The Debacles of Daytime

I am switching domains! 7-6-09

2009-07-06T20:29:00.000-07:00

I know you all have reasons for reading my crap. Now you can find it all in one place. Come visit me at http://411onsoaps.com. I believe that when I imported my blog to the new site, you all came with it; however, I need to check on that. Hope to see you REAL soon!

OLTL Shockers! This Week 7-6-09

2009-07-06T07:15:00.000-07:00

These are just random spoilers that I learned of over the weekend while everyone else was celebrating independence day. Here we go:

Stacy will apparently try to make love to Rex again. Sorry stripper, no mas Rex for you!

Natalie will apoligize to Jessica for the way she reacted to Brody before. Jessica will forgive her, but is their relationship strained forever?

Bo is totally all for Brody, the mentally ill ex-soldier, joining the Police Acedemy in Llanview. I love the intelligence of Soap cops. Reminds me of Jesse on AMC.

As is always the case on soaps, Cole has found a way to avoid prison and get community service. To bad he had to turn into a confidential informant, or AKA Snitch. No one likes a snitch!

Shaun will admit his feelings for Rachel. DUH. Like we didn't see that coming, right?

Rachel and Rex will bond over Gigi and Shaun, respectively.

Todd hires a new lawyer, Elijah Clarke, and he just happens to know the big secret that is so near and dear to Tea. He's pretty hot too, so I imagine this little plan will backfire in other ways as well!

Lionel Ritchie will be performing this week. You can find more info at http://www.soaps.com/ I believe if you go to the newsroom, you can find a full article.

Another new guy, Nick, will interact with Kyle and Fish. As in, Kyle uses the guy to make Fish jealous. Can't wait for those scenes!

To all you David Vickers fans: Tuc Watkins will be coming...and going again. He will come to give Dorian some loving and then gone again!

Y&R Surprises this Week! 7-6-09

2009-07-06T05:53:00.000-07:00

Late is better than never, but I have come with some more spoilers thanks to soaps.com and daytimeconfidential.com:

Y&R This Week:

First of all, I have to admit that I was wrong in the early stages of contract negotiations between Y&R and Melody Thomas Scott. I predicted that she would end being killed by Adam. Relax divas, Ms. Thomas Scott has resigned and will remain and the diva we all know and love.

I think it's safe to say we all know that today's eppy is a non-issue, so I will skip straight to

Tuesday:

Nick will do something illegal to help Phyllis. Yay!

Phyllis will bitch slap the Bitch DA Heather. Double Yay!

Phillip will Nina he's gay and he didn't have the heart to tell her. So he thought sending Cane in was a better idea?

Wednsday:

Nikki will walk in and catch Damrafe doing the nasty. Oh snap!

Mary Jane will set someone up for a fall. I think it's Victor. Any takers?

SHOCKER: Big Red will seek advice from Sharon the Slut. WTF?!

Thursday:

Sharon will continue to feel guilty about lying to Nick. When is that bitch going to learn?!

Friday:

Victoria gets into some more shenanigans. Snore. Bring back Heather Tom! Her talents are surely being wasted at B&B!

Deacon moves from wherever the hell he has been to Genoa City. Yay! Daniel is borrrring.

Random News:

The no-name hot bartender that had a one night stand with a drunken Jill a while back is making a return and this time, he has a name! Aidan will have scenes with Gloria and Jeffery, and be involved in whatever Colleen is going through. If you want to see his interview you can find it at http://www.soaps.com/youngandrestless/news/4669

ABC Spoilers What the Hell is Going On? 7/3/09

2009-07-03T15:50:00.000-07:00

Most of you already know that soaps didn't air today due to a holiday that officially starts tomorrow. OK. Anyhoo, I have managed to snatch up some spoilers, so here's what I've got:

AMC:

Erica will make it her life goal to take down Annie and prove her guilt to Adam. Erica will continue to rue over Annie. Kendall will need more assistance from Ryan, and she isn't scared to ask for it. Kendall will begin to suspect that maybe Zach is the killer after all. Look for a "moment" between Erica and Ryan, which will be seen by Kendall. After all of Erica's whining, Adam will start to have doubts and Annie will be forced to endure testing. Kendall will appear as guilty ever when new evidence surfaces. Zach will break bad on Liza by blackmailing her in order to get her to represent Kendall. I see where this storyline is going. Typical! Kendall will declare that she loves someone. Oh God. Who now?

Randi will fear that she has done something she cannot take back. I suspect this means she will have offed the new D.A. Henry North by then? Whatever the reason, Jesse will become involved and "save the day". In the meantime, Frankie will sense that something is going down with Randi, and he will most likely do some investigating. Jesse will continue to help Randi deal with what she has done.

J.R. wants to make friends again with Marissa.

David will ask for a reconciliation from Krystal, but she will decline. David will be crushed and tell Marissa that his relationship with Krystal is OVER. David will notice that Liza doesn't quite have the maternal bond with Amanda's baby is as she would if it was her own. David will start to think that Jake and Liza are in cahoots and will go on the hunt to prove it.

Look for some Pine Valley resident to come right out and ask Jake if Liza's baby is really Amanda's. By this time tomorrow, I should know the answer!

GH:

Johnny and Jason will pull another job and kill some bad guys for Sonny.

Carly who do something that no one sees coming.

Alexis is being set up by the Mayor, or is the Mayor's wife, who probably killed Brianna in the first place? Patrick will start to suspect that Alexis is the killer herself. Alexis will have to deal with the punishments for her dirty deeds with Floyd. Patrick isn't the only one who thinks it, because Alexis will be indicted on murder charges. Patrick and Robin will, of course, to set Alexis free.

Ethan will turn up the heat on Rebecca while increasingly become more envious of Nik. Ethan will threaten to expose Rebecca. Wow. We have heard and seen that one once too many times.
Rebecca will continue to juggle both men around.

So, Kristina will continue to blame Alexis for the world's problems, such as global warming. I mean, who doesn't know that Alexis caused it? I am just kidding. I just saw a preview for a movie coming out entitled Aliens in the Attic and I swear to God I saw the little chica that plays Kristina on the commercial. I dare someone to find out that info!

Kristina and Michael will be involve in a "tragic" incident that will force them to leave Port Charles. Oh snap! What now?! Jason and Sam will share some "action" if action is going to look for kids. What action means to me in this incident? Boring!

Olivia will continue to fight to keep Dante/Dominic on the down low. Meanwhile, Dante will join Sonny's crew.

Spinelli will get into some more shenanigans. Maxie and Spin finally consumate their relationship, making it official!

Claudia will try to keep her house of cards from falling.

OLTL:

John will really go to bat for Cole.

Gigi will remain in the dark about Stex sex while reconnecting with Rex. Rex and Gigi will make up and make love. Stacy will reveal all to Gigi herself in one last attempt to keep the couple apart. It didn't work. Gigi and Rex launched their attack plan against her. The plan will go well, as planned.

The long awaited nups of Cole and Starr will go off without a hitch. What? Not what you want to hear? Good, because it really will not go well. Blair will be super angry when Tea shows up as Todd's date. I am sure she will be very vocal about it. Things will go awry, most likely because of Todd and a few other little deets. Of course, our favorite young couple will not get married, but will come to a decision about their relationship. Once again, I saw this coming. Tea and Blair will work together against Todd. I knew this and reported it in one of these blog entries, but I am happy to see it coming on screen finally.

Speaking of the young crew, Markko will struggle with his parents to be with Langston and he will choose Langston in the end.

Dorian worries that her plan will backfire. She should, because it probably will.

Viki will offer Clint some well deserved advice when it comes to Bo and Nora. Bo, Nora, and Matthew will have to choose if surgery is the option for them. Later, they will find out the potential risks may be pretty bad, and now are rethinking their decision. During all this, Bo and Nora will get closer. I want them much much closer, pronto!

It will finally come out that Kyle and Fish have had sex in the past. Layla is nearing the truth and fast!

Supposedly there is some big first kiss we are waiting for. Hmmmm. Could it be Rachel and Shaun?

As usual I will probably have more tomorrow. Peace out!

A Glorious Day in Soap Land 7-3-09

2009-07-03T12:05:00.000-07:00

Nikki and Victor waited outside of Summer's hospital room, which they were not allowed to into. Michael told them what was up with Summer's custody hearing. Victor told Michael what he aways does in these situations: "I don't give a damn! Get it done!" The room was guarded by armed dudes and Nikki and Victor struggled while waiting for Michael to come back. When he did come back, he announced that Nikki and Victor now had custody of Summer. Wonder what Ashley is going to think about that?

The art story and Agent Aucker both suck. Amber must think the same exact thing because she went off on him. The FBI executed more search warrants on Kevin, Jana, Daniel, Amber, and Crimson Lights. Aucker finally allows Daniel to take a lie detector test. Kevin, Amber, and Jana were happy. Daniel was a frowny face emoticon.

Mac and Billy were stealing a moment alone at the Chancellor bbq, but the couple were forced to act like they were fighting when Chloe came barging in. After chasing off Mac, Chloe and Billy bit each other in the ass and went their separate ways. Both ended up in a coversation held by Cane wh0 was talking about how much he loves everyone. The love fest continued with arrival of Pearl the Diner Girl and Katherine was so overjoyed. Jill was overjoyed at Cane's latest DNA results and wanted others to be as well by saying "That Nina can go back to Hollyweird where she belongs". During that same exact conversation, Chloe announced that Cane was the best uncle in the world. Later, Mac and Billy took off to do some diagonal dirty dancing.

All of this led up to what we have been waiting for months to see. Katherine and Pearl were talking about Jill and Kay said this: "Don't worry, I have been taking knives out of my back for years". Murphy and Billy bonded. Hope that lasts. Cane took it upon himself to canoodle with Lily, discussing how their perfect love and baby making will continue. Paul and Nina showed and they wanted answers from Cane on the spot. The Cane crusade is now over, partly anyway. Jill and Katherine demanded answers and Lily was tapping her toe, so Cane admitted he was a fraud after all. This was after Lily to told Nina to shut up, and after Jill called Nina a lying bitch!
Nina called Cane a lying bastard, and suddenly, all were shocked when the real Phillip III walked out onto the Patio like he died yesterday. Oh hell.

SPOILERS:

Victor will catch Mary Jane lurking around the hospital for obvious reasons. Mary Jane will continue losing control of all of her lies and scheming. Victor will break into her room one more time and find her hate and revenge shrine. He will order her to leave town, but we all know that she isn't going without a fight!

Katherine will have another stroke as a result of the Cane/Langley debacles.

Adam and Mary Jane will form a freaky alliance. Hmmm. The possibilities!

Victor will ask Ashley to marry him again. Bet that will have its own repercussions.

Colleen has gotten herself into trouble. Sounds like she may be pregnant. Blah.

Lily will be diagnosed with ovarian cancer next week!

Rumors:

Deacon is returning, and the rumor is, he will turn out to be Daniel's long lost brother.

The death rumor keeps swirling and it has been confirmed that the upcoming death will not be Summer or Nikki. Could it be Eden? Or the maybe-baby? The rumor is that whoever it is, the person is closely connected to Noah.

B&B:

Today's episode started with Brooke reminiscing about Ridge and Ridge reminscing about Brooke. Ridge was staring sadly at a picture of Brooke. I was suprised when he returned it to its place on the shelf and did not throw it in the trash.

Jackie finally agreed to be Mrs. Owen and the couple got married in the flower ring or whatever. Bridget figured everything out and told Nick. Nick arrived to see the newlyweds ride off into the sunset on a yellow dune buggy.

Stephanie had a heart to heart with Ridge and encouraged him to move in with Dr. Lips and his 2 kids from hell. Then Stephanie ran over to Brooke's again and broke it down for Brooke. It is finally and truely over, Brooke and Ridge are NOT meant to be, and basically, get the hell over it! It all made sense to me.

SPOILERS:

There are none. Sorry. I tried. I failed. Hit me up and let me know what you think about any of the bs listed above!

She is Mary Jane Benson no more! 7-2-09

2009-07-02T11:47:00.000-07:00

Today's Y&R started off with Nina still upset from yesterday. As she contemplated the day away, Lily strolled up. Lily wanted to apologize to Niner for being such a bitch. There was bonding, followed by a little foreshadowing and then it was all over when Niner's phone rang and the DNA test results were in. Lily went with Nina so she could nab her own copy of the results. That's the smartest thing I have seen her do in a long time! Everyone gathered for the revealing over at Katherine's while Lily confronted Cane during his private convo with Jill, with the unopened results. Everyone opened the results all at once and of course, the results revealed that Cane was a Chancellor after all. Thank God for that frozen blood, right? Later, Katherine and Kay argued about Cane and being not related and blah blah blah and more gushy talk between Cane the Liar and Lily the Niave. Murphy, Katherine, Niner opened the results and was pissed. I had to leave the room because I knew I would have to listen to her bitch and moan for the next 20 minutes.

Patty Williams had a series of dreams about a little Jack, a wedding dress with a jacked up veil, and Victor coming to save the day. After getting her ass out of bed and dressed, Patty ran into Jack and told him she could really use a friend. Jack the Booty Bandit jumped right over Patty and over to Sharon the Shit Face. Patty had some more deep memories of the reason she came back to GC in the first place. She ran to her room at the GCAC and yet some dreaming, some knocked on the door and Patty thought it was Jack. Riiight. It was Paul being nosy, as usual. She told him to leave, he tried to push for answers, she abruptly ended the convo. Paul was gone. Patty played with her kitty, was drinkin and pill poppin, and boo bleeping hooing all at the same time.

All of the Newman clan were at the hospital again today with Summer. Phick bonded. Nikki and Victor bonded. It was all well and good until Heather's bitch ass showed up accusing Phyllis of having munchousin (sp?) syndrome. For those who do not know what this means, it is a word used to describe a mother who hurts her children on purpose to draw attention to the mother herself. Nick was crying in the Chapel at the hospital and Victor showed up. Nick continued to cry, and Victor never really gave him the support that he wanted or needed. 2 seconds after the Moustache left, the Vein entered. I'll be damned if within 2 seconds of their convo, I was literally balling my eyes out. Good stuff people. While all this man drama was going on, Sharon was smiling at Noah and lying at him all at the same time. Damn, she is SO good at that! Noah went right to the hospital and told him he was worried about Sharon. Whaaa Whaaaa give the bitch a sucker to console herself with. Phyllis was not arrested, but she will be soon. It seems that for now, Nick will stand by her side. He really has no reason not to, am I wrong?

SPOILERS:

Phillip will confess all to Jill and Katherine that the accident that caused his "accident" was staged.

Chloe will tell Billy the truth about Cane's identity and we will be privy to more some hot bro on bro action in the violent sense, of course. At least I know Billy will jack Cane in the face. Um. Is Cane even his real fucking name?

Kay will crumble to the floor over all the Cane crap.

Lily will dump Cane on his ass, as he deserves.

Jack will do something and discover that the maybe-baby's daddy is really Nick! Will he keep it to himself? I have a feeling he is going to be up to his neck in Patty puddles by then.

Paul and Nikki will start to have some serious relationship problems. Bummer. Ray Charles could have seen that coming!

Colleen is returning. No, she didn't go find a permanent rock to hide behind.

B&B:

Stephanie showed up at Brooke's for whatever the hell reason and ended up feeling more sorry for Brooke than anything or anyone else. The two ladies formed yet another temp. friendship over the over the pill poppin Ridge and Dr. Lips.

Nick ordered some breakfast 2 feet away from where Jackie and Owen were making out like two disgusting teenagers. Bridget came in and sidetracked a grumpy Nick who was bitching about everything anyway. Owen really pissed off today. 1. He actually called Jackie a cougar. 2. He continued to bug her about marrying him through the whole episode. 3. He was just plain annoying and schemey!

Ridge was confronted by Dr. Lips and his two remaining Dr. Lips children pressured him to move in. Looked to me like it was the last damn thing he wanted to do.

Nidget had some more honeymoon sex today. Blah. I was neither intrigued or turned on in anyway. Watching the Saggy Sailor swallow little Bridget whole everytime they shag.

Thats all I have for today. Check for spoilers tomorrow, I am sure will be updated on all the deets. How sure? Um, about 92%!

Billy Cries Boo-Hoo, Mac Screams Whoo Hoo! 7-1-09

2009-07-01T17:03:00.000-07:00

Today's episode of Y&R started off with part II of the senior citizens screamfest between Katherine and Jill. Kay was so stressed out, she had a mini heart attack or some shit and had to be rushed to the hospital. Jill said some stuff she shouldn't have said and Murphy (yes, he was actually on screen today!) rode off in the ambulance with her. Jill came along as well as Billy and Mac (blah).

Billy had just informed that he was calling off his hunt for a reunion with her. She seemed hurt but said that was the best thing for everyone. At the hospital, Billy cried to God about Katherine and Mac. No, not a word about Delia or Chloe. Mac was busy lurking in her dress that wardrobe picked up at the Dress Barn or Fashion Bug. Mac rushed in and informed Billy that she loves him and wants to be with him. They kissed, and decided not to tell anyone. Hmmm. Probobly a good idea considering...

Over at Devon's, Tyra and Devon got into an angry argument in which Devon tried to explain that Neil is just using her, just as he was Karen. Tyra began to cry, as can be expected. She ran to Neil thinking that he would save her and defend her honor. She was sadly dissapointed when she asked Neil if she could move in with him. He tried to let her down gently, but she was NOT down. So, Scary Tyra cried some more. We all know what happens next...Tyra runs to Devon, they have angry sex, and Neil will be destroyed. Ok then!

Jana was granted a bond of $100k and Michael said he would foot the bill. Unfortunately, there are no signs that Jana isn't as guilty as everyone is saying. I hear that Emily O'Brien is getting her dress special made just for her for the Emmy's. I must admit that I am slightly jealous. Don't lie to me. You are too!

Amber panicked and Kevin is blaming everything on her. As usual. Her hair was horrible and her clothing for court was completely innapropriate. Oh well, that's Amber for you.

Nick and Jack bonding over the maybe-baby makes me maybe want to throw up in my lap. What about you?

Two things really quick:

1. There will be a death soon, as I reported yesterday. My sources say it will not be Nikki or Summer. So who the hell is it?

2. Other reliable sources tell me that the Damrafe storyline will not last that long, so get your fix now!

B&B:

B&B was actually pretty good today. It started off with Brooke screaming and crying about the revelation that Ridge did the dirty deed with Dr. Lips. Then, Brooke shocked the hell out of me by giving up her marriage so that Dr. Lips and Ridge could be together at last. I must admit, I have seen her do this shit before. She must be in need of some new meat.

Nidget ran around Hawaii doing numerous and random tourist things, while Jackie and Owen ran around hoping not to get caught and trying to get married. I can see this is going to drag along somehow....

I know I saw Stephanie and maybe Felicia and her add-a-tail, but God knows what the hell they were saying! And damnit! No Bill!

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Jeffery is a Dumb Ass! Y&R and B&B

2009-06-30T10:40:00.000-07:00

Today was a whole lot of crying from Phyllis. Michelle Stafford is excellent when she has to show raw emotion.

Sharon continues to tell herself that she is some kind of martyr or something. We all know the truth: Sharon only thinks about Sharon. After telling Jack that the baby was his, Mary Jane spilled the beans to Phyllis. Phyllis, in turn, spilled the news to Nick.

I'll be damned if we weren't subjected to Nick suddenly praying to Cassie and God. He even had the nerve to question Cassie about her "broken promises". GAH! He ran home to Sharon, who reiterated what Phyllis had told him. Sharon decided that it was a perfect time to change the subject.

Mary Jane walked around as if she had nothing to do with anything. It was seriously pissing me off! Victor found out through Jeffery's phone that people are on to the connection between them. Jeffery attempted to blackmail Victor. I would almost bet that it made you laugh as well! Mary Jane is a lot of things, but a high paid hooker is just not one of them. Jack doesn't give her a dime! Victor warned MJ to be more careful. He informed Jeffery and Gloria that they barked up the wrong proverbial tree. I have to agree!

B&B:

I thought that today's eppy would be filled with more Nidget lovin, but I was wrong. I had to watch Nidget, but it was only for a short minute or two.

Ridge finally told Brooke he did the nasty with Dr. Lips. Brooke was visibly upset and ran to Taylor's. She busted into the Dr. Lips home, and with Stephanie present, proceeded to go the hell off! I thought there may be some bitch slapping coming from several directions. However, all we got was name calling and accusations. That works for me, it's great to see B&B break bad on some old school.

Owen rinally revealed to Jackie that he wants to get married in Hawaii or not. I don't care when they get married because they will NOT be married for long. I can almost guarantee it.

That's all I have for today!

Wow Those Crazy Plot Twists

2009-06-29T13:54:00.000-07:00

Y&R started off with Sharon whining to Cassie and God and I guess whoever will listen to her. Sharon was busy worrying about whether or not Nick is the one for her, blah-blah-blah.

Jack was all kinds of worried about the test results that will prove the maybe-baby's paternity. Mary Jane dropped by for another meaningless booty call. Jack couldn't keep his snake eye on the MJ ball. And she told him if he would take a raincheck. Ugh. Jack basically said "If you are okay with me using the hell out of you, then sure! Let's hook up later."

When we last saw Chloe, she had just interrupted Mac and Billy's almost sex. Today, she shared verbal bitch slaps with Billy in an effort to figure out what Billy really wants. How can Chloe find out if Billy doesn't even know?

Victor and Ashley argued today and Victor was making decisions for her that were not his call to make. She pointed this out and fed him some bullshit that would shut the Moustache up.

If Victor had been aware of what was going upstairs in Moustache Manor, the argument with Ashley would have been nothing. DAMFRAFE didn't waste anytime and Adam played ass bandit for a little while. When he was done with Rafe, he asked him to leave. Then, Adam called Heather and ashed her to come over for a booty call. She came, they did it, she left. Not much ado about it!

Phick almost looked as if they might kiss today; however, we were treated to a hug instead. I think this may be I want after all. I want Phick! And I want the PTB to destroy Shick forever. Oh yeah. I prefer that the PTB also destroy Sharon while they are at it. When this storyline started, I was rooting for Shick. After 2 months of Sharon's bull, I can take no more. I have always love Phyllis as well, so I am allowed to change sides!

B&B was more of the same as Ridge struggled to reveal all, and just couldn't get around to it. More of Nidget having mushy talk and even mushier sex. More Owen plotting behind Jackie's back. That is about all that happened today.

If every episode included this guy, I would just watch it more!

Blog at you all tomorrow!

Spoiler Additions New!

2009-06-27T16:53:00.000-07:00

I got wind of some good stuff so I have decided to post this entry and share the info with you too!

Y&R:

Phyllis will be arrested for neglect because she left the trash alone with Summer. Boo to that, I must say!

Phillip IV will turn out love men and will soon get all kinds of intertwined between Damrafe.

Damrafe is the latest squish name for a romantically linked Adam and Rafe.

After revealing his "true feelings" to Rafe, Adam will call Heather over for a bracelet booty call.

It is finally official! Mary Jane is Patty Williams. From now on we all must call her Patty and the Pussy!

Devon's never really seen girlfriend will make an appearance and say her usual 2-3 supporting, smiling lines.

Crazy Mary Jane will eavesdrop and indavertently find out that Jack is the "baby's daddy" which we all know that he is not.

Cane will receive his latest DNA test results. Um. Didn't he use Phillip's blood for all that?

Summer may have brain damage.

Sharon is kind of relieved that Jack will be such a good father to "Faith". Ugh.

B&B:

Melissa Rivers will appear, playing herself. That shouldn't be too difficult.

Apparently, the upcoming fashion show is actually going to be duel. Forrester against Jackie M.

Jackowen's trip to Hawaii is one of convenience. Convenient for Owen who lets Bridget in on his plan to marry Jackie while they were there!

Bridget runs like a giant douche and tells Nick and of course, he will vow to stop the damn wedding. Another friendship between Brooke and Stephanie is on the horizon. To bad this has already happened about 7 times and the bitches have proven that such a bond is impossible.

AMC:

Amanda will meet Red-Liza's baby, but she will not recognize him as her own.

Erica will tell Adam that she's got big dirt on his new girlfriend, Annie.

Randi will be in a physical confrontation (my guess is DA Henry) and Jesse will save her from her attacker.

Alicia Minshew continues to be the favorite actress still according to Soap Opera Digest, with Thorsten as favorite actor AND the two of them as favorite couple.

GH:

Coleman the bartender is reportedly coming back soon. I think we all like that news!

As I previously reported, Robin has a new suspect. I suspect that it will be someone close to her. Could it be Mac or Dr. Patrick? I guess Mac!

Jason will taken into custody by the PCPD and Diane will be brought in to save his behind, as usual.

Carly and Sonny will agree for once and ship Mobster Michael to the Quartermaine's. As soon as he gets there, he wants to leave. Go figure.

I reported earlier that Spinelli would reject Maxie's affections. Now I know why! He wants to court her the old fashioned way. I'm not sure that Maxie is down for anything old fashioned. Jason and Johnny will definitely be teaming up again in the very near future!

All will soon know about the true identify of Zaccara thug Dominic. Dante will then ask Johnny the Hottie for help, who will flatly reject him.

Johnny will start to notice that Olivia and "The Cleavage" are still not over Sonny.

Watch closely for Jason to chase Claudia into traffic with a gun and Claudia get ran over by a hit and run driver. Should be entertaining, for me at least.

OLTL:

Rex will continue the Morasco Fiasco by pretending to choose Stacy over Gigi until they can find Stacy's hidden stash of blood. Gross.

A new character is coming to Llanview. A young lady named Kimberly will be interacting with Rex and Gigi and all their followers.

Apparently, Kyle and Fish did some expirementing in college and the Fish-dating-Layla debacle is unsettling to Kyle (and Christian)!

Markko will try to convince his parents to attend a dinner party that will be thrown by Dorian. Dorian had trouble convincing the other intended guests to come as well. The guests included Moe, Shaun, Viki, and Charlie. Um. Good luck with that!

O.K. folks! That's all I've got for today! Until next time!

AMC Spoilers 6-26-09

2009-06-26T15:16:00.000-07:00

AMC:

Tad will be forced to assist in Jake's baby scheme while still trying to get Jake to confess all to Amanda.

Liza will continue to be paranoid about Amanda recognizing her own baby.

Ryan thinks Annie is the one that killed Stuart. I read along time ago that she won't be, but you never know!

Somehow, Ryan will mess up Kendall's case right and proper. Kendall's life will suddenly get even worse.

Zach bugs Madison for info.

Randi will threaten D.A. Henry. The two will make some kind of deal.

Erica and Annie will continue to outwit one another. This should be good!

Kendall will become scared and do something crazy. Does this mean she will be jumping bail?

OLTL:

John will help Cole by offering to go back to the station if Bo helps Cole avoid his scheduled prison time by going "under cover" to help bust Asher.

Jared and Natalie will get some donor info out of Kyle.

Rex will tell Gigi that no matter what happened, he was with Stacy now.

Rex will tell Stacy that he didn't mention their tryst. The he will high tail it Gigi and give her a big old fashioned kiss.

Todd will be forced to sign the consent form for Cole and Starr courtesy of Tea's tape recorder. I assure you he has no intentions of leaving Cole be. None.

Stacy will get an unannounced, and probobly unwanted, guest.

Nora will ask Bo to go on a date with her and Clint. Hmmmm. Interesting!

Natalie and Jared want revenge agains those who participated in the Rex and Gigi debacle.

Brody will continue to support Jessica.

Todd and Tea will have sex. Anyone else NOT surprised?!

Stacy will go back to doing things her way. That is scary.

Rex and Gigi apparently have synced decoder rings because they will be reunited, leaving Stacy holding herself. I am sure a psychotic break is sure to follow.

Blair will be jealous of the relationship that her ex has with Tea.

Starr and Cole prepare to get married.

GH:

Ethan will spy on Nikolas and Rebecca while making a series of grimacing faces. Then he will accuse her of loving Nikolas in real time! We all know this to be true, why doesn't he?

Rebecca and Alexis will join forces.

Alexis will be exposed in public! Kristina is determined to never forgive her.

Edward makes an offer to Jason, who rejects it quickly.

Maxie will try to have sex with Spinelli; however, he will reject her advances. Ouch.

Carly will let Sonny on the Michael/Quartermaine living situation.

Jason and Sonny will continue to bump heads over what is best for Michael.

Jax will make a play at blackmailing Claudia. But, sadly, he will fail.

Sonny has an epiphany about Michael.

Jason will also come to an epiphany about Michael.

Robin and Dr. Patrick will start to wonder if they made a mistake, and Robin will place the murder wrap on someone else.

Dominic will be on a mission to see Kristina. He obviously thinks she can help him in some way.

Carly gets some good news for a change.

Ethan will drop a bombshell on Lulu's head while making grimacing facial expressions.

That is all I have for you at this time. Tomorrow I will have more....so be waiting for it!

Y&R and B&B: WTF? and Spoilers 6-26-09

2009-06-26T12:56:00.000-07:00

Y&R started off with Shick discussing the lemaybe baby's paternity. Charlotte arrived at Restless Style with Summer in tow. Mary Jane was present and plotting. Summer brought home some cookies with peanuts them. Phyllis flipped out and threw the cookies in the trash. Jack showed up and Phyllis asked him they could talk and left Summer alone with Mary Jane. Mary Jane fished the damn peanut filled cookies out of the trash and fed one to Summer. Jack left to go use Mary Jane for sex and when leaving, Mary Jane kissed Summer on the lips for a hot minute and left. When Phyllis went looking for Summer, she found her passed out on the floor.

Adam was up to his usual b.s. today. He investigated Mary Jane. He talked to a picture of his mother Hope. Rafe showed up at Moustache Manor and accused Adam of setting up Estella. At the end of the show, Adam grabbed Rafe's face, leaned in, and confessed that he had feelings for him. For now it's a ploy, but I have a feeling it will lead to more.

Chloe talked to Delia a lot today. She talked about Billy and then tried to call him. His voice mail picked up. It picked up because Billy set up a dinner for Mac in yet another attempt to be with her. Mac called him out on it; but she didn't mean word of it. So, it was crap. They ate, then they moved to the bed and Mac climbed on top of him and then.....Chloe was at the door, ready to spread maybe-baby joy in front of Mac. Finding out about the maybe-baby really affected Monotone Mac and she bolted from the room.

We were subjected to more mushy Shick talk and then the happy pair went to the GCAC and ran into the Moustache. He made this comment to Sharon: "You look lovely, glowing like Ashley". Sharon ran off to something meaningless and Nick and Victor discussed the Cassie predictions. Victor basically told Nick that dreams do not always come true. Oh! Sharon had gone to get the paternity results at the doctor's office. She called Nick but said she wasn't going to open it without him. She did anyway. Nick is the father. Sharon went to the nearest church and had a 10 minute conversation with her deceased daughter.

SPOILERS:

Chloe and Mac will run into each other after the almost sex debacle with Billy. The will discuss and Billy and love and I am sure it will turn into a giant bitch fest.

Billy will give up on his pursuit of Mac.

Katherine will be rushed to the hospital for some unknow reason and Murphy will call Billy rushes there with Mac right behind him and she witnesses his love for Katherine. She wants to get back together w/ Billy. The reunite, however, they keep it on the down low for obvious reasons.

Mary Jane's true identity will be revealed next week and I know we all know who it is.

After Sharon tells Nick that the maybe-baby is Jack's, Jack will find out that Nick is really the father.

Paul and Nikki will have some problems, big and small, that will put a dent in their wedding plans. Wonder if Mary Jane is involved in these problems?

Phillip III will finally return to Genoa City to deal with the fam. I am most interested in seeing Jill's reaction.

Adam will drive Ashley even more insane. Damn! It's already a short enough drive!

B&B:

I cannot recap B&B today because nothing happened but Nidg sex and Ridge getting interrupted every time he tried to talk to Brooke. I left the room for 1 or 2 minutes and when I returned, I learned that I had missed the only part of the show I actually wanted to see! The Ass God, Bill Jr.!

SPOILERS:

Nidget will "almost" run into Jackowen in Hawaii a dozen or so times.

Ridge confesses his limpy love making with Dr. Lips to Brooke. She will be devastated of course.

A new character comes to L.A. with the name of Chaika. More love for Pill Poppin Ridge?

Brooke and Taylor will have a huge throwdown. Brooke is an avid bitch slapper. Dr. Lips better watch out!

Brooke will make a huge sacrifice for someone. We all know how Brooke likes to make sacrifices.

Owen and Bridget will unite to keep Jackie and Nick from running each other in Hawaii.

Another fashion show is no the horizon....
GCAC and met up the Mousta

GH Recap and Spoilers! Claudia the Clingy calls Olivia an overused slut!

2009-06-19T19:01:00.000-07:00

Today's episode started with a continuation of the Claudia and Johnny argument. Olivia and "The Cleavage" showed up to support her man. Claudia went off, as usual, calling Olivia an "overused slut"! Interestingly enough, Claudia failed to mention then ever present "Cleavage" because secretly she knows she has nothing on Olivia! Johnny promptly kicked Claudia out.

Just as things were gettin steamy, Sonny busted in on them. He turned around and walked out. Later, Olivia and "The Cleavage" went to confront Sonny about his pestering ways. Claudia busted in and insulted Olivia some more. Sonny told Claudia to "shut the hell up". It was funny. Olivia split to go look for Johnny. Claudia started whining and yelling, telling Sonny that Olivia is not allowed in the house anymore. Sonny boo hood that and told Claudia that he didn't even like her. Very funny. Finally, Claudia attacked Sonny and they had wild sex all over the couch.

In the meantime, Olivia received a call from Dante. He wanted to come to town. Olivia denied him. Then Olivia and "The Cleavage" ran to Carly to chat it up. Carly had another visitor in Lulu. They discussed the mob and Johnny. Lulu was looking for Johnny, but she ended up telling Carly everything about Ethan and his journey to Port Charles, from her point of view, of course.

The reason why no one can find Johnny? Because he's busy on the biggest mob caper EVER with Stone Cold Jason Morgan. Too bad Claudia the Clingy has arranged a Zaccara hit job on Stone Cold. Ray Charles can see that Johnny will be shot instead. We were privy to some of the mob shenanigans, but nothing too exciting to talk about.

Michael called Kristina from the bar and asked her to meet up with him. She brought a date and the dork ended up punching Michael. The dork knocked Michael out, which is probably understandable considering he was shot in the HEAD! Kristina was screaming and the dork insulted Michael while he was unconcsious. Michael woke up and attacked the dork, giving him 5 quick and hard jabs to the face. Then the dork had the nerve to say: "Come on Kristina. This guy is crazy!" Kristina responded by telling him she wasn't going anywhere with him ever again.

After the dork left, Alexis busted Kristina and Michael at the bar. She was mad. Alexis called Carly after Kristina tried some of her usual tricks. Alexis wasn't picking up what her kid was putting out there. Carly confronted Michael, but he just argued with her and ran to his room. AGAIN. Carly and Jax had some more mushy scenes. My God! Ingo Rademacher is H-O-T hot!

Nikolas set up a "date" w/ Rebecca in the garden. He laid out a dress for Rebecca and he was dressed quite dapper himself. Unfortunately, the dress was Emily's and Nikolas was just replaying his old habits with Emily. Nikolas is seriously off his rocker. Rebecca looked horrified once he did not deny that what they were doing is what he and Emily would be doing if....

SPOILERS: Carly and Jax will officially come to an agreement about Michael. However, Jax will have to use his brute (and sexy) strength to restrain Michael.

Michael will sneak out after the Hot Jax debacle.

Nick will propose to Rebecca. She will reject him.

Claudia fight to keep it together. Even she can't remember what lies she's told and who she's told them to!

For whatever reason, Morgan will "go missing" and Michael will go with Carly to find him.

Michael decides he wants to be a mobster like his papa. Not smart my little friend! This will cause Carly to try to keep Michael far far away from Sonny.

AMC Recap and Spoilers Adam asks J.R. to move out for a while!

2009-06-19T17:52:00.000-07:00

On today's episode, J.R. and Marissa met at the park and bonded over Babe. AGAIN. J.R. asked Marissa for a little play date. Unfortunately, that's exactly what he wanted because shortly after, Little A came running in.

Frankie went to the hospital to get a check up on his hands. He was in a foul mood when Angie brought in an optometrist to check perform a "miracle" surgery. Frankie wasn't buying the hype. Randi held firm and stood up to Frankie, encouraging him to just check out what the doctor could do for him. Randi and Frankie argued. Jesse and Angie argued. At the end of today's episode, Randi ran into D.A. Henry North, who pulled her into a steamy kiss on sight. Interesting. The doctor then let Frankie know that he thought he could help Frankie a lot.

Annie was in court today. Red Liza was a shark while Ryan testified against her. While Ryan testified, Annie continued to give him the stink eye. Adam testified on behalf of Annie and Red Liza helped to pursuade the Judge to stay with Adam but NO kids allowed. Adam asked J.R. to take Little A and live somewhere else for a while. J.R. was pissed and stormed out. He took Little A to to the Yacht Club to live. Where Marissa works. Hmmmm. Convenient! Aidan showed up at Adam's and pulled Annie into a hot kiss. Don't worry, Annie will see through his ruse.

After Adam left, Adam called Red Liza and told her to get the ball rolling. Red Liza tried to warn Annie about the mental exam and Adam. Annie remained in LaLa Land. Outside on the patio, Adam and Annie talked and shared a hug, which was witnessed by Red Liza. Why is Red Liza always playing eye spy? Why does she wear such hooch outfits when she is "pregnant". So unbecoming!

Erica and Ryan assumed that Adam would never give J.R. the boot. But she saw J.R. moving into the Yacht Club. She told Ryan not to worry, Annie would be back in jail tomorrow. Then Erica told Ryan to take her out for a pre-celebatory drink. They ran off to drink. Ryan and Erica were dancing when they were spotted by a very unpleased Jack. Jack talked to them about Kendall's innocence and trial. Jack told Erica he would see her later and Ryan put his arm around Erica like he owned her. Ugh! He gets on my nerves. If Cameron Mathison wasn't so hot....

Kendall and Zach took Ian to the hospital for a check up. When Kendall walked in she came upon Jesse and Henry North in a convo about her! Later, Kendall and Zach decide to take care of the Henry North problem themselves.

SPOILERS: Annie will choose Adam over Aidan and she will give Aussie Aidan the boot.

Erica and Ryan conspire against Annie again. Aidan is also working w/ Ryan to take Annie down. However, Annie will deliver a 1-2 punch to Erica, proving she is not scared of anyone!

Since there is an obvious connection between Randi and Henry North, don't be surprised when Randi threatens to expose the D.A. for the slimeball that he is.

Frankie will continue to be bitter and annoying.

Amanda will get stressed over the baby debacle and will finally snap. No word on what she will do.

Brot and Taylor officially break up.

Liza works hard to protect her baby scheming.

Ian will be in crisis. AGAIN.

Greenlee is alive. I think we all saw that coming!

Jake will have a horrible day. Wonder why? Because stealing your wife's baby is a piece of cake, right?

J.R. and Marissa will kiss. Finally!

OLTL Recaps & Spoilers Skanky and Rex share a steamy kiss!

2009-06-19T16:27:00.000-07:00

Gigi donned a hooch outfit and was on a mission to seduce Kyle in order to gain Stacy info. All of this was much to Schyler's chagrin. Meanwhile, Roxy tried to force Kyle out of her place. He continued his blackmailing ways saying this: "I don't get my kicks from blackmailing people". Um. Sure, I believe that. NOT.
Gigi arrived as Kyle was getting out of the shower. Lucky girl. Gigi could go so far as a hot kiss but chickened out like she always does. She begged Kyle for the info, and he said he would help her if he got Natalie off his back.

Rex and Stacy were still posing as the Underhills when they suddenly got the urge for two lobster rolls and a bottle of expensive white whine. The waiter guy called them out and called security after he did some of his own investigating. Rex and Stacy ran all the home and shared a VERY hot kiss, even though I still think Stacy is pretty scary looking sometimes.

Blair and Tea started off fighting. Todd came in, they continued to argue. Todd dissed Blair, a lot! Blair confessed to Todd about Starr and Hope. Todd confessed the judges ruling to Tea. Tea freaked out. Todd and Blair were about to run off to see Hope when Tea stopped them in their tracks, demanding her respect. I love me some Tea!

Schyler had some very revealing Stacy flashbacks that helped to shed light on Stacy's tricks and ploys. Like he didn't already know?! Later, Sky bonded with Roxy over their respective guilt trips.

Starr was steeling over the "new arrest" news. Cole had to tell her how long he was going to prison for. She continued to panic. No doubt! Starr told him she loved him and would love him forever. He responded by dropping to one knee and proposing. It's official friends, Cole and Starr are my second favorite couple on OLTL. The first? Todd and Tea. H-O-T!

A shirtless Christian was arguing, and trading insults with Layla when Fish walked in. He mentioned that he wanted to get cleaned up so he wouldn't be late. Christian questioned Layla for a while and discovered that Layla agreed to give Fish another chance. Christian was obviously jealous. Christian and Layla were arguing and insulting each other once again when a shirtless Fish comes out of the shower. After Layla left the room to go get ready for her date. Christian stayed behind telling Fish to buy her yellow roses and to treat her right. Damn that Layla is a lucky girl!

SPOILERS: Gigi wants answers from Roxy, who is ashamed of her part in the whole debacle.

Rex and Stacy will almost have sex but Rex will feel guilty and stop. The cops will come and arrest them for the country club caper and Bo will try to help them get out of it. Rex and Stacy will share some passion, but when Gigi finally tells him the truth Rex will struggle about how he is going to tell her.

Todd and Blair will argue over Todd. Again. Todd agrees to move into Dorian's with Blair, Starr, and the baby. Todd will consent to the marriage between Cole and Starr. Of course, in usual Todd style, will have his ulterior motives.

Todd will devise a plan.

Viki will feel sorry for Marty. What? Marty will neeeed John. That is not a true spoiler, now is it? Tea will seek revenge against Todd. Blair will call Todd out on his lies.

Dorian will continue to feel horrible about her latest rampage. She will fight to win back Langston's trust.

BoNo will continue to bond. Just get back together already!

Natalie will feel sorry for Gigi and this will prompt Gigi to confess all to both Natalie and Jared. She will inform them all about the Stacy debacle!

Layla will not heed Christian's advice.

B&B Recap and Spoilers Those Crazy Pills!

2009-06-19T16:13:00.000-07:00

In the beginning of today's episode, Ridge took a giant handful of pills. Not good folks. Ridge then endured some serious audio and visual problems wpihere Taylor was concerned. Ridge then requested to lie down with Taylor because his ass was so high!
Taylor announced that she wanted to do the deed with Ridge. So he made a sloppy attempt. Have no fear folks, they WILL have sex.

Also on the screen today were Stephanie, who barged into Brooke's house to remind her that Ridge hates her now; and Brooke, who lives in Denial Land with Ashley from Y&R. Brooke decided that she was going to see Ridge and Stephanie not so politely told her that it would all be for nothing if she went because Ridge has moved on. Yeah, to pills.

SPOILERS: The Logan parental units are coming to town for Nick and Bridget's 18th wedding.

Whip returns on July 17 and of course, Whip will end his first episode with a hot ass kiss with Brooke. I knew that bitch was resiliant!

Ridge and Taylor will be "together" after they sleep together. Isn't Ridge's love grande?

Nick will warn Jackie and Owen. I am sure they will be shaking in their proverbial boots! Bridget will also begin to suspect that Owen is on the up and up.

Jackie will choose Owen over Nick finally. He needs to quit being such a mama's boy anyway.

Taylor will realize that Ridge really likes his pills, but she keeps mum so she won't get blamed. Hmmm. How Brooke like of her!

Brooke will give Bridget a present. I hope it isn't a warning sign. As in: Warning: I will steal your husband again, because that's what I like to do!

Nick and Bridget will get married. Yay.

2 couples will be going to Hawaii. No idea who those 2 couples may be. Although I admit I assume that Nick and Bridget will be going. Who else?

Y&R Recap & Spoilers Oh Dayum!

2009-06-19T13:44:00.000-07:00

On today's ep, Cane and Lily gushed over each other as usual. Over at the Chancellor mansion, Nina and Jill fought some more and Niner stormed out. Katherine then told Jill that Violet wasn't even in town when "Cane" was born. At the bar, Lily wasn't convinced that Cane was telling her the truth. He told her a little, but she wanted more! Later, the couple shared a hot kiss. Cane is REAL good at that. Lily went to take a shipment order or some sh*t and Jill called Cane and asked if he could get ahold of his uncle in Australia. Cane scrambled for more lies to conjure up. Finally, Cane had a "moment" with Mary Jane and it looked like they wanted to eat each other for dinner.

Speaking of Mary Jane, she started off the show by lying through her teeth about some stalker bullsh*t to get Paul to forgive her. I had to laugh because Nikki's facial expressions are priceless! Paul didn't believe Mary Jane either. Paul got a call from Niner, and he had to go. Paul and Niner then discussed that Cane is a fraud. Paul and Niner both went to the coronors office and discovered that there is no flippin body in the coffin. Niner was horrified. At the end of the eppy, Cane whipped out his passport and his many forms of I.D.

Jill suddenly began blaming Katherine for all of her troubles and throwing it in Kay's face that Phillip wanted to be with her when he died. Then we were privy to some old school Kay and Jill flashbacks. My only complaint is that they keep showing the same flashback when there are most likely hundreds just like it.

Rafe cornered Nikki at the GCAC and asked her to talk to Ash and Vic about Estella's innocence. Nikki agrees. She goes to Moustache Manor and attempts to convince Ashley, but she stayed in denial land, where I think she enjoys living. Then things got interesting when Nikki was able to plant a seed of doubt into Ashley's mentally challenged brain. Adam tried to spew some bull at Ashley but she told him she wanted to be alone NOW. Victor was digging for dirt on Asshole Adam's pc when Adam walked in on him in action. Adam then told the Dark Knight that he didn't have the right to go snooping through his sh*t. Victor dared Asshole Adam to call Heather and tell her he wants to prison. Adam quickly denied this request. Victor announced to Asshole Adam that he was having his eyes checked by another doctor. Adam panicked and called Dr. Twisted Taylor to ship him so botox supply, pronto!

Victor then went downstairs and found his wives having a heated conversation. Nikki tried to convince the Moustache to sway her way. Um. No. During the conversation, Ashley got a surprise "gift" which was actually the baby's head from the Sabrina statue. Now that is just some creepy sh*t right there!

SPOILERS: It will soon be discovered that Lily has ovarian cancer. As much as I hate Lily right now, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Look for some visitors from the past to come and help her out.

The Moustache will be blackmailed. I have no idea who would do such a thing.

Mary Jane will poison Summer. I am assuming it will be in the form of a peanut, perhaps? The maybe-baby's paternity test results come back and Nick is proven to be the father but Sharon will spot some serious phicking goin on and announce that Jack is the father. Um. Mary Jane is NOT going to like that!

Detective Wallace will come to Moustache Manor to find finger prints that can only be matched to Estella's. She will be arrested. Victor will beg Ashley to stay away from the hearing, but she does her own thing and shows up anyway. Nikki and Estella will talk after the hearing and Ashley will start a screamfest in the hallway. Nikki continues to blame Adam. Ashley continued to stay in denial, but not before she issued Estella a warning.

Mac will FINALLY make up her mind about Billy. Thank God. Here's hoping he rejects her because he discovers that he really does love my girl Chloe.

Cane will finally be busted and he will ponder leaving Genoa City. He will agree to take a DNA test. Cane will bust out Phillip's blood from the freezer at the damn bar and use that for the test. This boy never learns!

We will finally get to learn about the Hot Fraud Aussie Mess (Cane) and his hidden past. All of it so be prepared.

Y&R & B&B Maybe the Price Isn't So Wrong After All

2009-06-18T12:49:00.001-07:00

So first off I want to say that Sharon's necklace was the BOMB! At the GCAC, Jack and Mary Jane sat down for a quick breakfast and discussed the compatibility between them. During this convo, Phyllis called to whine about Daniel. Mary Jane asked Sharon if was really over between her and Jack. Sharon told her the coast was clear and to stear clear of Phyllis. Sharon and Jack then discussed Mary Jane and how much she cares for Jack. Sharon warned him to not lead Mary Jane on. He responded that she wasn't the bunny boiling kind. Later, Jack contemplated his relationship with Mary Jane alone, until he was interrupted by yet another phone call from Phyllis.

Daniel went to see Phyllis and ending up calling Nick a giant turd. Hilarious friends! Then he proceeded to inform her about the Aucker debacle. She was quite worried. Hence, she called Jack. Daniel left and Nick showed up to pick up Summer. They had an awkward conversation. Nick said that he was taking Summer to Build-a-Bear and OH Yeah! He's taking Summer and Sharon house hunting. This seriously pissed off my favorite red head.

The FBI came to search Daniel's apartment to find the $100k. Unbeknownst to Daniel, Amber and Kevin found the money and were forced to hide it in the backroom of Crimson Lights when the FBI showed up with a search warrant. As the Agents were finding the money. Daniel arrived with Michael in tow. The others tried to warn him, but the Agents came out with the proof and arrested him.

This prompted Michael to call Phyllis. Phyllis and Nick ran off to save the day but before they left, Phyllis asked Mary Jane to watch Summer. Then, Mary Jane proceeded to tell Summer some of her secrets. I can tell she's never had kids.

Nina and Katherine discussed the Violet deets that prove Cane is lying about something. Lily, apparently, also seems to know something big is going down. Cane called Phillip to bitch about Nina, who Cane calls "Niner", but once again we couldn't see or hear Phillip's side of the convo. Nina did some more digging on the exhumation only to find out that the guy who signed the release has gone missing. Jill entered the room at that moment and the two bitties fought some more. Alone later, Nina calls the lab and requests that another DNA test be done. Jill called Cane to inform him of why "Niner" is doing all this digging.

Cane tried to call Phillip to tell him about all the new deets, but he couldn't get a hold of him. Lily questioned Cane about what was irking him so bad.

On B&B we started off with Brooke begging Ridge to come home over the phone. Ridge rejected this request and hung up on Brooke. Stephanie barged in spewing her venom and hatred and Brooke remained, and will continue to remain, until she gets it through her blond head that Ridge is DONE with her.

Steffy visited Ridge at the cabin and they discussed Rick's evil deeds. Steffy ran off to be with "Mr. Gorgeousness" Rick. Once she got to Rick, Steffy said she wasn't sure if she wanted to be with him or not.

Ridge went to the kitchen and discovered that Taylor was whippin up dinner. She gave him some wine and he popped some pills and drank up. Later, after some Rick obsesses flashbacks, Ridge decided to go ahead and pop some more pills. Dr. Hayes is Dr. Dee Dee Dee!

The best stuff happened on the Price is Right set. Donna was called up to bid and the prize was a double oven and stove combo. Um. Like Donna fucking cooks! Pam made her displeasure apparent. Donna's bid won her the combo and a trip to the stage. Donna then played Let Em Roll and won herself a new car. Pam continued her silent face of anger tyrade. How did she win? She was to guess the prices of dog food (the bag dog looked just like Pam's dog), lemon bar mix, and Sweet Bear Honey.

Donna spinned the wheel and got an 80, which won her a visit to the showcase showdown. Her prize if she were to win? A trip to Hawaii, swimsuits for all, and surf boards. Did she win? Of course, much to Pamela's dismay. Then Pam ran up on the stage and acted a damn fool.

The End.

Y&R and B&B The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly! 6-17-09

2009-06-17T11:59:00.000-07:00

So Victor and Ashley busted Adam with the Sabrina recordings today. Victor asked Adam if he has been gaslighting Ashley. DUH Mo-Fo! Adam vehemenently denied these accusations. Later, Victor asked Ashley if she wanted Adam to go back to prison. She responded that she was not convinced that Adam was even guilty. LOL! Adam lurked on a different set of stairs, eavesdropping as usual.

Billy and Raul met for coffee today. They discussed Mac and how easy it is to fall in love with her. Um. Sure. I don't even think it's easy to look at her! Billy ran off after prompting Raul to take with Mac over playing b-ball with him. Raul went to Jimmy's and slobbered all over Mac. It was gross, as usual. Then, Mac broke up with him. He convinced her to keep her damn ring, just making me hate her more.

Mac and Chloe ran into each other at the coffee house. Chloe bitched at Mac. Mac bitched right back. Chloe left after letting Mac know that if Billy can't change for Delia, he will not change for anything. Billy called Chloe and asked if he could see her and the baby. Chloe put him off for a hot second. Billy shot some hoops to relieve frustrations. Cane showed up and Billy thought he was really winning. Lily showed up and Billy got a call from Chloe. Chloe and Billy discussed the current situation. Too bad the results were negative!

Cane and Lily discussed babies. Snore. At the Chancellor mansion, Nina was going off on Jill. Jill was going off on Nina. Jill called Nina a "conniving little bitch" and Nina announced she would have Phillip's body exhumed. Jill tried to fight her on it. Nina refused to back down because her son has been diagnosed with Huntingtons disease. Cane showed up and accused Nina of going after him, which she obviously does.

All in all. It was a pretty good eppy!

B&B is horrible lately. Having said that, I don't want readers of this blog to feel like I only watch soaps to bitch about them. That is only PARTLY true. Today's episode was just like yesterdays. Pam and Donna finally got into the Price is Right. Donna tried to pretend like she didn't care about the hype when she obviously did. Pam looked at Drew Carey several times as if she wanted to eat him for breakfast or some shit.

Jackie argued with Nick. Bridget argued with Owen. Nick argued with Owen. And, I swear to god, is all that happened. Snnnoooooooooooooooooooozze!

The Price Will Be SO Wrong! 6-16-09

2009-06-16T14:15:00.000-07:00

I am about to boycott this show for it's ultimate stupidity. I don't know when, but I have a serious feeling that the Price is Right debacle will the last straw. I hope not but I did say serious!

Pam started the Price is Right crap today. The Price is Right called and told Pam to "come on down". Donna went with her and they showed up late. They were both REJECTED. They argued and Pam tried to sweet talk her way in, but to no avail. It may take a Donna + Honey formula to solve this little dilemma.

Jackie and Nick argued over Jackie's engagement to Owen. Nick went ballistic and had a fight with his desk. Owen broke the news to Bridget and the almost lovers argued over how Nick was going to react. I say who cares!?

B&B is only 19 minutes long so this is truly the shortest blog of all times. Peace!

Mary Jane Double Clicks Her Kitty 6-16-09

2009-06-16T13:15:00.000-07:00

So now Paul is in on the "let's bust Cane" crusade with Nina. Paul met Nina at Crimson Lights and was spotted by Mary Jane. Mary Jane ran away when she thought she would be detected. Paul discovered that Cane lied about some stuff. Nina called Cane to get him to answer more questions. Cane then called Katherine and asked her to get Nina off his ass. Katherine agreed. Nina came home and Katherine told her to back off, but Nina said Hell no! Then she recieved a text from Phillip IV.

Cane and Lily discussed the potential bun in Lily's oven and Cane said he couldn't be more happy. Lily lied to Cane and told him she had a seminar to go to. In truth, she went to take a home pregnancy test. The result? Negative! Lily then met with Olivia who tested Lily her damn self and broke the same bad news. Lily returned to the bar and confessed all to Cane.

Neil and Katherine were having a business meeting when Neil asked Katherine if he could hire Jill. Jill eavesdropped on the conversation and then came down and acted like a bitch as usual. This prompted Katherine to say she would rather promote Andy in accounting or something than give the job to Jill. Later, Jill met with the guy who is supposed to be finding her meaningful employment. The guy informed her that she was surrounded by scandal. Jill blah blah blahed about him never working for anyone but dayworkers and walked out. The guy seemed unphased.

Victor went to Nick's room to discuss the maybe-baby. Nick blah blah blahed about how he and Sharon belonged together, repeatedly. Victor tried to discourage him in the Sharon department, repeatedly, but to no avail.

Olivia was hangin out at Moustache Manor with Ashley. Ashley said she felt the baby kick, that it was a girl, and that her name will be Hope. Adam lurked on the stairs. Estella came over with Rafe in tow to give Victor some box of junk. Ashley flipped out all over Estella. Rafe busted out an envelope that would prove his aunt's innocence but Adam came down, confiscated the envelope and kicked Estella and Rafe out of Moustache Manor.

Devon played some one on one with himself today. Tyra showed up and Devon was pretty rude to her. Later, Devon was still playing when his girlfriend showed up to ask him to dinner. He agreed. They kissed, but Devon fantasized about kissing Tyra. Gross! Neil was forced to listen to Tyra's whining for the rest of the episode.

Just when I thought we were NOT going to get any Mary Jane action today, there she was, petting her kitty and chit chatting the night away. Suddenly, Paul knocked on the door and hugged her and was happy one second, then he was going off and threatening to expose her if she didn't expose herself in the next second. I should have known that it was just another one of Mary Jane's delusional fantasies. Then Mary Jane started chatting with Nick in the hallway of the GCAC. Nick was obviously NOT amused!

There's No Stoppin Ridge's Pill Poppin! 6-15-09

2009-06-15T12:32:00.000-07:00

Today's episode of B&B was a snooze fest, however, I find it really hard to NOT watch it. So here is what I got today:

The episode jumped off with Ridge rubbing Taylor's face like a wierdo for like 5 whole minutes. In the meantime, Stephanie locates the bottle of pills and remembers seeing Ridge take some. After the face rubbing debacle was over, Taylor walked out of the Ridge Room and Stephanie narced on Ridge. Later, Taylor confronted Ridge about his growing pill poppin problem. Ridge talked Taylor right into a round of tonsil hockey. Gross.

Brooke and Katie talked today. Katie tried to convince Brooke that Ridge would not stay gone for long. Of course, Katie, ever the dumb ass, is wrong. Brooke called Ridge and Ridge gave her the brush off when she started her pitiful love speak. Then Brooke did what I thought I could see coming from a mile away: She curled up in the fetal position and cried. Again.

I don't know how I missed Owen getting shit canned from Jackie M. Oh well. Regardless, Owen busted out the ole engagement ring and asked Jackie to marry him. He went on and on about how he wants to take care of her and yada, yada, yada.

Nick proposed to Bridget again. She accepted again. They had sex again. Snoooooooze.

And that is all B&B brought to the table today. Here's hoping that tomorrow is a better day.

Oh Damn Fuzzy! 6-15-09

2009-06-15T11:26:00.000-07:00

Today's episode of Y&R started off with Chloe doing what she loves to do most. Plot with Delia! While Chloe was justifying her actions to Delia, Billy was groping Mac at Jimmy's. He picked Mac up, slammed her on the bar stool, and took his shirt off. That's it folks. Show over. Raul showed up, courtesy of a phone call from Chloe, and ruined the whole thing. Then we forced to listen to Raul whine for the ENTIRE episode. Mac debated on breaking off the engagement, but in the end, she wimped out. If I have to hear the word "Darfur" one more time, I am going to puke.

Chloe went over to Billy's to get a "hat" and had a full on conversation with herself in the mirror. Ugh. She is starting to piss me off with the whiny clingyness. I have an idea. Let's pair Chloe up with Raul and then they can just whine together. Billy came home and tried to seduce Chloe. She was going for it too, until Billy had a guilt attack over Mac. Once again folks. Show over. Chloe went off and threw her wedding ring at Billy. Works for me!

When we left off on Friday, Jack happened upon Mary Jane watching Summer at the tack house while Phyllis handled a Restless Style emergency. Phyllis returned and Mary Jane left. This left Phyllis wide open to tell Jack that Mary Jane is a "keeper". Jack filled Phyllis in on the whole Patty Williams debacle. I found this amusing because Jack was married to Phyllis. Who keeps that kind of old school secret?

Mary Jane returned and had another amusing convo w/ her stuffed kitty. Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Mary Jane slid the damn cat under the bed like it was shoe holder. Victor called Mary Jane out on her stupid ass behavior but agreed to help her now that she had her hooks in Jack, or so she thinks. Victor left and Mary Jane proceeded to have yet another conversation with the stuffed kitty.

Victor also met Ashley's new doctor, Dr. Taylor. Olivia walked up and recognized him, and was happy that Ashley had made such a fine choice. Ashley and Olivia had a private convo and they bonded over their friendship. Once again, if I hear the word "glowing" one more time, I am going to hurl.

Until tomorrow girls and boys,,,,,,,,,,,,,peace!

My Y&R Goodies 6-13-09

2009-06-13T19:27:00.000-07:00

So as usual on Saturdays, I scrounged up a few more deets on what's coming up on this tremendously excellent show. Without further crap, here they are:

Mary Jane will continue to sink deeper into psychosis and start to believe that Jack has real genuine feelings for her. I love how crazy MJ is myself!

Look for Mac to make a decision between Raul and Billy. Hmmmm. I give myself one guess.

Daniel and Jana will go to jail. Michael will represent them. It's either Michael or Rafe and Rafe will have his hands full with Adam in the very near future.

Ashley will continue to reject Olivia while listening and trusting Dr. Taylor. Victor will approve of the evil doctor.

As I previously reported, Ashley and Victor will catch Adam with the Sabrina tapes. This will cause her to doubt that she is still with child and that her dream was not a dream after all.

Ashley will start to freak out over living at Moustache Manor but her damn ass will keep on living there.

Adam did not act alone. No word on who he collaborated with.

Other News:

Chris Engan's last air date is the 24th, so I guess we can expect Michael Muhney on the the 25th. Here's hoping anyway.

SoapNet is airing a Choose your Daddy, Cane and Billy baby debacle marathon. Considering all the great fist fights that the brothers had, it just may be worth watching all over again. This happens on the 20th.

Hope this gets you through tomorrow and up until Monday's episode. Talk to you all later!

The Low Down on B&B 6-13-09

2009-06-13T18:43:00.000-07:00

I know I talk a lot of smack about B&B, but truly I am a fan or I would not sit on my ass everyday to watch it. Having said that, I like it when Bizarro Ken (Ridge) and Mega Slut (Brooke) break up, so these days I am definitely tuning in!

When we last left off, Saggy Sailor (Nick) was too busy banging The Rug (Bridget) to go to his own business meeting, so CCUM (Owen) stepped in for him. Saggy Sailor showed up just in time to catch CCUM making out with the Crypt Keeper (Jackie). Saggy Sailor went off and the Crypt Keeper acted non-chalantly about the whole damn debacle. The Saggy Sailor ran off to sulk somewhere and CCUM dropped down to one knee and proposed to the Crypt Keeper! Damn!

Bizarro Ken broke up with Mega Slut, who was none too pleased. Mega Slut blah blah blahed about their not so real marriage. Bizarro acted distraught but it was pretty obvious by Ronn Moss's bad acting that he had already made up his mind. Bizzaro ran off to be with Dr. Lips (Taylor). Mega Slut curled up in the fetal position and cried. Boo hoo bitch! Moments later Big Dumb and Stupid (Rick) showed up, busting a John Travolta I might add, and tried to console his mother, but to no avail.

Battle Ax (Stephanie) called Dr. Lips and they blah blah blahed over Ridge's "condition". After they got off the phone, Bizarro showed up and Dr. Lips continuously left the room while Bizarro coninuously stole pills out of her purse. Then he continued to eat the pills like candy. Do I blame him? Afraid not friends!

SPOILERS:

Stephanie is going to figure out that Ridge has a pill poppin problem. Go figure. She figures everything else out. Nick obviously is going to be pissed about his mother's engagement. Nick and Bridget will get engaged themselves. Yawn. 1 Strike. 2 Strikes. 3 Strikes....you know the rest. Nick will try to give Jackie an ultimatum, him or Owen. Good luck with that Saggy! Brooke will try to ply Ridge with sex. That is such a shocker! Stephanie will thwart Brooke's lame ass attempt at seduction.

Other News:

For those of you who haven't heard, Drew Tyler Bell has signed a three year contract. This prompts me to ask this question: Will the family of squirrels living in his eyebrows be signing contracts as well?

I did not know this, but apparently, Windsor Harmon is a grandpa now. Damn that man looks good for being somebody's pee-paw!

C & S, this one is for you guys. WARNING: Bouncing quarters off of tight asses can be harmful to your health!

Jack Turns to Mary Jane for Pity Sex 6-12-09

2009-06-12T10:33:00.000-07:00

Today's episode of Y&R was full of drama and Sharonisms. Jack remains one of the most appealing characters on the show!

Jeffery tried to hire Mary Jane to do some P.R. work for him. Mary Jane told him that she catered to higher clientelle and that he should look elsewhere. Mary Jane walked away and Gloria walked up. Jeffery and Gloria discussed how they plan to blackmail her and that their problems will be solved. Later, they saw her kissing Jack and decided that Mary Jane was a high price hooker. Um. No. Try homicidal sociopath with schizophrenic tendencies.

Sharon was all set to move out of the Abbott mansion when she suddenly had a flashback of the good times with Jack. Jack came in and begged her to stay. Sharon said that Nick was her life and that she needed to be with him, but that she would miss Jack. Sharon then blah blah blahed about the flashback. Jack then begged her some more. Nick picked Sharon up. That's violation no. 1. Nick came into the house to do it. That's violation no. 2.

Nick managed to visit Phyllis as well. Michael was in attendance. Nick started blah blah blahing about divorce this and settlement that. Michael went off on Nick. Nick acted non-chalant. Michael left. Nick spoke. It pissed Phyllis off. Nick got the boot. AGAIN. Summer came downstairs looking for Nick, but Phyllis lied to her and said it was just the t.v. she heard.

I guess Jack could take no more so he went to Mary Jane for a booty call. She was happy to oblige. When Jack was done with her, Mary Jane urged Jack to stay. Jack, of course, bounced on her crazy ass anyway. Jack left and Mary Jane busted out her psycho scrap book and rubbed her finger over a picture of Phyllis. Then she showed up at the tack house with some bogus Restless Style emergency and offered to babysit Summer. Phyllis fell for it. Just as it seemed that some scary shit was going to go down, Jack showed up.

Noah showed up at the GCAC and Nick and Sharon broke the news to them. Noah went off. Nick got mad. Sharon pretended to be a mother. Noah left. He found Eden (yes, she was on today!) and asked her to move in with him.

Billy and Chloe had a talk about the whole maybe-baby debacle. Chloe spewed more insults. Mac walked in and Chloe almost told her everything. Billy did everything in his power to shut Chloe up. Mac left to go the bar. Billy quickly and predictably followed. At the bar, Mac and Billy reminisced. They danced to their stupid ass song and then the shared a hot kiss. Yes. I said it. It was pretty hot.

Chloe was busy going through Mac's stuff and calling everything boring. She happened upon Mac's Billy based scrapbook and started reading, all while wearing Mac's tiara. Guess it wasn't so boring after all.

SPOILERS:

Cane asks Katherine to get Nina off his back. Paul will also be digging up dirt on Cane. Phillip IV has Huntingtons disease so Nina needs Phillip III DNA. Nina does some research and discovers that no Cane DNA tests actually exist. She then has Phillip's body exhumed, but there is no body.

If I haven't already told you, Nick is the father of the maybe-baby. That's the plain old boring truth. No twists. No turns. Just the same boring old shit.

Victor will meet with the doctor that Adam hired for Ashley. Ashley likes the guy. Olivia will recognize him and remember him for his sexual misconduct. Ashley and Victor will figure out that Adam is the one pulling all the crap. He will convince them that it is Estella and they have charges filed against her. Rafe will visit Adam and after talking, he will become suspicious. He will begin to search through Adam's stuff. Adam will distract him by telling Rafe that he has feelings for him.

Adam will find out that he will completely lose his vision. Then he will drop his botox supply.

Daniel will make bail, but people are going to be pissed about it. Wish I knew who those people were.

Adam's Antics 6-11-09

2009-06-11T10:47:00.000-07:00

I just love how the craziness of Y&R is affecting the fans, including myself. I am amazed to see all the things that people have to say and predictions that are being thrown around. Anyway here's what I got for today's eppy:

Today's show was kind of boring actually. Paul had lunch with Heather at the GCAC. Apparently this was a big mistake because Mary Jane showed up bitching about Paul being on her turf. Heather and Paul quickly left, but suspicions are ever heightened!

Nikki was still on her crusade and she was finally able to reveal to Victor her suspicions and facts about Adam's antics. Victor then declared to Adam that he trusted him no more and that he would no longer be allowed in the house alone with Ashley. Victor stormed away and Adam spoke outloud saying that he was the one in control. Victor had the whole Travolta thing going on today. Curious as to why.

Agent Aucker showed up at Daniel's and made threats throughout the entire episode. The four musketeers all just hung out staring at him and looking scared, making failed attempts to defend themselves. I am starting to think that Aucker is in on this whole stupid scheme. I also think that looking at his ugly ass hurts my eyes.

Nikki called Victoria and told him about the Victoria crate debacle. Victor bounced on Ashley's psycho ass so fast her non-baby's head spun!

That's all I've got! If you want to check out my ABC stuff.....the link is http://www.bellaonline.com/about/ABCSoaps Thanks for all the support! I heart you all!

What the bleep is up with B&B? 6-11-09

2009-06-11T08:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was in a really crappy mood and I almost abandoned B&B forever. Upon reflection, I was thinking a little on the hasty side. Having said that, Ronn Moss needs to step up his game if he's going to be taking up so much screen time.

We all know that B&B is only about 19 minutes per episode. So, this week has been kind of slow. Ridge and Taylor are at the cabin at Big Bear and Ridge is high as a kite as a result of all the damn volumes he took. I was kind of enjoying the crazy camera stuff yesterday, but then Taylor spoke and all was lost.

I cannot stand when Brooke acts like everybody else is at fault for her son's actions. However, Ridge needs to get over it. Rick and Steffy are adults and if they want to be together, I am with Brooke, let them be!

Brooke's denial is apparent and Donna's anger is misdirected. Donna needs NOT to concentrate on Brooke's problems, but NEEDS to look at the mess in her own life. I don't think she is aware of the magnitude of the potential reunion of Stephanie and Eric. When she does become aware of the closeness between them, I am sure she will break out the honey bear bottle for all to see.

One last little question. Please feel free to tell me your answer in some form or another! Why the hell is Pam walking around, and where the hell is Marcus?

Stuffed Kitties & Falling Crates 6-10-09

2009-06-10T10:29:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I can write about Bold and the Beautiful right now without spitting negative virtual venom all over the damn place. So it's just Y&R today and we shall see where it goes from there and this totally depends on B&B getting it together!

Billy went to the Chancellor mansion to see Chloe. He begged her to come back to him, but she flatly refused. She also insulted him a lot. Not saying he doesn't deserve it; but, when Billy is sad, I am sad. Billy asked Chloe when she was going to stop being pissed at her. Chloe is a better woman than I, because he would have been laying on the ground after that little gem.

Billy ran into Mac at Crimson Lights. Mac just happened to have some scrapbook of her and Billy with her and the two looked through it together. Just when it seemed as if Mac was coming around, she rejected Billy again. Billy called her out on her true feelings, she confessed, and they were holding hands. Then she rejected him again while Chloe looked on.

Nina cornered Cane at Jimmie's and grilled him about his past. Cane tried to avoid her questions, but of course, he failed. Nina became more suspicious. When she could squeeze nothing from him, she left. Cane hurried to a dark corner and called Langley/Phillip III who was once again tending bar. I love how he kept his back to the camera as if his presence was some big surprise that we were all on pins and needles to see!

Paul cornered Mary Jane and called her out. Mary Jane told him that he was tripping. Paul had obviously struck a chord in her. Later the asshole cop showed up and announced to Paul that Mary Jane had filed charges against him for stalking and harassment. The the asshole cop took Paul to the station for questioning. Cut to Mary Jane's room and she was talking to that damn cat, confessing all her secrets. Apparently Mary Jane likes to kill birds and cats. Y&R isn't even trying to hide the fact that the cat is fake! Hilarious!

Victoria went to meet Agent Fake in the alley but Daniel beat her there. When Agent Fake showed up in the alley, Daniel demanded his painting and the fake agent whipped out a gun. Agent Fake told Daniel to leave and Daniel said he wasn't going anywhere. Out of nowhere Agent Fake was shot. DEAD. Victoria came out to do her thing and she saw Daniel run. She whispered into the mike "he's running, he's running!". Seconds later, she discovered Agent Fake's body and a conveniently huge pile of empty crates fell on top of her. That, friends, is one of her favorite pasttimes. Random shit just falls on her head.

Amber and Kevin ran around like fools assuming the worst until they hunted down Jana and demanded answers. She confessed all. The whole dead agent thing happened and they all met up at the apartment and sat in the dark. Because that truly is the smartest place to hide, right?

I will blog at you tomorrow!

Fake Art, Maybe-Baby, No-Baby, and The Flying Dead Crow 6-9-09

2009-06-09T12:46:00.000-07:00

Y&R is so good as of late, I cannot pick and choose the finest points. Oh Wait. If you subtract Daniel, Victoria, and Jana from the equation then we've got a good show!
Regardless, psychoitis is rampant is Genoa City!

After Jack stopped Phyllis from making an ass of herself at the Club, he followed her home and stayed with her all night. They did not have anymore "poor us" sex. Phyllis and Jack talked for a moment and Jack left telling her "See ya, Red". As he was walking away, Mary Jane came out of some barn like structure and said "You lost your husband, Red. So you're coming after my man, Red. Big mistake, Red."

A few minutes passed and Mary Jane knocked on Phyllis' door and encouraged her to fight for her marriage. Nick showed up and he and Phyllis had awkward conversation in Mary Jane's presence. It was obvious that she did NOT like what she was seeing. Mary Jane left.

I need to interject right here and announce that for the ENTIRE episode, an annoying bird was "singing" in the background very loudly.

Summer's teacher came by for a meeting because, well you know, teachers always make house calls. Anyway, she blah blah blahed about Nick and Phyllis' perfect love blah blah blah. Phyllis tried to point out to Nick that they did have a great love. Nick kindly told Phyllis that he still had feelings for her. Ouch. Then Phyllis told him to get out of her face. So after blah blah blahing about being a good father to Summer, Product Boy tucked tail and ran (home) to Sharon.

Sharon also had some splainin to do when Jack cornered her at the club. She tried to lie, but instantly came clean. Sharon confessed her intentions to be with Nick and Jack was devastated but supportive. As they discussed the break-up, Sharon felt the baby kick. Call me appalled when that bitch grabbed The Vein's hand and put it over the maybe-baby belly! Gah! Does she have no shame?!

Jack decided to check on Phyllis to see if her "talk" with Nick had gone as good as his "talk" with Sharon. As they discussed the days events, a suddenly silent dead crow came hurtling threw the window, shattering the glass and landing on the floor in front of him. I, for one, was extremely amused. I have the feeling you were as well! Even better? Phyllis looking at the crow and saying this: "Oh my God Jack! It really does happen to the best of us!" Quite frankly, that made absolutely no sense at all. It was still great over all though!

Daniel was set to go the alleyway to stop Agent Fake from dealing with Icky Vicky. Daniel was averted by an offer of sex from the always beautiful, but slightly misunderstood, Amber. The penis in him made him stay. Screw all those other people! Icky Vicky was getting wired up to go bust Agent Fake. J.T. came in and told her he refused to let her go through with it. By the end of the episode though, both Icky Vicky and J.T. were headed out to take down Agent Fake. Amber and Daniel were done doing the deed and Amber was pretending to be asleep so Daniel finally was able to sneak out. Amber was suspicious. She called someone. Don't know who because my damn cable froze! GAH!

Adam continued to con Ashley today. Nikki came over and confronted Adam about his lies. Adam tried to lie some more, but Nikki demanded to see Ashley. Adam's doctor showed up and played along with Adam telling Ashley that she and the baby are fine. After the doctor talked to Ashley, he went upstairs and confirmed that the baby was dead to Adam. The doctor condemned Adam for his behavior, but Adam pointed out that he had dirt on the doc. The doc agreed to keep his mouth shut. Downstairs, Ashley was kind of rude to Nikki.

Here's the two things I am pondering:

Nikki picked up the bloody towel and gave it to Adam. Now, he has her fingerprints on evidence. Hmmmmm.

Or,

Adam is going to have to off Nikki in order to keep his reign of terror going.

Victor came home and Ashley assured him that Adam has helped her a lot while he was gone. Then the two had an icky convo about their love and their baby while Adam stood lurking in the background. Next to making Ashley think she's crazy, that's his favorite thing to do!

That's all I got. Busy, busy, busy. CAW CAW!

Bondage and Breakdowns, Oh my! 6-8-09

2009-06-08T11:24:00.000-07:00

As I previously reported, Mary Jane is psycho. Oh wait. We already knew that. What I didn't personally know that she had a psycho clip out poster going on. We got to see that today as she cut out Phyllis' head, pasted it to the poster, and then had a full on conversation with it. Afterwards, she strolled down to the bar where she ran into Jack. She lured Jack upstairs and yada, yada, yada, had a nice helping of Phyllis' sloppy seconds. Jack politely thanked her when he was done using her, and she basically told him that she was willing to do anything to be with him. Jack "let her down easy" and left. I guess even bondage cannot make Mary Jane an appealing mate.

Nikki was still banging on the door at Moustache Manor, convinced that Ashley was in trouble. Adam wriggled out of the purple dress and into a more appropriate wife beater and sweats, and opened the door. He spewed some bull about Jack taking Ashley out to dinner and Nikki left, even though she didn't believe him. Adam ran back into the house and panicked over the amount of blood that was still on the floor. He seemed remorseful....but, he really isn't. Later, Nikki ran into Jack at the club and he confirmed that Adam had been lying after all.

Ashley regained consciousness and called for help. Adam came running and told her it was all a dream. Ashley seemed to accept this answer, but after a few more flashbacks, got up to confront Adam. She recounted the events of the night to Adam, who then convinced her that she really was going crazy and that what she thought happened had, in fact, been a dream. Ashley remains suspicious.

Sharon and Nick laid in bed for the entire episode basking in the afterglow. Nick rambled on about how he knows the baby is his, blah, Cassie's prophecy, blah, we belong together, blah...Sharon explained to Nick that she owes Jack an explanation. Um. Correction! You owe him a lot more than that, Bitch!

Phyllis and Jack had some after-sex talk about fighting for the ones they love. Jack decided to fight for Sharon. Phyllis didn't decide anything. She thanked Jack for being there for her. Jack said "Anytime!" like he lent her a cup of sugar or something. Phyllis tried to be brave, but broke down as she confessed the whole damn ugly mess to Daniel.

Victoria and Jana met with Agent Fake and Victoria slapped him with a few verbal insults. Jana tried to convince Victoria to call the police. Agent Fake convinced her not to, using her love of art to get to her. Victoria stopped everything because she needed to think. Um. Sure. Whatever. She must have thought long and hard because two seconds later she agreed to meet Fake Agent in an alley with no back up. That's using the old noodle. Jana looked on disapprovingly. Agent Fake left and Victoria confessed to Jana that she would go to the feds.

Victoria did go to the Feds and they asked her to wear a wire. Jana ran to Daniel and they both shared in a moment of panic over Victoria's involvement with the Feds. This can only go one way, and that's BAD.

On B&B today, Brooke sided with Rick and Steffy who want to get back together. Ridge refused to accept the repairing. He also refused to accept Brooke's acceptance of the couple. He told Brooke he could take no more, that he was losing his sanity, and that he was DONE. He then went to be "alone" at Phoebe's gravesite.

Taylor and Thomas were already there, conveniently discussing the fact that Ridge is with Brooke when they should be a family. Thomas magically disappeared, leaving Taylor waiting for the mourning Ridge. After crying on her shoulder, Ridge told Taylor he was losing it. She pulled out a bottle of volumes or some shit and gave him one to "take the edge off". Where I am from, that's called a felony. Damn! Can Taylor do no wrong?! Taylor then packed up Ridge and took him to Big Bear. Brooke continued to try to reach Ridge, but Taylor made sure he didn't get Brooke's calls. Later, Ridge swallowed some more pills. Guess looking at Taylor nowadays is harder than we thought.

Eric was still trying to convince Stephanie that she should come back to Forrester. Stephanie promptly told him that he just needed her to save his ass and the ass of the company. Well said!

Just doing CBS updates on this blog now, so if you want to see my ABC stuff, go to my new site http:www.bellaonline.com/ABCSoaps and join my forum! Thanks for reading!

Insanity Ensues! 6-7-09

2009-06-07T18:18:00.000-07:00

Suddenly I have a life and that is taking some getting used to. My blogging, if you have noticed, has been seriously lacking. My soap viewing, however, has not so here's what I got:

Y&R:

Last week, Sharon decided that she really was going to stick it out with Jack. Jack proposed to Sharon and she came up with a hundred different reasons why she could not remarry him. She failed to mention the real reason, which was that she was waiting for Nicholas to come around. Mary Jane cornered Sharon and told her that if she didn't leave Jack alone, she was going to hurt Sharon. A lot of people want to do that right now, so this isn't surprising to anyone.

Over at the tack house, Nick came home after avoiding Phyllis for a hot second. Phyllis demanded answers before he could even put his briefcase down. Nick told Phyllis that things just weren't working and he wanted a divorce. He finally admitted the truth, which was that he was still in love with Sharon and that he wanted to be with her.

Phyllis screamed and yelled. She did say she wasn't going to cry over his loser ass. Well, she didn't say those words but the principle was the same. Nick went to the club and got a room. Sharon, who for some odd reason still has her room, walked past the door as he was letting himself into his room. He invited her in.

Nick and Sharon discussed Nick's feelings and his pending divorce. They chatted about it being a dream come true and then promptly had "poke the baby in the head" sexual relations. Phyllis in the meantime called Jack in a panic and he came running. They talked about the respective dooms of their relationships. Yada yada yada: Jack attacked Phyllis and they had hot raunchy sex all over the tack house couch. The creepy factor was evident as the camera cut to the window and there stood Mary Jane watching in horror as Jack did the nasty with somebody besides her.

More creepiness set in over at Moustache Manor as Adam's evil plan came to fruition even more than even Adam himself had planned. Victor conveniently went on an overnight business trip. Nicholas promised to watch over Ashley. Obviously, he was busy. Adam played more creepy Sabrina voice clippings and Ashley got scared. Adam busted out and went drag by putting on a purple Sabrina-esque dress and matching Sabrina-esque wig.

Ashley went in search of the voice and encountered what she thought to be Sabrina but as the lightning flashed she could see it was Adam. I guess this really scared the mess out of her because she fell down the stairs. Adam panicked and knelt to help her just about the same time that Nikki showed up and knocked on the door, concerned about Ashley herself.

I read that Adam has some dirt on the doctor that comes to examine Ashley. The doctor will discover that Ashley has miscarried but Adam will blackmail him into telling Ashley that she and the baby are find. Later, Ashley will tell Adam that she feels the baby kicking. That's some creepy sh*t!

Also, I have been privy to some of Monday's episode and was completely shocked to see Jack hook up with Mary Jane at the GCAC bar. After plying Jack with a couple of bourbon on the rocks, Jack agreed to go up to MJ's room to discuss business. Once upstairs, Mary Jane made her move. She blindfolded Jack and broke kinky on his ass, an act he can't resist, EVER. So yes, Mary Jane gets Phyllis' sloppy seconds and Jack left her high and dry afterwards telling her "Well, it's been fun!"

OK That's all I got for now. I am busy with my ABC site so if you want updates on those, you can always catch my blogs over on my forum. Just hit me up and I shall send you the link!

What's up with Moustache Manor?! 6-1-09

2009-06-01T18:16:00.000-07:00

Okay. So I have been busy and have just at this moment managed to sit my butt down long enough to compile my thoughts. Here's what I got for today's travesties:

Y&R:

Ashley's ever declining mental state caused Victor to bring in a psych doctor whom the Moustache informed that he believed that Ashley could be doing the ish to herself. Adam went to Ashley's room and told her what she wanted to hear and she thanked him profusely for being such a good friend. The Vein showed up shortly after to check on Ashley only to find out that he had been omitted from knowing the latest Ashley news. After it was apparent that The Moustache and The Vein were about to have a throw down of some sort, Ashley was escorted upstairs by Dr. Fix It Olivia. The boys did NOT play nice after she left the room. Later, Ashley had an odd conversation with Statue Sabrina who told her that she was not crazy. Jana spent the entire afternoon trying to convince Kevin that he should feel bad for the mean emails he keeps recieving. Daniel got a call from the Fake FBI agent and he was forced to lie to Amber again. Later Daniel and Amber went to try to convince Kevin that he should feel bad for the stupid emails. Jack tried to convince Phyllis that he had a "handle" on Sharon. Phyllis, of course, was unconvinced. Nick was trying to convince Sharon that they belong together. After a short kiss, Sharon rejected Nick and ran home to Jack's waiting arms. Nick was standing there holding himself when in walked Big Red who wanted to know right then and there where she stood.

B&B:

In the beginning of today's episode, Eric and Skeletor argued over Stephanie and her many shenanigans. Bill and Stephanie argued over their partnership, which has now been turned into a war. Stephanie threatened Bill and this prompted him to call the journalist. The Journalist came running and Bill told him to dig us some FC company dirt on Eric. The Journalist did about 5 minutes of digging on a laptop and found out that Eric had stolen the identities of dead people to hire illegal workers. Meanwhile, Stephanie ran to Eric and confessed all. Eric exploded all over Stephanie, reading her the riot act and calling Bill a pariah. The Saggy Sailor and Jackie argued over her relationship with Owen. Jackie told the Saggy Sailor not to be fuddy duddy, which I found to be rather amusing coming from the Crypt Keeper. Owen conveniently showed up for a "meeting". The meeting was actually the Saggy Sailor and Owen's excuse to trade worthless man barbs with one another. Saggy left for whatever reason and Jackie and Owen decided to do the senior citizen hustle all over Nick's desk.

OLTL:

In Llanview today, Rex ran into Gigi and Schyler at the park or some other random outside location. There, he insulted Gigi and Sky because he thought there was something going on between them. After spilling all of Sky's secrets to Gigi, Rex left the outside location to return to his now home with Super Skank, leaving Sky to deal with the wrath of Gigi. After being a judgmental bitch, Gigi was reduced to guilt ridden after Sky busted a guilt trip on her ass. The dynamic duo went to the lab to get Skank's blood bag, and Alas! It was missing. Looks like Hot Ass Kyle got the best of them again. Stacy the Skank convinced the Smarmy Pimp to punch her in the face. We were not privy to the actual punch, but I have a very vivid imagination. In my mind, it was great. Only in my mind, It was I who was punching her in the face. Not sure if anyone else noticed, but I found it super amusing that the Smarmy Pimp was suddenly attracted to the Skank after he was able to punch her in the face and get away with it. When we left off Friday, Brody had made his way to Nash's parents house. Today, Bess opened the door and went the hell off. Brody tried to get through to Jessica, even telling her that he loved her. As he was trying to convince J/B/T/L to come home with him, Nash's dad broke bad on Brody with a shot gun. After busting some gun knowledge and telling the Dad that he knew the guy wouldn't shoot him, The Mom came out of nowhere and smashed Brody in the back of the head. That's when Jessica came out and was shocked at her surroundings and the fact that her man was knocked the hell out. Starr and Blair bonded over the baby. Marcy freaked out over the baby. Cole ran to Rachel and told her about the baby. Starr told Todd that she's ready to start over now that she knows that he's not responsible for her baby's death. Todd tried to push Starr into more, but she held firm that he had NOT been forgiven.

That's all I got my peeps! I'll chat at you all tomorrow!

Several Servings of Spoilers 5-30-09

2009-05-30T15:01:00.000-07:00

We all love spoilers, me included; therefore, I have a few gems to share with you on this fine Saturday evening:

Y&R:

As Paul gets closer to learning the truth about Mary Jane, she will file charges against him for stalking. I'm going to need her to let me know how that works out for her. Mac will confess her true feelings for Billy and kiss him. Nina will question Cane about his past, he will panic, and he will call Phillip III/Langley. Ashley will fall down the stairs after catching Adam being Sabrina. She will lose the baby. After, she will remember that it was Adam that she saw, but Adam will convince her that it is all in her head. Victoria will be all over Adam like white on rice. Agent Fake FBI will get murdered and Daniel will be the main suspect. Yawn. I am pretty sure we've been down this road before. Cane's lies will be exposed and Lily will leave him. I am sure it will not be permanent. After Nick announces that he no longer wants to be with Phyllis, Sharon rejects him. She will try to convince all involved that she and Jack are committed to working things out and raising the maybe-baby together. Phyllis will confront Nick about the status of their marriage. He will confess his true feelings for Sharon and ask for a divorce regardless of who Sharon chooses to be with. Phyllis will be devastated and as I blogged about recently, will go to Jack for support. They will have sex. Billy will tell Chloe about his trysts with Sharon and the maybe-baby.

B&B:

Stephanie's plan to take over Forrester Creations will backfire when Bill Jr. says he won't sell to her if he happens to acquire it. Bill has proof that Eric has been involved in some shady business dealings and he tells Stephanie that he plans to use it to get control of FC. Stephanie, realizing the mess that she has caused, will run to Eric and reveal all. They will bond, but who knows where it will go. Eric and Stephanie will team up to stop Bill. Owen and Nick will come to almost-blows after Nick learns that Owen moved in with Jackie. Jackie will stop him and send Nick on his merry way and then proceed to make cougar love to Owen all over Nick's desk. Ew.

FYI: Bold and the Beautiful has finally, after all these years, been extended to an hour. There is a God.

AMC: I have very little. I have posted some spoilers for this week in a recent blog so travel back a few pages and read up! I do know that Babe2 will come back this week in ghost form. Here's hoping that when she returns to the dark side, she takes Marissa with her.

OLTL: Brody will get into Nash's parents house in one piece, but he won't be able to get Jess to overpower the rest of her innerbeings. Bo will figure out all and he and a mob of police will surround Nash's parents house. Bess will take Chloe hostage to avoid arrest. Viki's alter ego, Jean Randolph, will be the only one to get Bess to listen to reason and Viki will pretend to be her to get through to Jessica. Jessica will learn the truth and remember that her baby is actually dead. Todd and Blair's truce will come to a screeching halt. Marty will confess her true feelings for McPain.

FYI: Forbes March had joined the cast of ATWT and will be mostly seen with Noah. Could this mean that old-Nash will be gay?

FYI x2: Catherine Hickland is returning! yay!

GH: Luke will leave town. We all know this because he leaves every summer, for obvious reasons. Lulu will spy Ethan with Nu-old Emily/Rebecca and ponder the connection. Nikolas and Emily will FINALLY have sex. Morgan will ask Michael to move back in to Carly's so they can be closer to each other. Carly and Sonny will come to an agreement on the living arrangements. Carly will most likely pack up and move in with Sonny and Claudia. Olivia will tell Sonny her suspicions about Claudia. Funny, I was pretty sure she knew the truth. Michael is pissed at Robyn and will be quite vocal about it. New Kristina will finally make her appearance this week.

FYI: Billy Dee Williams reprises his role as Toussaint this week!

That's all I got. I hope this tides you over until Monday....

Catastrophic Cliffhangers 5-30-09

2009-05-30T07:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's eppy of Y&R was stressful. That is the only word I can use to describe it. Phyllis was stressed as she quickly realized that Nick was getting ready to bounce on her and Summer to be with Sharon and the maybe-baby. Nick spit out some bull about how he didn't want to hurt her and Phyllis responded by saying "That's sweet of you. You should have thought about that." I agree! Nick is driven by his next "sperm elimination", so everything Phyllis screeched at him flew right over his product contaminated head. Phyllis finally resorted to begging Nick. Nick's penis pointed to the West and he was off to locate her, leaving Phyllis to seek out Jack. Over at the Abbott mansion, Sharon and Jack were "mending" their shattered relationship. Tranlation: Sharon led Jack on while Jack talked about the future. As soon as she could, Sharon ran to Restless Style to hook up with Nick and hook up they did! Nick told Sharon that he was divorcing the Red Headed She-Devil Phyllis and that he wanted to be with her. The conversation that she had with The Vein only moments before flew out the window and Sharon and Nick proceeded to attack one another like 2 wilderbeasts in the plains during mating season. Ashley continues to actually lose it and The Moustache and Dr. Fix it All (Olivia) are becoming quite concerned. Ashley went off on Dr. Fix when she suggested that Ash see a psychiatrist. Victoria and J.T. were actually present during this episode; however, they were busy playing mystery busters and J.T. did NOT take off his shirt. But, they did go to Adam's room and after discovering that the door was locked, promptly broke on in. Adam was off reaping havoc upon Ashley's psyche but quickly covered when he returned with a bottle of vintage vino from the Moustache Manor basement. That same bottle of vino is going to get his ass busted. When The Moustache went to question The Blind One about his recent activities, he noticed the vino and mentioned that is was a classic wine. I saw the the light bulb go off in his head when he realized that Adam must have been able to read the label in order to select such a fine choice. Adam even asked The Moustache to join him for a drink of his own sh*t. I was a little surprised by that, but not so surprised when Victor declined his offer.

B&B upset me with its stupidity yesterday. Eric called an emergency meeting and asked everyone to come up with a plan to stop Bill from taking over Forrester Creations. Donna very dramatically busted out with "There's only one way to save this company!" which was followed by Eric saying "Well if you know of a way to save this company, it is your duty to tell us. Just tell us Skeletor." Ok. He didn't say Skeletor, but I sure wish he would. Anyway, what the hell is Skeletor going to do, tell everyone that she can save the company if she bangs the Ass God (Bill)? Gah! That doesn't even have a modicum of reality to it. The Saggy Sailor (Nick) and The Rug (Bridget) had sex throughout the show. I wish my DVR wasn't broken because I wanted to fast forward so bad the tips of my fingers were throbbing. Stephanie walked around L.A. talking smack to anyone who had the balls to talk to her. She is riding high on her new found freedom and I cannot say that I blame her. Bill thinks he's got something on her, but I fear that he is mistaken. The Ass God decided that he wants payback for all the shenanigans he has helped The Battle Ax (Stephanie) pull. I ponder if he'll ever get it.

OLTL was full of tear jerkers as Todd, Skankbrook, and Ms. Southern Belle Reject (Blair) dropped the baby bomb to Cole and Starr. Cole and Starr were ecstatic and showed their emotions by hugging on one another. Jbo and I were discussing this scene and we both decided that it would have been better if they would have had "our baby is alive" sex right there on the couch, regardless of which parental units were in the room. McPain dropped the bomb to Marcy and Michael. Then we had to listen to Marcy whine and scream about "her" baby. Just leave already! The Smarmy Pimp called Stacy the Skank that if she didn't give him his money her life was going to "go up in smoke". Rex walked in and the Skank whined about the money. Rex whipped out a duffle bag full of cash and offered to save the day. Stacy went on and on about how grateful she was and how she knows that their is a deeper meaning to Rex's assistance. Rex then got the idea in his head that he could trick the Smarmy Pimp somehow and headed off to the park to meet the pimp, sans cash. Stacy called the pimp and told him to hurry up and come over while Rex was gone. When he arrived, Stacy handed over the duffle bag and then asked the pimp to do her a favor. Meanwhile, Gigi and Schyler somehow got lab clearance and realized that the DNA tests showed that Stacy was a perfect match for Shane's. Schyler realized that it must be rigged somehow and he and Gigi pondered who could have been helping the Skank. Schyler put 1 and 1 together and realized that it was Hot Ass Kyle who was helping the Skank with her dirty deeds. Kyle then tricked some random guy into leaving the presence of the lab computer and Kyle did a little test tampering. Bess/Tess/Jess/Lochness spied on Nash's parents while they watched Viki's press conference on television. Nash's father wanted to call the police so J/B/T/L practically flew down the stairs and proceeded to weasle her way out of the po po call by making Nash's idiot parents feel sorry for her. Brody spent most of this episode questioning the car salesman and searching for J/B/T/L. At the end, Brody arrived at Nash's parents and.....Nothing. And that's why it's called Cliffhanger Friday folks!

Over in Port Charles, Carly's pregnancy libido was kickin into high gear, but Jax shot her down saying he didn't want to hurt her or the baby. But hurt her he did! Over at the hospital, Claudia and Jason were arguing and Sonny walked in and interrupted them telling them to save it for another day. As the three mobsters were visiting with Michael, Sonny stared on in a mix of shock and horror as Michael and Claudia the Clingy bonded big time. Ethan and Luke sat around chit chattin and taking shots. Robin, wearing a very cute little top, questioned Holly about her reasons for telling Ethan that Scorpio was his dad and therefore her brother. Maxie returned from her latest Crimson venture and made a bee line for Spinelli. He was not shy about his shock that she was faithful and behaved herself while she was gone. Then, they ran off to go extract data from Kate's stolen blackberry. This is all I've got because my son forced me to change the channel to Yo Gabba Gabba. Go figure figure.

Peace out my chicas. Spoiler blog will be posted later!

2009-05-30T06:45:00.000-07:00

The Top 10 Reasons To Watch Soaps: Gigi and Jbo

2009-05-29T20:16:00.000-07:00

Jbo and I decided that too many people lack the appreciation for the greatness of Soap Operas. Therefore, we compiled a list of what we believe are the top 10 reasons to watch soaps. They are as follows:

10. "The Moustache

Victor Newman and Jack Abbott hate one another. We all know that. But only true fans will know that Jack's little term of endearment for Victor,"The Moustache", goes back decades.

9. Split Personalities

Split personalities are quite common on soaps. However, No one does it better than OLTL's Bree Williamson. Bree portrays Bess, Tess, and Jess, all of whom are intertwined and have creepy conversations with one another. They even have their own individual fashion sense!

8.Spinelli Speak

Never in daytime has there been a code name king of Spinelli's caliber. I know I get a laugh! I'm sure the "Dark Knight", "Stone Cold", "Maximista", and the "Original Blond One" all do as well. Jbo and I did notice that Luke has his own code names for everyone....Maybe Spin is Luke's son too!

7. Who's Your Daddy Plotlines

Baby daddy drama is a constant on soaps. I think we all got used to the same old same old when it comes to this predictable storyline. Sharon Case showed us how lack of birth control during a manic swing can destroy half of a whole town and one of the most loved couples in daytime.

6. Long Lost Relatives

As unrealistic as these storylines are, they are one of the only avenues that Soap people can use to bring in new actors and old actors that are playing new versions of their old characters. We get that. So I have to ask: Was it really necessary for AMC to come up with this whole convoluted Krystal/Babe/Marissa storyline just to bring in the actress that plays Marissa? If you ask me, she likes like a toy dog of some kind.

5. Dopplegangers and Resurrections:

There are other methods of bringing back old actors as new characters, or just to have a crazy evil twin storyline. Take the case of Adam/Stuart. Stuart was killed so that David Canary could slow down and get better. Now, we will be subjected to annoying Whodunnit brewhaha for months....Victor Newman, Sheila Carter, & Stephano Dimera are examples of people who have been, on more that 2 occasions, have died so that their portrayer can work on other projects. When the actor is ready to return...BOOM...instant "Resurrection".

4. Serial Killers and Long Drawn Out Murder Mysteries

These two go hand in hand on soaps. OLTL fans have just been released from the grips of the KAD Killer Storyline. Powell broke out of the loony bin to reap havoc upon Todd for raping Marty and not accepting responsibility for his part in the crime. Powell did manage to stir up some dust in Llanview before being killed by John McPain.

3. Padded Cells

No soap opera set is exempt for the dreaded "padded cell" set. Whether the contraption is being used via mental hospital or via some sort of love dungeon is and always will be anybody's guess.

2. Cake Fights

We have all come to know and love our catfights and Katherine and Jill have been going at it since Central Park was a grass seed. After discovering that Katherine was not her mother after all, Jill crashed the wedding of Chloe and Billy and started to spew her venom at Katherine. After taking all she could, Katherine screamed out: "Forgive Me Chloe!" and then promptly removed a huge hunk of wedding cake and shoved it in Jill's face. This wedding will go down in history as the Cake Fight Debacle.

And *drum roll* last but not least:

1. Hot Sex: A Must in Natural Disasters and other Random Tragedies

I think we can all agree that soaps are like porn for chics. Having said that, regardless of how entertaining we may find it to be, these storylines take the cake in being the most ridiculous! The top two Natural Disaster Sex Addicts choices are:

Ryan Lavery: Ryan tends to get needy during bad weather. He needs a lot of coddling, holding, and humping.

Nicholas Newman: Nick will use anything, including his daughter Cassie's tragic death, to get a piece of ass. It is a proven fact.

Let me and jbo2231 what you think about our choices for top 10. I am always interested in what others have to say...If you have a top 10 idea, please share! You know where to find me....

The Vein Against the World 5-29-09

2009-05-29T01:37:00.000-07:00

This blog is coming a little late because I am a very busy woman. Regardless, Y&R was so good I'm going to need for you to listen to me bitch anyway. The episode started with more bonding between Phyllis and The Vein. The conversation was the same old same old, but the tears were genuine and I was torn! While telling her tales of woe, Phyllis told Jack that she loved Nick more than any man that she had ever loved. Here's a point. I think The Vein is running out of places in his back to STAB. Phyllis quickly realized the error of her ways, but it was too late. The Vein unleashed the tears and it was all over after that. He hooked up with Sharon and before she confess her brother bangin' ways, he confessed that he was already aware. Of course, The Vein kept all his anger inside and tried to assure Sharon that he was all about her and the baby. Nick showed up at Restless Style to "talk" to Phyllis and gently broke the baby news. Phyllis, god love her, even made me believe she was surprised by the news. She cried and Nick got that dumb ass look on his face that he gets every time he is in "trouble". We were also subjected to much talk about "Cassie's Prophecies". I could tell even Sharon Case felt like an idiot everytime she had to say it. Ashley woke up in agony and The Moustache called an ambulance. While they waited for it to arrive, Adam took it upon himself to offer his help in the event that anyone would want or need it. After she was rushed to the hospital, Ashley got the all clear from the doctors. Just when this appeared to be yet another Ashley false alarm, Adam somehow managed to slip out of the window, go the hospital, and slipped a Sabrina-esque photo album into Ashley's purse. She found it, freaked out, and The Moustache was "astounded" at the convenient arrival of the book. J.T. and Victoria were on. That needs to happen for often! (sans Victoria)

3 Key Points about this eppy:

1. Even Devon thinks Tyra is a skank.
2. Abby's side ponytail was a scary throwback to the late 80's.
3. Lily robbed Tyra at gun point and stole her weave.

Short Spoiler: Ashley will start a conversation with the Sabrina statue. I'll be damned if the cement bitch isn't going to talk back!

On B&B, Thomas and Rick got into an almost-brawl which was, of course, broken up by Ridge and the rest of the parental figures. Thomas did get in a good one: "Your family is a joke!" Yes Thomas, and we are ALL laughing. Brooke stuck up for Rick. Ridge and Taylor stuck up for Thomas. Taylor tried to convince Ridge to be with her some more, he continued to be convinced some more. Ridge argued with Brooke and came very close to spilling the marriage isn't legal beans. Nick and Bridget made me sick as Nick tried to do Bridget on the stairs and she told him she would rather talk. OK. I would rather they both die. That's just me. Stephanie somehow made her way to Brooke and spit out this little ditty: "What's the matter Brooke, did I hurt your feelings?"

Spoilers: Stephanie and Bill will soon butt heads. Um. I knew it was too good to last. Nick will warn Owen to stay away from Jackie. Owen will then high tail it over to Jackie for a booty call. Then, to make matters worse, Jackie and Owen will move into together. Eric and Stephanie will have a "moment" which will be witnessed by Donna. Bill will go to new lengths to get with Donna. My only question? What's Skeletor have that I don't have?

On AMC, J.R. and Scott discussed the guilt that Scott is harboring over Stuart's death. Kendall called Red-Liza a bitch. Then she got arrested. During this debacle, Ryan was on the other side of town, letting Erica blame him for the world's problems. After getting wind of Kendall's arrest, Erica went to Jesse and told him to arrest her little ass too. He didn't. Jake and Amanda bonded over the baby some more. At Stuart's funeral, Red Liza showed up and Colby called her a murderer and told her to leave. J.R. stuck up for her and told Colby to shut her whining trap. Those were not his exact words. During the funeral Tad got up and started singing, then the rest of the town started singing as well. Not only did I feel like I was in the twilight zone, but I also felt a little nauseated. Scott had some flashbacks of close moments between himself and Stuart. Looks like Amanda was about to go into labor. Erica confronted Red-Liza about her role in Kendall's arrest. For a hot second, I thought Erica was going to grab a stack of phone books to stand on and then promptly punch Red-Liza in the face. Alas....

Spoilers: Krystal will seek out Tad's assistance. Red-Liza will continue to look guilty. Ryan will confront Annie. Colby will accuse Red-Liza of murdering Stuart. Jake will hatch a scheme in order to pull a fast one over on David. Krystal will accuse David of Stuart's murder. She will tell Marissa to steer clear of him. Red-Liza and David will form an allicance.

On OLTL, Blair came insanely close to telling Starr that Hope was alive. Christian and Layla had some scenes involving some ugly ass art. All I heard was "blah blah blah blah blah". Michael and Marcy were still trying to get information from the funeral home who gave him the brush off. Cole and Skankbrook continued to bond over her refreshed memory. It really irritated me that Skankbrook kept looking at Cole's mouth when he talked. On soaps, that can only mean one thing....Todd and Viki discussed the arrival of Bess and Todd appeared to care. He eventually showed his true colors by staking claim to the child. Bess/Tess/Jess/Lochness argued out in the open in a public place in the middle of the daytime. No one found that strange? Bess finally arrived at the Parents Nash and announced to them that Nash was dead and that Chloe was their grandchild. After viewing Nash's parents in action, I found myself pondering if they had some serious mental issues of their own.

That is seriously all I got. I'm going to need myself to go to sleep. Peace!

Oh Morris! 5-27-09

2009-05-27T16:59:00.000-07:00

Y&R was business as usual today. If the business is SCANDAL! It is quickly dawning on Jill that she really is in financial trouble and she went to ask Jack for a "bail out". Jack, still reeling over the Sharon and Billy news, told Jill that she has had her chance to play nice and to go "Ask the Moustache for help!" Jill made a bee line for Billy Bad Ass and upon finding him, asked him to talk to Jack for her. Billy semi-confessed to Jill about the current goings on telling her that this time "it's bad." Bad? Um. Correction. SCANDALOUS! Cut to Gloria and Jeffrey, who also realize that they are in dire need of some financial assistance. Their debt ever increasing, Jeffrey and Gloria went to Phyllis and asked her if they could rent the penthouse. I had to give Gloria an A for effort. She tried to quickly glaze over the fact that she and her hubby Jeffrey would be lacking in the 1st and last months rent. Phyllis is no dummy as we all know, and she told the broke ass couple that she would be doing things by the book. Gloria quickly covered again, assuring Phyllis that they would be more than willing to do things right. Translation: Gloria thinks she can pull a fast one on Phyllis. I think NOT. Gloria thinks she's good at being bad. NEWS FLASH: The good ones don't get caught. Repeatedly. Back at Billy's, Jill discovered that Chloe and Delia had left and although she didn't know the deets, she instinctively knew it was Billy's fault. Billy was offended at this. At the Chancellor mansion, Raul was saying his goodbyes to Mac and Chloe was lurking around checking her phone for messages from Billy. Mac tried to force a repeat performance of the bonding session she had with Chloe the other day, but Chloe responded by saying "This is all your fault." No. I'm pretty sure it's all Chloe's fault, but hey, what the hell do I know? Billy did call Chloe, but her messages were not to her liking. Quite frankly, they were not to my liking either. Too bad it's real hard to stay mad at Billy. Jack had some more drinks and had another conversation with Ghost John. Then he went to Phyllis and told her that he wanted to talk about Sharon's baby. Olivia went to see Ashley. After having a conversation in which Olivia placated Ashley, Olivia went to Victor and basically stabbed her best friend in the back. Adam was, of course, lurking around ready to jam the proverbial knife into Ashley's back a little further. Adam then woke up to what was obviously a miscarriage scare. I don't even like Ashley and I am starting to feel bad for her.

B&B wasn't too exciting today. However, I must note that Mega Slut Barbie must have smelled the new meat in town, because she sure followed the Armani scent all the way to the Ass God's office. I was completely un-surprised when she flirted with Ass God and he flirted in return. I am starting to think that the Ass God would flirt with a rock if he thought he could get something out of it. The Ass God proceeded to let the Mega Slut think that she had the upper hand and allowed her to do her own podcast in which she slammed Stephanie and Taylor. Stephanie was enjoying a meal with Bizarro Ken and Numb Lips McGee (Taylor) and the two ladies were trying to convince Bizarro to "come over to the dark side" and help them take down the Logans. Stephanie seemed extra happy to be able to scheme freely and left the two stupids remaining at the table. Taylor then insulted Mega Slut and suprised me with this little gem: "You were so much happier when you were with me. Come back to me Ridge." I guess I shouldn't have been surprised; however, I must admit I am surprised every time Numb Lips acts assertive. Ridge got that look on his face that tells me that he already has "gone back to her", at least in his brainless head.

The citizens of Llanview never cease to amaze me. When we left off yesterday, Rex was confronting Stacy the Skank about the smarmy pimp and his $20k. I thought that maybe, just maybe, Rex was going to see the light, but by the end of today's eppy, the b*tch had convinced King Baby (Rex's new nickname) that Smarmy was picking on her. Schyler was still trying to convince Gigi that he was telling her the truth about the Skank's true role, or lack there of, in Shane's bone marrow transplant. Their conversation was rife with entertainment and after Gigi told Schyler that he was "insane" and that what he was saying was "impossible", he responded by saying one of my favorite phrases: "I know, right?!" Blair and Todd bonded some more. Blair wasn't the only one bondin'. Over at Skankbrooks, McPain and Skankbrook discussed "paper airplanes" because apparently they have some significance that I am supposed to know about. Um. I draw a blank. You are never going to hear me say this again but McPain and Skankbrook had a very HOT moment today. And that's all I am going to say about that. Todd went to visit Tea who woke up. Even with her bruised up condition, she managed to be a smart ass, telling Todd "it sounds like you're starting to care about me..." followed by "hee, hee, hee, hee". Upon learning that Tea was awake, Blair rushed to be by her new besty's side. This move, of course, was a ploy to get the rest of Tea's secrets out of her proverbial closet. I'm just guessing, but I think the "big secret" is that Tea has breast cancer. Can't think of anything else that is storyline worthy....

GH was so good today, I thought I was watching a different show. I literally checked my cable guide. Anyway, let us begin with Claudia the Clingy. The show began with her whining and crying and yelling at Johnny. Johnny yelled at her back, pointing out that she is a selfish creature who deserves little redemption. Then, we were privy to Claudia yelling at the Eel (Ric) and the Eel telling Claudia that they would be good together. Yes Eel. We know you are leaving...hows about you take that clingy b*tch with you! Jax visited Michael in the hospital and they traded smart ass insults for a while. Lulu, who was also sporting the Cleavage, also visited Michael and they bonded over hospital cheeseburgers. Sonny tried to talk Olivia and the Cleavage out of getting involved with Johnny. Olivia told him to mind his own business and that she would sleep with whoever she wanted too. Later, Sonny went to Johnny and they fought over Olivia and the Cleavage. After her confrontation with Sonny, Olivia decided to tell Jax about her relationship with Johnny before someone else did. Jax questioned Olivia and the Cleavage for a moment, followed by "hey, I'm not judging..." Cut to Ric and Claudia, who were STILL arguing and trading nasty insults when Sonny came in and said "Ric, what the hell are you doing in my house again?" Ric wormed his way out of the tense situation while Claudia looked on in pinched up face horror. Johnny and Olivia then met up, kissed, and the Olivia and the Cleavage promplty left, leaving Johnny and little Johnny hanging. No pun intended. Or was it? Anyway, Lucky and Nikolas argued over Nu-old Emily. Liz confronted Nu-old Emily and called her out on her Bizarro Emily ways, including the purple blouse she has been sporting for 3 days. Alexis tried to enlist the help of the Mayor to take down Nu-Old Emily and Helena and he tried to enlist Alexis into bed. She responded by saying this: "I think you need a lesson on how this works. I have a gift for attracting psychopaths." You think? Robin finally bonded with Emma today. I cried. She bonded with Patrick. I cried. Finally, Robin told Emma that Patrick was a good daddy while Patrick listened in the doorway. I cried some more. And when I say cry, I mean mascara down the face cry.

That's all I got. I can type no more....

Jack's Veins & Sharon's Shenanigans 5-26-09

2009-05-26T21:41:00.000-07:00

I need to start off by saying that I love me some Sharon Newman Abbott. However, she was irking the mess out of me today. Upon learning that his wife had banged the snot out of his kid brother's nose, Jack was understandably upset. He confronted Billy and after screaming so hard his veins got a sore throat, promptly told his brother that he would never forgive him for this. I want to give some props to both Peter Bergman and Billy Miller for their perfomances today. Billy really looked like he wanted to cry and run into the nearest closet to hide. Enter Sharon and Chloe, who could tell that something was going on. They both seem to instinctively know not to ask what the spat was about. After Chloe grabbed Billy's chain and dragged him home, Sharon tried to talk to Jack. Jack was in a state of shock and disbelief. Sharon tried to coax him into confiding in her and then acted like he was being a pain in her ass because he wasn't as happy as she wanted him to be. This earns her the Bitch award for the day. Chloe and Billy went home and Billy thought it would be a great idea to continue his abuse towards my favorite fashionista. I beg to differ! Chloe quickly packed up Delia and moved out. Mac and Raul informed Billy that they were getting hitched. Ray Charles could have seen the pain in Billy's eyes. Speaking of blind people...Adam was up to his never ending misdeeds at the Newman Ranch today. Ashley and Victor have no idea that they are on candid camera. I must make a confession. Watching Ashley makes me want to rip out my eyeballs and feed them to the dog, and listening to her voice makes me want to cut off my own ears and flush them down the toilet. Regardless, Ashley let out a blood curtling scream after discovering Adam's latest gift. Adam walked around acting like he was on her side. After everything that happened in real life last week, I have to say that watching Adam just wasn't the same. Tell me how you feel on twitter because I sure want to know what you ladies are thinking! Any thoughts I had of boycotting Adam scenes were eliminated however when I thought that Ashley was going to bust Adam...but alas! Adam thrilled me by hiding under the bed. Now, if we could just get Ashley to crawl under there with him....and then promptly disappear, that would be great! Jill and Nina happened upon one another at Phillip III's grave and they discussed the good ole days. I know some of you think that Nina is in on the low down dirty Cane shame, I think she is just as clueless as she has always been.

2 things:

1. Nina asked Jill why a 3rd DNA test was never taken. Jill responded by saying that a 3rd test hadn't been necessary. Hmmm. More foreshadowing. What does it all mean?

2. Phillip III is a bartender. Now I see the connection.

It's unanimous....Tyra is the most hated woman on daytime.

On OLTL today, Schyler confronted Gigi with the facts about Stacy. I know what's coming so I have to say that this is a good thing. Gigi actually looked cute today..so I will just leave her alone today. Rex explained the whole Bess/Tess/Jess/Lochness debacle to Stacy. It made me laugh when Stacy acted like she couldn't believe that people could stoop so low. Rex rejected all of Stacy's requests to go do something together. Stacy pretended to have a job interview so she could go and bail Kyle's hot ass out of jail. While she was gone, the smarmy pimp, Stan, showed up and told Rex about the $20K. When Stacy arrived from her fuex interview, Rex confronted her with the pimp juice. Bess/Jess/Tess/Lochness was busy talking amongst herself while also carrying on a conversation with Hope/Chloe. Now that's what I call multitasking. It finally dawned on Viki today that Brody might acually be able to help Jessica. Um. It's a little late for that.

General Hospital was a scream fest today. Edward screamed at Sonny. Sonny screamed at Edward. Edward screamed at Carly. Carly screamed at Sonny. You get my point. Finally, Michael had enough and he did what we all wanted to do: He screamed at them all and told them to shut the hell up. Later, Jason and Michael bonded some more. Hmmmm. Robyn and Patrick went on a cute date. For a hot second, I wished Dr. Patrick was my husband. But when I snapped back to reality, I ran downstairs to my bedroom, looked inside, and damned if my husband wasn't sitting in his usual spot playing the usual video game. Damn the luck. Johnny, Olivia, and the Cleavage were front and center today. GH is much discussed on Twitter and I must say that the most talked about topic of conversation during today's episode was the Cleavage. Anyhoo, Jolivia is a couple I think I could seriously become addicted to. Maxie did what she does best: want what she can't have while lying to The Jackal about her true feelings. Fake-but-not-aussie Ethan yelled at Holly. Luke yelled at Holly. Last but not least...I had the displeasure of viewing the botched pre-schooler art work that was Lulu's hair and make up.

And with all that...I am finally done! C-ya on the flip ladies!

OMMFGDSFH!!!! 5-24-09

2009-05-24T09:13:00.000-07:00

The title of this blog could mean a lot of things. If you know me at all, and I ain't shy, you can probobly decipher what it means. Anyhoo, I have little to share; but, what I do have is pretty good. I must give a shout out to Soap Opera Digest for providing me with info that I don't get off of soap sites. OK. Here's what I got: Y&R: I have had the opportunity to view some of tomorrow's episode and hence, the title of this entry. Billy's anger at the "Maul" pairing is apparent. However, he tells Raul that he is cool that they have "his blessing". Then he tells Chloe he wants to go home. They do. I am pretty sure that Billy wasn't inviting Chloe to come with him, just informing her. But, sticky Chloe had to follow him home. Upon entry, Billy is an asshole. He continues to act like an ass and finally tells Chloe to "give it a rest". Then he doe the #2 thing that he does best: He runs out of there. Raul and Mac discuss Billy's feelings. Billy comes in. They all talk. Billy asks them where the relationship stands now. Raul tells him he wants to marry Mac. Billy leaves and Raul pulls out some cheap ass looking ring and proposes to Mac. I don't know if she will accept, but I assume that she will. At least for a hot second. Billy runs into Sharon and they have a nice little talk. I was kind of hoping they would drop to the floor and start having hot sex. But, alas, No. Sharon runs into Noah and he tells her that he forgives her. She tells him about the baby. Noah is excited and offers to help. Sharon, of course, omitted that half of Genoa City could be her "baby's daddy". Phyllis lets it slip that Sharon and Billy did the nasty to Jack. Jack, understandably, gets real pissed. He goes the *bleep* off on Phyllis. As she scrambled to come up with answers, Jack screamed this at her: "Shut Up!" I felt some satisfaction. I'm not going to lie. I'm sure that Jack will unleash his massive fury on Billy at some point in the rest of this episode. Chloe will leave Billy. He'll ask her to come on back home. Will she go? I would like to say no; however, Chloe has a soft spot for that hot ass a-hole. B&B: Rick Hearst's air date will be in mid-July. I say this because I wanted to know and I am quite sure that everyone else does too. Brooke's blog will cause another blow up with Taylor and cause yet another fight between Rick and Caterpillar Eyes (Thomas). Taylor will sleep with Ridge. Snore. I'm not sure about this one. But, I think that Owen is going to propose to Jackie. The Saggy Sailor is not going to like it, and he will ponder what Owen's true financial motives are. The Saggy Sailor and The Rug Bitch will continue to "work out" their hot mess of a relationship but The Rug will please me greatly by desiring to be with the Ass God. FYI: Ass God is my new name for Bill Jr. There is some ridiculous Price is Right crap coming up involving Donna and Pam somehow getting involved with Drew Carey. I'm guessing that this is guaranteed to be both stupid as hell while somehow being hysterical and something that we will want to tune in to. GH: Helena will be returning to mess with Nu-old Emily. The two b*tches will come face to face. Jason will finally get some solid proof on Claudia. Ethan will tell Holly to go to hell. Jasam will be getting back together in some capacity. Quote: "It's going to be HOT." End Quote. Jax is keeping a big secret from Carly. Something "tragic" is going to happen to Claudia the Clingy that will expose all her crap. I ponder if this is the "Jason runs her into traffic" storyline? Ethan does have feelings for Nu-old Emily. I would like to see some action there, but, I can't decide if they would even look good together. I say no.

AMC: Chrishell Stause has extended her contract. This, my friends, is good news as we all know. If anyone is wondering where the hell Frankie is (I wasn't), his portrayer, Cornelius Smith Jr. is in "contract negotiations" and will be returning soon. Red-Liza will set Kendall up for Stuart's murder. Kendall will figure it out. Oh, Kendall will find about the card table debacle with Fabio as well. These revelations will prompt Kendall to seek out Red-Liza, call her a bitch, and slap the hell out of her. Then, Jesse will arrest Kendall. Kendall and Fabio will remarry so he doesn't have to testify against her. Ryan and Erica will grow closer. The mag warned that this would NOT be a cougar story. WTF? What else is going to interest us?! Adam and Annie will fall in love. Annie will also be eluded to as the killer but chances are, it wasn't her. Aidan will find new love and I read that he will be doing most of that shirtless. YES! God is a woman! People will start to realize that Emma could be a witness to the murder. I'm not sure what the hell is up with this; but, Jake is going to marry either Amanda or Red-Liza. I am willing to bet cash money that it will be Red-Liza. The reason for the nups? David finds out about the whole baby plan and it obviously will backfire. Crishell extended her contract; however, she did not sign a new one. Hence, we must be prepared. Tad and Taylor are finally going to hook up. I am real happy that Beth Ehlers might actually get to do her job on this show. She was great on GL. I was a big fan, but her character on AMC leaves much to be desired. Randi's stripper/hooker/trallop past will come back to bite her in the ass in the form of what is being eluded to as a pimp from back in the day. Stuart will remain present as guilty subconcious memories for all those involved. OLTL: Bess/Jess/Tess/Lochness will go to Nash's parents and set up camp. They, apparently, will be completely oblivious to who she even is. They will start to realize just how crazy that bitch really is. Todd will fall in love with Tea for real, and Blair will be cool with it. Michael and Marcy will find out that the Hope is alive. But, it looks like Starr might want to keep the baby. Rachel will question the whole "Blintz" engagement. I'm glad someone will be questioning that stupid sh*t. BORA all the way!

OK. I'm all about shutting my pie hole right now. Peace!

McPain Gets a Hug 5-23-09

2009-05-22T12:50:00.000-07:00

OK. I am in pain so I am going to keep this short and sweet. On Y&R today, Cane and Lily were in bed eating fruit throughout the entire episode. Billy asked Chloe about her talk with Mac and was in denial when Chloe announced that Mac was in love with someone else. Chloe broke bad on Billy with this little ditty: "Wait for it...Wait for it....It isn't you!" At the Chancellor barbeque, Billy made a complete ass out himself by attempting to hit on Mac not once, not twice, but thrice! Chloe watched from afar and laughed at each dose of rejection that Mac dished out. Mac got pissed when Billy blatantly told her that he knew she couldn't possibly be with someone else because of her love for him. She responded by saying: "Get over yourself Billy" Later, Chloe, Amber and Nina discussed the Katherine/Jill baby switch debacle and whether or not it should be explored in the movie. Nina and Amber cannot agree. Why doesn't that surprise me? Raul showed up at the barbeque as if he belonged there and everyone greeted him with open arms, including Billy. Billy introduced Raul to everyone, including two random ants that were walking on the patio, before he mumbled: "This is my wife Chloe" Raul tried to cover the shock that he felt, but couldn't resist telling Chloe that she had done the "impossible". Mac walked up from wherever the hell she was, and proceeded to make out with Raul like she forgot where she was. Billy's face cracked into a million pieces and Chloe scrambled to pick them all up from the sidewalk and put them back together. Jack continued to urge Sharon to stay away from Nicholas because it would be too tempting to tell him about the baby. We were then forced to watch 30 minutes of Sharon tell Phyllis how she would stay away from Nick forever and how she would like to start over with Phyllis. Then, she went to Cassie's grave, ran into Nick, and spilled the baby beans. All while Phyllis hid behind a magical headstone that suddenly made that loud ass dress she was wearing invisible, listening to the confession. I'll be damned if Phyllis didn't turn into the Incredible Hulk and smash the magic head stone with her brute strength. OK. You know that sh*t didn't happen.

On B&B today, the Saggy Sailor and the Crypt Keeper both got what they wanted. Jackie took home her boy toy, and Nick got to take home his "true love", or as I like to call her, The Rug Bitch, Bridget. Nick was appalled by Jackie's relationship with Owen, prompting him to ask her this: "Why couln't you have taken up knitting or playing cards?" It wasn't until after this love fest went down that Nick read his Dear Saggy Sailor letter that Katie had written him. AFter reading it, he must have been happy to be off the hook because I'll be damned if he didn't take The Rug Bitch upstairs and make awkward, saggy love to her. Katie, meanwhile, was still over at Hot Ass's penthouse passed out. Bill was still looking at her for whatever reason when he pulled out her I.D. and discovered that she was, indeed, a Logan Minx. He then called Donna who was impressed with the way Bill was "helping" Katie. Eric and Stephanie argued about Bill today. Eric blamed all his problems on Bill and Stephanie quickly informed him: "It's not Bill. It's Karma." Ouch.

Over in Llanview, Jess/Bess/Tess/Lochness was still on the run with Chloe/Hope. Bess is pretty creepy, but I have to admit that I actually like her the best. Viki and Clint both tried to get through to Jess, but failed. Brody, who had more lines in this one episode than he has since he started, was able to talk to Jessica. Jess was curious about why Bess would go on the run with Chloe. Bess kicked Jess out of her own head and after Viki took the phone from Brody, promplty hung up. Kyle is Rebecca's brother and now that she is ASSUMED to be dead, he has been arrested for his role in her crimes. Kyle called Stacy the Skank to announce that she owed him and it was time to pay off. Meanwhile, Stacy was online looking for new apartments to move in to, so that Rex and Shane could have their "space". When the camera zoomed into her computer screen, the bitch was actually looking at generic cosmetics. Rex, the Giant Douche Nozzle, was manipulated again, and Stacy ended the eppy with a key to Rex's apartment in her hand and a retarded smile on her rat-like face. McPain broke the baby news to Blair who raced over to Todd's and bonded with Skankbrook. I was amazed at the balls on both of these bitches when they actually acted like they were mad that Jess/Bess/Tess/Lochness for taking the baby that they knew nothing about 2 minutes ago. The baby reveal should have happened today. It didn't. Even more annoying? The fact that no one seems to think that Brody deserves or can handle the truth about his girlfriends issues. I know one thing. If he says "integrated" one more f-ing time, I am going to jump through my t.v. Blues Clues Skidoo style and punch him in the teeth. Blair tried to discuss her marriage with McPain, with McPain, but he said he had too much going on. Later, McPain got a hug from Jack, who still called him McPain. It actually made me NOT want to hit that kid for a damn change.

That's all I got. Peace and love. til next time.....

Serious Scandal: Spoilers 5-22-09

2009-05-21T21:03:00.000-07:00

I've got a gang of spoilers. I love my soap people who keep me all kinds of informed. Here's what I've got:

Y&R:

Mary Jane and Mr. Mumbles will get in a tiff, which will be snapped a la a photo by Jill. Ashley will catch Adam in the act of being Sabrina, but the dumb bitch will fall down the stairs in shock and get knocked the hell out. No. Not another amnesia story. That's what you are saying to yourself right now isn't it? Nick and Sharon will have sex, prompting Phyllis to finally give his flippin ass the boot! Then my favorite red headed she devil is going to get some strange from Jack. Can I just say that this is what I need in my life? Mr. FBI is actually a nobody and the real Mr. FBI will show up and be clueless as to the goings on in Daniel's wierd little world. Chloe will find out that Billy and Sharon did the horizontal wedding march without her on her special day. I can only imagine that Sharon better run and hide. Adam has not forgotten about Jack and will be seeking revenge in the near future. However, he will get away with his sh*t for a while because of the whole 'Hey, I'm blind but I am looking right at you" thing. Hopefully the new Adam will play a better blind guy. Katherine and Jill have more skeletons in the closet...obviously this involves Phillips I-IV and Cane. Say it isn't so...Tyra and her weave may be having a baby. If this is true, I am already convinced it is Satan's spawn. Corbin Bernson will reprise his role as Todd, Paul's brother. Not only does this double confirm that Mary Jane is Patty, but Bernson is Jeanne Cooper's real son!

AMC:

Kendall will turn to Zach. Yawn. Liza will accuse others of the murder to take the heat off of herself. Her scheming will be discovered however. Amanda will recieve some baby related warning. Someone else will be arrested for Stuart's murder. Krystal will finally snap. Adam will get sicker. Where the hell is this hot love triange between J.R., Scott and Marissa the Mudsucker? This killer storyline is already over in my opinion. Or at least someone needs to let me know when it is.

OLTL:

I forgot to mention this in my recap blog yesterday and I seriously need to get it off my chest. Crystal Hunt's thighs are the most disgusting slabs of wasted space I have ever seen on daytime t.v. Yes, even more disgusting than Marcy's. Yes. I said it. Anyway...Bo will find out about the Blintz engagement. Schyler will tell Gigi about his suspicions about Stacy the Skank. Gigi and Schyler will team up to take down Stacy prompting Gigi to hope to get back together with Rex. Tess will question Bess. Um. How does that work exactly? Tea and Blair make a pact to keep their secrets. McPain and Skankbrook will not be able to fight their attraction. Bess will go looking for Nash's parents. Brody will go looking for her. Brody will find her. Starr and Cole are obviously going to find out about the baby. Viki will beg Bess to come home on television. Tea will move in with Todd to "heal". Is that what they are calling it these days? Marrko's parents will hit up Llanview.

GH:

I hear Jason isn't a very good shot and that Alcazar is coming back. That's a rumor I would definitely like to see come true. Michael will bond with Claudia while continuing to hate on Carly. Nu-old Emily and Not-so-Fake Aussie are in cahoots and may have been lovers once. Jason is going to chase Cry-baby Claudia into traffic and she will get hit by a car. She will lose the baby, pay the doctor, yada, yada, yada....you know the rest. Dante may return sooner than I thought...obviously, not soon enough...

B&B:

Bill will continue to secure his alliance with Stephanie. Stephanie will blackmail Eric in order to keep Bill from getting his hands on Forrester and Skeletor. Katie learns that the Saggy Sailor and Boo Hoo Bridget are already back together. Nick will offer Owen a large sum of money to leave the Crypt Keeper, I mean Jackie, alone. Stephanie will ask Ridge to help her take down Eric and the Logan Minxes. Taylor and Ridge will mesh collagen injections once again. Yawn. Once again.

Peace out. I am going to bed. You know the drill....

Logan Minxes and Bill Jr. Hijinxes 5-21-09

2009-05-21T12:38:00.000-07:00

Big sh*t is poppin in soap world today..but I will get to all that in a minute. I must discuss the new show that just started on CBS this week. The Don Diamont show. Oh. Nevermind, it's still B&B only I didn't have to look at Mega Slut, Bizarro Ken, or any part of the Rick train. Bill Jr. arrived at Eric and Skeletor's for dinner on yesterday's eppy. Skeletor was desperate to get out of the encounter, so she tried to ply Eric with sex instead. The old bastard surprised me by ignoring his withering penis and continued with dinner as planned. Eric asked Bill if he had met Skeletor yet, to which Bill slyly responded: "Yes, but I look forward to getting to know her a little better." Skeletor looked as appalled as we feel when she busts out her honey bottle and Bill proceeded to offer Eric $100 million for Forrester Creations. Eric was shitty and refused Bill's offer. Bill told Eric it must really be hard to get work done at Forrester with all the "Logan Minxes" running around. LMAO. Bridget was headed out for a date with Owen when the Saggy Sailor begged her for one more chance and pulled her into a kiss. Bridget tried to be strong. She failed. On today's eppy, Bridget was trying to have HOT sex with Owen, but she couldn't get the Saggy Sailor off of her mind. Owen continued to ask her "are you with me?" No Owen. She isn't. But I guarantee you I could be. Anyway, while all this talking was going on, the Saggy Sailor and his even saggier mother were driving over to Owen's to stop the naughtiness. Jackie confessed that Owen was a great lover on the way over and I thought the Saggy Sailor was going to puke in his own lap. Long story short, Nick and Bridget kissed and made up. Jackie and Owen kissed and made up in front of Bridget and Nick. Bridget and Nick both threw up. Lonely Katie was hanging out with about 20 martinis when Bill came upon her. He introduced himself, stating his friends call him "Dollar Bill". Katie introduced herself, stating her friends call her "homewrecker". Yada, Yada, Yada, they left the bar, went to Bill's suite and Katie promptly passed out. Bill took off her sandals, subjecting us to her hammer toes and then stared at her. WOW. I have to be honest. Don Diamont's ass looked so good in the jeans he was wearing today that I payed attention to nothing else.

On OLTL, Jess/Bess/Tess/Lochness remembered stealing the baby on yesterday's eppy and Brody was there to share the joy. Natalie and Jared finally told Viki, Charlie, and Clint about the baby swap. Clint stayed in denial land throughout the show. Tea and Blair were still tied up, sucking in toxic gas and still managing to argue. Tea's secret is losing it's allure. I just want to know what it is. My girl J said that Tea got out yesterday before the whole place blew up, however, when I turned it on today, she was buried beneath the rubble. McPain sucks. Blair acted as if she cared about someone other than herself when she heard that Marty and Todd were safe with the baby. Viki confirmed to Todd and Marty that Chloe is really Hope. Brody got Jessica to the hospital in time for her to be reunited with Chloe. She then told the doctor that she was "cured". Brody tried to convince the doctor that there was more to the story but Clint put the kabosh on all that, telling Brody to stay out of it. Brody's eyes were more blue than usual. Anyone else notice? Gigi acted like she had some sense today and yesterday. 2 days in a row? I am scared. I really liked Stacy at first, but now, she is just a dumb bitch.

The Michael is Awake storyline has taken over GH. This storyline sucks in itself, however, the sh*t stemming from it is sooooo goooooood. Johnny and Olivia had mad sex yesterday. Play, stop, rewind. Rewind, stop, play. Yes, it was that good. Sonny cried. Claudia sat around and looked desperate. Jax was being an ass. Jason told Sam that no matter what "he is not Michael's father." Right. You keep telling yourself that, Stone Cold. Someone wake me up when Michael stops whining or Jolivia hits the sheets again. Whichever comes first.

When I awoke this morning, I was blasted with the news that Chris Engan walked off the set of Y&R because he didn't want to engage in a little man on man action. Guess now he can go engage in a little standing in the unemployment line. He has already been replaced by one Michael Muhney from Veronica Mars. I have had the opportunity to watch him shirtless today. It will take some getting used to, but I think I will manage. There is a photo posted below for your viewing pleasure.

On today's eppy of Y&R, Chloe was bragging to Delia about the change in Billy when she noticed Mac's name on the caller ID. Jack stopped by to check on things and he and Chloe had a nice talk about Billy finally coming around. Billy was over at Jack's and came across Sharon having a boo hoo moment. After some pathetic small talk, Billy asked if there was a 3rd candidate for her baby's daddy. Jack came in on the ass end of the convo and looked as if Sharon and Billy were busted. They weren't of course. Chloe went over to Mac's in search of Billy and was surprised to find that he wasn't even there. Mac and Chloe bonded but not until after Mac revealed that she had never had sex with Billy. NO WONDER. I forgot that they have never done the deed. That explains why he wants her so bad. Mac told Chloe about her long relationship with Raul in Africa. This convo was overheard by Billy, who did show up at Mac's after all. When he heard Chloe's voice he ran so fast my head was spinning. Not really. Summer drew Nick a picture of family which prompted him to reminisce about Cassie. He then confessed to Phyllis that no matter what, he and Sharon needed each other. Sharon was busy having the same conversation with Jack. Later Phyllis and Summer were leaving and Summer gave Nick a kiss. Nick asked if he could have "one of those from mommy" to which Phyllis responded: "You can have whatever you want, as soon as you figure out what that is." I wasn't even in the room and I still yelled at the damn tv. Paul finally got Mary Jane to go out in public with him. Not really sure why, but Mary Jane donned a giant Paris sized pair of sunglasses in the middle of the GCAC during the daytime. This just proves how stupid she really is. Oh yeah. It also proves that she is Patty Williams. Right? Right.

That's all I got. I am really tired! More later....some bitch time....some bitch channel.....

If the Straight Jacket Fits 5-20-09

2009-05-20T15:13:00.000-07:00

So I started off this morning with a little house cleaning and although I was anticipating soaps as usual, I just happened to catch some of today's Y&R on youtube while looking for other random clips. OMFG. The clip started off with Billy, shirtless, laying on the bed. I instantly perked up when I noticed he was not alone, however I expected the other person to be Chloe, not Mac. I was sullen, but alas, Clementine Ford came to life right before my very eyes. After a very HOT mini-sex scene with Billy, the dream was over and it was Mac who was waking up. Over at Billy and Chloe's shack, the two were reminiscing about old times after opening up a tacky wedding present from Spencer and Heidi. Billy was smiling and bragging about giving Chloe a garbage can when they played "Who wants to marry a homeless man?" Chloe ran out to give Delia her blanky and Billy started painting the house. Chloe came home, yada, yada, yada...Chloe told Billy that she liked Designer Billy much more than Barfly Billy and we were treated to some hot pink paint sex. Mac was reminiscing as well, even busting out with a crappy dvd of she and Billy singing karaoke. NO! For some reason, she chose that moment to call Billy's cell to laugh about it. I have only one problem with this: She has not called him one time or expressed interest in him once. We are supposed to believe that one wet dream is going to change that? At the Abbott mansion, Jack walked Sharon to the door, opened it, and kissed her for a hot second. All of this was viewed by Mary Jane/Patty who just stood there with daggers shooting out of the side of her head. She then spat out some crap about how happy she was that the couple was back together. Sharon went off to see the therapist and Jack was trapped with Mary Jane. Mary Jane was getting something to drink and just happened to know where the damn coasters were, making Jack suspicious. Jack thanked Mary Jane for being so cool with the break up and Mary Jane said "We didn't fall in love or anything." to which Jack responded "Thank God for that. Now lets get back to those reports." Mary Jane will now be called Crumbled Cheese Face because that's exactly what the hell happened when Jack said that sh*t. At Sharon's room at the club, Sharon scrambled to explain her baby mama drama to the therapist but to no avail. She didn't like what the therapist was saying so she left. Later, Paul cornered CCF and she avoided him like the plague. Now I KNOW she's Patty. The anniversary edition of Restless Style was a success and Nick went off to celebrate somewhere else. He ran into Sharon who almost told him the truth. After telling him to leave her the hell alone for the 42nd time, she promptly went upstairs and flipped the hell out. Phyllis and Jack bonded over not having any secrets from one another while they both had visions of the secrets they were keeping from one another. Amber questioned Daniel's secrecy lately and he covered. Amber looked amazing as usual. Jana came over and became suspicious after noticing that Daniel was obviously copying the painting. Daniel, fresh from the shower in his little towel, covered some more. Damn. Why does Daniel have to start looking good again now that I hate him? Mr. FBI Agent came over and told Daniel to stay away from Jana. Amber returned from her meeting with Lauren and announced that her jackets had sold out. Kevin bonded with Mac. Kevin bonded with Jana and I fell in love with him.

OLTL was f-ing awesome today. However, I have homework to do and must blog about that sh*t later!

Until I get this other crap done...some bitch time...some bitch channel

Boring-BooHoo-BOOM! 5-19-09

2009-05-19T18:39:00.000-07:00

I have to be honest when I say that I anticipated that Y&R would be boring today and therefore I took a nap and missed all the damn shows. I have had the opportunity to view the necessary footage and this is what I got:

Y&R: We were subjected to more Cane and Lily wedding reception scenes which were filled with what I can only describe as eye openers. Katherine had a heart to heart with Billy about Monotone Mac in which she stated that Chloe was "an anchor around Billy's neck." Billy said some more stupid sh*t to Kevin and Monotone Mac continued to get pissed while looking at Billy as if she couldn't wait to give him an earth friendly hug. Billy, Chloe, and Cane and Lily all decided to be friends. Um. No. Chloe and Amber had a conversation in which they both expressed their hatred for Lily. I knew I liked these two for a reason. Amber became quite sad when after catching the bouquet, Daniel rejected even the thought of a wedding in their future. Three major issues with the show today:

1. Daniel's hair.
2. Daniel's odd yet cheerful banter as he took pictures for his ex-wifes wedding.
3. Daniel sitting on the computer at the end of the eppy looking at, what, porn?

OK. I lied.

4. Daniel

Daniel had the nerve to say to Amber that "if it ain't broke, don't fix it", No Amber, if it is broke, stupid and ugly, you should leave it. Neil and Tyra are shiesty. Devon knows it. The show played a beautiful montage with an equally beautiful song entitled Happy by Josh Ryan. I am not going to lie. I cried like a f*cking baby.

My Mary Jane is Mari Jo theory has been blown all to hell thanks to my friend, the Y&R Lady. It makes much more sense for it to be Paul's psychotic whore sister, Patti.

I have no idea what happened on B&B today. All I know was that I woke up for a hot second and Bill Jr. was hitting on Jackie and Bridget while telling them about hitting on Skeletor, I mean Donna. What a f*cking stud. I'd do him.

AMC is so stupid right now, I am not sure if watching it is good for my mental health. Fabio was arrested. Gucci Goo (Ryan) was arrested. Erica obviously did the shooting or knows who did it or helped Adam cover up the fact that Stuart is the one that is really dead. Kendall suspects Erica. Erica suspects Kendall. Hey, Bitches! Go get the hotties out of jail! Jesse is the stupidist cop I have ever had the displeasure of watching screw up EVERYTHING. Acting+Jesse+Horrible. Still no sign of Asylum Annie or Emma. Krystal and J.R. basically admitted that they tried to kill Adam. But Jesse the Wonder Cop was more concerned about "Haywords" whereabouts. What an ass.

On OLTL, the KAD story is almost over. Powell has Chloe/Hope and the sh*t is about to hit the fan. Natalie and Jared are going to get busted. Jessica is freaking out. OK. Why do people feel sorry for her? She stole the damn baby! Todd and Marty were both shocked to find out the baby was their grandchild and Todd even begged for mercy. Not for himself, but for everyone else. Tea and Blair argued while dying through the eppy and finally got down to the nitty gritty of the whole damn shebang: Blair still loves Todd. That's the big secret? Wow. We all knew that, yet, these two actresses made it well worth the wait. Seething and hissing to the death. I like that.

I am watching GH now and since it just started, I can't really talk about it. Talk at you tomorrow...same bitch time...same bitch channel

The Killer is...AMC 5-19-09

2009-05-19T04:56:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a few but finals are over and therefore, I can get back to doing what I do best. Sit on my ass and watch soaps. I have to begin my getting all things AMC off my chest.

Yesterday's eppy began as the one before it ended: with Kendall, Fabio, and Everyone else in Pine Valley aiming a gun at Adam/Stuart. Scary, menacing music playing in the background...Adam/Stuart staring at the ceiling as if he knew his demise was imminent. All of this so called "drama" took some time, so my mind started to wander. Suddenly, I imagined Kendall and Fabio simultaneously pulling their respective triggers. Then, the bullets slammed into random pieces of furniture and ricocheted, slamming into the heads of all involved. That, unfortunately, is not what went down. Adam ended up shot and simple deduction eliminates Krystal, Opal, and Aidan as the shooters. Jesse sprung into action and with his brilliant police skills, shot Tad (his best friend) in the head. Meanwhile, Aidan comes in and finds some blood. Then, Erica's pointy high heels came in and found some blood. Then J.R.'s feet went outside and found some blood. After everyone started to tend to Tad, Krystal and Opal came running in and discovered Adam/Stuart dead on the floor. No one seemed to care when they noticed Tad was down as well, and everyone went scrambling to "save" him. As Krystal and Opal went screwing up the "crime scene", 5 minutes went by before Jesse screamed in panic: "You shouldn't be out here! We must preserve the crime scene!" We were then subjected to 20 minutes of bad flashbacks and crappy dialogue, including this little ditty from Colby after she discovered that Adam/Stuart was dead: "But I want my daddy!" How old is she, 30? During all this "drama", everyone noticed that Emma was gone and that Asylum Annie probobly took her. Cut to the magical moving bookshelf-we couldn't see who was behind, but I will give myself one guess...So the killer is, um, who gives sh*t? AMC is killing itself.

Y&R was the epitomy of boring yesterday. Cane and Lily spoke in newlywed code the whole time which in my opinion is equal to a crapload of foreshadowing that I could have lived without. Jill continued to bitch and to be a bitch. Della Reese showed up and announced that Trya isn't a Hamilton after all. Devon's world is going to be turned upside down before we can say "cochlear implant". Olivia and Victor are even more worried about Ashley's mental state after Victor had Rafe check Hagatha the Housekeeper's phone records and discovered she did not make the Sabrina call. Ashley was understandably pissed. Adam played on Ashley's need for someone to believe her. I hope Adam and Ashley sleep together. At the wedding, Billy called Kevin the 'silver chipmunk' and finished by telling Kevin that he would always be a perverted psychopath. Mac was PISSED, telling Billy that she was very disapointed. Too bad she still sucks. Kevin proceeded to ask Daniel if he would like to enter a hokie pokie contest with him and they literally did the tango across the room. Billy and Chloe danced at the wedding, but I can't say I know why. I liked it though. Nick and Phyllis had sex and Phyllis talked the whole time. I wonder if Nick ever just wants to turn her over and shove an apple in her mouth. Jill found out about the memoirs movie. Of course, she is pissed.

SPOILERS:

Ashley will be hospitalized. Lauren will surprise Michael. Cane will take the Chancellor name. Amber gets shitty. At who? Not sure. Sharon will have a break down. Jana will become suspicious of Daniel. Paul will realize who Mary Jane really is..Mari Jo or Diane...Billy will dig up dirt on Monotone Mac. Amber will give advice to Chloe. My advice to Chloe: RUN! Someone will get married. Adam will get more loony. Victor's Jack plan will fail due to psycho Mary Jane's scheming. Kevin and Jana are headed for some kind of drama...

On OLTL yesterday, the KAD story remained front and center which means that Skankbrook was on my screen most of the time. She cried. She whined. Tea and Blair fought with Powell and Tea continued to call him a rapist and comparing the current situation to Skankbrook's rape. Tea then said this: "Are you going to pull out little Powell?" Skankbrook cried some more. Jack is so traumatized he won't talk and McPain can't get anything out of him. Rebecca kidnapped Chloe. Jessica and Brody were busted by Natalie and Jared the Juicy Hottie, who were in turn busted by Jessica and Brody the Bonehead. Natalie almost confessed the whole baby debacle to Jessica but somehow, in true soap fashion, a commercial break came on.

SPOILERS:

Cole and Starr will catch Kyle over at Todd's. Fish will take Kyle to the police station for questioning on John's command. Jack will tell all. Tea has a secret and it will be revealed. Was she raped too? Stacy will continue to manipulate Rex the Rock Brain.

On GH yesterday, Alexis accused nu-old Emily of all kinds of evil doings. Nu-old Emily told Alexis that she would refrain from having sex with Nikolas for 2 weeks so Alexis could dig up dirt on her. And then, apparently, it's going to be ON! These two are so hot my flipping screen was on fire for 3 whole seconds. Holly flirted with Luke and continued to manipulate him because he's, um, a man. Tracy came in and told her to "get away from my husband" and then she told Luke that he was "her idiot". Ethan and Lulu had a heart to heart about being possible sibs and Lulu realized with disgust that she may have kissed her own bro. She should have been disgusted with the original kiss from his ill-built wierd ass mouth. Michael woke up and he was shitty and throwing a tantrum. Yeah. That's what people who get a second chance always do!

Damn! I am finally done. I've got so much 'bitch drama' going on I almost forgot to blog! Until next time...same bitch time...same bitch channel....

May You Have a Drama Free Wedding 5-14-09

2009-05-14T20:10:00.000-07:00

Although I had a chance to watch Y&R this afternoon, I thought about it later, and I couldn't remember anything. So, I watched again along with all of our other shows and here's what I've got for you:

Y&R: Cane and Lily had an engagement party, or as I like to call it, a foreshadowing fiesta. Lily spit out some crap about how she knows Cane would never lie to her like Daniel did. Cut to Cane looking guilty as sin. Cane then went to the church to pray that everything works out telling God: "You know where I come from." Well sh*t! I'm glad someone does. I will give you one guess what they gave out as parting gifts at the party....You guessed it! Hair extensions and weave. Lily suddenly had long, beautiful flowing locks. So did Olivia, and Tyra, and Colleen...After Cane was finished groveling to God, he went back to the party and had what I can only describe as an awkward intertwining arm wine glass wrestling session with Lily, which I can only assume was meant to be cute. I was pondering something as I watched today's eppy: Are Colleen and Lily having a secret contest to see who can wear the shortest skirt? I'm just asking. Cane sauntered over to Katherine and pulled her to the side for a private convo. He then asked her to take back the inheritance that they had given him. Katherine denied this request, telling Cane to go "brighten up your dingy little bar". Um. In order to do that, he would have to kill Mac and bury her somewhere far, far away so she can never return. Cane then decided to give all the money to charity. That's the only way. Neil cornered Cane and welcomed him to the fold. Cane was feeling overwhelmed and went outside for some Winters-free air when Lily came out wondering what he was doing. He then pulled her into a long, lingering, passionate kiss that made me remember why I find him so damn attractive in the first place. Cane went over to Billy's and asked him to come to the wedding and to bury the hatchet and start over. Billy made a face and left us hanging with no f-ing answer. Jill, Gloria, and Jeffery were still in the Caymans freaking out about their insufficient funds when Jill decided to call Jack for help. Smelling yet another chance to take down Mr. Mumbles, Jack agrees to help even after Jill tells him he has to help Glo and Jeff as well. Three key points about these three: 1. Jill looks great with bangs and a little blonde. 2. Jeffery looked shockingly sexy in that blue polo shirt he's been sporting. 3. Gloria and her shirt are much too loud to be on my screen.

Summary: Jill, gooooooood. Jeffery, goooooood. Gloria, baaaaaaaaaaad.

Jill made me laugh out loud when she told Jeffery and Gloria that she would "get the hell off this island even if I have to swim home!" Adam was lurking around the ranch talking to and playing with himself as usual when Nicholas showed up with package in hand declaring it was on the porch with Adam's name on it. After some snappy remarks about what was actually in the damn box, Adam fed Nick some bull about the contents of the box being braille crap for his braille computer. He used a guilt trip on Nick and told him to get the hell out. Nick threw the box on the counter and left. Adam opened the box and inside was what I assumed to be either spy gear or surround sound. Whatever the hell it is, I'm sure its sole purpose is to scare the sh*t out of Ashley. I saw a preview in which the baby recorder was playing and Victor was looking at his blackberry in horror. Billy spent today's eppy doing the same thing he did on yesterday's eppy: Got drunk at Jimmy's while staring lustfully at Monotone Mac's flat white girl ass. Jack was off somewhere with Sharon when Chloe called him in a panic, requesting that he drag Billy's drunk horny ass home to her and Delia. Jack did go to the bar and try to talk to Billy about committment and love, yada yada yada. Jack eluded to the fact that Sharon is with child and that he was happy to have a second chance and Billy responded by saying this: "You're just a strange man, Jack." Jack got frustrated and left and Monotone Mac asked him if he "had enough?" to which Billy responded "Nope. Not yet." Sharon had a series of flashbacks of her and Billy getting drunk and talking about relationships. Mary Jane has gone loco! It is official. She tricked Phyllis away from Nick today and then tricked both Sharon and Nick into accidentally on purpose running into eachother. I guess that bitch can do magic too, because Sharon just happened to get a giant case of morning sickness in Nick's presence. Looks like Phyllis is starting to suspect Mary Jane's sanity. Here's hoping that she uses some of that crazy to her advantage while she has the chance. The Winters clan were all gathered at the engagement party having a splendid time when TKO Karen showed up, divorce papers in hand. At the same time, Ana somehow got lost in Olivia's giant "poof" of weave and panic rang out throughout the club...OK. That last part didn't happen. Anyway. Karen came strolling in at the same time that Tyra, America's Next Top Homewrecker, and Neil started dancing. Neil scrambled to spit some b.s. at Karen who told him to "just sign the damn papers". Before I could yell "punch that bastard again!" at the television, she was gone.

SPOILERS: Cane is a fraud. Tyra is a fraud and has been hiding it from Devon, Neil and Ana. Paul's suspicions of Mary Jane will become stronger so he will start to investigate her. Sharon and Billy's affair will finally be exposed. Jack will still want to raise the baby. I see an Abbott v. Abbott bro-war over the "baby mama" comin our way. Victor will hire a shrink for Ashley, proving he has no faith in her at all. Phyllis will tell Nick that she wants Sharon out of there lives for good. Nick will then make a bee line for Sharon, pull her into a passionate kiss and tell her he is divorcing Phyllis for real this time. The Chancellors and Abbotts and will cohost a BBQ and Raul will crash it and surprise everyone, especially Billy, by kissing Monotone Mac. It will come out that Raul and Mac were engaged post-Billy. Billy, of course, will be pissed. Chloe will see this and move back in with Esther, taking Delia with her.

AMC: David, reeling over the news about Marissa and Ian's surgery, went to Adam's to confront him. Adam told David he owed for everything he had done for David. David attempted to connect with little Adam who rejected his love. J.R. told David to leave and just leave the boy alone. Marissa forgave Krystal but stated that she was still pissed. Ryan and Fabio argued. Kendall cried. Stuart was on today and he had a nice father-son convo with Scott. I predict that someone will mistake Stuart for Adam and shoot him instead. J.R. later pulled out a gun and showed Scott, telling him that he would take care of Adam himself. Ian flatlined and David said he most likely wouldn't make it through the night. Kendall cried.

SPOILERS: Kendall will be a suspect in the Adam/Stuart shooting. Ryan will take her out of town and Fabio will cover their asses. Kendall will question Erica's role in the shooting, if any, and her guilt, if any. Liza has a secret and Fabio knows what it is. She will confide in Jake. Kendall will turn to Fabio for comfort. Translation: Hot Kendall and Fabio sex coming our way! Fabio will then run into Annie as she tries to get to Emma.

OLTL: Hope's body was exhumed today as Cole and Starr were at the prom reminiscing about the good 'ol times. Marcy, the desperate needy tart that she is, showed up at the grave site as if her presence was going to change anything or be of any forensic value to the Medical Examiner. I just want to say that I am sh*tty that Kristen Alderson and Brandon Buddy were RUDELY overlooked for the Daytime Emmys. Langston and Marrko were both feeling the nerves of virginity breaking, but they quickly became sidetracked when it became painfully obvious that a loud and boisterous Lola was high on drugs. The couple offered to drop Lola off at home before going off to the dirty debut. Lola declined the offer telling them to go have a good time on their special night, followed by "Don't get knocked up, okay?" Marrko and Langston went off to do it, said some cheesy crap, looked at eachother longingly and then that was it. Guess we have to wait til tomorrow to see the rest. Lola somehow managed to make it back to Dorians and after flying into Dorian's bedroom finding Ray and Dorian doing the hispanic horizontal their damn selves. Lola yelled out: "Are you two having sex? What's up with all the sex? Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex!" Um. Need something, Lola? John made a long awaited appearance today in a straight jacket. Even without arm capabilities, the man was able to head butt two cronies. But afterward, he seemed to realize that he still has no access to his arms. Over at the frat house, Todd was tied to the bed posts spread eagle while the ladies remained tied to chairs and gagged. Todd, even facing death, could not shut his pie hole and continued to enrage Powell more.

SPOILERS: Marty will get her complete memory back and finally reunite with Cole the way should have in the damn first place. Chloe will come up missing. I assume Lasso Boy (Kyle) will kidnap her. Jessica will become suspicious of Natalie and Jared. Kyle will turn the tables and get the upper hand over Stacy. Viki will realize something is going on with Jess/Bess.

I have not been able to watch GH but I do have some spoilers for you:

As we all know, Michael will wake up on tomorrow's eppy. Jason will pressure everyone to keep the deets of his shooting from Michael. Michael will be pissed at Carly and move in with Sonny prompting Carly to move in with Sonny as well. As Michael remains bitter towards Carly, Carly will become bitter towards Jax. Johnny and Olivia will start their torrid affair. OK. I'm willing to watch that. Claudia will find out and confront Olivia. Jason will get closer to Sam. Tracy makes a confession to Lulu and then learns Holly's true motives.

The Wierdness 5-14-08

2009-05-14T07:47:00.000-07:00

I am working on finals for science and cultural diversity classes and have been too busy to blog. However, I can assure you that my brain continues to swirl around the goings on of all things soap. So, with no time to spare, here's what I got:

AMC: I want to start by first saying that I was actually going to like this Marissa. But, alas, now I am not. Anyways...Fabio (Zach) knows that the heart valve is defective and that Adam knew about it. Let's just say he was pissed. After confronting Adam and being held back by 3 different people, Fabio told David to just "save my son." Later, David cornered Adam with a scalpel and I must say, earned my respect for the first time since I started watching this show years ago. On yesterday's eppy, I happened to look at the screen just in time to see Ryan and Fabio walking together. Nothing unusual there, right? They were about to enter a doorway, and Ryan was about to step on through to the other side when Fabio suddenly grabbed the back of Ryan's head and face planted him into the door jam. That sh*t was funny because I just happened to be sitting here thinking about how pretty Cameron Mathison's face was when it went down. Krystal had to spill the baby beans to Marissa who was understandably pissed off. Just because it was understandable, does not mean that her whining, crying, and obvious attention getting efforts are any less annoying. Marissa tends to lie about, um, everything. Just like her dear old dad. Marissa told J.R. that she was Babe's twin and he said he wished she had never told him at all. Erica is on a mission to take down Gayle. I am not currently sure of the exact reason why, but I also don't care. Watching Erica being a bitch is one of my favorite past times. I got more than I bargained for when Erica found out that Adam knew about that damn valve. Note to Valve: Go away! Regardless of my hatred of the valve, it is providing much needed story line to dig this show out of its hole. Aidan is finally seeing through Annie's b.s. Um. I guess I would too if the bitch kicked my ass down a flight of stairs! Aidan asked Asylum Annie for a paper and pen and told her to untie him so he could draw her a map or some crap. She dumped out her purse and a giant butcher knife fell out. Aidan looked at Asylum Annie as if he really wanted pick that knife up and shank that bitch, prison style. Asylum Annie managed to climb into Emma's window and hover over the sleeping child. Of course, Emma woke up and said "Mommy?" Annie told her to go back to sleep. OK. Here's where I got annoyed. Emma did go back to sleep. Instantly. Sure Mom, I am so tired that even though I see you and I know I see you, I am just going to pass the hell out. Kendall was trying to assure Fabio that all will be well at the hospital. She also ran up on some random convo to announce that if anything happens to Ian because of the heart valve, she would kill Adam. At the end of yesterday's eppy, Kendall impressed me with her stupidity by saying this to Fabio: "If something happens and you aren't here, I will take care of things. If Ian dies, I'll kill Adam." Um. Say it little louder dumbass. The people in f-ing China didn't hear you.

GH: I have very little to say about this show because I am too busy to pay attention to it! Sam and Jason are obviously gearing up to get back together. This works for me. Spinelli, Maxie, and Lulu are all getting along suddenly and it is irking me. However, hair and wardrobe get props for making them all look fabulous while getting on my damn nerves. Spinelli figured out that Kate is the Crimson Criminal. Tracy tried to talk Johnny into getting back together with Lulu, but Johnny was having none of it! Claudia is becoming increasingly desperate, clingy, and whiny, refusing to leave the damn hospital even though everyone has made it painfully obvious that they don't want her there. Nikolas and Rebecca were about to have some great sex (I could tell) before it was interrupted by Alexis's nosy flippin ass. Note to Alexis: Go get your own storyline, BITCH! The best line of all times #2 goes to Anthony Geary who blessed us with gem: "I don't care how many children I have out there. I just want to keep track of my genetic variations." Thanks for that, asshole.

OLTL: The prom began and I was laughing my ass off 2 minutes into the show. Destiny was cracking me up and when her cousing showed up to take her to the prom, I was rolling! Cole asked Starr to go to the prom with him and I sure did let some tears stream on down my cheeks. Marrko and Langston were super cute with there matching little outfits. I was almost sold on Langston's whole look, until she turned around and I saw that atrocious mermaid tail. Lola looked cute as well until she opened her mouth. Stacy threw up in all her scenes. Rex was there to lend a brainless hand, kissing her ass the whole time. Does anybody else just want to take a fork and poke her to see if she will come to life and act for a change? Natalie and Jared eloped. Brody dressed up in a Naval suit for no apparent reason. The Pussy Cat Dolls performed. It was, um, interesting. Asher got busted trying to sell drugs to the little prick that's always messin with my boy Matthew. Rachel and Destiny's brother are going to hook up. Ray Charles could see that. Blintz got engaged. Viki and Charlie had a cute little scene that reignited tears. And last but not least....Note to Becca the tween Bitch: The dead leopard called. He wants his skin back.

Y&R: I must begin by giving a shout out to Nikki's new engagement ring. I love you and I am your biggest fan. Victoria and Heather both learned of the engagement and were happy about it. Heather told Paul that she too was finding happiness in the form of Adam the Botox Baby. Paul leaned closer to Heather with a smile on his face and said: "Have you lost your damn mind?" Ashley was trying to convince Abby to be nice and accept Adam. Abby responded by saying: "Man, he's sooo creepy." Adam was upstairs just then playing with himself and the baby tape recorder at the same time with this stupid ass grin on his face. Later, he played the recorder and Ashley heard it. Ashley started freaking out and Adam told her "heard it too." But when talking to Victor, Adam said the sound was coming from Victor's room. Hagatha the Housekeeper showed up to get some of her belongings and she started crying about her innocence. Victor hushed her tears, assured her that he still loved her and allowed her to go upstairs to get her stuff. Victor then told Ashley that Hagatha was there when she heard the baby cry. Ashley responded by screaming: "Has she lost her mind? She must be losing her mind!" I sense a drinking game in our immediate future people! Adam then snuck down the stairs and slipped the recorder into what I am assuming was Hagatha or Ashley's jacket. Gloria, Jeffery, and Jill were all in the Caymans trying to save their asses. They failed. Jill started to panic,yelling: "God hates me! I've lost it all!" Gloria is so hard to watch sometimes. Colleen spilled some Newman dirt to Jack who advised her to try to get along with the Newmans. She then ran into Victoria who saw right through her line of bull. Note to Colleen: You're playing with the big kids now. She did impress me when she told Victoria that she had gotten where she was because "daddy handed everything to you all your life" and that "you're the one being played." OUCH.

Y&R did not get a pre-nomination nod for best daytime drama this year prompting me to ask this:

What the fucking god damned shit cock sucking bitch whore skank shit is that?!!!!

That's all I got. Until later.....same bitch time...same bitch channel....

Blind Bracelet Slippage & Condom Poking 5-12-09

2009-05-12T15:50:00.000-07:00

Y&R was mad with the creepy factor today as Jack decided to break things off with Mary Jane. She was obviously stunned, saying she couldn't believe Jack would re-wreck his reputation by taking back his "klepto wife". Mary Jane quickly recovered told Jack she would see him at work and promptly kicked his ass out of her room. She made a series of facial expressions after the door closed behind him that made me think that this may be the beginning of the end for my favorite misunderstood heroine, Sharon. Phyllis and Nicholas were having lunch at the club and Jack and Sharon arrived. Phyllis and Nicholas both registered shock and awe at the news that Sharon would be moving back in with Jack, for very different reasons of course. Later, Phyllis cornered Sharon and asked her what the hell was really going on. Sharon stayed mum of course. Phyllis and Mary Jane hooked up at the bar and discussed the possibilities....Amber and Daniel were still celebrating from the big art sale but all I noticed was that Amber was grunting a lot. Random and odd. Mr. FBI asked Daniel to speak in private and asked him to paint a forgery to trick some art theives. Then he told Daniel to keep it a secret from Amber. Amber, The Nosy One, asked him about the convo and Daniel sidetracked her with some PDA which she followed up by tickling him and grunting some more. Adam and Rafe had a nice discussion, or pity party, for Adam and the Rafe decided to go and confront Victor. Victor brushed him off with Mr. Mumbles style and promptly kicked him out. Ashley went to Adam and they made friends. Tsk, Tsk Ashley. Is it just me or does Ashley Abbott have a fetish for homicidal maniacs? Do the research, you shall see. Anyway, while Ashley was downstairs tooting Adam's horn to Victor, Adam was upstairs having a series of flashbacks that showcase the fact that he has been fasting for months. After the flashbacks, Adam slipped off his bracelet, crammed his shoes on his feet and promptly jumped out of the damn window. Adam went creeping into the garden, past the creepy Sabrina statue and then dug a voice recorder out of the ground. He pushed play and a baby started crying. So now we know for sure. We all knew it was Adam, we just weren't sure how. Paul proposed to Nikki, who got scared and ran away. After having a heart to heart with Katherine, Nikki found Paul and accepted his proposal with an ice cream cone. After this scene, I was sold. I am totally 100% invested in this relationship and I am not ashamed to admit it.

All 19 minutes of today's epidode was devoted to hotties Bill and Owen. Don Diamont made his first appearance as Bill Jr. and DAMN! I can tell he has been working out and the goatee thing might just work out for me after all. Bill Jr. worked with Stephanie to set up her podcast and she started it off with a bang calling it the start of her "life after Donna". Owen gave Bridget relationship advice. Bridget was wearing a very cute pink coat. Owen realized that he might actually have feelings Bridget and I think he went over to Jackie's to tell her so. Jackie was in the bathtub and she told him to get naked and get in there with her. Owen tried to resist, but Jackie was having none of it. I stopped paying attention after that because I found myself concentrating more on Jackie's hair, or whatever it is, more than anything else.

OLTL was full of good laughs today. Natalie and Jared were both having there bachelor parties today and right before Jared's, the stripper that Rex hired called and cancelled. Rex proved once again that he is the biggest idiot on daytime television when he looked at Stacy in a panick and said this: "Where the hell am I going to find a stripper in a half an hour?" Stacy, being the good little skank that she is, volunteered and put on her best clown face for the occasion. At the party, I was appalled not at Stacy jumping out of the cake, but at the fact that she did to my favorite Keri Hilson song. Stacy the Skank then, ignoring the groom, slithered over to Rex and shimmied all up on him for a hot minute or two. All the while, Rex did what he always does when Stacy is that close to him, looked like he wanted to wretch all over the damn place. It finally dawned on Stacy that it might be a good idea to pretend that she was there for Jared and she went on over there and kissed him on the forehead. Meanwhile, over at Natalie's party, the male stripper shows up to perform only to be lured away by Kyle with the promise of more money. The stripper music started and who should come out but Kyle his damn self, dressed in some chaps and a cowboy hat. Kyle, who shall now be called Lasso Boy for obvious reasons, proceed to shake his groove thing causing all the women in Llanview to fall to the floor after massive coronaries. Kyle then lassoed Natalie which was sexy in its in own right. Later Natalie cornered him and assured him he would get his damn money. Starr and Langston were having one of their sisterly convos when the topic turned to birth control. Starr became uncomfortable and offered to do Langston's hair. As they ran off to play beauty salon, Lola entered and stole the french jimmy case that Dorian gave Langston and before I could yell "not another teen pregnancy!", she was poking holes in the damn condoms while talking to herself on Myface. What an idiotic rip off of a social website name. Anyway, Langston looked really cute and I am actually excited to see how this is going to play out. Dorian called Marrko out on Operation Deflower and assured him that as long as he and Langston were safe, she was on board. Tomorrow is the big start of the prom. I won't be able to watch tomorrow's eppy at it's original time because my daughter is doing a Pussy Cat Dolls show herself, in the form of the Hoedown Throwdown.

Short blog today but it's all good. I'll bitch at you later...some bitch time...some bitch channel...

One Hell of an Acid Trip and French Condoms 5-12-09

2009-05-12T06:48:00.000-07:00

Y&R started yesterday with Adam stabbing himself in the eye with the hypo full of botox. The doctor proceeded to begin his examination, and Adam told him that the Doctor would know all his secrets once he shined the light in his eyes. However, the clueless doctor informed Victor that Adam's condition was worsening. Later, Rafe came by and Adam was frantically looking for the box containing the botox hypo. Downstairs, Hagatha the Housekeeper was telling Ashley that getting rid of her wouldn't stop what ever crazy sh*t was going on in Ashley's head. I wonder who stole the hypo from the botox box? Ashley, Victor, or someone else? Chloe and Lily continued their verbal catfight with Lily pointing out that Chloe is the only one that is in a "soulless marriage". Cane slammed Chloe later, pointing out that marriage is her choice weapon of destruction. Wonder Dad Billy stopped sniffing up Mac's you-know-what long enough to go get Delia from an ailing nanny. At the art show, Daniel was stunned at the amount of the check that he received from the FBI Agent/Art Buyer. When it suddenly occurred to him just how successful the show had actually been, he scooped Jana up, bestowing her with compliments. For a hot second, I thought they were going to kiss. I happen to know that if you were dreaming of a Jana/Daniel/Amber/Kevin sex-a-thon, you can keep dreaming. The PTB are happy with our favorite foursome. Thank god for small favors. I do hear that others will be involved in their relationships; however, nothing earth shattering will come of it.
Amber and Kevin were over at Katherine's getting the verbal bitch slap from Jill and the Governor. Jill and Katherine went off to another room to argue and Kevin and Amber were banished to the outside, waiting for news of their fate. Murphy and the Governor stayed behind, reminiscing about their time in Vietnam, respectfully. Murphy whipped out some old school war heat and presented it the Governor as a gift. I forgot to mention that Jill took the Governor away for a "private" converation and when they returned, Jill was reapplying her lip gloss and the Governor's idiot ass was grinning the good grin. Regardless of what happened behind closed doors, the Governor granted Kevin and Amber clemency and the duo met up with Daniel and Jana and they had a big "hooray for us" party. Jill's face crashed when the Governor made his decision and she said: "You're doing what!?" Kevin asked Amber if she knew that Jill was a bitch. Um. News flash Kev! We ALL know that.

SPOILERS:

Word has it that Melody Thomas Scott is going to be put on recurring status because the show cannot afford to pay her ass anymore. I'm thinking this is not the best idea. Rafe will confront Victor on his treatment of Hagatha the Housekeeper and Adam the Botox Baby. Sharon will move back into the Abbott mansion, prompting Jack to tell Mary Jane that whatever they started is already over. Mary Jane will act nonchalant, but inside she will be seething and therefore, plotting and scheming. I say bring on the crazy! Sharon moving in with Jack is going to make Phyllis suspicious and she will ask Sharon what the hell is really going on. Nina is going to turn Katherine's memoirs into a movie. I, for one, cannot wait for the sh*t to hit the fan when Jill finds out. My predicition, although vague, will come true. The FBI Agent will ask Daniel to help him nap some art thieves. This storyline better be worth it or I am going to be pissed the hell off. It was only a couple of years ago when we forced to deal with the Brad is George debale and all the art b.s. that followed. Colleen will spill Newman secrets to Jack. Ashley will befriend Adam. Oh snap! Prediction Time! Adam and Ashley will have an affair and Victor will catch them in the act, causing Victor to blow up the whole damn town. OK. Maybe it's not going to go down exactly like that, but you get my drift. Billy will continue to be obsessed over Mac. I can't wait until she gives in and he gets what he wants. I predict he will go running back to Chloe once the conquest is over. Nick will "be there" for Sharon. AGAIN. I am sure that the Red Headed She Devil will be just pleased as punch. Daniel will attempt to keep his snitchin a secret from Amber. Um. Good luck with that.

On B&B yesterday, Rick was kissing Steffy's ass and she was being a bitch to him when he decided to tell her he was taking a vow of celibacy. He was lying of course. Rick was just trying to get in her pants again. Taylor opened her big collagen filled lips and spilled the invalid marriage beans. Bizarro Ken and Mega Slut Barbie decided the best thing to do right then and there was to go have hot, steamy, angry sex in his office. I must admit this actually made me uncomfortable. I have been watching these two go at it almost all my life and I felt like I needed to leave my own living room. Look for Don Diamont to break bad on today's eppy!

SPOILERS:

Stephanie publishes a webcast entitled "The Logan Chronicles". This will most definately prove to be filled with slandering verbal bitch slaps for all Logans in the immediate vicinity. Rick will put on some b.s. tribute to Phoebe which will score him more booty points with Steffy. Then Rick will give Steffy some sort of gift that will cause Ridge to freak the hell out. Looks like this sh*t isn't going away anytime soon. Bill and Donna will meet and sparks will fly. Whip is definately returning!

I only caught half of yesterday's eppy of AMC, but here's what I saw:

David was bitching and arguing with anyone and everyone that was standing by him and Zach, (who shall now be called Fabio until he gets a damn haircut), came running in telling him to get his ass to the hospital and save Ian. Ryan showed up, looking yummy I might add, and Fabio yelled at him too. Annie was on a mission and although I knew she was going to restrain Aidan in some way, I had no idea that she was going to knock his australian ass down the stairs. She then tied him to a pole and said: "I love you, but I gotta go." He tried to convince her to untie him, but she left his ass there. Krystal's hair looked really cute while she sat and talked to Babe's grave. Forgive me people, but does that sh*t really happen? Regardless, Marissa overheard and wanted to know what the big secret was. The heart valve inventor committed suicide and more of Adam's foes began to gather at the mansion.

On OLTL yesterday, Bo told Nora that he wanted to kiss her the day that Marcie caught them in the parking lot. Nora and Bo decided to just remain friends and as they embraced, Clint walked in and started to behave like my four year old, or worse. I have some new squish names for this trio: Bora and Blintz, for obvious reasons. Langston and Starr were hanging out in the foyer again when Langston loudly announced that she and Marrko were going to go all the way. Dorian overheard and after a shouting match, conceded to what she could not stop and slipped Lang some jimmy hats from France, complete with fancy carrying case. Marrko was at the drug store having many conversations regarding rubbers, condoms, breath mints, and galoshes with the church lady and Cole. Powell and Rebecca, the creepy crazies, are in there own little world and Jack can see through the b.s. he told Starr he loved her over the phone which prompted Starr to figure out that something bad must be going on over at Todd's.

SPOILERS:

Natalie will assure Kyle that he will get his $100,000 to keep his damn mouth shut. After Stacy busts out of the cake at Jared's bachelor party, she will give Rex a private dance and Gigi will get super pissed. I bet you $5 she won't do a damn thing about it so who gives a sh*t? Cole and Starr will go to the prom together. Lola will drop some acid at the prom festivities. Here's hoping for some half assed camera effects.

On GH yesterday, Michael started crashing and everyone else started freaking out, understandably. Tracy was freaking out somewhere else over Lulu and Ethan's obvious attraction for one another. Maxie and Spinelli continue to search for Kate, um, I mean the Crimson traitor. Jason was on the rooftop clearing his head when Sam, the magically appearing whore, suddenly appeared on the rooftop as well. Jason cried on Sam's shoulder about Michael and then we were treated to what we have all been waiting for. Oh. No. That didn't happen. What did happen? Not a g*d damn thing! 5 minutes of my life-GONE.

SPOILERS:

Claudia will lose her baby and spill the beans about everyone's involvement in the cover up. To me this translates into: Sonny is about to be one angry mutha and everyone in Port Charles better run and hide. Fast. Molly will be aged and recast and rumor has it that she will have an inappropriate relationship with Ric before he leaves for B&B and greener pastures. Johnny and Olivia are going to start doing the shag nasty in our very immediate future. This whole build up for Luke and Ethan has all been for nothing. They are not father and son. The Mayor will hire Spam to spy on his wife because he believes that old-Lily is cheating on him.

OMG Finally! I am done. Til whenever peeps, I got finals this week. Some bitch time...some bitch channel....

Let's Make Misery Look Fabulous 5-9-09

2009-05-09T20:06:00.000-07:00

I have had the opportunity to view about 10 minutes of Monday's eppy of Y&R so here's what I got:

The 60's photo shoot continues and Lily and Cane both continue to grow agitated. Finally, Lily says she is done but Nikki talks her back into doing the rest of the shoot. Chloe pulled some zingers out of her fashionable little cap, telling Lily to go ahead and "have your diva moment". A few moments later, Chloe told Cane that "this thing is going to print like yesterday" and politely (or not) asked him to get "Miss Whiny Whinerson" to cooperate. Hilarious! The photo shoot actually went quite well once Lily stopped bitching because Daniel Goddard is a delicious piece of eye candy. Billy went to get a burger at Jimmy's. Guess there's no McDonalds or In and Out in those "parts". After flirting with Monotone Mac for a while and getting no where, Billy grabbed Delia and headed to the photoshoot. The photoshoot ended and Chloe was standing there fiddling with something random in order to look busy when Lily walked up and told Chloe that she was sure Chloe thought she would crash and burn. Chloe said this in response: "Okay Lily! Since you need so much ego boosting..." At the end of the clip, Monotone Mac dressed in all black showed up at the photoshoot. I find this amusing because she has absolutely no reason to be there.

SPOILERS: Neil gives Lily Dru's old wedding dress for her wedding. The wedding is on the 15th. Devon will be taking old Ashley from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Karen will show up. Victor will lie about his acceptance of Nikki's marriage to Paul.

Prediction Alert!- I have a feeling that Daniel's snitch storyline and Cane's hidden past storyline will intertwine somehow. I ponder if this is another storyline about stolen art?

GH SPOILERS: As we all know, Michael's surgery will be a success and he will finally wake up. Lulu will be the one he wakes up to. I find this to be quite random. Tracy tries to keep Ethan and Luke from figuring out what's up. Did she switch the DNA results? I am guessing that's an affirmative and that fake-but-real Aussie Ethan is really a Spencer after all. The Crimson scandal will bring Maxie and Spin right back to Kate at Crimson and Maxie will most likely lose her damn job anyway! Obviously this has a lot to do with the actress playing Kate being put on recurring. Patrick gives Carly more bad news and then later passes out in Jax's arms. Holly, who I am guessing we are supposed to believe is Ethan's mom.

OLTL SPOILERS: After knocking out half of Llanview with the anthrax envelopes, Powell takes Todd, Tea, Blair, and Marty to the frat house and ties Todd up to a bed. It turns out that Powell doesn't really want revenge against Marty. However, he does want to get revenge on Todd for hurting Marty. Powell tries to get one of the women to kill Todd. Tea volunteers. Of course she does! That chics got some balls! Marty, who doesn't have any memory remember, uses her power of psychological persuasion to talk Powell down. No word on whether or not the dumb bitch succeeds. Jared and Natalie will elope on 5/13.

Rumor Buster: Lots of talk about Brandon Buddy leaving. Let's not panic or go manic! My girl J assures me that all is well in contract land!

B&B SPOILERS: The PTB must be keeping tight lips on spoilers this week because I am seriously lacking! What I do know is that Stephanie will hook up with a newly buff old-Brad-nu Bill Jr. for some scheming of some sort. Owen and Bridget hit the sack. Owen and Jackie hit the sack. Stephanie does an Eric bashing podcast! Taylor let's it slip that Mega Slut and Bizarro Ken's wedding is invalid.

AMC SPOILERS: Annie's crazy ass will return with an Emma stealing scheme. Aidan will try to stop her only to have her turn on him and tie her to a chair. When she arrives, Emma happens to be over at Little A(sshole)'s house for a playdate. All hell is breaking lose as all Adam's foes come for justice armed to the teeth. Annie shows up packing heat her damn self. Adam will be shot. Krystal will be forced to tell Marissa the truth about her parentage. Opal will have a vision of a bloodied and wounded Ryan. Angie and Jake will form an alliance to save Ian's life.

I have posted both Cane and Lily's previous wedding photos for your viewing pleasure. Cane wasn't even at his wedding to Amber. Alison posed as a man with a very bad moustache. Lily was present at her wedding to Daniel, however, Christel Khalil did not play the part at that time.

Murphy Goes Fishing 5-8-09

2009-05-08T20:21:00.000-07:00

Y&R began with Adam and Heather laying in bed sharing pillow talk when Heather caught a case of naughtitis. She talked Adam into raiding Victor's liquor cabinet. Victor and Ashley were carrying on yet another boring intolerable conversation when Hagatha the Housekeeper came running in screaming about prowlers. Of course, there were no prowlers. It was Adam and Heather! When Victor's eyes fell upon Heather, he was enraged and quickly told Heather to get the hell out. Then he told Adam that he wished he would have left his ass in prison. What I found to be the most interesting part of this storyline was that Heather, standing in her underwear, challenged Victor as if she had lost her common sense. Victor mumbled some utterances and Heather went to change. On her way out, Heather stopped to once again argue with Victor when he stopped her in midsentence to say this: "If you won't leave, Ms. Stevens, I will eject you myself." Heather quickly tucked tail and left. After Heather's grand exit, Adam came in the room and told Ashley that the Newman Ranch was her prison too, followed by this: "Welcome to cell block 5." Ashley ran off to be crazy in some other part of the house and Victor stayed behind and spied on Adam. After a few choice words between father and son, Victor stayed quiet and got in Adam's face. Adam, of course, had a reaction because he can SEE! The specialist finally showed up and Adam, fumbling may I add, grabbed a syringe of botox from under the bed. That's where everyone keeps their liquid plastic surgery. Adam then proceeded to jam the damn hypo in his eye. Some say creepy, I say very entertaining. Ashley came back to the 'main' room alone and discovered that Sabrina's sonogram picture had been slipped under the door. Just as I was about to be convinced of Adam's innocence, the cameras cut to him climbing back in the damn window. Shame. Shame. Victor assumed Hagatha the Housekeeper was behind the photo slippage and banned her from working at the ranch; banishing her to Newman as if that was an actual form of punishment. Over at Restless Style, Chloe was actually working, and Phyllis and Nikki were actually listening to her, for once. The ladies decided to turn their wedding issue into a 60's themed wedding-mock-a-thon and Nikki asked Cane and Lily if they could not only be in the photoshoot, but to also provide their home in which to do it. Long story short: Cane and Lily were not happy about the idea and agreed to do it anyway. Cane looked hot. Nikki instructed Cane to pretend to drop Lily in a fake puddle of dog piss. Lily bitched. Nikki clambered for answers. Lily bitched some more. Cane slipped in fake piss resulting in him falling on his ass and dropping Lily while he was at it. While all this broohaha was going down, Phyllis was confiding in Miss Piggy, I mean Nikki, about the current status of her marriage. Nikki said some comforting words that I am sure she didn't mean and the heartfelt scene was over. Like that. Katherine set up a nice formal dinner at the Chancellor Estate for the Governor in hopes that she could convince him to drop the charges against Amber and Kevin. Jill seemed to accept this and went on her merry way; but not before Murphy returned from his fishing trip. Jill was insulting my Murphy but, alas, he was able to pull two big ass dead fish out of his pail and shove them in the bitch's face. The governor arrived and Jill tried to convince him that Kevin and Amber were evil and deserved to be punished. Katherine became so enraged she told Jill not to say another word, then, just in case she didn't hear her the first time, Katherine told Jill not to say another word again. Amber and Kevin showed up dressed to the nines. However, they both looked shocked and a little scared when they saw that Jill was in attendance. While Kevin and Amber were hamming it up with the governor, Daniel and Jana were at Daniels new art show. Daniel was feeling sorry for himself because Amber is more successful and Jana was there to stroke his boyish ego. Note to Daniel: GET OVER IT! Later, an FBI agent entered the gallery and bought up all Daniel's art. Does this twisted snitch storyline have something to do with Cane's twisted past? Hmmmmm. I ponder. On the previews for Monday's eppy, I witnessed Jill say these tantalizing words: "You are too old and too slow to do battle." This should come as no surprise, but she was speaking to Katherine. I imagine it will be the wrong thing to say. On B&B today, Taylor yelled at Brooke. Brooke yelled at Taylor. Ridge stood around looking like an idiot. Rick yelled. Thomas yelled. Steffy and Marcus were hanging out at the Forrester rooftop gym and Rick showed up wanting to grovel to Steffy some more. Marcus threatened Rick. Steffy dissed and dismissed Rick, AGAIN. The rest of the eppy was filled with more yelling by who? You guessed it, Brooke and Taylor. I was just starting to think that I could probobly find something more ineresting to do at 1:30p.m. Monday-Friday. OLTL was a half and half. Half filled with smart ass teenagers with bad attitudes and the whole "operation deflower" debacle. The other half was filled with Todd, Tea, Marty, Blair, and John all injesting Anthrax. Michael Easton proved that he could be more than just an asshole cop; although, my girl J and I were expecting him to bare his old fangs from Port Charles. Powell kicked Marty. Rebecca is psycho, which I guess is the whole point. Bo and Cole saw one another for the first time since the accident. Cole apologized and asked Nora and Bo for help with discovering the truth about the baby he had with Starr. The best part of today's eppy? NO GIGI. This blog entry sucks because I am in a bad mood and I am very busy. I shall be posting a more in depth Recap, Spoilers, and Rumors blog entry at some point tomorrow. Until then... same bitch time....same bitch channel..come to think of it, same bitch....
Please check out my new youtube video for shits and gigs!

Mr. Mumbles 5-7-09

2009-05-07T14:47:00.000-07:00

Once again I have already blogged about today's eppy of Y&R and once again I failed to mention some key points. Nick stopped over at Victor's to accept his job offer. As he passed Adam in the living room, we were privy to this little convo:

Adam: "Oh Nick. You're just in time. I was just going upstairs."
Nick: "Oh? Don't let me stop you."

Adam is up to NO good as it is perfectly clear to me that he can see. He called Heather over for a blind bangin booty call and somehow conned her into helping him get his sentence reduced. I know I shouldn't, but I wish that when this whole storyline comes to fruition, Adam gives Heather's bitch ass the boot. Victor informed Adam that the specialist would be there to see him tomorrow and Adam quickly scrambled to tell Victor that he doesn't need a specialist. Tune in tomorrow when he jams a hypo full of botox in his eye. Should be just about priceless. Jeffery and Gloria are broke. Billy called Gloria a moron. My personal favorite? Jack's new nickname for Victor: Mr. Mumbles.

I must admit that I spent the majority of today's eppy of B&B on the telephone playing Ms. Chatty Chatterson, however, I was able to catch Taylor's 1982 eyeshadow from 20 miles away as it blended perfectly with her botox injection sites. Marcus and Steffy kissed and made up. Enjoy it while it lasts dude. I am enjoying the strange but satisfying alliance that is being formed between Thorne and Pam. I was watching a big group of yelling Forresters and Logans who were all talking about Thomas as if he was not in the room when suddenly my mind went here:

Rick was yelling at Thomas when I suddenly envisioned his eyebrows coming to life. One eyebrow, we shall call him Fuzzy, raised up and high fived the other eyebrow, who we shall call Furry. Fuzzy then jumped from Thomas's forehead and proceeded to bitch slap Rick in the balls, after which, Furry yelled out "That's what you get, Bitch!"

Alas. This is not what I saw when I came back to reality. What I did notice, however, is that Thomas borrowed Ben Stiller's hair gel from Something About Mary and applied it ONLY to the left side of his hair.

On OLTL today, Todd and Tea were about to get it on when who should enter but Jack and a horrified Blair. Jack ran his little mouth for a hot second and was told to go away soon after. Blair started arguing with Tea, asking her when she was going to stop going after men that don't want her. Tea responded with an evil laugh, prompting Blair to look at Todd and say: "Please tell me you are not sleeping with THAT." After Blair blew out of there, Tea pointed out that if Todd is sleeping with Blair, then Tea herself was sleeping with Blair. This was followed by her then pointing out that if Blair is sleeping with John, then Todd is also sleeping with Todd. The point? Who the hell knows. Cut to the only lab in Llanview where Kyle was busy blackmailing Jared and Natalie and Natalie was busy blaming Starr for the world's problems. BREAKING NEWS: Melissa Archer was involved in an altercation with a wave of humidity. The wave won. Thank you Kyle for looking and good and having a modicum of common sense. He not only stuck up for Starr, but he also pointed out that Jessica was a baby stealing whore. Rex was still kissing Stacy from yesterday's eppy when he broke it off and once again, after making eye contact with Stacy's face, looked as if he might just throw up. Too bad he had a serious case of Assholitis today as he let his tween son disrespect the mother of his child. I fully support Rex's disease because I would be an asshole too if my baby's mama wouldn't shut the hell up with her damn tearless crying fits. Gigi proved that she truly is the dumbest bitch on daytime t.v. when she told Rex "We can't let Shane run the show." Where was that mindset yesterday when she was chasing him down the street begging him not to leave. Shane accidentally dropped Stacy's hairdryer in the toilet and Stacy had a mini-meltdown. The look on her face started a chain reaction in my brain which leads me to this: I think Stacy will work with the pimp to get rid of Shane and Gigi for good. Of course, her plan will backfire. Marty remembered she had a kid and placed a call to Cole. John got trapped with the dead doctor at the loony bin. At the end of the eppy Blair rejoined Todd and noticing that Tea was still lurking made this statement: "I thought you said you were going to take the trash out." God love her.

YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS SPOILER ALERT: Props to Jillian at Daytime Confidential for sharing these with me.

Cane and Lily will get married but not without some secrets and scandals coming out of Cane's past biting him in the ass. Devon is getting ready to discover that he isn't who he, or we, thought he was. Jana will suspect Daniel is up to something. Thank god because here lately he's been up to a whole lot of nothing. Jill loses all her money when she teams up with Jeffery and Gloria to take down whoever. She calls Victor for help who tells her he was responsible for her losing her damn money in the first place. Jill and Jack team up to take down Victor. Here's hoping they swap denture cream old school style. Nikki accepts Pauls proposal; however, both Nikki and Victor will question her true motives.

I'm done. Peace out. Til tomorrow...same bitch time....same bitch channel....

Sordid Secrets 5-7-09

2009-05-07T07:07:00.000-07:00

I tried to stay awake last night for some late night soap viewing. Alas. I am getting to old for these all nighters! Never the less, I was able to catch my missed eppies from yesterday and here's what I got:

AMC: Amanda was all packed and ready to bolt out of Pine Valley when Opal caught her. They had a lovely conversation about love and Jake and the baby. I'm sorry. I don't understand how anyone can say their lines seriously while looking at Jill Larson's wardrobe. Gawd! Adam and Krystal were discussing the "sudden life long secret" and Krystal told Adam that he better keep his mouth shut about Marissa or she was going to kill him. That's twice that someone threatened to kill him this week. I smell a set up. Erica walked up at the ass end of the conversation Krystal stormed off and Erica wanted to know what was up. So, death threats be damned, Adam told her. Scott and J.R. were STILL arguing over the heart valve. David refuses to do the surgery on Ian because it is too risky; however, he had no problem whatsoever tooting his own horn. Kendall cried and whined all while managing to look like someone's grandma. J.R. and Marissa decided to start over and I can see that a new sordid love affair will soon begin. I am sure it will be filled with memories of Babe and alcohol. I'm just guessing. Scott ran up panicking about, you guessed it, the heart valve. If Scott loves the heart valve so much why doesnt he just have the damn thing surgically injected into himself and shut the hell about it! Zach and Kendall were at the hospital discussing Ian's condition when Zach turned it into a "feel sorry for me" party. Kendall did the honorable thing and walked away. Good girl. Scott ran into Zach and tried to talk to him. Zach responded by saying: "Run along now and leave us alone." Frankie's hands were crushed in Iraq and Randy decided to go to Germany to be with him. Angie was STILL flipping out. The best part of the show was when Amanda was somewhere listening to someone else watch telenovas on her cell phone. Over at Opal's, Jake was watching the same telenova and explaining to Opal what the hell was going on. Opal told Jake that him and Amanda love each other and that the rest is all "buzz buzz static".

Steve Burton is not only hot and sexy, but I can actually believe in his character most of the time. GH gave us access to Jason sitting in Michael's room reminiscing about Michael's original accident and he busted a tear. Still not as great as him catching free falling whores, but whatever. The whole surgery storyline has taken over Port Charles with Patrick and Dr. Wrong at odds over the best procedure times. Jason knows the truth, and he will convince Carly to do the right thing at the risk of pissing off Jax. Maxie needs help to uncover some mystery so she asked Spinelli for help. Spin flatly refused, calling Maxie the "Faithless One". Lulu showed up moments later and, fearing for her own job, also asked Spinelli for help. He agrees to help "Fair Lulu" and tells Maxie he's only helping because Lulu asked him too. I am quickly becoming a fan of Lulu despite my previous claims of hatred. I guess she grew on me when I wasn't paying attention. Spinelli's reference to Johnny as the "dark prince" never gets old. Claudia didn't lose her baby. Damn. Rebecca gave Nikolas a massage. Ethan and Luke got the DNA results. But of course, the results were not revealed. Lucky threw more tantrum over Ethan's paternity and Luke's loyalty to Laura. Then Lucky kindly tried to strangle Ethan.

Wouldn't it be great if Jason was actually Michael's dad after all these years? You know you want it to be true...

I have already been privy to most of today's eppy of Y&R so here's what I know:

Sharon and Billy were discussing her pregancy and how it basically sucks for everyone involved. Billy proved who he was truly concerned about by saying this: "I can't believe this is happening to me again." Billy is a Grade-A Asshole. However, I cannot fathom my favorite show without him. Nick went to the Newman ranch and told Victor that he would be happy to be COO of Newman. Adam was once again lurking at the top of the stairs eavesdropping. Why don't they just put a damn lazy boy up there for him? A clueless Nick proceeded to tell a clueless Victor not to trust Adam. Nick then took Summer to the same park that Sharon dreamt about yesterday and was pushing her on the same swing. Sharon tracked him down to tell him about the baby and Summer fell off of the swing. Sharon drove Nick and Summer to the E.R. While this was going on, Phyllis and Mary Jane were bonding over their hatred for all things Sharon. Phyllis got a call and ran off to be with Summer. When she arrived at the hospital, she questioned Sharon's presence. Sharon decided to leave them alone, however, she stayed lurking in the hospital corridors. Gloria's civil trial was well underway in today's eppy. Ashley testified and then Gloria took the stand. To Michael's chagrin, Gloria confessed all on the record. The Judge rewarded the Abbotts double the amount of the original lawsuit. After the trial was over, Gloria went the hell off on Ashley. Ashley went the hell off right back, calling Gloria a "gold digging narcissistic bitch". Glria went on a tirade the likes of which I have never seen and Ashley double over in pain. Then someone seethed at Gloria and said: "She's pregnant you idiot!" Michael stared at Ashley in horror as he quickly realized that his mother was always going to be the bain of his existence. Ashley was rushed to the hospital with the Abbott boys in tow. Victor showed up and promptly kicked them out of her room. Outside of Ashley's room, Jack ran into Sharon who accepted his offer to raise the baby after she decided not to tell Nick. Jack was happy as hell and pulled Sharon close for a hug. Psycho Mary Jane showed up just then and spied the embrace. Jack offered Billy a partnership and half of the CEO position at Jabot so he can help Sharon, but he did't inform his brother why.

OLTL SPOILER ALERT!:

Here's what I know is coming up in our immediate future- Langston and Dorian are going to get into some kind of altercation. Cole is going to see Matthew and feel an urge to take a pill. Jared is going to get wind that Hope's body is being exhumed. Nora will be suspicious of Clint's true intentions. Um. She should be. The prom is fast approaching and after Lola pulls her shenanigans, the Pussy Cat Dolls will perform. John wants to save Marty. No sh*t, right? Jessica is going to remember giving birth. It will be revealed that Kyle is related to someone in Llanview. No clue as to who yet! Hope's body will be exhumed, prompting Natalie and Jared to run off and elope before the sh*t hits the fan. Chloe is going to disappear. My guess? She will be one of the people kidnapped. I hear there will be two. Jared will have a bachelor party. Super Skank Stacy will jump out of his cake. I am not sure that Natalie is going to be down for all that. Here's hoping she scares someone when she pops out and they shoot her because they think their life is in danger. Marty will finally get her memory back. Is this going to make me hate her less? No. Natalie and Jared will confess the whole baby debacle to Viki and Charlie. And, last but not least: Bess is back! I hope that this personality hates Brody as much as I do. I mean Lt. Horndog....

EXTRAS:

1. Tom Pelphrey is returning to GL. I stopped watching when he left. I hope other soaps realize his potential and hire him!

2. Kristina has finally been aged and recast on GH.

3. Rick Hearst is leaving GH and reprising his role as one of Mega Slut Barbie's many husbands on B&B.

That's all I got peeps! More later....same bitch time...same bitch channel...

Baby Trumps First Love 5-6-09

2009-05-06T15:00:00.000-07:00

I have previously blogged about today's Y&R eppy, however, I watched again and noticed that I missed some important deets. My girl J and I were enjoying some coffee this morning when the conversation quickly turned to Nikki on Y&R. The topic? Who the hell knows. What we did agree on is that Nikki, as she continues to age, looks more and more like Miss Piggy. Watching her tilt her head to kiss Paul really just confirmed for me that Nikki and Miss Piggy are long lost twins who were separated at birth. Paul was spending a few quite minutes alone with the GIANT rock he plans on proposing to Nikki with, when Nick walked in. After some wedding chit chat, Nick offered his full support to Nikki and Paul. I totally forgot about this classic line via Chloe to Delia: "We are going to have to put a no trespassing sign on your daddy. Maybe a hot pink one." Of course! Leave it to Chloe to think about keeping her man with style. I mentioned the convo between Mac and Billy in my last blog. However, I forgot to mention this little tidbit: Billy: "It's not fair. Our relationship was taken from us!" Mac: "Life isn't fair Billy! You want to see unfair? Go to Darfur, that's unfair!" No Mac. What's unfair is me being forced to look at your ugly bitch face everyday. Phyllis told Nick that she was feeling neglected and had been for a while now. That's usually what happens when your husband is banging his real wife. Nuff said! Victoria went over to the Newman ranch for whatever reason and even though she tried to be nice, Adam acted like an ass as usual. Victoria was quietly looking around the room while Adam was talking when he suddenly stopped and said "What exactly is it that you are looking for?" to which Victoria replied "I thought you couldn't see?" OK! This just affirms everything I have said so far...Adam is faking and has been this whole time. Mac must have dropped her "mother theresa" wardrobe off at the Goodwill and bought herself some new duds from Bar-Hoes-R-Us. Later, Esmerelda (hagatha as previously referred to) came back from visiting Rafe and Ashley made a damn fool out of herself tripping over her own psycho drool to accuse Esme of planting the Sabrina gear. Victor hushed her like a child and defendended that old bitch Esmerelda. Victor then filled Victoria in on his theory that Nikkis is planting the "haunted Sabrina" items. Victoria urged Victor to consider the possibility that Ashley was just going nuts, which is par for the course where Ashley is concerned. Victor then proceeded to tell Victoria that she was 'Disrespectful" and to "Grow up and deal with it!" The doorbell rang then and Victor opened the door to Nikki, who was gearing up to bitch at him about Nick and Restless style. Victor informed Nikki that he had nothing to say to her and then told Victoria, who was in the corner licking her wounds: "Deal with your mother."

Side Note: ATWT promos are starting to look good again. For those of you who still tune in, feel free to let me know what the hell is going on, and when it is safe to watch again. Thanks!

Today's B&B began with Owen and Bridget and HOTNESS. My god! Brandon Beemer has taken over that show and all I can say is THANK YOU! I haven't been this excited to watch B&B since the Deacon/Bridget/Mega Slut days. Bridget cut her date short with Owen to preserve her reputation and "make him want it more" and Owen was very supportive saying: "I'm in no hurry." I guess I wouldn't be either if I was getting attacked by a sex crazed cougar with a bad wig EVERY five minutes. This may sound like complaining, but it is not! On her way out the door, Bridget turned to say goodbye and Owen just had to get in one more kiss before she left. Literally two seconds after Bridget left, Jackie rolled up in her hover-round for a play by play of the night's events. After convincing herself that Bridget is idiot enough to choose her son over Owen, Jackie proceeded to attack Owen and then they did the shag nasty up against her geriatric walker. Brooke and Katie were discussing Nick and Bridget's past, present, and future and quite frankly, all I heard was "oink oink oink oink" followed by "snort oink snort". Katie did share this little ditty: "Bridget is more than an ex wife. She's an ex wife squared." Bridget met up with Nick later who confessed his true feelings for her, stating "You are the best thing that's ever happened to me." I've heard him say that to just about every Logan Whore there is. Bridget told him to cut the cord, he said he was truly sorry this time, and she proved that the Saggy Sailor is still the king of her heart and they fell into a lustful embrace. Jackie told Owen that he needs a lesson in how to seduce women and followed it up by saying that she was going to hire him a "seduction consultant".

OLTL was filled with classic idiocies that could only be provided by the actors and writers of this show. Brody and Jessica tried to have a secret meeting in a public place (idiocy #1) and this public place just happened to be the destination of Jared and Natalie's pre-wedding day dinner. As her family came in, Jessica said "let's give them something to talk about" and proceeded to slap the sh*t out of him. I came close to liking her again for a hot second....but the feeling quickly passed. Jessica came up with some flower wedding excuse and headed over to Brody's for some afternoon delight. Rex and Gigi were continuing their argument from yesterday. Actually, Rex yelled and Gigi cried. (idiocy #2) YAWN. Gigi ran off to cry somewhere else and Rex said "Have fun with Lt. Horndog." (idiocy #3) Over at Llanview High, (or as I like to refer to it as the Coolest F-Ing School EVER!)Langston and Markko were both on computers and instant messaging about the prom during class. WOW. (idiocy #4) Markko asked Langston if she was ready for "Operation De-Flower" (idiocy #5) and Langston acted as if she was appalled. Markko then said this: "Would you rather I call it "Operation Doing-the-Nasty"? (idiocy #6) Rex went over to Brody's to stop her from sleeping with Brody. Jessica was in the bathroom hiding. Rex started beating on the door and yelling. Brody and Rex got into a little fight and Brody said "You don't want to hit me." I laughed and got up to go do something. When I returned, Rex was gone and Brody was holding his nose. I guess that means Rex did want to hit him. Stacy was chillin at Rex's when there was a knock on the door. This is where the show suddenly tool a turn for the better. In walks Stacy's old pimp, who instantly snatched up Stacy and put her in a choke hold. He wanted his money. Stacy whined about not having it. The pimp demanded a lap dance. Thank the bad stripper gods that OLTL didn't air it if it happended. Later, the pimp threatened to hurt Shane if Super Skank didn't fork over the dough. Shane called Gigi out at her job and then ran off, leaving the dumb bitch screaming "Shane! Shane! Come back!" then dropping to her bruised up knees and crying. (idiocy#7) If that was me, I would have snatched that little prick up and shoved my fist down his throat for basically calling me a whore in front of my friends. But, hey, that's just me.

That's all I got. If you like this blog, please support, follow, and spread the word!

More on GH and AMC later....some bitch time...some bitch channel....

The First Love is the Deepest 5-6-09

2009-05-05T23:48:00.000-07:00

I wish I could watch AMC as often as I would like and I even admit that sometimes it isn't worth watching anyway. However, I do keep up to date and catch as many eppies I can per week. Monday's eppy was ripe with Erica and that funky ass red and black "push-up" dress that she was still wearing. Erica was discussing Adam to someone and she told that someone that Adam could still slay dragons. That is almost as strange a comment as the time Colby asked Erica if she loved Adam. Erica responded: "I love him like ice cream." What the hell is that supposed to mean? Erica is still hot for Ryan and was doing everything in her power to convince Ryan that a relationship with Kendall would never work out. For once, I agree with LaKane.
J.R. momentarily lost Little A(sshole)and Marissa strolled up and casually insulted J.R.'s parenting skills. J.R. went off on her; but, I can see where this is going. I know there is supposed to be some scandalous love triangle hoppin' soon between Marissa, J.R., and Scott. Oh Joy. Ian needs heart surgery (that just happens to involve that damn heart valve) or he is going to die. Krystal got pissed at Marissa for "going there" with J.R. so Marissa packed her stuff and moved out. I hate how David is trying to play the good guy in the middle as if he were capable of such behavior. At the end of Monday's eppy, David stated he would not operate on Ian. Today's episode consisted of Adam (whom I believe is really Stuart) being an ass, as usual. He continues to panick over finances and act like a blooming idiot which prompts my soap senses to seriously tingle whenever he is on screen. I know it's Stuart because they have to kill off David Canary for now; but they will bring him back later and it won't be in the form of Stuart. Mark my words! If I am wrong, I will buy everyone cheeseburgers. Now that I am almost 100% positive that Crishell Stause is leaving, I can't help but wonder who Jake will be paired with next. I think it would be completely unneccesary to pair him with old-Harley or whatever the hell her name is. (omg, my foot is asleep) J.R. recalled the day Dixie was killed (the 2nd or 3rd time) and remembered seeing Adam looking through the window watching her die and creepy smiling. This came custom with flashbacks which only solidified my belief that it is really Stuart. Erica finally changed out of that dress. TTL! Krystal's dress was hideous. Adam/Stuart threatened Krystal through the whole episode while she sat around looking scared and lying to everyone. Scott, the Dork, is much to invested in this heart valve b.s. I cannot wait until it's over. Bring on the killer!

I love it when I get to see Y&R early and today was my lucky flippin day! Jack sincerely told Sharon that he loves her and wants to help raise the baby. Sharon told Jack she wasn't sure if she would keep the baby or not. Sharon was about to confess all things Billy when an eavesdropping Mary Jane/Mari Jo made her presence known. She then perched herself on the desk as if she were a vulture waiting for her prey. Sharon was becoming increasingly uncomfortable when who should walk in...Billy! He has arrived for a meeting put together by Mary Jane the psycho stalker. Sharon couldn't take anymore, and she ran out of there so fast the door hit her in the ass. I found it amusing she kept holding her belly and she was "so" tired. Um. Note to Sharon: You have only been pregnant for 2 minutes. At Restless Style, the sh*t hit the fan as the photographer came down with some funky illness, the wrong backdrop was delivered, and Nick announced that he would be active COO for Newman from now on. I thought that if I had to hear Phyllis say "How am I supposed to do this without you?" one more time, I was going to morph through the screen and strangle her with her own chunky bead necklace. That would have been a waste of a good necklace. Phyllis snitched on Nick to Nikki, who was none to pleased with his new job description. The only thing worse than a man that goes running to his mother is a man's wife that goes running to his mother. Sharon left Jabot and returned to her room at the club and laid down. She then had a dream in which Nick was pushing a little girl on the swing and Cassie came out of nowhere and started chattin it up with Sharon. OK. At first, the dream was real sweet and all. But then, it just got creepy from there. Cassie said "See I told you there would be another little girl." Sharon put her hand on her belly and said "Oh, I'm having a girl. That makes me so happy." Cassie replied "No. The little girl is already here. Summer is the little girl." Cassie suddenly turned into Jack who said the usual crap and then turned into Billy being an asshole. Billy really was banging and screaming at her door, demanding to be let in. When she finally let him in he asked her if she was with child. Lot's of Billy scenes as he informed Chloe of his job search. She asked him why he just can't be happy with what he's got; to which he replied: "I don't want to settle." He then made up some b.s. about going out for a while. Chloe did some spying and found out that he was headed to Jimmy's and Mac was working. Over at Jimmy's, a push-up bra packing Mac was wiping tables when Billy came in. She asked him what she could get for him. He said 'sex on the beach'. He just screams class, doesn't he? Chloe showed up as Billy escaped without being seen. Chloe confronted "Mother Theresa" about the kiss and kindly reminded her that she and Billy are so much alike it's scary and that they are like "little devils". I could tell that Mac was scared of little Chloe but also pissed because she knows she could have Billy if she wanted him. You will probobly never hear me say this again, but, bravo to Clementine Ford for depicting emotion in a relevant way to the storyline. At the business meeting between Billy, Jack, and Mary Jane, Jack let it slip about Sharon's papoose and the look on Billy's face was classic and priceless all at the same time. I thought his face was melting for a second.

Honorable Mentions:

Chloe to Mac: "I love me some ribs. Do you love ribs?"

Mary Jane tells Jack to keep the night open because she wants to celebrate. Jack, worried about Sharon says: "We'll see."

Mary Jane is talking strategy and Jack's concentration is obviously somewhere else. Billy says: "Chop Chop, big brother. Get your head back in the game."

The latter made me think of something else that I hate. All you HSM fans know what I am talking about!

Until later...same bitch time...same bitch channel...

The Hypocrite's Oath 5-5-09

2009-05-05T14:34:00.000-07:00

Y&R began with Nicholas and Victor discussing Neil working at Chancellor as CEO. Victor offered to replace Neil with Nick. Neither of them knew that Adam was lurking at the top of the stairs eavesdropping. Obviously if Victor knew, he wouldn't have said: "I want my children running my company. You and Victoria." Adam was obviously wounded and slinked back to his room. Later, Rafe came to visit Hagatha and Adam. Rafe told Adam that there was a good chance that he could get Adam's sentence reduced. Adam responded with sorrow, saying: "You may free me from this bracelet, but not from the darkness." I felt a hint of sympathy for Adam UNTIL Ashley was freaking out about Sabrina's pictures ending up in her closet. The camera suddenly cut to Adam up in his mini-dungeon laughing his ass off; which then prompted me to laugh my ass off. Nick, newly pumped about his new position, goes to Restless Style to talk to Phyllis about it. The red headed she-devil bumrushed Nick as he arrived with the new wedding issue and said this stupid sh*t: "Everything we touch turns to gold, baby." Joshua Morrow looked as uncomfortable as I suddenly felt. Regardless of her pathetically stupid lines, Phyllis whined and cried about Nick's priorities throughout the rest of the episode. Sharon, meanwhile, had a series of flashbacks in which she did the nasty with the brothers Abbott and Nick. Sharon then had lunch with Doris, who told her to find out who the baby daddy is ASAP! Sharon said she was hoping it would be Nick's. After lunch, Sharon ran into Billy who asked her what she was doing. She stuttered some idiocies and he stuttered some crap too. Words be damned! The look on Billy's face was priceless as if he couldn't understand the concept of Sharon walking out of the club without doing him. Sharon seemed to know that Billy was sniffing, because she rushed her little ass over to Restless Style to spill the beans to Nick. Phyllis cut her off by apologizing for trashing her room and snitching to the police. She happened to use the words "not very mature of me." You think? Sharon replied: "The more you apologize, the less it means." OOOOOH. Good one. Sharon made a series of faces that indicated she couldn't take one more second of Phyllis' b.s. and she ran out of there. Today's episode really focused on Billy and his inability to find a good job. He asked everyone in town, including Victor and Katherine, who both rejected his advances. Jack and Billy almost got into a bro fight when Jack called Billy a "kid" and said he was nothing like their father. Jack left and John's ghost appeared to lecture Billy. Billy responded "I get enough of this from Jack." The best Billy Miller moment came when Billy was talking to Jill at the club and Jill laughed in her old bitty way and Billy mocked her perfectly with this spaced out look on his face. Classic. Jill went to Crimson Lights for some coffee where she ran into Katherine. Jill gave Kay a sincere apology and then said "This is goodbye, Katherine." However, at the end of the eppy, Jill showed up at the Chancellor mansion and stated she was moving back in. Also going on at the coffee house is Kevin's mini-welcome-back party. Michael was giving Kevin a toast in which he called Kevin a "warrior" and the "slayer of demons". OK! Jeffery and Gloria showed up and Jeffery opened his smart ass mouth and caused Kevin to freak the hell out. Michael kicked Jeffrey out and Jana called him an "Idiot!" Honorable mention goes to Phyllis for being able to be a bitch when she didn't even mean to by showing Sharon the newest issue of RS and saying "Take a look at our new baby." Ouch.

I was busy during B&B laughing and screaming at my television set for the whole actual 19 minutes of airtime that the show actually gets. Owen was making out with Jackie as she was convincing him that going out with Bridget will prove that she and Nick belong together. Cut to the offices of Jackie M where Bridget was trying on sexy swimsuits for her date with Owen. Yeah. Because we all do that kind of stuff at work. The Saggy Sailor, Nick, came in and tried to convince her that Owen is a "surfer serpant". His words, not mine. Over at who the hell knows where, Katie and Donna were having a bitter-jealous-hag party over Saggy Sailor and Bridget. Heather Tom is a great actress. Katie Logan, however, is not likable. Mega Slut Barbie (Brooke) stopped by and after hearing the topic of discussion, decides it would be a good idea to give Saggy Sailor a piece of her mind. Since Mega Slut is only good for giving out pieces of ass, her advice flew right over Saggy Sailor's head. Stupid Unrealistic Line of the Day Award goes to Mega Slut for saying this: "What kind of mother would I be if I wasn't concerned for Bridget?" Um. The same mother that hopped into bed with Deacon only to bear his evil spawn. Or. The same mother that forced Bridget to divorce Nick so she could have him for herself. Bridget went over to Owen's for her date with him and they made out on the floor. The Saggy Sailor stood alone somewhere, penis in hand, having flashbacks of Bridget and himself in disgusting positions. Positions I was glad that I had forgotten about.

Attention!: Don Diamont finally makes his first appearance on Tuesday!

On today's eppy of OLTL, Christian walked around shirtless while Layla whined. Nothing new to see there. A couple of my twitter chicks want Christian gone and think that he should take Layla's bitch ass with him. I concur! Much of the show focused on the skank that is Stacy walking around in cheap leopard skin lingerie making meaningless comments to herself because no one else wants to listen to her lies. Stacy climbed into bed with Rex which prompted more yelling at the t.v. She somehow got Rex to snuggle with her. When he opened his eyes and saw Skanktrash Stacy, he looked like he wanted to puke. Priceless. Gigi called and Stacy answered the phone, pretending to be exhausted from a night of sexin with Rex. Rex took the phone and listened to Gigi whine about Shane and then ran off to save the day. While Rex was headed over to Gigi's, Shane was sneaking over to Rex's. He ran into Stacy and she informed him about what a slut his mom is. What I found most amusing is that Stacy's skank ass found it appropriate to remain clad in her lingerie during the entire conversation. Schyler spent today's eppy lugging around the sack of blood and hacking into hospital files. Cole, who miraculously has recovered since yesterday, passed his drug test and made Rachel proud. Later, he hooked up with Starr and they recommitted themselves to one another. The couple then went over to the hospital to get the baby's DNA results. Kyle told them that the baby wasn't theirs. Starr ran off to do who the hell knows and she ran into Schyler doing whatever it is that he was doing. They had a cute little talk and Starr confessed that she loved Cole and she was sorry for the trouble she had caused. He responded by saying: "Maybe when you get older we can be friends." No thanks blood bag boy! Roxy and Kyle were arguing back and forth and Kyle said he couldn't wait to get his medical license so he could stop doing odd jobs for freaks like Roxy. Roxy said something to the effect of "You will still be a dirtbag even after you give the hypocrite's oath." Thanks for that.

Note to the PTB: Please make better use of the characters of Natalie and Jared. You are wasting their talents. Thank you.

Port Charles was filled with boring scenes today. Lucky and Liz were chilling at home with the kids having family time. Sonny was over at Olivia's begging for Carly info while his pregnant bitch wife was doubled over in pain, forced to ask his a-hole brother for help. Ric said he should let Claudia suffer and concluded with this: "The only reason I'll help you is because I think that baby is mine." Luke caught Ethan stealing "nothing" from the petty cash box and revealed that it was a set up. They blah blah blahed for a few minutes about what an ass Luke is and Tracy came in and started bitching. Nothing was exciting about this scene until Tracy started to leave the room and Luke said "Isn't she beautiful when she's cranky?" as he looked dead at her ass in that pencil skirt. Tracy then offered Ethan some money to get the hell out of dodge. Nu-old Emily and Nikolas were getting it on in the living room of Wyndemere when Nu-old Emily opened her mouth and said: "If we do this, who will I be? Emily..or Rebecca?" Nikolas promptly rolled off. They argued for a few minutes and Nu-old Emily left only to return moments later feigning car trouble. Nikolas, with no other choice, told her she could stay. Nu-old Emily went upstairs to get "cleaned up". When she returned, she was wearing real-old-Emily's nightgown. Nikolas freaked out and asked her where it came from. Nu-old Emily replied: "The housekeeper laid it out for me." Um. Okay. Y&R called. They want the storyline that they just aired LAST WEEK back!

Stick a fork in me. I am done. Until the next entry...same bitch time...same bitch channel....

Drunks, Idiots, and Skanks 5-4-09

2009-05-04T13:59:00.000-07:00

I cannot stress enough the level of hatred I am continuously feeling for Clementine Ford as Mac on Y&R. You can slap a weave and an ugly dress on her but the obvious still remains the same. She can't act. There is no chemistry between her and anyone else on the show. Why do famous actors and actress's children assume that they can act? Oh well. Jill was let out of the closet by Lauren, who instantly regretted helping the drunk old bat out. Jill blasted through the wedding, spitting her venom in everyone's direction. She came this close to having another senior citizen smackdown with Katherine, but Jill's embarrassed son's came to remove her to save her from herself. Jill said some good stuff but here are the two most amusing tidbits:

1. She looked at Esther and said "Shut up you simpering idiot."
2. She told Cane, a la a three year old, "I don't wanna nap!"

Honorable Mention goes to Nina for this: "Yeah, I stuffed her in the closet."

Skeletor Mac and Cane spoke briefly at the wedding. When Billy saw them, he waited for Skeletor to walk way before he ripped into Cane for "stealing" everything he has. Cane then replied "Not everything is about you." Oh really Cane? Billy and Skeletor Mac both had coinciding sappy ass dreams about marrying each other. This was followed by dancing, reminiscing, kissing, bitch slapping, and Chloe. I was in complete shock when instead of slapping Billy on the other side of his face, she kissed the spot that Skeletor smacked and said "Come home with me." I am sorry people. That leads me to go back to rooting for Chloe. Skeletor was chatting up the younger crowd and brought up the fact that Daniel had a crush on her ugly ass once. This made Amber mad because suddenly Daniel was acting like a babbling monkey. Amber walked over to Chloe and they had a mini-bitch fest about how men seem to react to Skeletor. Victor gave a speech at the wedding that was based on true love, yada yada yada. The camera, however, zoomed in on Nikki at the end. Another set up. This led to Victor asking Nikki to dance. While they were dancing, he gave her some half assed apology. Later Nikki caught the bouquet. Paul looked like someone gave him a shiny new coin. Victor looked like he wanted to kill Paul. Nikki looked like she wanted to crawl under a rock. Victor then found Neil who explained that he would be working as active CEO of Chancellor Industries. Victor's reaction leads me to one conclusion: He is a bitch. He got angry, stating that Neil should have asked him first. Excuse me? Then Victor wasn't through with his tirade and he went and told Katherine that she should have asked him first. When she replied that she could give Neil what Victor couldn't, he replied that it's all about "loyalty". Sorry Moustache. You wouldn't know loyalty if it skipped up and kicked you in the balls. Paul recognized Mary Jane today but he couldn't quite figure out why. Yet. Mary Jane feigned a headache and went to her room. This was a ploy to get away from Paul and to lure Jack to her room. Jack fell prey to her and decided to take her a piece of "wedding pie". Mary Jane had little interest in pie, and she seduced Jack. Blah. At the end of today's eppy, Jill went to the GCAC to continue her drinking spree. While there, she slipped the waiter her room key and asked him when he got off. He replied in an hour. Um. Good for you Jill! Anything is better than Jeffery...

On B&B today, Stephanie filled Taylor in on the typo making Mega Slut Barbie and Bizarro Ken's wedding invalid. This makes number six for Mega Slut Barbie, who just can't seem to get it right. I will admit I used to enjoy watching these two in scenes together; however, I can't stand to watch them kiss, sex, or touch one another now. Stephanie continued to urge Botox Betty (Taylor) to go after Bizarro Ken since he isn't married. Mega Slut Barbie apologized to Steffy for Rick's f-ed up behavior. I have the feeling that she didn't mean any of it but that this is her way of keeping Bizarro Ken. Owen and Jackie were making out something fierce today when the secretary came in to tell Jackie that the guests for the meeting were there. Jackie's damn hair was a hot mess. If Owen really cared about her, he would not have let her walk around with that frizz-fro on top of her head. The meeting got underway and Jackie announced that she was promoting Owen to Chief of Staff. In fact she looked Owen dead in his eyes and said, and I quote: "Owen is good. Very good." Followed by this: "He handles a lot of things well." Can I get him to come over to my house? I got plenty of things he can handle. Mega Slut Brooke finally gave Raunchy Rick the business. I bet that felt good even though she'll never admit it.

Cole continues to trip out on OLTL. His scenes actually have a sort of creepy factor. Starr finally confides in Todd who threw his car keys and told her to go help Cole but to make sure to fill up the tank before she brings it back. What an ass. After Starr left, Todd turned around to see Blair looking homicidal. She looked like sh*t. quite frankly. Blair became weak and Todd had to help her out. Then they argued for the rest of the show. Meanwhile, McPain and Skankbrook came this close to having sex. When ever she opens her mouth, I am filled with rage. While she says she respects McPain's marriage, she then lays in bed with him and grabs his hand and puts his arm around her. She truly is annoying. Over at Gigi's crib, Rex and the Tear Queen brought Shane home. They were trying to make small talk with him and Shane told them to "cut the crap" to which the Tear Queen tried to scold him. Then he told Rex to get out. Rex continued to prove his stupidity as he let Stacy the Knobslobber con him into letting her stay with him. If he says "you saved Shane's life" one more time, I am going to slice my ears off and feed them to the dog just in case I am tempted to have them sewn back on. I noticed that Rex and Stacy were drinking beer today. More proof of idiocy. He must have forgot about that whole skanky stripper move she pulled the last time they drank together. Or, like any other man in his position, he wanted her to seduce him. Brody and Jessica hung out in the bushes discussing their future together through half of the episode until Viki caught them. I want to give Mark Lawson props for acting like he can act in today's eppy. After the new lovebirds told Viki whats up, Natalie and her shadow, Jared, came out of nowhere. Natalie proceeded to yell at Brody in a way that only Natalie could. I love Melissa Archer but my god! Calm the hell down!

I literally cried a couple of tears for Spinelli today. The fake stalker told Spin all about Maxie's ridiculous scheme. At the same time, Johnny and Maxie were discussing how attracted they are to each other. Maxie told Johnny that as much as she wanted to do him, she really loved Spin. Maxie couldn't just let Johnny go, as in true skank form she said this: "Ask me again tomorrow and my answer could change." Um. Okay. Olivia stood up to Sonny as he tried to convince her to tell him where Carly is. I like her. Claudia entered and got super jealous and catty as usual. I am getting tired of her bitching through every episode. Olivia made me laugh when Sonny told her that he didn't want Carly to die. She said "Do you want a gold star for your forehead?" Lucky and Liz kissed and made up today. This is a good thing. Rebecca went over to Nikolas's dungeon and shamefully expressed her admiration for Nikolas. Then they made out and I realized something. Nikolas can't kiss. Period end of story.

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I am out...until tomorrow's debacles...same bitch time...same bitch channel...

Emotional Ransom 5-2-09

2009-05-02T20:23:00.000-07:00

Thanks to some really cool twitter chicks, I have been privy to some serious spoilers. Most of these have been eluded to, but not revealed. Here's your confirmations and a couple of surprises. Bear with me as I consult with my brain:

AMC: Adam will be killed off due to offset reasons. J.R. is going to become top a-hole and he will be chip off the old block. Old-Nu Babe is coming back for a few eppys either in ghost form or some other freaky way. Either way, it will add to the reveal of what we all new was coming: Marissa is Babe's twin sister. Thus making her scenes with David just wrong on so many levels. The heart valve storyline will continue as it will be discovered that the damn thing has a high chance of failure. Adam will find out and keep it to himself. The PTB want us to believe that Adam is the one that killed Dixie, but my theory is that it is Stuart. But alas! That is for another day...Amanda and Jake are going to have awkward pregnancy sex which should be amusing. Crishell Stause fans beware: Her contract expires soon and she is bouncing. Rumor has it that this was Frons' idea. No surprise. She is one of the only people left on this show that I can tolerate longer that five minutes. Ian's condition is set to get worse and the new heart valve will be involved in his "life saving surgery". No hints as to whether the damn valve even works. Aidan is going to break into Ryan's place to do Annie's evil bidding. I wish someone would just off her and get it over with. The character was strong and independent when she came to Pine Valley and the result, for me, is a character that has no worthwhile qualities that make me ever want to watch her again. I am getting off track. Opal will catch Aidan in the act. Due to Adam being an #1 a-hole, as usual, Zach will threaten to kill him. This leads me to one conclusion: When Adam gets offed, Zach will be the main suspect. Which actually means very little in soap land, as we all know.

OLTL: Matthew will walk again. Destiny and Matthew will both be bumming out because they are dateless for the prom. This is an obvious set up for them to go together. I don't care, however, because I will be concentrating on the Long Island Lola as she pulls some Carrie-esque sh*t out of her evil little hat. No word on how she will do it, or what the outcome will be. After the prom, Lola will go to Dorian and Ray and confess all. A little birdy told me that Dorian and Viki will be phased out of the show and will soon settle into more "supportive" scenes. In laymans terms that means back burner. I hear that a new leading man isn't working for the PTB. My guess? Brody. Mark Lawson's acting skills are questionable. Yes, he is delicious to look at from afar. However, when they zoom into his face, I seriously have to turn away. I thought it was just the lighting or something. But then, I saw some pictures of him in Soap Opera Digest that confirmed my hes-so-ugly suspicions. Starr and Cole will discover the truth about the baby and then fork over the poor thing to that wretch Marcy and she and Michael will "take the baby and get out while they stil have a chance". Cole will consider using after the withdrawal gets worse and his Bizarro Matthew tries to convince him that it would be best if Cole just jumped off the bridge. Normally I would laugh at such a storyline spoiler, but somehow I know that Brandon Buddy will make it worth my time. Rex and Gigi will both fantasize about what it would be like to get married. Afterward, they will share a kiss but Rex will push her away. Then, in true a-hole form, he will run to Stacy's room and start kissing her in order to prove to himself that he could still get chicks, or something. I don't know but he has got to be one of the biggest idiots of all times. Stacy is going to tell Shane that Gigi slept with Brody and that she is an evil slut. This is just one of the reasons why people hate this bitch. I like her because of her unredeemable qualities. I would rather watch her sit and do nothing in an empty room for an hour than watch Marty, well, doing anything. Stacy's pimp from Vegas comes to hunt her down for some bad debt she bounced out on. I like to watch her scared so this should be interesting. John will go to see Powell at the nuthouse to question him and he will discover that Powell has escaped and that the chick that has been pretending to be Bitch-Ass-Marty will be dead in his cell. John will bend over to look at the body and Rebecca (who the hell is that?) will lock him in the cell. Um. Okay. Blair is going to sneak out of the hospital, not be released, as I previously reported. Then she will become entwined with John and Marty's crappy story along with Todd. I hope this does not allow for a decrease in the number of hot ass sex scenes that we get to see of Tea and Todd per week. Clint will propose to Nora as he becomes more suspicious that Bo is trying to steal him away. I have never invested in the character of Clint because when I look at Jerry Ver Dorn, all I see is Ross from GL. i hope Nora says no and succumbs to Bo. Christian will paint Layla. I hope it involves nudity and sex to be brutally honest. Otherwise, these two will make me seriously consider taking a nap for the duration of the show. Obviously, Powell and Rebecca are the dynamic duo and both are found to be the serial killer. Then, even more obviously, Powell will go try to kill Marty. Oh. If only....Who knows who the hell will save the bitch this time. Maybe she will kill Powell in self defense. Any rumors that you may be hearing about an Evangeline recast are this: crap. I never bought him with Evangeline and I am just getting to like the idea of Christian and Layla having sex ALL the time. Clint and Bo will get in a fight.

GH: Maxie's plan will be thwarted, just like all of her other plans, when Johnny rescues her instead of Spinelli. This will cause a light bulb to go off in Spinelli's head after which he will seriously question the voracity of his relationship with Maxie and have serious doubts about reconciling. GH is gearing up for a Lulu and Spinelli pair. I know this because my soap senses are tingling. Spixie fans everywhere will hate me for saying this but I think Spinelli should give Lulu a go. In addition, I am officially putting Maxie and Johnny on hot sex alert. Maxie will seduce Spinelli. Like all men, he cannot resist her charms but he is going to start to realize that this is how she operates and she is never going to change. Nu-old Emily and Lucky will break up after they realize that they loved the ones they weren't with. Lucky and Liz will declare their love and get back together and Nikolas and Nu-old Emily will give their coupling a chance. "The Mayor's Wife" finally has a name: Andrea

Y&R: Cassie will appear to Sharon and tell her that her baby is a little girl. Rumor has it that she will also tell Sharon who the baby's daddy is. I read that this was going to "totally turn things in a different direction". My prediction? I think Billy is going to be the father. However, this will not be the highpoint of the storyline. Chloe will become even more of a stalker than she already is and start doing crazy sh*t to the citizens of Genoa City. Sharon will accept Jack's offer to raise the baby regardless of the bio-factor. Karen will make an appearance this week. Here's hoping that she punches Neil in the face again. John will come as his usual ghostly self to Billy and prove that Jack isn't as crazy as we thought.

Side Note: Elizabeth Hendrickson and a couple of other people we love made a new mini soap entitled Eden Elizabeth Ensenade. It's pretty funny. You can check it out at http://vimeo.com/3924208.

Honorable Mentions: On B&B, Steffy will make good with Marcus. I keep hearing that Steffy and Rick are NOT over and that as a result, Marcus is going to go psycho. I have recurring dream in which Marcus goes postal and shoots Rick in the face. After Rick falls to the floor, Marcus shoots him one more time for good measure. Then I wake up.

I wish GL would have gotten "so much better" before it got cancelled. I was a life time fan until they cut down on EVERYTHING.

I want to give a shout out to Being Erica for being the little show that could.

I want to give a dumb bitch award to the girl that posted this on Twitter: "I hate daytime soaps. Why are they called soaps anyway? They don't have anything to with soaps." Oh, dumb bitch, I tend to disagree. I replied and told her to google that sh*t.

AND...

Finally: The biggest "sex is my cure for anything" award goes to both Ryan Lavery (AMC) and Nicholas Newman (Y&R). Both of them are sex crazed tools and should be considered hard and dangerous.

OMG this blog took forever to do. Until Monday or whenever...some bitch time...some bitch channel...

The Slut is Falling and Other Scandalous Spoilers 5-1-09

2009-05-01T17:50:00.001-07:00

On today's episode of Y&R, we were treated to Katherine and Murphy's wedding which was full of amusing little surprises. First things first. The clothing was from another era. It was if Amber heard the praise I gave her, and decided to design the ugliest wedding party wardrobe I have ever had the displeasure of looking at. Chloe was trying to force everyone into believing that her marriage to Billy is a happy one. All the while, Billy and Mac were stealing very obvious clandestine looks at one another. They both looked like they lost their favorite wookie. Jack and Phyllis continue to bond over god knows what and who the hell cares. If they are talking, I am satisfied. I want them back together. Sharon and Noah (what the hell is up with that hair?!) had lunch at the club and Sharon suddenly became "light headed" and "nauseated". She went on up and peed on a stick and voila! instant baby-daddy storyline. Somebody call Maury. This ones a doozy. Jack brought Mary Jane/Mari Jo as his date to the wedding. She quickly became more interesting than the actual wedding, because people were actually taking numbers to talk to the bitch. Ashley was the most interested, even getting up the nerve to tell Mary Jane/Mari Jo to stear clear of Jackie Boy. Mary Jane/Mari Jo seemed annoyed and walked away, leaving Ashley to make this statement to Victor: "My brother is sleeping with our new P.R. Consultant." to which Victor replied: "Oh? Is he now?" Victor is the best liar on daytime t.v. Neil brought Tyra-the-bad-weave-queen as his date to the wedding, where his makeshift family was also in attendence. They posed as a family with Tyra in tow. My blood literally boiled so hot I had to take a cold shower. No mention of Karen? At all? Ugh. Everything Neil does lately makes me hate him more. Neil tried to tell Victor about his new career choice, but they were rudely interrupted. I can tell that Victor is going to see this as some type of betrayal or something. Oh well. Guess he should have thought about that. Michael had a conversation with Heather that went something like this: Michael said "Blah Blah Blah" and Heather replied "Bitch, Nag, Bitch". Suddenly, Kevin was arriving at the wedding dressed to the nines. Too bad hair and make up has enough time to put obnoxious FAKE hair on some actresses in an attempt to make them more likeable, but they can't give Kevin a damn hair cut. While the pre-wedding crap was going on, Jill was at the GCAC drowning her sorrows in what I assumed was Jack Daniels. The bartender brought her a drink and when she said that she didn't order it, he responded, of course, that it was from the "gentleman". Jill looked over to see Jeffrey standing there looking as idiotic as ever, and said this: "I can assure you that is no gentleman." Then, the pair turned into a trio when Gloria came bouncing up. They all got sloppy drunk while Jill ranted and raved and felt sorry for herself. As Katherine was walking down the aisle, Jill was drunkenly fumbling with the damn lock at the front door of the Chancellor mansion. Out of nowhere like a ghost or a bad nightmare, Nina came out from under her rock and started insulting her. Then it was all over. Today was Nick and Phyllis' wedding anniversary and in true Nick and Phyllis fashion, they had sex to solidify that their marriage really does suck.

Spoilers!: Sharon will tell Jack about the baby who will offer to raise it as his own even if it is Nick's. Billy is going to overhear the two of them talking about it and offer to step up in the event that the baby turns out to be his problem. Sharon will consider not keeping the baby. Phyllis and Nicholas are trying to work on their marriage so Sharon doesn't tell him. Paul will propose to Nikki. Victor will try to make peace with her, finally. Ashley and Gloria are going to get in a screaming match which will cause Ashley to be hospitalized. And this is the funniest thing of all: Daniel will become a confidential informant. Ode to Daniel: Snitches, are bitches, who end up in ditches. Jill will be tied up, gagged, and stuffed in the closet so she can't interrupt the wedding. Billy will kiss Mac, who will bitch slap him in return. Stalker Chloe will come out from behind the shadows...

On B&B, Stephanie told Pam to keep the whole "typo" thing under wraps. Pam agreed. Stepanie then went straight over to Brooke's to torture her for the remaining 16 minutes of the show. Thorne had more than one line today as he discussed typos with Pam. Now, Windsor Harmon might be able to afford to get his Benz back from the repo man. Ridge was on today, but for the life of me I can't remember if he said anything worth hearing.

Spoilers!:Jackie will promote Owen, surprising everyone. Owen will have a date with Jackie and after they get it on, Bridget will come over for dinner and think that he set it all up for her. Brooke and Nick will fight over Katie and Bridget as she tries to force him into making a choice. Nick and Bridget will kiss.

OLTL broke bad on some humor as the show opened with Nora and Bo on some kind of parental stakeout. Just as they were leaning in for some poli-grip pleasure, Marcy's stupid ass came out of nowhere and yelled at them, thinking that they were students making out in the parking lot. The nut house that houses Powell called Viki today to tell her about Kevin and Jessica visiting. Cole had a series of really freaky drug induced hallucinations. The freakiest happened at the end of the show when "Matthew" stood up out of his wheelchair and told Cole that he deserved to be in the chair his damn self. Starr was trying to talk Cole down on the phone. Todd, thinking it was Schyler on the other end, snatched the phone and told him that Starr didn't need no drug addicts in his life and that if he didn't leave Starr alone, Todd was going to hurt him worse than the last time. Tea convinced Todd to be a little more sensitive, which prompted Starr to tell him that Cole was going to die if she didn't help him. Brody and Jessica discussed their budding romance today and Brody, in true idiotic fashion, said that he loved making love with her. Again. Say it once and I listen, shame on you. Say it twice and I continue to listen, shame on me.

Spoilers!: Blair will be on a mission to whip Todd's ass over the custody issue, so she will be leaving the hospital. Hopefully she will go find Marty while she is in an ass whippin mood. Cole's condition is going to get worse. Damn! The guy who sponges Brandon Buddy's face to make it look like he is sweating is already working overtime! Starr and Cole are going to get dirt on what happened to their baby, and Jessica will start to sense that something is up as well. So will Kyle, apparently, because he is going to blackmail Natalie and Jared. Rex will reject Gigi's advances. Hmmm. I wonder why. Rex and Brody will fight. What is Brody going to say? "I want to make fists with you, Rex." Shane decides if his parents aren't going to be together then he wants to live with Rex. The Pussy Cat Dolls will perform at the prom. Oh joy. A pussy party. Rachel will get a love interest. Good. Maybe she'll stop bitching.

In Port Charles today, Maxie hired a guy to pretend to stalk her so she can get Spinelli's attention. Her plan backfired when she was actually kidnapped for real. She copped an attitude with the real kidnapper, which made me almost blow iced coffee out of my mouth and nose simultaneously. Much was said on today's eppy that flew right over my head because it required no actual thinking to process. However, I did catch some pretty classic lines:

1. Lucky and Rebecca walked into the bar at the end of yesterday's eppy and watched in horror as Liz and Nik made out. Today's eppy started with them still standing there in the dooryway of the bar still looking horrified. Lucky ran out and was quickly followed by nu-old Emily who proceeded to say this: "Did you see that?"

2. Nu-old Emily and Lucky are laying in the bed pre-sexin and she says this: "I'm and open book."

3. Jax goes over to Sonny's to convince Claudia to get Sonny to back off of Carly. Claudia sticks up for Sonny, who ignores her and says this: "Tell Sonny to worry about his own pregnant wife and stop worrying about mine."

Well said. The best flipping part of the show was when Jason was standing on the sidewalk for no apparent reason, when, from somewhere up above Sam yelled "Hey Jason! Catch!" and dropped from the sky in her skivvies. Jason caught her. Then she said "We gotta get out of here, fast!" I laughed my ass off when, instead of putting Sam down and letting her run on her own, Stone Cold just started running with the panty clad Sam in his arms. Hilarious.

Spoilers!: Nu-old Emily will confess something to Nikolas. Claudia thinks she will lose the baby. Ethan may be pulling a con on Luke. Nu-Emily gets stuck at Wyndemere and it will slime her way closer to Nikolas. Michael will have surgery and magically wake up. Patrick, Matt, and Liz will do the surgery. Martha Byrne is coming as the Mayor's wife. I will be calling her old-Lily for those of you haven't guessed. Claudia will redecorate Sonny's place finally. So, Sarah Brown, whatcha going to talk about now? Jason and Sam will get closer.

Wishful Coupling: MAXON- What you get when you mix Stone Cold with Maximista....Oh. I can soooo dig it.

Finally. I am done. More on AMC when I have more...until then...some bitch time....some bitch channel.....

Lions and Tigers and Hair Extensions. Oh My! 4-30-09

2009-04-30T19:52:00.000-07:00

I would like to start this entry off by saying that I hold Y&R to higher standard than other shows. That said, Mac's hair extensions looked even more ridiculous than Tyra's clip on weave. I am glad that Amber and Mac are friends. Maybe Mac can learn a few things from Amber, who looked amazing in today's eppy. It's really cool that she designed Katherine's wedding dress. Michael called Amber at the pre-wedding festivities so she could come down and make a statement against Rat Face Roger and Bad Dye Job Annie, who just happen to be in custody. Heather, who from now on shall be called Madam Bitch ADA, asked Michael if he had a conflict of interest in representing them. Um, yeah. I would say so. Madam Bitch ADA knows a few things about conflicts of interest, am I right? Michael got Bad Dye Job to admit a few deets and he kindly informed them that they were being charged with a slew of crimes. I laughed my ass off when Bad Dye Job looked over at Rat Face and said "You hear that, Romeo?" While at the police station, Micheal and Paul desperately needed answers from Amber, who told them that she knew where the gun was because she was the one who hid it. Lot's of Cane and Lily at the bar scenes today. I was completely disinterested at first, but Mac came in and I was hoping that Lily would turn on her bitch detector and mark her territory (Cane). My disinterest quickly turned to horror as Lily basically welcomed Monotone Mac with open arms. She got the job at Jimmy's needless to say. Billy continued his scheming and manipulation in an attempt to connect with Mac; even going so far as to go the Chancellor mansion and tell him that he would be flying Katherine's wedding solo due to Chloe's illness. The only thing that I could see that was ill on Chloe was that sweatshirt moo moo she was wearing today. Chloe is starting to irritate me because of her nagging ways. However, she did ask Billy if he was going to continue to stalk his ex-girlfriend. Chloe then called over to the mansion where Esther got on the phone and gave her a play by play of Billy's activities, credit card purchases, social security number.....all while Mac was sitting there listening. Chloe was suddenly cured and announced that she would be going to the wedding. Billy snuck a celly call into Mac with the bad news, with Dr. Evil, or um I mean, Chloe eavesdropping all the way.

B&B was all about the senior citizens and their witty comments. Bizarro Ken Doll (Ridge) and Mega Slut Barbie (Brooke) were arguing over the Botox Bandit (Taylor) and Bizarro said this: "What, did you think I was going to slip into her room for a quickie?" I knew he still had the power to make me nauseated, but that was just wrong. The Botox Bandit renewed her will to fight for Bizarro and had a series of flashbacks that had high levels of 'ick' factor. Stephanie told no one in particular that she was demanding respect. Stephanie went to visit Pam at Forrester. Pam was fretting over Bizarro and Mega Slut not being married. Stephanie told Pam that she was a "hero".

On OLTL, John and Marty the Shrew went to a mental hospital posing as Kevin Buchanan and Jessica Buchanan Whatever the Hell Her Name Is to see Powell. I believe this is the part where they get caught. My girl J was kind enough to point out that OLTL used the same nut house set that AMC uses. Hey, Re-Use and Recycle as I always say. No. Actually, I have never said that. Todd was being a mega ass and Starr was desperately trying to get him to let her stay at Dorian's for one more night because Cole was in her room. Todd told her if she didn't get her ass moving, he was going to call the cops. Tea tried to act like somebody's mama today. But she did tell Todd to shut up, which was great in its own right. Todd told Tea that she just couldn't resist his studly ways. Right. That's it.

Maxie was begging Jason to help her win back Spinelli today on GH. Spinelli was having a pity party of his own at the PI firm with Lulu as his audience. She actually encouraged him to forgive Maxie, which just fuels the theory that I discussed in an earlier entry. Maxie told Jason that she wanted to the "master" to Spinelli's "grasshopper". That is real cute. Winifred managed to get screentime today; prompting me to get a migraine. Nikolas and Liz had a little argument with Lucky and afterwards, decided to go get slammin drunk at the local pub. They drank, they talked. They drank some more. They practically did it right there on the table. This little exchange was witnessed by Lucky and nu-old-Emily who have been doing a lot of kissing their damn selves. So. My question is why the hell do they care?

Pine Valley has me all confused because I could have sworn that yesterday Ryan told Kendall he couldn't play second fiddle to Zach and that he would "see her around." I turn it on tonight, and they are laying in bed, enjoying the afterglow, and talking about going public with their relationship. WTF happened? The astounding question was answered when Erica questioned Kendall about her whereabouts that morning and she responded that she had been with Ryan. Erica didn't hide her disgust as she continue to pry. Kendall went off on Erica and in doing so, went off on Reese too. The answer: Ryan went to see Cambias Sr. and it "rattled" him, so he needed comforting. Erica then posed a great question: Doesn't Zach need comforting more? Erica then ran over to Zach's to comfort him her damn self, with cleavage flashing a big sign that says "Squeeze Me". Amanda and Jake both love the baby. J.R. is freaking out about the stupid heart valve. Tad was begging Jesse to help him discover who really killed Dixie. (I think it was Stuart! Mark my words!) Jesse said he wasn't down to deal with all that and Tad busted out with some water works. Impressive. Randi got "the call" that all army wives fear. Question to Amanda: Who the hell drinks milk in a night club?

Peace out soapers. Until maybe tomorrow evening....some bitch time...some bitch channel....

Burning Cole 4-30-09

2009-04-30T07:16:00.000-07:00

Genoa City was hopping with the "good feeling" as Lauren dropped the charges against Sharon and Sharon dropped the charges against Phyllis. Nick orchestrated this giant love fest by referring to everyone as "the family". I literally wanted to scream at the t.v. Where the hell does he get off? He should have thought about that a long time ago. Lauren showed she can still be bit by the bitch bug (thank god) when she told Sharon that if she did anything to piss her off, she would "file those charges as fast as your head can spin." Now, my mom used to say that to me, so I had a flashback and suddenly felt uncomfortable. I got over it. Neil went and groveled to Katherine who gave him a job. He was so excited he ran straight to Tyra. Tyra, by the way, had on one of the worst weaves I have ever seen. She should just keep it short and give it up. The annoying Newman housekeeper, or Hagatha as I like to call her, moved the coffee table and Adam walked right over there and tripped over it. He hit the floor. Hard. I laughed. Victor told Ashley to go get ready for dinner. She went upstairs and put on Sabrina's old dress and earrings and went back downstairs. Victor was so shocked he dropped the champagne glasses and told her to get the hell out of the dress. He then proceeded to question Hagatha, who sent him on a mission to blame Nikki. Nikki wasn't having any of that and she said some stuff I had to applaud. I like Nikki sans Victor. She has more balls now. Ashley questioned Hagatha and Adam about the situation and Adam was all too informed of the minute details. Ashley blamed it on Hagatha but later wondered if she was doing it to herself. This situation is pissing me off! I can't figure it out. Mary Jane makes me ill; however, I feel it may all be worth it when she goes psycho. She is scarier than the original Mari Jo, and I really didn't think that was possible. She said this: "The champagne tastes better in my room." To which Jack replied "Alrighty then". Jack: the 90's called. They want their tacky bad-movie punchline back. He followed her upstairs where she attacked him and they had sex. Afterward, she informed Jack that she wasn't married. I sense this is the beginning of some really good crazy.

On B&B, Bill Spencer Sr.'s will was read with Donna, Stephanie, and Clark in attendance. I have the feeling that Donna is his daughter or something. Anyway, he Spencer Sr. left Donna a box with a note that said the contents of the box remind him of what Donna brought to his life. The bitch opened the box, and inside was a beautiful jeweled egg. When she opened the egg, it was empty. Classic. Clark was next and when he opened his box, he pulled out a gold metal. Stephanie quickly snatched it from him, peeled off a layer of foil, and announced that the metal was chocolate. When Clark read his note it said, and I quote, "fake just like your designs." Priceless. Carolyn and old-brad-nu-Bill Jr. have to split everything else 50/50. I sense that the show is going to become excellent again. Here's hoping...

Llanview was experiencing technical difficulties on yesterday's eppy. Tea wouldn't answer her phone, prompting Dorian to rush over to her place. Unbeknownst to Dorian, Todd was finishing up with Tea when she arrived. She thought it was R.J. in there. Ew! Todd was feeling Tea up the whole time that Dorian was telling her to "grind him" through the doorway. The court battle was a bust and Todd won custody of the kids after Tea had a mini-meltdown during the hearing. Todd went to pick up the kids, Dorian threatened him and he told her he was shaking in his boots. I laughed when he looked down and asked lil Jack-the-Asshole if he was shaking as well. Starr came in right then on a whole other mission, and Todd told her to pack her stuff. What can she say? Um, I can't leave right now. You know that guy that had sex with me and knocked me up? Yeah, he's up in my room hiding from rehab and coming down off drugs. Can I take a rain check? Thank God for flashbacks and storytelling because I have become a true Cole fan after all this great drug story. I loved him punching him the door repeatedly; however, he could have let his fist slip a couple of inches to the left and "accidentally" punched Starr in the face. Then, he could have all the pills he wanted. I'm just saying.

GH is getting damn good and my girl J and I have a new theory. Maxie and Lulu are going to be the mod version of Otalia. Their super couple name will be Laxie. As in I would rather eat laxatives and sit on the toilet in pain than watch these two get along. I am loving Olivia. I can't really come up with a reason, but hey, whatever. Lulu looked cute for a change. Lucky needs a hair cut. Liz needs to NOT make out with Nikolas. Lucky DOES need to increase his make out sessions with old-nu-Emily. Claudia is real irritating. Someone needs to blow her ass up and get it over with. Don't care about mini-Luke. There is something ill-built about his facial structure or his hair do. Something.

I'm done. Until whenever...some bitch time...some bitch channel...

We Need an Intervention. Stat! 4-28-09

2009-04-28T14:12:00.000-07:00

Imagine my shock today when I turned on GH after a brief hiatus to see Jason all battered and bruised. My girl J informed me that Jason and Jerry Jacks were wounded from a bomb. I would have been more surprised if he had actually gotten beat up. Patrick is doing the single father thing while Robin goes thru the motions of post partum. Glad Matt is helping and all, but this has gone on long enough! My heart cracked into pieces when Spinelli told Maxie that she couldn't expect things to be the way they used to be. I almost busted a tear or two. Olivia is growing on me. Anyone or anything that hates Claudia can grow on me anyday. Nikolas and Liz cannot be a couple. Something is very wrong with that. Having said that I think that Lucky and nu-old-Emily are cute together. This Emily is much more tolerable than the first one, even if the same bitch is playing the part. Enter Patrick into the fray and what do you get? Idiot stew! Jason's facial expressions are so awesome, Steve Burton doesn't even need lines. Everytime Claudia speaks, walks, or breaths, Jason looks like he wants to puke or curl up in a fetal position... Carly told Jax the truth about her condition, which was refreshing. I get tired of predictable miscarriage storylines. Enter Sonny, who instantly made the whole debacle (yeah, I said it) the "Corinthos" hour. Robin's intervention went off with nothing but hitches. Poor Maxie took verbal bitch slaps from Robin repeatedly, who was like a cornered asp, striking out at anyone that came too close. Robin finally got so pissed she just told Maxie to get the hell out. Maxie, obviously wounded, went on the hunt for Spinelli. I noticed his eyes melting when she explained her woes...

I knew Y&R was going to be good today when within the first two minutes, Jeffrey made an O.J. reference. (if it don't fit, bitch, acquit!) Right after that Jill walked in and after some snappy commentary with Jeffrey, Gloria walked up and said this: "How does it feel to be living on welfare, Jill?" After this little exchange, the trio proceeded to get drunk together. Jeffrey eluded to Gloria that he wouldn't stay with her if she didn't beat the civil law suit from the face bream mess; then he proceeded to slip Jill his seven digits. Cut upstairs to Sharon's room and it's the same old scene. Someone's knocking. Sharon has cleavage. Opens door. AND. Nothing. It was Nick coming to tell her that he picked Phyllis over her. Again. Someone in her current state wouldn't be held responsible for a homicide, if one were to occur say, right then and there! Sharon did not kill Nick, though. However, she did throw his ass out of her room. He left to give Phyllis the good news. Phyllis was overjoyed and instantly starting doing Nick right there, until the po po's came in and arrested her. Victor put Victoria in charge of the Newman Board, which just pissed off about everyone there. Neil even quit over it. Colleen tried to make an impression at the meeting, only to come out defeated as usual. Afterwards, she approached Victoria and started going off. Victoria tried to be supportive, but Colleen was adamant. J.T., of course, was leaning up against the wall eavesdropping. Noah got picked on today. Normally, I love Kevin Schmidt. To be honest, if I would have seen him in person with the hair do he had today, I would have made fun of him too! Ashley is a bitch. Abby is a bitch. Greatest line said by Abby to date: "Is that Sabrina? Ew, that's creepy."

Today's eppy of B&B started off with a nice phone call between Stephanie and Taylor. Yes. The same phone call in which Stephanie basically told Taylor to have sex Ridge in order to steal him away from Brooke. Jackie was on for a hot second and she looked a hot mess. I believe I referred to her as a 'bizarro biker barbie'. Stephanie then picked up the phone and called Carolyn to talk about Bill Sr.'s demise. Here is my issue: We have always known about Bill Sr. but I don't want to spend 16 minutes of a 30 minute show listening to my faves talk about him. This wasted conversation is necessary, I realize, in order to bring in old-Brad/nu-Bill Jr. so I will tolerate it if I have too! Rick went over to beg Steffy some more where he ran into (who else?) Stephanie. She gave him the business, which is nothing new. This verbal ass whipping was followed by another verbal smackdown from Steffy. He ran to his mommy, Brooke, who was more than happy to hug her 40 yr. old loser son close to her sagging bosom. Bizarro Ken Doll, or Ridge as some may like to call him, called Brooke and told her he wasn't coming home until Rick moved out. He went on to inform her that he would be shackin it up with Taylor. Just end it please! Stephanie got a wild hair up her ass and decided to go to Eric and tell him that she doesn't love him anymore. His reaction: "You can't possible mean that!" Oh, and why not, asshole?

Llanview kicked up the spiciness on today's eppy of OLTL. Cole was coming down off his latest high and Starr was there to witness it first hand. This crap has been going on for a while now so why did Starr say these words: "Cole, you are a drug addict!" No shit Sherlock. Big props go out to Brandon Buddy and Kristen Alderson who brought it in their scenes today. Tea and Todd both had dates today. I found it amusing that they were getting ready in the same bathroom at the same time. Question: Why the hell was Todd applying make up like this is a normal occurrence? Todd and Tea both ditched their dates for one another. I'm down! Brody and Jessica finally did the nasty today. Sorry Mark fans but men in the real world just don't say this: "I want to make love with you" With me? No thanks. If I have to do any work, you can count me out. Gigi almost told Rex the truth today. She didn't of course and she and Rex commenced to telling Shane that they were over. Shane cried so hard his little bald cap was wrinkling up. Ray and Dorian also went on a date. While out, they ran into Viki and Charlie, who apparently has some serious issues with my Latino hero. Damn A. Martinez for getting fired! Markko and Langston almost had sex or did have sex today. They were making my eyes burn from the rediculousness of it all when Markko said this: "I love you Langston. You're my little freak." To which Langston responded "And you're mine." WTF?! This is not normal talk people. Stick a fork in my ass, I am so done.

Until I feel like signing back into this bitch....some bitch time...some bitch channel....

Booty for the Blind 4-27-09

2009-04-27T18:50:00.000-07:00

My tired old body let me stay up long enough to watch the AMC marathon on SoapNet. I was not disappointed. Watching Kendall get coldly rejected by Zach was bad enough. Watching her get double from Ryan was even worse. Kendall noticed lipstick on Zach's shirt and asked him what it was. His response: "Lipstick from the woman I just had sex with." Classic. Kendall being needy and whiny is annoying. Maybe she should be the one running off with Reese. I truly believe that Marissa is Krystal's daughter. Either way, I am not buying it and I don't care. That is about as much of the show that kept my interest. Oh. I am digging the new Liza. There, I said it.

Y&R was basically one big squirrel fest today. Kevin fought with the chipmunk through the whole episode and then magically came out of his catatonic state. OKAY! All of these weeks of watching him drool and rob banks and talk to the chipmunk and he suddenly is well in one eppy? Damn you PTB! Reality is good every now and again! Heather could no longer resist Adam's grouchy charms today and they had sex in Victor's house. While he was there. Um, Ew! Anyway though, she said she was never going to leave him again. I decided that I would never have respect for her again. Apparently, neither will Victor, because he told Adam she was not allowed at the Ranch for the 12th time. Adam told Victor that Heather had to come there due to his house arrest and that that was just the way it was. Victor wasn't having any of that. Ashley is soooo annoying and her circa 1992 storyline is irritating me. Did anyone else notice her Nikki/Stepford Wife makeover?

Thats all I got. Until whenever...some bitch time...some bitch channel..

I Was Wrong 4-26-09

2009-04-26T14:40:00.000-07:00

OK. After reflecting upon my "Kyle is the killer" theory, I have decided that I was wrong. Rarely do I admit this. I do, however, have a new theory. Actually, it is a two part theory. Part One: Spencer Truman is Rex's dad. The credit for this half of the theory goes to my girl J. I admit I rejected this theory at first; but now I am fully convinced. This brings me to Part Two: Spencer is the serial killer. Ha Ha! You may be thinking...but heres the facts: We know he is not in a coma anymore, obviously, or he couldn't have choked the life out of Roxy for a hot minute. Who knows what he does when the lights go out? We also know that Roxy is going to pull the plug on him this week and that he is going to be declared dead. So, my theory is, his body will disappear and he will be lurking the streets of Llanview. I hear that Marty, Cole, or Starr will be the next victim. I am keeping my fingers crossed. Please let it be Marty....

That's all I got. Until next time I feel an urge...some bitch time...some bitch channel

Billy's World and the Rick Train 4-24-09

2009-04-24T15:46:00.000-07:00

O.K. It has been a hot second since I have blogged and therefore, I have much to say. On Y&R this week, Phyllis tried her damnedest to get Sharon tossed in jail. It didn't work. The only thing she accomplished was pushing Nick away. He cracked me up with his Restless Style related marriage metaphors, i.e. "Why hold on to something that isn't there?" Hmmm, I take that as a hint. Phyllis and Nick are already fighting over Restless Style so Nikki and Chloe were arguing over the next issue's topic. Weddings and babies? Um, how about they do an issue devoted to divorce? Seems logical to me. Billy went to Jimmy's to drown his sorrows in shots of tequila, and Cane came in. Billy told him to get out of "his world" and his bar. Little did he know that Cane actually bought the bar right then and there. I'm not sure how he avoided paperwork or other details pertinent to buying a bar, but hey, I shouldn't be picky. Later that day, Mac walked in and asked for a job. I see where this is going. Mac is not cute or sexy enough to be with Cane or Billy. End of story. Cane and Lily bought a puppy and they both rejoiced when he took a big one on the carpet sans newspaper. That is not what I consider to be soapworthy television. Lily wants to have a baby. Blah. Sharon knows that Jack is digging Psycho Mary-Jane.

On todays eppy, Lily tried to hook Colleen up with Rafe. He sat down and hopped right on out of the closet. Rafe then informed her that he was going to a friend's birthday party. This had me intrigued...Cut to the Newman Ranch and everyone is dressed up and my God, Adam smiled. More than once. I smiled too, when Heather showed up at the birthday bash (looking amazing!) and Victor asked her what the hell she was doing there. Ashley, ever the peace maker, talked Victor into letting Heather stay. Moments later, Rafe showed up and announced that he had brought a friend. This intrigued me as well...The friend? Colleen. O.K. When the party was over, Heather was about to leave when Victor stopped her long enough to tell her that no matter what, she was not welcome there. She said she would not give up on Adam and left. Victoria walked in on J.T. and Colleen in a hug and was obviously jealous. When she started bitching, J.T. told her he wished people "would just give Colleen a break." Please let this mean that J.T. and Colleen are re-uniting. Even better, tell me that old-Colleen is reprising her role and nu-Colleen is going to Nickelodeon where she belongs. The Chipmunk made an appearance today, causing Kevin to go nuts and become catatonic. Again.

Shout out to Tom who let me know that the Chipmunk voice is being done by a woman. It was driving me insane not knowing. And it's a short drive.

Mac and Amber are going to team up to make Katherines wedding awesome. Maybe Amber will breathe some life into Mac. Someone needs too. Something tells me she secretly likes chics. Billy is going to have trouble deciding if he should take Chloe to the wedding. I say yes, or he will pay, and pay dearly. Jill, Gloria, and Jeffrey are set to get slammin drunk together. I am already laughing on the abysmal inside. Nina and Brock are coming to the wedding. Cops are going to review the surveillance videos from the GCAC and utlimately arrest Phyllis for destroying Sharon's room. Noah is getting picked on at school. Phyllis is going to feel bad. Are the PTB trying to convince us that the red-headed she devil has a concious? I predict that Ashley will have yet another miscarriage that will cause her to revert to her other self. Kevin will defeat the evil Chipmunk in his subconcious and come out of his funk. Jack and Mary Jane have sex, even though Jack will start to suspect the crazy bitch. Hey, Jack needs some strange every now and again too! Finally, Adam will stab himself in the eye with a syringe full of Botox. Why? Who really gives a damn? It should be mad funny!

On B&B, Steffy finally hopped off the Rick train into the land of the sane. Brooke on the other hand, is still floating around in denial world. Such is the norm. As much as I love Heather Tom, why does Katie have to be so annoying? and, Why is Jackie (Lesley Anne Down, actually) so damn lucky? Brooke and Taylor waged war against one another today. Ridge is the ultimate prize, I assume. Woop Dee Doo. Rumor has it that Brooke is finally going to put the hammer down on Rick. All I can say is: Thanks for that in advance. Rick and Steffy are not totally over, which may prompt Marcus (who?) to go postal. Whatever works. Nick is having a problem getting over Bridget now that she has no interest in him, of course. Katie should lure him onto the Shady Marlin, take him sailing to abandoned waters, and give him a helpful shove over the edge. Just a thought. Finally, I hear Stephanie is planning a coo to take over Forrester. Again. How many times does this storyline have to appear, only to fail? Sigh. Oh! I almost forgot. Don Diamont is about to be on my screen front burner again. Can I get a hell yeah?

OLTL is so good these days thanks to Todd and Tea, whose scenes should have a mature rating. Wow. Who has hot rage sex in a courtroom? These two do! Enter R.J. Ugh. I thought we were rid of him. My girl J and I ponder if maybe he doesn't have a family of small fuzzy creatures living in those dreads. John was sexy when he snuck into Blair's room to let her know he was okay. Too bad he is going to screw it all up when he screws Marty the Maneater when they are the lam. Starr busted Cole today because he was high as a kite. He plays a stoner well, actually. I have a prediction based on some things I observed in today's eppy. I think Kyle may be the knife wielding serial killer. Maybe. Schyler stuck his hand in a biohazard container to get what he believes to be Stacy's blood bag. Um, gross. Today, he busted it out and displayed it to Stacy who tried to lie her way out of it, but to no avail. Rex bought the bitch some flowers from Shane, and Gigi had to act like a whinyass about it. Rex was mean to her of course. Roxy is hilarious as she tried to convince Rex that her and Kyle were sleeping together, and played it off like it was a big joke. Starr couldn't help but mention Schyler every time she opened her mouth, pissing Cole off to no end. Bo and Nora are going closer. I like them together, so this is okay with me. Still hate Rachel. Kyle is going to blackmail, well, everyone, including Natalie and Jared. Jessica and Brody are finally going to have sex. Will angels sing? I doubt it. Tea is going to go out on a date with R.J. I say swim at your own risk! Todd will be jealous. Roxy is going to pull the plug on Rex's dad and Kyle will confirm that he is dead. We all know he won't be. Ray is leaving, which makes me sad. However, I am elated that he is taking that skank whore Lola with him. Gigi is supposed to grow some balls soon. I have a feeling we'll be waiting for a long time. Cristian and Layla are finally going to get together. It has taken so long, I forgot about them already. The killer will be revealed....stay tuned.

AMC is still semi-good and semi-bad. Quite frankly, I am just too busy to be tuning in all the time. But, heres what I know: Adam is going to die. I predict that Stuart will really be the dead guy, and Adam will be alive and well when AMC can afford him again. We will be blessed with yet another killer story. Yawn. Amanda wants to keep the baby now. Nope. Didn't see that coming. David wants revenge. Yada, Yada, Yada.....The Chandler mansion is haunted, I predict Adam is trying to drive J.R. to drink. I hear that a nu-nu-Babe will be brought back from the dead. One word: Why? Krystal and Marissa are keeping a secret. I say they are mother and daughter...who's with me? Marissa is going to get involved with both Scott and J.R. Um, what is so hard about that decision? Frankie is going to get hurt in Iraq. Brot is going to get a new lady friend. Tad will look for Dixie's killer. Little late. It was the pancakes.

Watching Claudia squirm on GH is delightful. Watching Lulu go off on Maxie ALL the time. Priceless. Half of Port Charles is pregnant. The other half is someone pretending to be someone that they aren't. A new murder myster is on the horizon...What else happens on this show? Nickolas and nu-old-Emily will get closer, while he tongue tangoes with Liz on the side. WTF? The real Rebecca is going to call. J, you are officially correct. Ethan is going to take a DNA test. This is one of those times when I wish that a show would do something opposite of what we think they are going to do. Alas, that is most likely not the case. I think Jax is going to offer to buy Claudia's baby after he overhears Jason and Carly talking about her condition. Olivia is going to threaten Claudia. I like her. Maxie will try to have sex with Spinelli in an attempt to get back in his good graces. She will fail miserably. I have an earth shattering question that requires immediate attention! Do the PTB really expect me to believe that in the last two weeks Sam has developed a brain in that pretty little head of hers? Doesn't she have a burlesque show to go do?

Seriously, I am going to shut up now.

Until whenever..some bitch time...some bitch channel...

Random Thoughts of Eppys Past 4-22-09

2009-04-22T20:06:00.000-07:00

Lately, some shows such as AMC and ATWT have become unwatchable, although I am hoping that will change in the case of AMC with the addition of Jamie Lunar. I had a chance to view her in action and I was delighted when she told Zach to shut up and do her, right there on the card table. Everytime I turn this show on, Annie is on my screen which causes me to shudder. I was privy to watching Ryan pull a gun on Annie and Aidan as they tried to make their grand escape. Later that day, my girl J was blessing me with old clips of Richie when she sent me a clip of Ryan holding a gun on Annie and Richie in the same exact room. Today, I caught the ass end and was horrified and excited all at the same time to see Ryan reject Kendall's sexual advances. No one could have said this better than Kendall: "You've never had a problem sleeping with me before." After that little tid bit, Ryan thought it would be a good idea to tell Kendall that she was acting nuts. She left in a rage. Sounds to me like Ryan might have a little Erica on the brain.

B&B is back in full swing these days with Ridge and Taylor hooking up to convince Steffy that Rick is an ass. Ridge taped Rick talking smack about Steffy and Ridge. Later, after Rick learned of the recording, he rushed Steffy onto a private jet in order to avoid the confrontation that was sure to come. O.K. This is where it got good. At the airport, Rick and Steffy were on the plane as it started to take off. Ridge and Taylor pulled up on the tarmac and Ridge got out of the car and started chasing the damn plane down the runway. I had to ask my girl later what he really thought that was going to accomplish. Amazingly, Ridge did stop the plane and Taylor ushered Steffy away to listen to the recording. Steffy remained loyal to Rick on the outside, but on the inside, she was shitty. She called Rick to confront him, but he took it as a good sign and rubbed in Ridge's face. The best thing he said was this: "Steffy is ridin the Rick train, and she ain't never gettin off." which he then followed with "Choo Choo Chugga Chugga Chugga" with matching arm motions. Very funny. Owen did Jackie. Jackie did Owen. It was hot. I want more. Bridget is clueless because she doesn't think that Jackie has it left in her. Think again, dumb ass!

On Y&R, Phyllis is digging herself a big fat hole to bury herself in. She's going to need it too! Rumor has it that Sharon is preggers. I see another Billy is the daddy story with a totally different outcome in our future, folks. Heather loves Adam. Adam pretends to hate Heather. Adam needs to deal with the fact that he will never be with a woman as hot as Heather again, so he needs to get in where he fits in. Lauren's holier than thou act is irking me. Over the years, I have seen her do some scandalous things to many people yet she judges Sharon. Tsk Tsk. Oh where, oh where, has J.T. gone? Oh where, oh where can he be? Seriously, where the hell is he? I liked the chipmunk voice for one eppy, but this everyday stuff is getting old. Mental Note: when chipmunk voice is on my screen, take that opportunity to rearrange your underwear drawer. This goes for any scene involving Cane and Lily or Lily and Cane as well. Karen pleased me with her exit. She was able to punch Neil in the face for all the lies and broken promises he made her. Oh, and there's that sex he had with Tyra. Finally, she had enough when he handed custody of Ana to Tyra on a silver platter. Karen was having a psychotic break and Devon's dumb ass decided it would be a good idea to bring Tyra and Ana home to Neil and Karen's house. Karen left soon after while Tyra sat on her couch. Bitch. Speaking of Tyra, Eva Marcille, this message is for you: You are absolutely the worst soap cryer it has ever been my horror to watch.

On OLTL, Todd and Tea are having sex wherever they can. After doing it the other day like animals, (I had to shield my son's eyes!) Tea got up and told Todd she wasn't down to help him get him get his kids back. I couldn't believe it when Todd said this: "What do you mean? I just took you downtown!" Priceless. Thanks for that Trevor St. John. Today, they were getting it on in the courtroom and Tea slapped Todd across the face. It was great. Speaking of slaps, I can't wait for Gigi to grow a pair and knock Stacy the hell out. No one can be as stupid as apparently everyone is in Llanview. Talia got shanked in the back. John got arrested. Cole faked a drug test. Lola is skank. Dorian called Lola a skanky hoe. Dorian and Ray discussed their feelings for each other today. I can't be invested in their story because I know A. Martinez is leaving. I hate Rachel. I am really rooting for Cole and Starr to get back together and find out the truth about their baby. I don't know why. Rex looked GOOD in his long sleeve tee. Antonio came back to mourn Talia and I was amused when he picked her dead ass up and started hugging her close. It's Wednsday and she was stabbed on Friday. Enough said. After snuggling with the dead, he slipped John a key to get out of his cell and to escape the jail. Funny, that jail key looked an awful lot like a regular house key to me. I hate Marty and her twisted bizarro mouth and I wish that someone would just stab her and get it over with. Speaking of getting it over with...Christian and Layla need to just succumb to their passions and give us all what we've been waiting for. Am I wrong?

GH is scandalous. As usual.

Until whenever...some bitch time....some bitch channel...

Inspired by Madness 4-17-09

2009-04-17T10:01:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a while, but I am finding it necessary today because my girl J is at work and cannot be disturbed.

Y&R has been oh so good this week. Phyllis gave Nick the boot, but he was ready to go. Noah and Eden did some couch canoodling only to get busted by Nick and Phyllis. Eden busted out with this: "Oh, we were just waiting for you to come home" Sure, naked and wrapped in a blanket. That is exactly how I used to wait for my parents! Monotone Mac remains on the forefront. Why? I don't know. Clementine Ford sucks. There I said it. She looks old, and she just can't act. Having said that, with her around, Chloe continues to become more psychotic and jealous daily. It is amusing. Karen told Lily about Neil and Tyra, who happen to be sneaking around her back in other ways as well. Tyra got custody on todays eppy and that is how it should have been in the first place. If I was Tyra, I would have thrown down with Karen, ghettofabulous style. Karen made an ass out of herself during the hearing and caused a mad scene. She is going to bounce out of town next week. I am just okay with that. Sharon got arrested and bailed out by Jack. But, Phyllis plans on talking Lauren into filing charges against Sharon for stealing the books that Eden got busted for. Nicholas is going to talk Lauren into not filing charges which is only going to piss Phyllis off more. She is going to try to get Victor to press charges against Sharon for stealing Sabrina's mini statue, but of course, this too shall fail and Phyllis herself will be the one chillin' at the big house. Cane has steadily been trying to get custody of Delia and Billy and Chloe were both been tripping about it. Cane is going to change his mind though, and Lily is going to say yes to him. Does this mean that sexy and sweet Cane is coming back to us? There is a God! Katherine is going to fire Cane from Jabot. She will offer him another position but he will turn it down. What to do? Get a job at Indigo as the (dare I say it) bartender? Katherine and Murphy are going to get married this week. I hear that Ashley may be responsible for her own spooking. I told you that bitch was crazy! Heather is still in love with Adam and she is going to tell him so. I suppose he will bite her head off with his witty snapisms as usual.

Todd saved John's life on OLTL after Zach had a handle on him. He is never going to live it down. Schyler flipped out on Stacy for rejecting him. It was great. Gigi still hasn't stopped crying. I wish I had tivo. I would fast forward through her scenes everyday. Todd and Tea had some really hot up against the wall sex; after which Tea told Todd that she wouldn't do a damn thing to help him. Good for her. Cole got a surprise drug test and the Cool Rehab Center but fortunately, he got Markko the Idiot to pee in a cup for him. Speaking of Markko, Lola is a little bitch and I wish Langston would just whip her ass. Johns fingerprints were found on the butcher knife, so he will be arrested for attempted murder. After Antonio comes back to mourn for what ever the hell her name is, he is going to let John out and John is going to go on the run. Wonder if he will take a certain dumb bitch with him? David and Dorian are going to realize that they are not in love with one another anymore. It's about time someone did. I can see an end to the Starr/Jessica baby storyline on the horizon. Starr and Cole are this close to getting back together and figuring out the truth. I hope it happens soon, because I cannot take anymore of Natalie and Jared's corny and cheesy scooby doo lines. I am just waiting for Jessica to say "and I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you damn kids...."

On B&B, Stephanie is working for Jackie. Owen is stripping for Jackie. Donna is an idiot, as usual. Rick is actually using Steffy to get back at Ridge. Taylor and Ridge figured this out this week and decided to tape Rick dogging on Ridge. Brooke and Taylor are at war over the "kids" and Ridge was just standing there looking idiotic as usual. I see yet another Brooke and Ridge divorce in our future. I read that when Rick and Steffy leave to get married, Ridge is going to chase the plane on the runway. ON FOOT! Remind me not to take a nap on that day.

On GH, the shit hit the fan for everyone. The End.

Until the next time I feel like blogging...some bitch time, some bitch channel...

No Ordinary Saturday Morning Cartoon 4-11-09

2009-04-11T10:00:00.000-07:00

I didn't blog yesterday because even I get burnt out after a week of avid soap watching. On yesterdays eppy of Y&R, Victoria was suffering from some kind of guilt and tried to make buddies with Adam and Ashley. What she managed to do, however, is unwittingly play right into Adam's plan to freak Ashley out. Jack called Sharon to tell her that Eden and Noah were up that cabin alone. She called Nick, and of course, the two went up there together alone. Phyllis, ever the succubus, asked if she go but Nick declined. When they arrived at the cabin, the kids were nowhere in sight. Cut to the back seat of Noah's car AGAIN: Noah and Eden are about to get it on when Eden decides she's not ready. Ah, she is playing hard to get, no? Note to Y&R: please put Nick in that shirt everyday. Thank you. Katherine visited Amber in jail and it was sweet and nice and everything. Amber's hair looked amazing. I wonder about that. But she still had to endure the orange jumpsuit, which I wish on no one. Over on the men's side, Kevin, also clad in orange, was having another panicky discussion with Micheal who was trying to assure him that all will be well. Then he ran into Super Bitch Heather, who said that Kevin was a "dangerous criminal". I hope he electrocutes her ass too. I noticed something about Mary Jane today. She never does a scene in which she is not drinking. I predict that Ashley is going to catch on to Victor's scheme now that she has come face to face with Mary Jane.

Imagine my surprise when I was treated to most of Monday's eppy of Y&R early this morning. Nick and Sharon had the hottest sex of all times. Better than all his romps with Phyllis combined. Before they did the deed, Sharon told Nick that when she sleeps with other men, she imagines that it's him. Wow. Deep. Phyllis went over to Sharon's room at the club and dressed up like a maid to get in. It's pretty messed up when the person at the front desk doesn't know who is or isn't a real employee. Once inside, Phyllis went on a rampage destroying Sharon's bras and panties. Hilarious. Then she found all of things that Sharon has stolen recently stashed all over the room, she picked up the phone and in a horrible southern accent called the police and narced Sharon out. When Sharon got back from doing Nick, she was greeted by the police who are going to take her to jail for grand theft. Tyra is going to get custody of Ana, which makes sense because they fired Nia Peebles and Karen won't be around anymore. That really is too bad. I was just getting to like her. Kevin is going to get beat up in jail after he starts having visions about the chipmunk. I can't wait. Phyllis is going to ask Nikki for help. Right. Good luck with that. She hates you more than she hates Sharon! Speaking of Sharon, Micheal is going to "fire" her as a client when he discovers that she stole the books that Eden got arrested for.

I haven't really been paying attention to AMC this week because I am patiently waiting for the Annie and Aidan storyline to go away. However, my girl J just sent me a clip of Erica getting sprayed with oil while she screamed and danced like an indian at a bonfire. Wonder if this is before or after she hits on Ryan? She will have some competition because Kendall and Zach will be getting a divorce and Kendall will decide to be with Ryan. Zach is going to have feel sorry for me sex with nu-Liza. Good for him. Way to show Kendall she isn't the only one who can get some strange! Aidan and Annie are going to try to leave. I hope it works. I am not digging Scott Chandler, but they may change if he teams up with David which is how it is looking.

On B&B Donna is getting stupider, Stephanie is getting smarter, and Bridget is getting hotter. Bridget will have her first fashion show, but then she will be exposed as Madame X. That's good. This storyline is ridiculous. What are the label going to say? Dr. Bridget Forrester Maroni Designs? Stephanie will also be revealed as the new partner of Jackie M. and Eric will look like a fool. He was doing a pretty good job of that all by himself. James is coming back for a while. I wonder who he will bed? Brooke or Taylor? Maybe Stephanie...Stephanie and Clarke are going to talk about the good times with Sally. It's about time.

OLTL has been excellent this week with "Twinkle's" kidnapping and Todd teaming up with McPain to make the dysfunctional duo. Stacy is about to be busted. Even Schyler is going to see past Starr's underoos to call Stacy out on her scheming. Rex's dad is going to start showing signs of life, although I am not sure why since they haven't even casted the guy who will play him. Rachel is back and I hate her already. She said this the other day: "You know what they say in recovery. One step at a time." Hey bitch, the actual words are "one day at a time". I am just saying. After Zach is stopped, McPain believes that the killer is still on the loose. Who will get shanked next?

GH is almost intolerable with the constant presence of Claudia. Having said this, I had to feel bad for the girl when she walked in on Sonny bonding with Olivia with his hand placed firmly on her ass. I thought I could see the steam coming out of her ears when she said "Let me know when you have time for your wife!" Then I had to laugh when Olivia took a long swig of her drink and said "Ooooh, you're in trouble!" Jerry is back this week, which might make the show worth staying awake for. Nicholas is going to find Helena and nu-old-Emily together. Obviously, the two crazies are in cahoots to take him down. Ric and Kate have both been put on recurring status, so Rics creepy antics will substantially decrease. Bummer. Oh, and Kate who?

With the arrival of the annoying twins, ATWT is unwatchable. I did learn that the boy twin will try to get with Noah. OK. When that doesn't work, Noah gets stabbed. One teen on this show is thinking at least. Liberty wants a divorce. Paul sets Dusty up to beat him up so that social services will take the baby away from Dusty and Meg. Meg is unforgiving of Dusty and I have the feeling that a Meg and Paul reunion is in our future. Does that leave Dusty ripe for Lucy's picking? What a surprise. WOAK wants to do a documentary on Vienna's pregnancy and Henry and Vienna decide they want to keep the baby for themselves. Snore.

That's all I've got. Until Monday...same bitch time...same bitch channel...

Monotone Mac & Crazy Creepies 4-9-09

2009-04-09T15:29:00.000-07:00

Y&R started out with Cane talking to his lawyer, pushing the custody issue. Lily overheard and questioned his motives. He told her to go over to Billy and Chloe's and see how bad they were at parenting. Meanwhile, Billy was chewing off his own foot in an attempt to go see Mac and Chloe was on to him like white on rice. She decided to cook for dinner for their one year anniversary. When Billy questioned her, she said this "they said we wouldn't last". Priceless. Lily showed up and started harping, so Billy took it as the perfect opportunity to slide over to the Chancellor's for some Mac mingling. He was greeted by Brock, who was quite cold to our boy. Billy left his digits for Mac. Mac is moping around when she suddenly has a heart to heart with Murphy. Sorry kids, I am not buying it! I finally figured out what is wrong with Clementine Ford. She has no spark and no fire! Gasoline and a match couldn't get this girl to act the part of the character she was hired to play. My girl J says she is too old, I must agree! She even says her lines in the same monotone voice. I would like it if she just disappeared. Billy told Chloe that he was going to get some formula. Of course, when he returned, he had no formula. Chloe is already the annoying, clinging, ball and chain I thought she would be. Thanks to the wardrobe department for Billy's jacket which continues to get hotter the more he breaks it in. Karen and Devon got into it today. Karen was ready to scratch Neil's eyes out and I don't blame her. Cut to Indigo, where Neil and Cane were enjoying some whine time together. Assholes stick together.
Looks like I am going to have to bust out the tequila tomorrow because Phyllis is going to call Sharon a slut again. Takes one to know one, am I wrong?

On B&B, Donna was especially annoying as she decided to change Eric's petname from "honeybear" to "boo boo bear". A couple of tables over, Stephanie and Taylor were enjoying a nice lunch when Donna came over and tried to throw around some insults. Stephanie shot her down with Taylor as back up. The old Stephanie is back and I am loving it. I especially enjoyed Taylor's comment about Eric and Donna's PDA making everyone want to throw up. Jackie got some good business news today and used it as an excuse to cozy up to Owen. Whatever! I can dig it.

OLTL is really creepy right now. Zach is creepy for a short guy. I don't understand why people don't just team up and take his little ass out? Schyler gave Todd the business causing the duo to get down to the nitty gritty of whole damn situation. Over at Todd's, Starr confessed to Zach like he is some kind of priest or something. McPain is annoying. Marty is even more annoying. Dorian sent her kiss and tell photo to David. Oops! Lola is a slut, and everyone knows it. I cannot wait until she is gone!

That's all I got. Until tomorrow....same bitch time...same bitch channel...

Out With the Old, In With the Young 4-8-09

2009-04-08T10:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I whined about the lack of Kevin and Micheal screentime on Y&R. Someone was listening because I was not dissapointed today! Kevin had Jeffery at gunpoint and Micheal came in and talked him down. However, he also took a sick pleasure in letting Kevin continue to believe that Jeffery was Tom. Christian LeBlanc was priceless when he punched Jeffery and urged Kevin to do the same. This whole scene was amusing to me until Kevin and Amber were in custody and standing up against the fence. Amber and Micheal were trying to talk to Kevin, who was in a sudden state of catatonia. I almost busted a tear. I have uno complaint.....If Y&R is going to use the same wearhouse set for every hostage/kidnapping/cage keeping storyline they have, can I at least get them to change the door? The economy is not that bad people. The most ridiculous part of the show today? Gloria "borrowing" the Newman jet to save Kevin and Jeffery. Um, ok. Mary Jane is becoming harder and harder to look at for longer than 2 seconds. I cannot believe that she was able to talk Katherine into hiring Jack as the CEO of Jabot. Hey, I shall not complain. The longer the war goes on between Jack and the Moustache, the better. Neil is not my favorite person right now. Karen is a whiny, annoying bitch. But he knew that when he married her. Since when does Neil get the player of the year award? After today's eppy, some previews came on showing Billy and Chloe arguing over Mac. And so it begins....

On B&B, it seems that with Stephanie being fired from Forrester, she may have just fired those pant suits she has been wearing since 1986. Here's hopin! Heather Tom is finally starting to turn Katie into someone I can stand. She even changed her make-up. Maybe she got tired of playing the most boring character on daytime. (and that includes people who are in a coma) I am not sure why Jackie hates her so much. Oh yeah. It is in the script. Eric realized just how bad things were going to get for Forrester when Donna told the reporter: Out with the old, in with the young. Even Brooke looked at the ground in shame. She was probobly looking for someone to sleep with down there. I love Stephanie and Nick as partners in crime, and Taylor as the 3rd wheel makes it all worth it. I would watch ants fight over a crumb with more enthusiasm than I ever can watch Rick and Steffy.

OLTL was packed with scandal as usual. Rex and Gigi are getting on my nerves. No, let me say: Gigi just gets on my damn nerves. Stacy's fantasy was hilarious. Her attempts to get out of bone marrow related medical procedures was pretty amusing as well. Dorian and Ray are stubborn and cute and I like them together. Rex went off on Brody, who decided to go the gym and pump some iron. I wasn't buying it, but, I sure do like his guns. Over at Matthew's pity party, Nora was so excited about all the different kinds of weiners there were on the buffet table. At this same party, Jessica tells Natalie and Jared about Brody. They respond by saying they will be the baby's godparents. Random. The Dorian and Ray kiss lasted well into today's eppy, and little Jack thought it would be great to get a picture of them doing so. Sorry J, but I can't take that little bastard. I dig the little chick punching the big giant bodyguard in the stomach and saying : "I am doing this for Matthew." Ray tried to scare Jack into giving up the picture by telling stories about columbian prison. That little bastard gave up the camera really quick! Marty went to Blair's room with flowers in hand. My faith in Blair was renewed when she told Marty to stay the hell away from McPain. Starr is still crying over the teacher. Someone please give that girl a pacifier.

That's all I got. Until tomorrow...same bitch time....same bitch channel...

Bonding Over Bitches 4-7-09

2009-04-07T17:26:00.000-07:00

In Genoa City today, Jack and Nicholas just happened to sit next to eachother at the bar at the club to get a drink. They both looked like someone died. Jack tried to bring back some of the old relationship, but Nick refused to openly take his advice. He pretended to be annoyed and got up left, but you could tell that Jack had gotten to him. Cut to the tack house where Sharon decided it is a good idea to go to look for Nick. Phyllis quickly informed her that Nick left her and that it was all Sharon's fault. Sharon made herself comfortable on the couch and continued to argue with the red headed she-devil. The old Phyllis is about to re-emerge and it is not going to be pretty. Noah came home from a backseat rendevouz with Eden and continued his rampage against Sharon. After a few, he decided to be nice and they had a little heart to heart about Sharon and Nick while Phyllis lurked in the shadows somewhere, as usual. When Nick entered the fray, Phyllis was still lurking and Nick and Sharon were hanging out on the couch chattin it up like nothing was amiss. Phyllis walked in and said something about people saying things that they don't mean, to which both Nick and Sharon looked up at her, and continued their conversation as if she had never spoken at all. I almost busted out the tequila because Phyllis called Sharon a tramp today. But I said drink only on slut or theif, neither of which she said today. Sharon got a good one in when Phyllis told her that Nick couldn't fix her. Sharon replied "Obviously he couldn't fix you either!" Thanks for that. And, thanks for the Chloe and Billy flashbacks. Chloe was so sweet today. To bad shit is going south and fast. Try as I might, I am having a hard time hating the new Mac. She turned Billy the playboy into a sniveling little whiney ass. I was digging the new side of him though. I am glad that Billy Miller can play it like the past Billies did it. I had to laugh at Chloe googling Mac and Billy. Um, where the hell is Kevin, Amber, Micheal, Lauren, Tyra, or Neil? Hello! Alas, they should be on tomorrow according to the previews. Billy is going to kiss Mac soon. That should be interesting. Mac is going to try to talk some sense into Kevin. Um, may I ask why? Noah and Eden are going to get busted again. These two need to come up with some better strategies. Phyllis is going to go psycho on Sharon, resulting in Sharon's eventual arrest. Too bad she still won't get Nicholas back. J.T. is going to dig up dirt on Colleen. Here's a thought....Shouldn't J.T. have plenty of dirt on Colleen already? They lived together! Tyra is going to fight for custody of Anna. Shouldn't she have done that in the first place?

On GH, I was forced to watch Sonny and Claudia have sex again. Sonny was so bummed out about it, but he pushed himself to finish the job. When he was done, he whined about not wanting more kids. I had to agree with Claudia. That is un-Sonny like. Note to GH: Please stop trying to shove Maxie and Dr. Old Shawn down our throats. It is done. Robin is going to crash her car with Emma inside and then get shipped off to the loony bin. This will leave Patrick open for more time with Elizabeth. That is actually a good thing considering nu-old Emily doesn't have cancer and her relationship with Lucky is going places. Helena will finally make an appearance. Claudia is going to get away with everything due to some DVD glitches. Damn that bitch has all the luck. Robin and Patrick are going to get in a huge fight at the hospital, which is finally finished by the way! This fight will prompt Robin to stop taking her meds. Yay for crazy Robin!

B&B was basically uneventful today. Owen was extra sexy as he pretended to have lock jaw so Bridget would get close to his mouth. Bridget, for a doctor you sure are stupid. Nick called Jackie out on her mid-life crisis, but in true Jackie style, she denied it all. Stephanie was pissed when she discovered that Nick was the one that suggested that Taylor join forces with Stephanie. I cannot wait to see how the drama unfolds when she takes the reigns at Jackie M. Rumor has it that Rick wants to marry Steffy at the same spot in Malibu where Brooke and Ridge were once married. This horrifies for Ridge and elates Brooke. That's because she is a skank.

ATWT sucks as of late. Jack thinks that Carly is drinking to much and she is in denial. Parker finally realized that he is in over his head and asked Jack for help. Thank God. I am over it. Jack is going to take Craig and Carly into questioning although I cant say why at this point. Rosanna is scheduled to come back. Snore. I am so happy that Meg dumped Dusty again. I hear that is not going to stop him from trying again to get her in the sack. The people that be decided to dust Barbara off and give her a storyline for the first time in 10 years. Thanks for that.

Ryan called Reese a bitch today on AMC. Adian and Annie are annoying. I can't wait until they go away. Krystal miscarried today and David was devasted. He should be. He did it. Adam, Stuart, and Erica are confusing right now. So, more on that at a later date. Can someone tell me why Kendall is still wearing that purple shirt and why Thorsten Kaye is trying so hard to bust a tear? Someone should poke him in the eye. It would water then for sure. Amanda almost kissed Jake and I realized just how hot those two could be. Yummy.

That's all I got. Until tomorrow...same bitch time...same bitch channel...

Rockin Roxy! 4-6-09

2009-04-06T17:50:00.000-07:00

Ok, so normally I talk about Y&R first on Mondays because every other show is a snore fest. However, OLTL was so hot today, it deserves to be talked about. Quite frankly, I wasn't even paying attention because I was on the phone with my girl J when I looked at my screen just in time to see Roxy bitch slap Stacy. I just about dropped the phone I became so excited! The show only got better as those two crazies teamed up against Kyle, who is suddenly ready to risk his career and his future to help them. I could care less what he does, as long as he gets some more screen time. Maybe some Kyle and Stacy lab lovin? That would be nice. The new midget, um I mean man, on the show Zach is creepy. I enjoyed his scenes with Todd today as he went on and on about how Todd was going to pay him for this and Todd owes him for that. This went on for about 45 minutes when Todd casually said something about Zach not getting anything from him and he mentioned that they had both done their time for raping Marty. This un-Todd like behavior was surprising to me until Todd suddenly screamed at the top of his lungs "I OWE YOU NOTHING!!!" Now that's what I was looking for. There was more screaming going on over at Schylers apartment as he coldly dismissed Starr by screaming in her face that he didn't want her. Later though, he sits down and seems to have second thoughts. Ok, I thought I was going to like him. I was cracking up at Starr hiding in the bathroom and Cole running around looking for her like he was somebody's daddy. I am just saying. Jared deserves an honorable mention for extra hotness. I love a man in a gray vest. Marty needs to die or, at the least, go hide behind a rock somewhere. Cole broke my heart talking to the baby. Speaking of, that is one popular grave site.

On Y&R I thought it was amusing that no one heard the shrieking women of the cake fight until after the vows, kiss, and Mac entrance. How convenient. I didn't think it was possible, but I find this Mac to be uglier than the original one. I know she is supposed to be kind of plain and all, but I am already over her. Sharon and Nick continued their heart to heart and decided to be friends. It was a sweet moment. A sweet moment that was ruined when Nick left Sharon's room only to find Pyllis clad in a giant hat and sunglasses standing outside of her room. After she attacked him violently (again), Nick decided he has had enough. I say we play a game. Every time Phyllis calls Sharon a slut or a thief, we should take a shot of tequila. Being drunk is the only way I can tolerate watching Nick dog Phyllis for freaking out about Sharon. As much as I want to see Nick and Sharon back together, my heart is torn for Phyllis. Karma is biting her in the ass, hard. Back at the wedding, Katherine and Jill are still freaking arguing when Katherine said this: "This thing is not my daughter!" Jill said something bitchy in return, yada yada yada. Over yonder, Murphy was telling Nikki how he thought the fight that Katherine and Jill had yesterday was bad. Oh Murphy, the cake fight was just a smidget of what is in store for you and your soon to be bride! Afterward, Cane arrives and hugs Katherine as if he hasn't been a complete and utter asshole to her for months. I was hoping she would reach up there and smash a piece of that cake into his face. In the other room, Chloe was being extra nice to Mac because she is completely clueless about Mac and Billy's past dealings. Colleen didn't help matters when she coyly acted as if nothing was amiss while basically laughing in Chloe's face. Esther did fill her in however. I say let the stalker party begin! Chloe will go on a stalking spree like no other. That is my prediction. I am starting to hate Cane more and more. Chloe and Billy decided to go have their little wedding night and Cane said this: "Have a good wedding night, guys." Could someone just stab him and get it over with?

That is seriously all I got. Until next time...same bitch time.....same bitch channel!

Split Personalities all Around! 4-3-09

2009-04-03T18:26:00.000-07:00

Here's one for you...one for you...I have to start with AMC today because craziness abounds. A while back, my girl J and I were discussing Annie's stay at the funny farm and her many visitors when J said that she thought Annie's wierd friend was a figment of her personality. So true J! After whining to her "friend" for the whole episode about killing someone (we know, she didn't do it) Annie was so excited when Aidan came in because she wanted to introduce him to her friend. She pointed to the chair and Aidan turned his head. Cut to the chair, it was empty! Just when I thought AMC was incapable of being creepy...Ryan's desperation to fill his Greenlea void is starting to make me ill. Erica went over there to talk some sense into him, but he failed to listen and said he would fight for Kendall. Thank you Erica for being the only person in the world that sees that everything is wrong with them being together right now! Meanwhile, at the hospital, Zach and Kendall were bonding over Ian when they decided to walk around for some damn reason. I had 2 issues with this scene: 1. They were holding hands. 2. They were both wearing purple. Coincidence? I think not. Speaking of Kendall and issues...Why does she always have to be so overdramatic and saying things that NO ONE would actually say? I need to know. Flashbacks of Zach with short hair are always welcome. Keep 'em comin! David stole Little A (sshole) yesterday, and today, Krystal used her trailer park wits to get him out of it. At least she was thinking sanely for a change. Petey and Colby- Maxie and Spinelli called, they want their storyline back. Rumor has it that Ryan and Kendall are going to break up. Sob. Amanda's hormones will cause her to reject Jake. Idiot. Zach and Kendall are going to take Ian home together. Bummer.

Yesterday on OLTL, Brody gave Stacy the business and sent her running scared. Today, Stacy was busy convincing Schyler that she has no feelings for Rex. Yesterday, Gigi cried to Rex through the whole episode. Today, she cried to Viki through the whole episode. Just when I was beginning to think that Gigi was even more annoying than Marty, there the bitch was, crying about John's marriage to Blair. Hey Marty, why don't you pull another incredible hulk? Only this time, just drop the car on top of yourself. Cole was feeling sorry for himself again today and in walked Marty to join the pity party. Of course, she turned it into a "let's make it all about Marty" session. Snore. Over at Blair's house, John was pretending to be the caring stepfather to Starr when he was really fishing for info on Schyler. Thanks for that. Speaking of Schyler, I find it hard to believe that he is the voice of reason in Llanview, but since no one else likes Stacy, I guess he will have to do. After Stacy left to go lurk somewhere, Starr popped by in her training bra to offer of up some prepubescent loving. Schyler rejected her and sent her crying to her mother. Random mentions: 1. Gigi's dress looked like something I wore to church when I was 10. That would explain why Gigi has not discovered the strapless bra. 2. Kyle the lab tech can fill my test tube anytime he wants! Word has it that he will succumb to the evil wishes of both Roxy and Stacy. Yay. Thanks to Ray, Dorian isn't feeling David anymore thanks to his new hemmorhoid commercial. Blair is going to tell Marty to back off of McPain. Schyler is going to be accused of seducing Starr. Yuck. Gigi is going to confess all to Jessica. Stacy is almost going to spill all to Rex. Rex is going to eavesdrop on Jessica and Gigi. Sounds like the cat is jumping out of the bag! Todd and Tea are going to do ease some sexual tension, causing her to stay in Llanview. Oh boy. Cole is going to confide in Todd. Wierd. Starr will be kidnapped and someone else will shanked in the back.

On Y&R today, the Billy and Chloe nups finally came to fruition. After Billy woke up next to a hungover Sharon, he rushed home to shower and get ready when he was attacked by his loving brother and sister. Did I say loving? I meant annoying. Ashley ripped Billy a new one and tried to convince him not to marry Chloe. Suddenly, she pulled one of Sharon's hairs off of his jacket. Awkward! Before the wedding, Esther was walking around with her giant bow kissing everyones
asses. Katherine received the DNA results confirming that she is Brock's mommy. At first she was filled with empathy for Jill, even offering to be her mommy regardless. But after Jill continued to spit venom around the room, and after calling Katherine and Nikki "dried up old lushes", Katherine screamed "Forgive me Chloe!" and handfed Jill some wedding cake all over her face. Jill then grabbed some cake and returned the favor. I was laughing my ass off when Katherine then picked up a whole layer of cake and threw at Jill. Priceless. Sharon shows up to be the maid of honor and I had to wonder what anyone was thinking when they put the giant fake flowers in her hair. My wondering stopped at soon as I saw Chloe's 1920 style flapper dress and matching headband. Okay then. I laughed some more when Sharon up and left in the middle of the ceremony. Cut to Jack sniffing the floor behind her apologizing for her everymove. Sharon had every reason to be upset though. Before the ceremony, Phyllis showed up at her room spewing insults at Sharon. Props to Phyllis for using one of my favorite terms: "accidentally on purpose". Props to Sharon for having that bitch thrown out by security. Conveniently, as she was being kicked to the curb by the rent a cop, Phyllis came face to face with Nick. When he discovered her dastardly deeds, he quickly went to Sharon's rescue. Bye Bye Bye. Back at the wedding, Chloe prepared a sweet poem for her vows that included the words "punch you in the face". As she was saying them, I thought Billy might throw up. He then spit out some shit that he didn't mean and kissed her like she was his grandmother. Realizing how that must of looked, he planted a better kiss right as Mackenzie walked in. Oh, I didn't see that coming. The best line of the whole wedding was when the minister asked Billy if had any special vows and Billy, in a panic, asked "Cant you just feed me the words?"

Cliffhanger Friday has cliffhanger killed me. Until next time, same bitch time, same bitch channel...

Rehearsal Dinner or Meal of Insults? 4-2-09

2009-04-02T12:42:00.000-07:00

I didn't get to discuss AMC yesterday but I did manage to catch some of the eppy. I am happy that Tad and Opal are on J.R.'s side. He's an alcoholic, that does not make him a bad father. And damn if he didn't look good in that country and western button up he had on! Erica and Zach were alone somewhere having another heart to heart about Kendall. My girl J came up with an excellent idea...the people that be at AMC need to pair these together. If Kendall and Zach were considered hot, then Erica and Zach would be sweating! and so would I...As much as I want Kendall and Ryan together, she is pushing him too hard and too fast. Yesterday she demanded that he put a name on their relationship. What are we 16 again? I know I am the only one that thinks this, but the Frankie and Randi story makes me want to stab myself in the eye with the sharpened tip of a #2 pencil. I am glad that Jesse and Angie have Little A (sshole) though, at least they are breaking the rules a little for J.R. I know I would.

GH has been so boring, I find myself dreaming about rearranging my underwear drawer when it is on. But I did manage to learn a couple of things: Robin is going to see Patrick and Elizabeth together and come to the wrong conclusions. Are they wrong though? Johnny and the original blonde bitch are going to break up. For real this time. Then Johnny is going to break him off a piece of the Maximista, causing friction between her and the Jackal. Claudia is going to get knocked up and we will be subject to a "who's the daddy?" storyline. I think we know how this is going to turn out. Sonny is going to find out about Claudia's shenanigans. Will a baby be her only saving grace? Carly has been through a lot and yesterday she saw Micheal's hand move. Rumor has it that she will be knocked up too. I smell a baby switch coming on. Jason and Robin will be getting closer. Let's hope they don't get too close!

I have very little on our Llanview peeps today as our wonderful new Pres pre-empted OLTL until the ass end. When I was able to catch it, all I saw was Gigi crying crocodile tears, or I mean, no tears at all. And the Emmy goes to Farah Fath for her portrayal of the whiniest bitch in town... I am saddened by the news that A. Martinez was canned. He was firing up my screen for me. That is a soap trend that has got to end! Hiring and firing vets in a hot second. Yet, there are wastes of breath and space like Langston and what's his name walking around? I hear that we will still get to see Ray hit the sheets with Dorian. I guess all is not lost after all....

Today was the day of the ever anticipated Chloe and Billy wedding rehearsal dinner. For starters, I didn't see one scrap of food on the table, in hands, or in mouths. The drinks were flowing though. Flowing right into Jill's mouth. The only thing served up at this dinner were insults. Chloe ripped on Jill. Colleen ripped on Chloe. Billy ripped on Sharon. Jill ripped on everyone and everything. After a particularly harsh insult from Chloe to Jill, Ashley said this: "I like this girl a lot!" So do I Ashley, So do I. Chloe's dress and necklace were so cute and thank you hair department for doing her right for a change! Just as Sharon tells Billy that she will not be at the wedding, Chloe comes over and begs her to be her maid of honor. Sharon, the weak one that she is, agrees while Billy shoots daggers at her from afar. Later, everyone is sitting down for the foodless dinner when Sharon begins to beg others to be the maid of honor including Ashley and Colleen. Colleen, speaking up for everyone says this: "No one wants to go to this wedding, especially the groom" I was hoping that Chloe would throw a sharp kitchen knife directly into Colleen's heart, killing her instantly. But alas, Chloe, simply said: You will regret that". Sharon finally had enough and decided to go check on Noah who said he was going to check on Delia. Little did she know that Eden was the babysitter and that she and Noah were trying to squeeze in a little teen lovin. Knock Knock. It's Sharon and she is pissed. Noah apologized for being mean to Sharon earlier, but when she interrupted his makeout session, the mom-bashing continued. Sharon decided to go to the bar and start slamming vodka tonics. Meanwhile, over at the Chancellor mansion, Billy is so uncomfortable, he wants to jump out the window spiderman style and web sling his way to the nearest bar. And of course, he does and ends up at the same bar as Sharon. Billy downed 3 shots of whiskey before he glanced over and saw a lit up Sharon, who smiled at him in an "i wanna sex you up" type fashion. Cut to Sharon's room at the GCAC, a drunken shirtless Billy flies into the room with his tie tied around his head like bandana laughing his ass off. Right behind him is a very scantily clad Sharon who is also laughing her ass off. I was laughing my ass off when Sharon started dancing and yelled out "WOO!" while she drunkenly twirled around in her underwear. Drunk, sober, or insane, that woman looks good! And so does Billy...but I think we all know that. Cane might as well change his name to "the bartender" since everyone is getting in the habit of calling him that. Adam received some kind of letter from Victor and had Rafe read it to him. Victor actually had some nice things to say in this letter and now Adam has a renewed hope of a father-son relationship. Aw, tear...Later, Adam attempts to make friends with Abby who coldly shoots him down. I wish Adam could see Abby's face which basically read like this: "I wish I could douse you with gasoline and set you on fire right now."

B&B was good for the second day in a row. No Rick. No Steffy. No change the channel. Owen started at Jackie M. today just as Stephanie was saying her final goodbyes to her people at Forrester. Of course, Nick wants all the goods on the runnings of Forrester and it's employees. Somehow, this leads to a big discussion about Stephanie and her worth as a business icon. I can see where this is going. Stephanie is going to partner up with Jackie M. and start a fat ass war with the Forresters. This sounds like a pre-view for some old school type B&B! It is about time. Stephanies departing words as she exited Forrester really made me want to cry. If I were her, I would go to the nearest gun shop and buy a grenade. Then, I would push my way into Forrester, pull the pin, and shove that bastard right down Donna's throat. Eric thinks with his penis and always has. As usual, Stephanie will get the last word. I haven't heard a good insult thrown around on B&B lately, so imagine my surprise when Thorne looked at Donna and called her "skinny little waif butt" Donna looked surprised, as if Thorne doesn't crack on her every chance he gets. Hell, that's the only lines he has anymore!

The last time I checked out ATWT, Luke and Noah were arguing over Damien. That was last week. Due to Obama's rude OLTL interruption, I was forced to tune in today and my favorite gay couple were still sitting at the same table having the same argument. In walks the new twins I have heard so much about Tweedle Zee and Tweedle Zum. ATWT always blows the summer teen scene out of proportion and I can see that this year will be no different. I did get a Holden sighting today as his hot ass wasted his breath arguing with hot ass Damien over the worthless bitch nu-Lily. Nu-Lily sucks and so soes her hair. Most of the screen time went to Allison the porn star and nu-Casey. Forgive me if I don't care. Nu-Casey doesn't even look good shirtless, so he could at least pretend to know how to act. Over at Java, Noah stumbles upon Damien who just happens to being laying on the floor with a critical stab wound. Sounds like a set up to me. Damien probobly stabbed himself on purpose to get Luke's attention. It worked. Noah calls Noah and he immediately heads to the hospital to be with Damien. Here is what I found to be curious: When Noah called Luke, Luke announced to the family what was going on. Lily was the first one out the door...suspicious? I concur!

Until next time, same bitch time...same bitch channel...

Snappy One Liners and Crucial Comebacks 4-1-09

2009-04-01T15:23:00.000-07:00

In Genoa City today, Billy was stressing out over his love-less soon to be marriage when suddenly he is dreaming of Mac. After talking for a bit, Mac goes into the bathroom. Suddenly, there is a knock on the door and the dream is over. It's Cane, and he is ready to bargain. Billy isn't having it and tells Cane to get the hell out of his house. Over at Crimson Lights, Chloe and Lily are trading barbs over Cane. Lily grew some today as she actually got in some good ones, but, alas! Chloe always gets the last word and I love it! Chloe hired Eden to be Delia's babysitter today. I don't care if she hired her to scrub the bottom of her feet with a pedegg, at least my little Eden is finally getting some screen time. The only requirement for the job: taste in alternative music. Wonder what Dr. Phil would say about that? Noah got some great ones in today as he cursed at his mother 3 times in the same conversation and Nick just stood back and let him do it. After Noah stomps out in grande teenage style, Nicholas rips into Sharon. Ok Nick, you are really workin my nerves. I feel sorry for Jack when it comes to Sharon, he is a sad sad man. Phyllis was writing a story about Katherine's life when it turned into a story about her own life and how much Sharon had ruined it for her. I found it especially amusing when she wrote BITCH in giant red letters on the paper. I dare you to publish that in Restless Style. In walks Nick who starts bragging about he gave Sharon the business. Of course, this pleased Phyllis to no end. After Nick storms out of the Abbott mansion, Jack walked Sharon to the door and convinced her to go to the rehearsal dinner. This wedding is going to be so sick and twisted. Murphy and Katherine were discussing going to Billy and Chloe's wedding when he sweetly asked her to teach him how to dance. I love these two, they make me smile. Elsewhere, Brock is nervous about seeing his maybe-mommy but as soon as he saw her, they had a wonderful reunion. Esther and Jill were arguing over wedding colors and taffeta when Jill said this "All because of your psycho spawn!" Ooooh, that stings. Back at Billy's, Cane left and Billy ran into the bathroom to see if Mac was still there. Wake up, idiot! No one here but the toilet! Just when I thought a day was going to go by without Amber and Kevin screaming at eachother from the interior of a car, there they were. Amber accidentally told Kevin that she saw Daniel and Micheal, which prompts him to tell her she has been a bad girl and to chug down a bottle of wild turkey. That's my kind of man. Really.

B&B was actually worth watching today because it lacked all Rick and Steffy sightings. Even greater still was Eric and Stephanie arguing over whether or not Rick and Steffy should be together in Eric's office when all of a sudden the door pops ajar slightly and a bottle of honey poked in. Of course, it was Donna-the-Slut, ever ready to please her ancient "honeybear". As usual, Donna didn't look in the office first, just started doing a strip tease right in the doorway. When she discovered that Stephanie was there, some words were exchanged and Eric asked Stephanie to leave so he could spend time with his slutty wife. This enraged Steph more, who put up one hell of a fight. In all the years I have been watching this show, I have never seen Eric grow a bigger pair of balls than he did today. He told Stephanie that he didn't want her or need her and then he fired her from Forrester! Always the smart ass, Steph busted out with this: "Don't come knocking on my door when all hell breaks loose." as she made her graceful exit. After she closed the door, you could see the pain and hurt her being fired had really caused. Oh, and Nick and Jackie argued over Madame X, or should we say Madame Ex Wife Bridget? Snore...

Llanview was hoppin with the goods today! Hank made his return debut today, cheesy music and all. Nora was happy as she had all her men under one roof. She has been one busy woman! Clint decided that bothering Nora about their relationship was a good idea. This is a total set up for a Nora and Hank affair which is okay with me. Someone should dust the cobwebs off of her anyway. Bo and Clint were enjoying a light lunch and talking about Matthew when Bo began to stutter. Chew and swallow, Bo. Chew and swallow! Talia actually earned her paycheck today as she called Layla out on what is obvious: She wants Christian. Later, her dumb ass locks herself in the suana with a towel-clad Christian and called him chicken legs. I wish they would come on with it already. Ray and Tea decided to go on a date for their own evil purposes. Ray asked Dorian 3 or 4 times if she was okay with him going on a date with Tea. She played it off as if she didn't care, but showed up at the club dressed to the nines. She then sat down at the table and made her presence known. Ray let her sweat a little and then Tea called him out. Ray called Tea out first, however when he noticed Todd lurking around the club. Todd was on a date with a hitman who he is trying to pay to kill John McPain. The hitman said this: "Why don't you do it yourself. I heard you were slicin and dicin all over town." Thanks for that. Todd was jealous of Tea, but I think we all know why. When Todd saw Ray and Tea together, he told Ray to "run". Todd got a phone call and it was little Jack. He just got done giving John the business and he still had some leftover for his dear old dad. He told Todd, and I quote: "You're full of crap!" That kid makes me an advocate for child abuse. Classic line today though was courtesy of that little bastard: "Promises suck!" he said to John. John looked at the ground and said: "Yeah, they do" Ouch! Blair, that one was for you! I got my first vision of the infamous Fisch today...Woop-D-Doo! I am not impressed although he seemed nice enough. Dorian and Ray are muchos caliente!

Stacy, I missed you today. Without a vision of your bitchy face, my OLTL experience is not the same...

When I was choosing which shows to watch this afternoon, it was a toss up between OLTL (which is hot and exciting) and ATWT (which is an old faithful). My decision was made for me when the first scene of ATWT came on and Liberty and Janet filled my screen. OKAY. I will read about ATWT later....

I am so done, stick a fork in me. Until next time...same bitch time...same bitch channel...

He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me enough to marry me for the good of the children

2009-03-31T14:30:00.000-07:00

I am always pondering why soap guys lack knowledge in child custody laws. Everyone wants to get married without the love. On Y&R today, Billy had a heart to heart with his annoying cousin Colleen in which he told her that he and Chloe will be sharing an open marriage. Colleen then took it upon herself to go over to Chloe's and tell her that Billy will never love her. After Chloe slammed the door in her face, Colleen remained on the porch yelling into the door. Hey Colleen, Nickelodeon called, they want their overdramatized bad actress back. Sharon busted Jack in another moustache related lie, so she has decided to move back into the GCAC. Let the sex-olympics begin! In other news, Nick and Phyllis got in another fight over Sharon. They ended the fight as they usual do, a hot make out session. Sure, thats what my marriage counselor told me to do too.

Over in Pine Valley, the poker game was a bust for Ryan. However, he still got the girl. What was classic was Ryan's loser speech, in which he told Zach he was just going to take it all again. Sounds like someone is a sore loser. Is anyone actually invested in the nu-psycho Annie story, or is it just a filler for the real stories? I am happy that Stuart is coming back and Adam is missing. That will be a nice change. Why does Erica care so much about Kendall's marriage? Hey, your other daughter is having some serious issues, go butt into her life! David and Krystal got into a little tussle that resulted in a black eye for her and another wall slamming for David, this time courtesy of Tad. Why don't they just nail him to the wall and hand out numbers?

On OLTL, Gigi and Brody had pretend sex to convince Rex that she doesnt love him anymore. I would have done the same thing, but I wouldn't be pretending! I have to laugh at the courtroom shenanigans between Tea and Todd. Why doesn't she just throw him on the defense table and get it on? John told Marty the good or bad news about his marraige to Blair. It would have been great if her eyeballs would have turned into liquid and oozed out of her head. But instead, she took it rather gracefully. Dorian and Ray are so cute, I wish they would just shut up and get it on. Who cares about David other than David?

Thats all I got. Until next time, same bitch time...same bitch channel...

Nacho Mama Drama 3-30-09

2009-03-30T14:56:00.000-07:00

It was a great day in the world of soaps. It started with Katherine going of on Jill. Nothing new there. Enter Nikki, who tells Jill that if anyone is an imposter it is her. Victor and Ashley are having a heart to heart about Adam when they hear a "thump" from his room. As usual, it was just another cry for attention from Adam. Unbeknownst to them, Adam was eavesdropping the whole time. Olivia stops by to chat with Ashley, which was really boring. Lily finally grew some balls and broke it off with Cane. Why, oh why then, did she decide to put the giant ring on after he left heart broken? Enter Olivia (big screen time for her today) who makes a big deal out of the "engagement". Way to make her feel better, Aunt Liv. Kevin made Amber rob a bank and it was quite funny. First, Amber was mouthing "help me" into the security camera which is going to end up saving her ass in the end. Then, Kevin fell out in the course of the robbery. Who does that? Amber gets him out of there, but then the car won't start! The cops are getting closer and Kevin's wound is gettng worse. Meanwhile, stupid Jeffery is still on a mission to get Gloria back and somehow thinks he is going to seal the deal by dragging the big dumb bounty hunter around. Janna has a really bad migraine that keeps getting worse. That means (in soapology terms) that Janna is getting her brain tumor back. That could be a good thing since her husband is homicidal. You know what they say...if you can't beat them, join them!

On B&B today, Eric hired Rick a body guard. Brooke heard the news and practicly tongue wrestled with Rick the next time she saw him. Just a mention: Thomas was wearing a sweater that kind of reminded me of 'Where's Waldo". Ridge and Rick call a "truce". How many does this make now? 23? To show that he is willing to accept Rick in exchange for his silence, Ridge gives Steffy the wedding dress he has been working on all her life. I thought Taylor was going to scream like a banshee and scratch his eyes out like a wild animal. This is going to lead to some Ridge and Doc lovin in the afternoon, or at least I hope it does. Just when I thought I had finally caught a great episode of B&B, it was ruined when they cut to Rick and Steffy making out. NO ONE CARES! All I know is that I hope that Don Diamont gets this kind of air time when he starts on this show. Maybe, just maybe, he can breathe some life into B&B. Or, maybe he will sleep with Brooke. Snore.

Several Servings of OMG coming right up! 3-30-09

2009-03-30T09:55:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend I had the opportunity to learn of some upcoming drama and scandals on my favorite shows. They are as follows:

AMC: Jake and Amanda are teaming up to conspire against David. This makes me happy because I think she is best with Jake anyway. Zach and Ryan are going to have some stupid poker game. The prize? Either the casino or some old lady's ashes. Um, gross. Kendall thinks about moving in with Ryan, but in swoops Super Asshole, Zach, who threatens to take the kids away from her if she does. Erica then tries to convince Ryan to leave Kendall hanging. Sure, that's going to work. Stealing a page right of OLTL's current handbook, Ian is going to be fatally ill which will bring Zach and Kendall closer together. She's already mad at Ryan for jackin' all of Zach's assets in a sheisty way. Krystal and David are scheduled to get into some kind of fist fight. Krystal is corn fed, hope she wins. Adam gets sick, but really who gives a hoot? Apparently Erica who said she loves him like ice cream. More like a brain freeze... So Liza is coming back in the form of Jamie Lunar who played the idiot hoe bag on Just the 10 of Us from like 1989. Maybe a red headed Liza is just what we need in Pine Valley. I hear that some guy is coming to the show named Adam Mayfield who is rumored to be Cameron Mathison's doppleganger. Hope is acting is a tad on the, um, better side.

B&B: Rick takes the Thomas opportunity to blackmail Ridge. That's cool with me. Ridge gets more annoying as he gets older. Rick is going to propose to Steffy. Please God, make it stop. Stephanie is going to take relationship advice from her arch nemesis, Nick at the ripe old age of 145 years old. No one cares about that, I guarantee it. Eric fires Stephanie from Forrester. That should be interesting. Jackie is going to seduce Owen. What a shock. A sick disgusting shock. Owen is so hot, is there no other game in town?

GH: Ric and Claudia got it on, yada yada yada. Claudia drugs Ric and then calls Johnny. Johnny and Maxie team up with Claudia to dispose of Ric properly. This causes more friction between the original blonde bitch and Johnny. Johnny decides to kill Ric but Claudia stops him and then, in an effort to smooth things over with Sonny, half ass confesses all to him. Sonny will take her side, of course. Claudia then decides that getting knocked up is the smart thing to do. I smell another 'who's your daddy" storyline after her sexin session with Ric. Speaking of, does he ever not have a drink in his hand? Claudia was buttoning up her pants and he was still in bed taking swigs. I could practicly see the drink dribbling onto his chest. Michael is popular as Jax goes into his room and confesses all. Does anyone know that the boy is in a coma? He can't freakin hear you! Jerry Jacks is coming back. Yay since Sebastian Bach is so yummy, so yummy! The original blonde bitch is going to catch fake-aussie Ethan stealing from Crimson. What a waste of what could be someone elses screen time. Nicholas and old-but-nu Emily are going to share a smootch. Anybody else feel like puking? Maxie is going to lie to Spinelli about Johnny. Sounds like Spinelli is going to seriously need some hands on comforting when the truth comes out. I'll have to check my calander, but I am pretty sure I will be available...

OLTL: Supercop Talia is going to get offed soon. Makes sense now that Antonio is gone. Of course, I don't care. I never like her anyway. Is Stacy sleeping with Kyle, the lab guy? Most likely. Gigi is going to sleep with Brody and break up with Rex. Too bad for Stacy. I get the feeling that he will always find her disgusting. Guess if she keeps drugging him, that could change...Jessica is probobly going to turn into a new personality: Ness. As in lochness monster when she loses her baby and Brody all at the same time. Sucks to be her. The Pussycat Dolls are going to be on soon. Remind me to miss that eppy! Real Andrews is coming as well, to play a cop. I am pretty sure that is all he knows how to do....

Y&R: The biggest news is that Jess Walton walked out of contract negotiations because she refuses to take a pay cut. I don't blame her. She has been on that show since 924 b.c.! I don't see how they can pull off a recast, but I am sure that they will give it a good try. Nina is coming back permanently. That is good news. I love it when they bring back old schoolers. I ponder who she will make trouble for....The long awaited re-arrival of Mac will screw up Chloe's happy family scenario. I just hope that a Mac and Billy reunion doesn't change the way Billy is played. Y&R has already screwed up Cane, I couldn't take it if they screwed up Billy too. Katherine will be diagnosed with Lyme Disease. I don't know what that is, but I am pretty sure she isn't going to die from it. Chloe demands a big wedding at the Chancellor mansion. This pisses Billy off because that's where he married Mac, who he actually wanted to marry. He eventually relents and the wedding is on! Before the wedding, Cane tries to trade the CEO position for custody of Delia with Billy. Billy kicks Cane out of the house. Hope that comes with a couple of swift punches to the gut...At the wedding, Chloe and Jill get into a pissing match over trivial things. The bitchfest continues as Jill and Katherine get into what promises to be the greatest catfight of all times. This irks Billy who leaves and goes to (surprise, surprise) a bar where he just happens to run into Sharon. I think we know what happens next. Nick is going to leave Phyllis. I am not sure why yet, but it is going to be good! Krazy Kevin and Accomplice Amber are going to get busted by the police. This is both good and bad for obvious reasons. Good thing Amber has taken precautions to save herself from prosecution. Kevin on the other hand, is S-C-R-E-W-E-D. Karen figures out Neils diabolical plan for Tyra. I haven't even seen Neil since Devon went off on him. So what the hell is the plan? Last but not least....Terrible Tom is going to appear to Kevin as an apparition. As if the storyline wasn't creepy enough already....

Sounds like enough goodies to keep me watchin! Until next blog, same bitch time, same bitch channel...