy stopped sniffing up Mac's you-know-what long enough to go get Delia from an ailing nanny. At the art show, Daniel was stunned at the amount of the check that he received from the FBI Agent/Art Buyer. When it suddenly occurred to him just how successful the show had actually been, he scooped Jana up, bestowing her with compliments. For a hot second, I thought they were going to kiss. I happen to know that if you were dreaming of a Jana/Daniel/Amber/Kevin sex-a-thon, you can keep dreaming. The PTB are happy with our favorite foursome. Thank god for small favors. I do hear that others will be involved in their relationships; however, nothing earth shattering will come of it.
Amber and Kevin were over at Katherine's getting the verbal bitch slap from Jill and the Governor. Jill and Katherine went off to another room to argue and Kevin and Amber were banished to the outside, waiting for news of their fate. Murphy and the Governor stayed behind, reminiscing about their time in Vietnam, respectfully. Murphy whipped out some old school war heat and presented it the Governor as a gift. I forgot to mention that Jill took the Governor away for a "private" converation and when they returned, Jill was reapplying her lip gloss and the Governor's idiot ass was grinning the good grin. Regardless of what happened behind closed doors, the Governor granted Kevin and Amber clemency and the duo met up with Daniel and Jana and they had a big "hooray for us" party. Jill's face crashed when the Governor made his decision and she said: "You're doing what!?" Kevin asked Amber if she knew that Jill was a bitch. Um. News flash Kev! We ALL know that.
SPOILERS:
Word has it that Melody Thomas Scott is going to be put on recurring status because the show cannot afford to pay her ass anymore. I'm thinking this is not the best idea. Rafe will confront Victor on his treatment of Hagatha the Housekeeper and Adam the Botox Baby. Sharon will move back into the Abbott mansion, prompting Jack to tell Mary Jane that whatever they started is already over. Mary Jane will act nonchalant, but inside she will be seething and therefore, plotting and scheming. I say bring on the crazy! Sharon moving in with Jack is going to make Phyllis suspicious and she will ask Sharon what the hell is really going on. Nina is going to turn Katherine's memoirs into a movie. I, for one, cannot wait for the sh*t to hit the fan when Jill finds out. My predicition, although vague, will come true. The FBI Agent will ask Daniel to help him nap some art thieves. This storyline better be worth it or I am going to be pissed the hell off. It was only a couple of years ago when we forced to deal with the Brad is George debale and all the art b.s. that followed. Colleen will spill Newman secrets to Jack. Ashley will befriend Adam. Oh snap! Prediction Time! Adam and Ashley will have an affair and Victor will catch them in the act, causing Victor to blow up the whole damn town. OK. Maybe it's not going to go down exactly like that, but you get my drift. Billy will continue to be obsessed over Mac. I can't wait until she gives in and he gets what he wants. I predict he will go running back to Chloe once the conquest is over. Nick will "be there" for Sharon. AGAIN. I am sure that the Red Headed She Devil will be just pleased as punch. Daniel will attempt to keep his snitchin a secret from Amber. Um. Good luck with that.
On B&B yesterday, Rick was kissing Steffy's ass and she was being a bitch to him when he decided to tell her he was taking a vow of celibacy. He was lying of course. Rick was just trying to get in her pants again. Taylor opened her big collagen filled lips and spilled the invalid marriage beans. Bizarro Ken and Mega Slut Barbie decided the best thing to do right then and there was to go have hot, steamy, angry sex in his office. I must admit this actually made me uncomfortable. I have been watching these two go at it almost all my life and I felt like I needed to leave my own living room. Look for Don Diamont to break bad on today's eppy!
SPOILERS:
Stephanie publishes a webcast entitled "The Logan Chronicles". This will most definately prove to be filled with slandering verbal bitch slaps for all Logans in the immediate vicinity. Rick will put on some b.s. tribute to Phoebe which will score him more booty points with Steffy. Then Rick will give Steffy some sort of gift that will cause Ridge to freak the hell out. Looks like this sh*t isn't going away anytime soon. Bill and Donna will meet and sparks will fly. Whip is definately returning!
I only caught half of yesterday's eppy of AMC, but here's what I saw:
David was bitching and arguing with anyone and everyone that was standing by him and Zach, (who shall now be called Fabio until he gets a damn haircut), came running in telling him to get his ass to the hospital and save Ian. Ryan showed up, looking yummy I might add, and Fabio yelled at him too. Annie was on a mission and although I knew she was going to restrain Aidan in some way, I had no idea that she was going to knock his australian ass down the stairs. She then tied him to a pole and said: "I love you, but I gotta go." He tried to convince her to untie him, but she left his ass there. Krystal's hair looked really cute while she sat and talked to Babe's grave. Forgive me people, but does that sh*t really happen? Regardless, Marissa overheard and wanted to know what the big secret was. The heart valve inventor committed suicide and more of Adam's foes began to gather at the mansion.
On OLTL yesterday, Bo told Nora that he wanted to kiss her the day that Marcie caught them in the parking lot. Nora and Bo decided to just remain friends and as they embraced, Clint walked in and started to behave like my four year old, or worse. I have some new squish names for this trio: Bora and Blintz, for obvious reasons. Langston and Starr were hanging out in the foyer again when Langston loudly announced that she and Marrko were going to go all the way. Dorian overheard and after a shouting match, conceded to what she could not stop and slipped Lang some jimmy hats from France, complete with fancy carrying case. Marrko was at the drug store having many conversations regarding rubbers, condoms, breath mints, and galoshes with the church lady and Cole. Powell and Rebecca, the creepy crazies, are in there own little world and Jack can see through the b.s. he told Starr he loved her over the phone which prompted Starr to figure out that something bad must be going on over at Todd's.
SPOILERS:
Natalie will assure Kyle that he will get his $100,000 to keep his damn mouth shut. After Stacy busts out of the cake at Jared's bachelor party, she will give Rex a private dance and Gigi will get super pissed. I bet you $5 she won't do a damn thing about it so who gives a sh*t? Cole and Starr will go to the prom together. Lola will drop some acid at the prom festivities. Here's hoping for some half assed camera effects.
On GH yesterday, Michael started crashing and everyone else started freaking out, understandably. Tracy was freaking out somewhere else over Lulu and Ethan's obvious attraction for one another. Maxie and Spinelli continue to search for Kate, um, I mean the Crimson traitor. Jason was on the rooftop clearing his head when Sam, the magically appearing whore, suddenly appeared on the rooftop as well. Jason cried on Sam's shoulder about Michael and then we were treated to what we have all been waiting for. Oh. No. That didn't happen. What did happen? Not a g*d damn thing! 5 minutes of my life-GONE.
SPOILERS:
Claudia will lose her baby and spill the beans about everyone's involvement in the cover up. To me this translates into: Sonny is about to be one angry mutha and everyone in Port Charles better run and hide. Fast. Molly will be aged and recast and rumor has it that she will have an inappropriate relationship with Ric before he leaves for B&B and greener pastures. Johnny and Olivia are going to start doing the shag nasty in our very immediate future. This whole build up for Luke and Ethan has all been for nothing. They are not father and son. The Mayor will hire Spam to spy on his wife because he believes that old-Lily is cheating on him.
OMG Finally! I am done. Til whenever peeps, I got finals this week. Some bitch time...some bitch channel....
Amber and Kevin were over at Katherine's getting the verbal bitch slap from Jill and the Governor. Jill and Katherine went off to another room to argue and Kevin and Amber were banished to the outside, waiting for news of their fate. Murphy and the Governor stayed behind, reminiscing about their time in Vietnam, respectfully. Murphy whipped out some old school war heat and presented it the Governor as a gift. I forgot to mention that Jill took the Governor away for a "private" converation and when they returned, Jill was reapplying her lip gloss and the Governor's idiot ass was grinning the good grin. Regardless of what happened behind closed doors, the Governor granted Kevin and Amber clemency and the duo met up with Daniel and Jana and they had a big "hooray for us" party. Jill's face crashed when the Governor made his decision and she said: "You're doing what!?" Kevin asked Amber if she knew that Jill was a bitch. Um. News flash Kev! We ALL know that.
SPOILERS:
Word has it that Melody Thomas Scott is going to be put on recurring status because the show cannot afford to pay her ass anymore. I'm thinking this is not the best idea. Rafe will confront Victor on his treatment of Hagatha the Housekeeper and Adam the Botox Baby. Sharon will move back into the Abbott mansion, prompting Jack to tell Mary Jane that whatever they started is already over. Mary Jane will act nonchalant, but inside she will be seething and therefore, plotting and scheming. I say bring on the crazy! Sharon moving in with Jack is going to make Phyllis suspicious and she will ask Sharon what the hell is really going on. Nina is going to turn Katherine's memoirs into a movie. I, for one, cannot wait for the sh*t to hit the fan when Jill finds out. My predicition, although vague, will come true. The FBI Agent will ask Daniel to help him nap some art thieves. This storyline better be worth it or I am going to be pissed the hell off. It was only a couple of years ago when we forced to deal with the Brad is George debale and all the art b.s. that followed. Colleen will spill Newman secrets to Jack. Ashley will befriend Adam. Oh snap! Prediction Time! Adam and Ashley will have an affair and Victor will catch them in the act, causing Victor to blow up the whole damn town. OK. Maybe it's not going to go down exactly like that, but you get my drift. Billy will continue to be obsessed over Mac. I can't wait until she gives in and he gets what he wants. I predict he will go running back to Chloe once the conquest is over. Nick will "be there" for Sharon. AGAIN. I am sure that the Red Headed She Devil will be just pleased as punch. Daniel will attempt to keep his snitchin a secret from Amber. Um. Good luck with that.
On B&B yesterday, Rick was kissing Steffy's ass and she was being a bitch to him when he decided to tell her he was taking a vow of celibacy. He was lying of course. Rick was just trying to get in her pants again. Taylor opened her big collagen filled lips and spilled the invalid marriage beans. Bizarro Ken and Mega Slut Barbie decided the best thing to do right then and there was to go have hot, steamy, angry sex in his office. I must admit this actually made me uncomfortable. I have been watching these two go at it almost all my life and I felt like I needed to leave my own living room. Look for Don Diamont to break bad on today's eppy!
SPOILERS:
Stephanie publishes a webcast entitled "The Logan Chronicles". This will most definately prove to be filled with slandering verbal bitch slaps for all Logans in the immediate vicinity. Rick will put on some b.s. tribute to Phoebe which will score him more booty points with Steffy. Then Rick will give Steffy some sort of gift that will cause Ridge to freak the hell out. Looks like this sh*t isn't going away anytime soon. Bill and Donna will meet and sparks will fly. Whip is definately returning!
I only caught half of yesterday's eppy of AMC, but here's what I saw:
David was bitching and arguing with anyone and everyone that was standing by him and Zach, (who shall now be called Fabio until he gets a damn haircut), came running in telling him to get his ass to the hospital and save Ian. Ryan showed up, looking yummy I might add, and Fabio yelled at him too. Annie was on a mission and although I knew she was going to restrain Aidan in some way, I had no idea that she was going to knock his australian ass down the stairs. She then tied him to a pole and said: "I love you, but I gotta go." He tried to convince her to untie him, but she left his ass there. Krystal's hair looked really cute while she sat and talked to Babe's grave. Forgive me people, but does that sh*t really happen? Regardless, Marissa overheard and wanted to know what the big secret was. The heart valve inventor committed suicide and more of Adam's foes began to gather at the mansion.
On OLTL yesterday, Bo told Nora that he wanted to kiss her the day that Marcie caught them in the parking lot. Nora and Bo decided to just remain friends and as they embraced, Clint walked in and started to behave like my four year old, or worse. I have some new squish names for this trio: Bora and Blintz, for obvious reasons. Langston and Starr were hanging out in the foyer again when Langston loudly announced that she and Marrko were going to go all the way. Dorian overheard and after a shouting match, conceded to what she could not stop and slipped Lang some jimmy hats from France, complete with fancy carrying case. Marrko was at the drug store having many conversations regarding rubbers, condoms, breath mints, and galoshes with the church lady and Cole. Powell and Rebecca, the creepy crazies, are in there own little world and Jack can see through the b.s. he told Starr he loved her over the phone which prompted Starr to figure out that something bad must be going on over at Todd's.
SPOILERS:
Natalie will assure Kyle that he will get his $100,000 to keep his damn mouth shut. After Stacy busts out of the cake at Jared's bachelor party, she will give Rex a private dance and Gigi will get super pissed. I bet you $5 she won't do a damn thing about it so who gives a sh*t? Cole and Starr will go to the prom together. Lola will drop some acid at the prom festivities. Here's hoping for some half assed camera effects.
On GH yesterday, Michael started crashing and everyone else started freaking out, understandably. Tracy was freaking out somewhere else over Lulu and Ethan's obvious attraction for one another. Maxie and Spinelli continue to search for Kate, um, I mean the Crimson traitor. Jason was on the rooftop clearing his head when Sam, the magically appearing whore, suddenly appeared on the rooftop as well. Jason cried on Sam's shoulder about Michael and then we were treated to what we have all been waiting for. Oh. No. That didn't happen. What did happen? Not a g*d damn thing! 5 minutes of my life-GONE.
SPOILERS:
Claudia will lose her baby and spill the beans about everyone's involvement in the cover up. To me this translates into: Sonny is about to be one angry mutha and everyone in Port Charles better run and hide. Fast. Molly will be aged and recast and rumor has it that she will have an inappropriate relationship with Ric before he leaves for B&B and greener pastures. Johnny and Olivia are going to start doing the shag nasty in our very immediate future. This whole build up for Luke and Ethan has all been for nothing. They are not father and son. The Mayor will hire Spam to spy on his wife because he believes that old-Lily is cheating on him.
OMG Finally! I am done. Til whenever peeps, I got finals this week. Some bitch time...some bitch channel....
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Let's Make Misery Look Fabulous 5-9-09
I have had the opportunity to view about 10 minutes of Monday's eppy of Y&R so here's what I got:
The 60's photo shoot continues and Lily and Cane both continue to grow agitated. Finally, Lily says she is done but Nikki talks her back into doing the rest of the shoot. Chloe pulled some zingers out of her fashionable little cap, telling Lily to go ahead and "have your diva moment". A few moments later, Chloe told Cane that "this thing is going to print like yesterday" and politely (or not) asked him to get "Miss Whiny Whinerson" to cooperate. Hilarious! The photo shoot actually went quite well once Lily stopped bitching because Daniel Goddard is a delicious piece of eye candy. Billy went to get a burger at Jimmy's. Guess there's no McDonalds or In and Out in those "parts". After flirting with Monotone Mac for a while and getting no where, Billy grabbed Delia and headed to the photoshoot. The photoshoot ended and Chloe was standing there fiddling with something random in order to look busy when Lily walked up and told Chloe that she was sure Chloe thought she would crash and burn. Chloe said this in response: "Okay Lily! Since you need so much ego boosting..." At the end of the clip, Monotone Mac dressed in all black showed up at the photoshoot. I find this amusing because she has absolutely no reason to be there.
SPOILERS: Neil gives Lily Dru's old wedding dress for her wedding. The wedding is on the 15th. Devon will be taking old Ashley from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Karen will show up. Victor will lie about his acceptance of Nikki's marriage to Paul.
Prediction Alert!- I have a feeling that Daniel's snitch storyline and Cane's hidden past storyline will intertwine somehow. I ponder if this is another storyline about stolen art?
GH SPOILERS: As we all know, Michael's surgery will be a success and he will finally wake up. Lulu will be the one he wakes up to. I find this to be quite random. Tracy tries to keep Ethan and Luke from figuring out what's up. Did she switch the DNA results? I am guessing that's an affirmative and that fake-but-real Aussie Ethan is really a Spencer after all. The Crimson scandal will bring Maxie and Spin right back to Kate at Crimson and Maxie will most likely lose her damn job anyway! Obviously this has a lot to do with the actress playing Kate being put on recurring. Patrick gives Carly more bad news and then later passes out in Jax's arms. Holly, who I am guessing we are supposed to believe is Ethan's mom.
OLTL SPOILERS: After knocking out half of Llanview with the anthrax envelopes, Powell takes Todd, Tea, Blair, and Marty to the frat house and ties Todd up to a bed. It turns out that Powell doesn't really want revenge against Marty. However, he does want to get revenge on Todd for hurting Marty. Powell tries to get one of the women to kill Todd. Tea volunteers. Of course she does! That chics got some balls! Marty, who doesn't have any memory remember, uses her power of psychological persuasion to talk Powell down. No word on whether or not the dumb bitch succeeds. Jared and Natalie will elope on 5/13.
Rumor Buster: Lots of talk about Brandon Buddy leaving. Let's not panic or go manic! My girl J assures me that all is well in contract land!
B&B SPOILERS: The PTB must be keeping tight lips on spoilers this week because I am seriously lacking! What I do know is that Stephanie will hook up with a newly buff old-Brad-nu Bill Jr. for some scheming of some sort. Owen and Bridget hit the sack. Owen and Jackie hit the sack. Stephanie does an Eric bashing podcast! Taylor let's it slip that Mega Slut and Bizarro Ken's wedding is invalid.
AMC SPOILERS: Annie's crazy ass will return with an Emma stealing scheme. Aidan will try to stop her only to have her turn on him and tie her to a chair. When she arrives, Emma happens to be over at Little A(sshole)'s house for a playdate. All hell is breaking lose as all Adam's foes come for justice armed to the teeth. Annie shows up packing heat her damn self. Adam will be shot. Krystal will be forced to tell Marissa the truth about her parentage. Opal will have a vision of a bloodied and wounded Ryan. Angie and Jake will form an alliance to save Ian's life.
I have posted both Cane and Lily's previous wedding photos for your viewing pleasure. Cane wasn't even at his wedding to Amber. Alison posed as a man with a very bad moustache. Lily was present at her wedding to Daniel, however, Christel Khalil did not play the part at that time.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Murphy Goes Fishing 5-8-09
Y&R began with Adam and Heather laying in bed sharing pillow talk when Heather caught a case of naughtitis. She talked Adam into raiding Victor's liquor cabinet. Victor and Ashley were carrying on yet another boring intolerable conversation when Hagatha the Housekeeper came running in screaming about prowlers. Of course, there were no prowlers. It was Adam and Heather! When Victor's eyes fell upon Heather, he was enraged and quickly told Heather to get the hell out. Then he told Adam that he wished he would have left his ass in prison. What I found to be the most interesting part of this storyline was that Heather, standing in her underwear, challenged Victor as if she had lost her common sense. Victor mumbled some utterances and Heather went to change. On her way out, Heather stopped to once again argue with Victor when he stopped her in midsentence to say this: "If you won't leave, Ms. Stevens, I will eject you myself." Heather quickly tucked tail and left. After Heather's grand exit, Adam came in the room and told Ashley that the Newman Ranch was her prison too, followed by this: "Welcome to cell block 5." Ashley ran off to be crazy in some other part of the house and Victor stayed behind and spied on Adam. After a few choice words between father and son, Victor stayed quiet and got in Adam's face. Adam, of course, had a reaction because he can SEE! The specialist finally showed up and Adam, fumbling may I add, grabbed a syringe of botox from under the bed. That's where everyone keeps their liquid plastic surgery. Adam then proceeded to jam the damn hypo in his eye. Some say creepy, I say very entertaining. Ashley came back to the 'main' room alone and discovered that Sabrina's sonogram picture had been slipped under the door. Just as I was about to be convinced of Adam's innocence, the cameras cut to him climbing back in the damn window. Shame. Shame. Victor assumed Hagatha the Housekeeper was behind the photo slippage and banned her from working at the ranch; banishing her to Newman as if that was an actual form of punishment. Over at Restless Style, Chloe was actually working, and Phyllis and Nikki were actually listening to her, for once. The ladies decided to turn their wedding issue into a 60's themed wedding-mock-a-thon and Nikki asked Cane and Lily if they could not only be in the photoshoot, but to also provide their home in which to do it. Long story short: Cane and Lily were not happy about the idea and agreed to do it anyway. Cane looked hot. Nikki instructed Cane to pretend to drop Lily in a fake puddle of dog piss. Lily bitched. Nikki clambered for answers. Lily bitched some more. Cane slipped in fake piss resulting in him falling on his ass and dropping Lily while he was at it. While all this broohaha was going down, Phyllis was confiding in Miss Piggy, I mean Nikki, about the current status of her marriage. Nikki said some comforting words that I am sure she didn't mean and the heartfelt scene was over. Like that. Katherine set up a nice formal dinner at the Chancellor Estate for the Governor in hopes that she could convince him to drop the charges against Amber and Kevin. Jill seemed to accept this and went on her merry way; but not before Murphy returned from his fishing trip. Jill was insulting my Murphy but, alas, he was able to pull two big ass dead fish out of his pail and shove them in the bitch's face. The governor arrived and Jill tried to convince him that Kevin and Amber were evil and deserved to be punished. Katherine became so enraged she told Jill not to say another word, then, just in case she didn't hear her the first time, Katherine told Jill not to say another word again. Amber and Kevin showed up dressed to the nines. However, they both looked shocked and a little scared when they saw that Jill was in attendance. While Kevin and Amber were hamming it up with the governor, Daniel and Jana were at Daniels new art show. Daniel was feeling sorry for himself because Amber is more successful and Jana was there to stroke his boyish ego. Note to Daniel: GET OVER IT! Later, an FBI agent entered the gallery and bought up all Daniel's art. Does this twisted snitch storyline have something to do with Cane's twisted past? Hmmmmm. I ponder. On the previews for Monday's eppy, I witnessed Jill say these tantalizing words: "You are too old and too slow to do battle." This should come as no surprise, but she was speaking to Katherine. I imagine it will be the wrong thing to say. On B&B today, Taylor yelled at Brooke. Brooke yelled at Taylor. Ridge stood around looking like an idiot. Rick yelled. Thomas yelled. Steffy and Marcus were hanging out at the Forrester rooftop gym and Rick showed up wanting to grovel to Steffy some more. Marcus threatened Rick. Steffy dissed and dismissed Rick, AGAIN. The rest of the eppy was filled with more yelling by who? You guessed it, Brooke and Taylor. I was just starting to think that I could probobly find something more ineresting to do at 1:30p.m. Monday-Friday. OLTL was a half and half. Half filled with smart ass teenagers with bad attitudes and the whole "operation deflower" debacle. The other half was filled with Todd, Tea, Marty, Blair, and John all injesting Anthrax. Michael Easton proved that he could be more than just an asshole cop; although, my girl J and I were expecting him to bare his old fangs from Port Charles. Powell kicked Marty. Rebecca is psycho, which I guess is the whole point. Bo and Cole saw one another for the first time since the accident. Cole apologized and asked Nora and Bo for help with discovering the truth about the baby he had with Starr. The best part of today's eppy? NO GIGI. This blog entry sucks because I am in a bad mood and I am very busy. I shall be posting a more in depth Recap, Spoilers, and Rumors blog entry at some point tomorrow. Until then... same bitch time....same bitch channel..come to think of it, same bitch....
Please check out my new youtube video for shits and gigs!
Please check out my new youtube video for shits and gigs!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Mr. Mumbles 5-7-09
Once again I have already blogged about today's eppy of Y&R and once again I failed to mention some key points. Nick stopped over at Victor's to accept his job offer. As he passed Adam in the living room, we were privy to this little convo:
Adam: "Oh Nick. You're just in time. I was just going upstairs."
Nick: "Oh? Don't let me stop you."
Adam is up to NO good as it is perfectly clear to me that he can see. He called Heather over for a blind bangin booty call and somehow conned her into helping him get his sentence reduced. I know I shouldn't, but I wish that when this whole storyline comes to fruition, Adam gives Heather's bitch ass the boot. Victor informed Adam that the specialist would be there to see him tomorrow and Adam quickly scrambled to tell Victor that he doesn't need a specialist. Tune in tomorrow when he jams a hypo full of botox in his eye. Should be just about priceless. Jeffery and Gloria are broke. Billy called Gloria a moron. My personal favorite? Jack's new nickname for Victor: Mr. Mumbles.
I must admit that I spent the majority of today's eppy of B&B on the telephone playing Ms. Chatty Chatterson, however, I was able to catch Taylor's 1982 eyeshadow from 20 miles away as it blended perfectly with her botox injection sites. Marcus and Steffy kissed and made up. Enjoy it while it lasts dude. I am enjoying the strange but satisfying alliance that is being formed between Thorne and Pam. I was watching a big group of yelling Forresters and Logans who were all talking about Thomas as if he was not in the room when suddenly my mind went here:
Rick was yelling at Thomas when I suddenly envisioned his eyebrows coming to life. One eyebrow, we shall call him Fuzzy, raised up and high fived the other eyebrow, who we shall call Furry. Fuzzy then jumped from Thomas's forehead and proceeded to bitch slap Rick in the balls, after which, Furry yelled out "That's what you get, Bitch!"
Alas. This is not what I saw when I came back to reality. What I did notice, however, is that Thomas borrowed Ben Stiller's hair gel from Something About Mary and applied it ONLY to the left side of his hair.
On OLTL today, Todd and Tea were about to get it on when who should enter but Jack and a horrified Blair. Jack ran his little mouth for a hot second and was told to go away soon after. Blair started arguing with Tea, asking her when she was going to stop going after men that don't want her. Tea responded with an evil laugh, prompting Blair to look at Todd and say: "Please tell me you are not sleeping with THAT." After Blair blew out of there, Tea pointed out that if Todd is sleeping with Blair, then Tea herself was sleeping with Blair. This was followed by her then pointing out that if Blair is sleeping with John, then Todd is also sleeping with Todd. The point? Who the hell knows. Cut to the only lab in Llanview where Kyle was busy blackmailing Jared and Natalie and Natalie was busy blaming Starr for the world's problems. BREAKING NEWS: Melissa Archer was involved in an altercation with a wave of humidity. The wave won. Thank you Kyle for looking and good and having a modicum of common sense. He not only stuck up for Starr, but he also pointed out that Jessica was a baby stealing whore. Rex was still kissing Stacy from yesterday's eppy when he broke it off and once again, after making eye contact with Stacy's face, looked as if he might just throw up. Too bad he had a serious case of Assholitis today as he let his tween son disrespect the mother of his child. I fully support Rex's disease because I would be an asshole too if my baby's mama wouldn't shut the hell up with her damn tearless crying fits. Gigi proved that she truly is the dumbest bitch on daytime t.v. when she told Rex "We can't let Shane run the show." Where was that mindset yesterday when she was chasing him down the street begging him not to leave. Shane accidentally dropped Stacy's hairdryer in the toilet and Stacy had a mini-meltdown. The look on her face started a chain reaction in my brain which leads me to this: I think Stacy will work with the pimp to get rid of Shane and Gigi for good. Of course, her plan will backfire. Marty remembered she had a kid and placed a call to Cole. John got trapped with the dead doctor at the loony bin. At the end of the eppy Blair rejoined Todd and noticing that Tea was still lurking made this statement: "I thought you said you were going to take the trash out." God love her.
YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS SPOILER ALERT: Props to Jillian at Daytime Confidential for sharing these with me.
Cane and Lily will get married but not without some secrets and scandals coming out of Cane's past biting him in the ass. Devon is getting ready to discover that he isn't who he, or we, thought he was. Jana will suspect Daniel is up to something. Thank god because here lately he's been up to a whole lot of nothing. Jill loses all her money when she teams up with Jeffery and Gloria to take down whoever. She calls Victor for help who tells her he was responsible for her losing her damn money in the first place. Jill and Jack team up to take down Victor. Here's hoping they swap denture cream old school style. Nikki accepts Pauls proposal; however, both Nikki and Victor will question her true motives.
I'm done. Peace out. Til tomorrow...same bitch time....same bitch channel....
Adam: "Oh Nick. You're just in time. I was just going upstairs."
Nick: "Oh? Don't let me stop you."
Adam is up to NO good as it is perfectly clear to me that he can see. He called Heather over for a blind bangin booty call and somehow conned her into helping him get his sentence reduced. I know I shouldn't, but I wish that when this whole storyline comes to fruition, Adam gives Heather's bitch ass the boot. Victor informed Adam that the specialist would be there to see him tomorrow and Adam quickly scrambled to tell Victor that he doesn't need a specialist. Tune in tomorrow when he jams a hypo full of botox in his eye. Should be just about priceless. Jeffery and Gloria are broke. Billy called Gloria a moron. My personal favorite? Jack's new nickname for Victor: Mr. Mumbles.
I must admit that I spent the majority of today's eppy of B&B on the telephone playing Ms. Chatty Chatterson, however, I was able to catch Taylor's 1982 eyeshadow from 20 miles away as it blended perfectly with her botox injection sites. Marcus and Steffy kissed and made up. Enjoy it while it lasts dude. I am enjoying the strange but satisfying alliance that is being formed between Thorne and Pam. I was watching a big group of yelling Forresters and Logans who were all talking about Thomas as if he was not in the room when suddenly my mind went here:
Rick was yelling at Thomas when I suddenly envisioned his eyebrows coming to life. One eyebrow, we shall call him Fuzzy, raised up and high fived the other eyebrow, who we shall call Furry. Fuzzy then jumped from Thomas's forehead and proceeded to bitch slap Rick in the balls, after which, Furry yelled out "That's what you get, Bitch!"
Alas. This is not what I saw when I came back to reality. What I did notice, however, is that Thomas borrowed Ben Stiller's hair gel from Something About Mary and applied it ONLY to the left side of his hair.
On OLTL today, Todd and Tea were about to get it on when who should enter but Jack and a horrified Blair. Jack ran his little mouth for a hot second and was told to go away soon after. Blair started arguing with Tea, asking her when she was going to stop going after men that don't want her. Tea responded with an evil laugh, prompting Blair to look at Todd and say: "Please tell me you are not sleeping with THAT." After Blair blew out of there, Tea pointed out that if Todd is sleeping with Blair, then Tea herself was sleeping with Blair. This was followed by her then pointing out that if Blair is sleeping with John, then Todd is also sleeping with Todd. The point? Who the hell knows. Cut to the only lab in Llanview where Kyle was busy blackmailing Jared and Natalie and Natalie was busy blaming Starr for the world's problems. BREAKING NEWS: Melissa Archer was involved in an altercation with a wave of humidity. The wave won. Thank you Kyle for looking and good and having a modicum of common sense. He not only stuck up for Starr, but he also pointed out that Jessica was a baby stealing whore. Rex was still kissing Stacy from yesterday's eppy when he broke it off and once again, after making eye contact with Stacy's face, looked as if he might just throw up. Too bad he had a serious case of Assholitis today as he let his tween son disrespect the mother of his child. I fully support Rex's disease because I would be an asshole too if my baby's mama wouldn't shut the hell up with her damn tearless crying fits. Gigi proved that she truly is the dumbest bitch on daytime t.v. when she told Rex "We can't let Shane run the show." Where was that mindset yesterday when she was chasing him down the street begging him not to leave. Shane accidentally dropped Stacy's hairdryer in the toilet and Stacy had a mini-meltdown. The look on her face started a chain reaction in my brain which leads me to this: I think Stacy will work with the pimp to get rid of Shane and Gigi for good. Of course, her plan will backfire. Marty remembered she had a kid and placed a call to Cole. John got trapped with the dead doctor at the loony bin. At the end of the eppy Blair rejoined Todd and noticing that Tea was still lurking made this statement: "I thought you said you were going to take the trash out." God love her.
YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS SPOILER ALERT: Props to Jillian at Daytime Confidential for sharing these with me.
Cane and Lily will get married but not without some secrets and scandals coming out of Cane's past biting him in the ass. Devon is getting ready to discover that he isn't who he, or we, thought he was. Jana will suspect Daniel is up to something. Thank god because here lately he's been up to a whole lot of nothing. Jill loses all her money when she teams up with Jeffery and Gloria to take down whoever. She calls Victor for help who tells her he was responsible for her losing her damn money in the first place. Jill and Jack team up to take down Victor. Here's hoping they swap denture cream old school style. Nikki accepts Pauls proposal; however, both Nikki and Victor will question her true motives.
I'm done. Peace out. Til tomorrow...same bitch time....same bitch channel....
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